His name was Prometheus and he defeated the Justice League. And not the League with Guy Gardner, Blue Beetle, and Booster Gold. No. I’m talking about the League with Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman! That’s right. “The Big Guns”! And not only was this villain a mere human, this was his very first appearance! Let that sink in. Anyway, to say that my teenaged mind was blown away when I read this, was an understatement. But how did this badass, mystery villain come to be? (Awww! Thank you for asking! -Flutters eyelashes- ) That’s what I’m here today to discuss. So, without further ado, let us begin with “New Year’s Evil: Prometheus”…..

The man in the strange helmet spoke of his beginning to the other man. He spoke of how his parents were what would commonly be called hippies. But not your average, peaceful hippies. This couple thrived on crime. And not only that, they took their young son with them on their jobs from the time he was a baby. (Someone call the Department of Human Servic…..oh…..never mind. They have him strapped in a car seat on their hight-speed shootout with the police. It’s cool.) They murdered and robbed their way across the country and the boy grew up to believe that not only were his parents loving and right in what they did, those who opposed them were wrong. Justice was a bad thing. Things went on this way for several years until the law finally caught up with the happy little family. Surrounded by more police than the boy could count, his already injured parents opened fire! They were mowed down in a barrage of bullets! The boy’s hair turned white that day. That was also the day he knew true hatred.

The man paused in the telling of his origin story to look at the other man. He was dressed in a typical, superhero costume. This made total sense in the current situation. He called himself Retro. The one talking called himself Prometheus. Retro was impressed with Prometheus’ story so far. He hadn’t been aware that there would be someone here playing the part of a faux supervillain as this Prometheus so obviously was. Retro asked what “Prometheus” meant. The other man smiled and answered simply. It was a name from Greek Mythology. Prometheus stole fire from the gods. But before Retro cold question him further, he was asked about his own codename. Retro answered proudly and with his hands on his hips in a true, heroic pose. He said that rays from the past made him into a hero today. Hence, “Retro”. (Nerd! Well, I guess there have been lamer superhero origin stories. Cough. Cough. -Clears throat and whispers…..Superman.-) Retro then added in a quieter tone that that was the origin he’d invented for himself when he won the contest to meet the real Justice League on their Moon base and pretend to be a superhero for a day. A suddenly nervous Retro asked more of Prometheus’ tale.

The boy made a decision that night. A vow. He would destroy the forces of justice. The first thing he did was dig up his parents’ secret stash. The fortune was considerable as they saved every stolen penny. Next, he went to the local crime boss and blackmailed him into helping him gain a new identity. The boy then flew aboard a private jet to learn everything he would need to know to make his dream a reality. He learned everything that books could teach him. Next, he learned the best ways to murder a foe. (Sounds like a slightly less psychotic Batman.) Next, he ventured to Tibet to find the mythical kingdom of evil, Shamballa. And find it he did! After a year of living there, the Lama himself invited the boy to join him deeper underground. It was there that he first saw the door to Shamballa. It somewhat resembled an alien craft that had crash-landed within the Earth eons ago. Outside the craft was a simpler door. Removing a strange key of sorts from his robes, the Lama unlocked it. Inside, it was completely different. A Void! Killing the Lama with a spear, the “holy” man reverted into a dying, alien form! Prometheus kept the key. He then showed it to Retro. A clicking noise was then heard everywhere at once! A second later, they were within a crooked house, floating within the nothingness of the Void! A crooked house for a crooked man.

It was now that Retro began to feel a bit uneasy. (Now?! It took until now to begin to feel like things are a little off with this Prometheus? Me thinks ol’ Retro is a bit on the “duh” side. Thoughts?) Retro hits Prometheus with a quick barrage of questions, but the helmeted man simply ignores the other’s frantic words. He continues that once he made it back to the United States, he thought perhaps he’d begin his reign of terror by blowing up the Supreme Court. But then he passed before a poster that presented pictures of the newest incarnation of the Justice League of America. That’s when inspiration hit. Retro asked if Prometheus really thought he could defeat this new JLA. Seriously, he wouldn’t stand a chance. Prometheus looked amused at this. But what if the JLA was foolish to hold a contest that allowed a wannabe superhero to enter their Moon base and get close to them? And what if they had no idea what the winner actually looked like? Further, what if Prometheus’ high-tech helmet had been recording this winner for this entire conversation, down to his very mannerisms? They’d be in real trouble, wouldn’t they? That’s when the key disintegrated Retro completely!

“Retro” then shifted back to normal reality. He left the building he’d been sitting in behind him, dressed in his superhero costume. He apologized to the press for his delay. He’d been rehearsing his origin story. He then prepared to be teleported onto the JLA’s Moon base. And to enter history.

End.