I awaken. The small spark of life grows within my nerdy, fanboy heart as I gain my strength. Sarcasm levels are suddenly off the charts! I clench my fist and shatter my cryogenic sleep chamber! Wiping off my glasses, I place them over my eyes. I then roar to the heavens, “Superman revealed his secret identity?! Who wrote that piece of crap?!”

And, just like that, comic book news brought your Symbifan back to you from many months of slumber, ready to grace you, my loyal fans, with the second installment of my look at Image Comics’ Prophet! But, since I was gone so very long, I’m going to reward you with not one issue review…but two! (Aren’t you special? I really do spoil you.)

I will make you wait no longer. Let the review begin.

When we last left Prophet and Kirby, they were attempting to break into an installation that, once within, would hopefully reestablish Prophet’s link to the satellite, D.O.C.C., therefore bringing the warrior back to full power. What they hadn’t counted on, was the sheer number of robotic soldiers that would resist their entry! (Seriously! You’d think that with the high number of high-tech automatons present, the government had money to literally throw away! Ah, America!)

Prophet and Kirby battle, back to back, against insurmountable odds. Prophet’s strength depletes from the excessive stress to his already-weakened body, until Kirby suddenly spots the chamber they are after! Forcing the outer door closed, he helps his comrade, arm over his shoulder, to the healing platform. (Kirby throwing Prophet’s arm over his shoulder to help him, made me giggle. I admit it! A four-foot man, dragging a man that’s reasonably around seven feet? You do the math!)

Kirby enters a password into the computer console and wham! A beam from the now-active satellite hits John Prophet full force, bathing him in energy!

But before the two can celebrate a mission well done, a government-sponsored super-team, Bloodstrike, bursts in ready to rumble! A gift from the Prophet’s supposed ex in the government. (Remember her? With the god-awful red outfit? Yep. Her.) To be continued…..

…..right now!

In the next issue, we start right off with a superhero showdown. Prophet and Kirby stand ready as Cabbot, field leader of Bloodstrike, orders them to stand down or expect force. Kirby leaves the decision to Prophet. And we, the readers, get what we want, a resounding no. (Now, we’re about to enter an average hero versus hero smackdown. Buckle up your seatbelts and grab your popcorn, because these are so rare in comics. You don’t believe me? Good. That shows great personal growth on your part.)

While the heroes get ready to fight, a helicopter circles the base below. It is inhabited by two people. One, a military pilot. The other? Mrs. “Red Dress” herself, Mary! Meanwhile, in the base, the heroes attack! Prophet makes his way past Cabbot with a well-aimed slice of his blades but immediately finds himself attacked by the clawed member of Bloodstrike, Deadlock!(Look everybody! We found Wolverine’s long lost twin brother! Isn’t he going to be happy?)

As the two battle, Deadlock tries to get under the skin of our hero by speaking ill of the Bible. This is not a smart idea! Prophet puts everything he has into one mighty punch! Say goodbye to Deadlock! But, as Prophet just won his battle, Kirby’s has just begun! The small man faces two highly-trained, super-powered women at the same time!

Using his small size and the force of the rushing women against them, Kirby ducks between Fourplay’s legs as she and Tag smash into one another! He then kicks the two into the computer consoles with enough force to take them out of the fight! (Way to go, Shorty! You won a cat fight! Snicker!) But, he then turns to see the giant, metal behemoth called Shogun ready to fight! Prophet, on the other hand, isn’t just kicking back and relaxing! Nope. Cabbot is far from being out of this scrap yet! The two men put everything they’ve got into this final showdown,  but ultimately, Prophet is just too skilled to be defeated.

Good thing too. Because his partner is in need of serious aid as the mechanical monster fires countless bullets at him as it approaches! But with all of the attention on Kirby, Shogun doesn’t notice Prophet leap onto its shoulders! Too late! Prophet twists and pulls the giant metal head free of its body, ending the fight for good! (Daaaaaaamn! That’s all I can say here. Return to the narrative, already in progress….)

This moment of victory is interrupted by a woman’s voice telling both men to stand down. Turning, Prophet sees the woman he loved so many decades ago, Mary! The mighty warrior is in a state of utter disbelief! She then orders their surrender! Will they do so? Find out next time, loyal Unspoken-ites! This is Symbifan, back and badder than ever, baby! (God, it feels great to write again! Oh, and don’t think Mary’s horrendous choice in dress escaped my notice!)

This article is dedicated to you, the readers, for waiting month after month until I finally get these reviews out. Recently, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. This causes me to just drop off to sleep whenever and wherever it feels like it. With this going on, I have felt like I have been in a complete coma for about a year. (Hence my comical beginning to this article.) That said, know that I am now on the road to recovery and I couldn’t appreciate your patience more.

Much love,

Symbifan