You Are What You Eat: The Story of Maggott

Where have I been? Well, it’s a bit complicated, you see? It involves me, the Skrull and Kree empires, and a ton of nunya. Nunya business! Lol! Seriously, though. Things have just been weird. Let’s just leave it with the fact that your loyal Symbifan always has been, and always will be, a total and complete nut. But I promise you that I will always be a constant with the Unspoken Decade. That is, until the day comes that I go to that giant comic shop in the sky. Good enough? Good. Now, enough with those…..um…..what do you call them? Ah! Feelings! And let’s get on with my comeback article. It involves the origin story of the morbidly strange mutant hero, codenamed: Maggott, from “X-Men” Volume 2, #76. And now, on with the show…..

Maggott sat in the attic of the famed X-Mansion. He was in hiding, not from an invading supervillain, but from a fairly common thing. He was hiding from a routine physical from the X-Men’s new, resident doctor, Dr. Cecilia Reyes. But why? Well, no-one had really bothered to search him out and ask. That was, until he was shocked to hear a gruff voice from above. He immediately knew it. Wolverine then dropped from the ceiling and lit up one of his trademark cigars. Stating that Storm hated when he smoked up here, he suggested that Maggott not only explain himself, but do so before she returned from her errands. Smiling, the younger mutant decided that it was time to reveal his secrets. He began…..(Wow! When Wolverine plays the part of concerned, fatherly figure, you’d best be spilling the beans! This is a once-in-a-lifetime moment here!)

Maggott had grown up by the name of Japheth in the beautiful countryside of South Aftrica. Northwest Transvall to be specific. And though the area was glorious in its peaceful beauty, it wasn’t without its strife. European invaders made the area a living hell for the inhabitants on a nearly daily basis. Japheth lived in a small shack with his parents and four other siblings. And though things were extremely cramped, they were happy. For the most part that is. You see, Japheth was ill. No matter how much or what type of food he consumed, he just couldn’t keep it down. Though he was nearly twelve years old, he looked to be no more than a half of that. His father worked like a dog in the gold mines to pay for the special medicines and gruel needed to keep the poor child alive. Not to mention the rest of the family. Yes. Things were tough. But no-one complained. (Sob. Poor little bugger. Will someone get this little dude a Big Mac and some large fries?! Will someone please think of the children?! Sob!)

At least, that was how it appeared. One night, while everyone else was slumbering, Japheth awoke to the sound of soft prayers in the next room. It was his mother’s voice. She was crying as she spoke to God. She prayed that He would soon take young Japheth into his loving arms and spare not only him his enduring pain, but the rest of them their suffering as well. Japheth made a decision that very moment. He would no longer be a burden to his family. Taking what knowledge he could remember from watching his father, he took the pickup truck to the farthest desert until it ran out of gas. He then prepared to die. But what he couldn’t have known was that his younger brother, Daniel, had been sleeping in the back of the vehicle! Daniel asked no questions and never complained as the two of them tried to find water or help in the harsh desert. Japheth prayed for the life of his brother. That was when the devil himself seemed to answer his prayers! (Damn! No superhero had ever had an origin story this depressing in the history of superheroes. Batman? A damn cakewalk compared to Maggott!)

The man hovered there like a red and purple garbed nightmare! More than anything, Japheth thought that his eyes were what were truly terrifying. They seemed to look straight trough you. Like you were nothing. It was the X-Men’s oldest and greatest foe, Magneto, Master of Magnetism! Almost before either of the boys could react, Magneto helped Japheth lie down. He placed his gloved hands over the child’s stomach. Suddenly, the boy could feel no more pain within his stomach! It was simply gone! Maggott would find out later that Magneto had magnetically stopped his nerves from registering any pain! (You know, Maggie, I have a trick back. Just sayin’. Sigh. It’s back to the chiropractor for me.) Japheth suddenly shot to his feet as if he was compelled to. That’s when two, large slugs burst from inside the small boy’s stomach, sealing the skin that they had disturbed behind them! The two creatures crawled everywhere while Magneto stared on in rapt fascination. And all the while, Daniel hid behind the villain’s flowing cape, staring on in utter disbelief.

As Japheth rested, Magneto whispered words such as “superior”, “chosen”, and “mutant” in his ear. And when he awoke, the worms crawled back to him, leaving a stripped antelope carcass in their wake! That’s when Japheth noticed that not only was his skin now blue, but as these creatures fed, he felt not only better, but stronger! He caressed the creatures as they crawled all over him until Magneto moved the very earth beneath the two boys and carried them upon the dirt mound with his mighty power towards their home. But when the boys arrived, they found their shack in flames and their mother in hysterical tears! The people had revolted against the European invaders overnight, it seemed, and they had replied with mindless violence! His mother finally spoke. The other children were no more and their father had marched off to town for vengeance! Magneto knelt and asked Ja’s next move. He seemed keenly interested in the small boy’s reply. (Anyone else sensing a deal with the Devil is about to be struck? Just me? Yeah. I could just be gassy. I did eat some dairy and, little did you guys know, I’m lactose intolerant. It’s my yummy kryptonite.)

Magneto needed no verbal answer. The look of pure rage on the boy’s face was answer enough. They left Daniel with his mother while Magneto, carrying Japheth, flew towards the carnage in town! He spied his father immediately and the battle wasn’t going well. He was hopelessly outnumbered and close to falling! Magneto looked to the boy in his arms. Japheth yelled for the mutant to help his father. And help he did! The European men were hovered into the air immediately! Their organs burst and their very blood shot from their screaming forms as they all perished in horror and anguish! But the people were the most surprising thing. The rebelling forces actually cheered at this terrible scene! Magneto spoke that humanity were no more than animals and that mutants were their true masters. Mutants like he and Japheth. Japheth disagreed. He shouted that this didn’t have to happen this way. People didn’t have to die. Magneto merely answered as he hovered away to be careful. It’s because those arms that are raised to cheer him now, nut they could just as easily be throwing stones the next day at him. (That’s deep. Deep, deep words. Man, I’m really regretting that bowl of cereal. Ugh! Goodbye, cruel world.)

Japheth’s father took his small son in his arms and embraced him. And just as he did, the slugs decided that it was time to go home. They crawled back inside his belly. Hardly anyone noticed his cries of pain and terror as the worms settled back down inside Japheth. They were too busy celebrating after all. Wolverine’s cigar dropped from his mouth in present day. Maggott answered the unasked question for him. Yes. The worms were his digestive system given form! And whatever they ate, gave him strength! But did it still hurt when they were done? As they crawled back inside right now, the look on the mutant hero’s face was answer enough. Wolverine slowly placed a comforting hand on Maggott’s shuddering shoulder.

End.

Dedicated to the fans of the Unspoken Decade for being so patient with me. This one’s for all of you!

To Steal Fire from the Gods: The Birth of Prometheus

His name was Prometheus and he defeated the Justice League. And not the League with Guy Gardner, Blue Beetle, and Booster Gold. No. I’m talking about the League with Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman! That’s right. “The Big Guns”! And not only was this villain a mere human, this was his very first appearance! Let that sink in. Anyway, to say that my teenaged mind was blown away when I read this, was an understatement. But how did this badass, mystery villain come to be? (Awww! Thank you for asking! -Flutters eyelashes- ) That’s what I’m here today to discuss. So, without further ado, let us begin with “New Year’s Evil: Prometheus”…..

The man in the strange helmet spoke of his beginning to the other man. He spoke of how his parents were what would commonly be called hippies. But not your average, peaceful hippies. This couple thrived on crime. And not only that, they took their young son with them on their jobs from the time he was a baby. (Someone call the Department of Human Servic…..oh…..never mind. They have him strapped in a car seat on their hight-speed shootout with the police. It’s cool.) They murdered and robbed their way across the country and the boy grew up to believe that not only were his parents loving and right in what they did, those who opposed them were wrong. Justice was a bad thing. Things went on this way for several years until the law finally caught up with the happy little family. Surrounded by more police than the boy could count, his already injured parents opened fire! They were mowed down in a barrage of bullets! The boy’s hair turned white that day. That was also the day he knew true hatred.

The man paused in the telling of his origin story to look at the other man. He was dressed in a typical, superhero costume. This made total sense in the current situation. He called himself Retro. The one talking called himself Prometheus. Retro was impressed with Prometheus’ story so far. He hadn’t been aware that there would be someone here playing the part of a faux supervillain as this Prometheus so obviously was. Retro asked what “Prometheus” meant. The other man smiled and answered simply. It was a name from Greek Mythology. Prometheus stole fire from the gods. But before Retro cold question him further, he was asked about his own codename. Retro answered proudly and with his hands on his hips in a true, heroic pose. He said that rays from the past made him into a hero today. Hence, “Retro”. (Nerd! Well, I guess there have been lamer superhero origin stories. Cough. Cough. -Clears throat and whispers…..Superman.-) Retro then added in a quieter tone that that was the origin he’d invented for himself when he won the contest to meet the real Justice League on their Moon base and pretend to be a superhero for a day. A suddenly nervous Retro asked more of Prometheus’ tale.

The boy made a decision that night. A vow. He would destroy the forces of justice. The first thing he did was dig up his parents’ secret stash. The fortune was considerable as they saved every stolen penny. Next, he went to the local crime boss and blackmailed him into helping him gain a new identity. The boy then flew aboard a private jet to learn everything he would need to know to make his dream a reality. He learned everything that books could teach him. Next, he learned the best ways to murder a foe. (Sounds like a slightly less psychotic Batman.) Next, he ventured to Tibet to find the mythical kingdom of evil, Shamballa. And find it he did! After a year of living there, the Lama himself invited the boy to join him deeper underground. It was there that he first saw the door to Shamballa. It somewhat resembled an alien craft that had crash-landed within the Earth eons ago. Outside the craft was a simpler door. Removing a strange key of sorts from his robes, the Lama unlocked it. Inside, it was completely different. A Void! Killing the Lama with a spear, the “holy” man reverted into a dying, alien form! Prometheus kept the key. He then showed it to Retro. A clicking noise was then heard everywhere at once! A second later, they were within a crooked house, floating within the nothingness of the Void! A crooked house for a crooked man.

It was now that Retro began to feel a bit uneasy. (Now?! It took until now to begin to feel like things are a little off with this Prometheus? Me thinks ol’ Retro is a bit on the “duh” side. Thoughts?) Retro hits Prometheus with a quick barrage of questions, but the helmeted man simply ignores the other’s frantic words. He continues that once he made it back to the United States, he thought perhaps he’d begin his reign of terror by blowing up the Supreme Court. But then he passed before a poster that presented pictures of the newest incarnation of the Justice League of America. That’s when inspiration hit. Retro asked if Prometheus really thought he could defeat this new JLA. Seriously, he wouldn’t stand a chance. Prometheus looked amused at this. But what if the JLA was foolish to hold a contest that allowed a wannabe superhero to enter their Moon base and get close to them? And what if they had no idea what the winner actually looked like? Further, what if Prometheus’ high-tech helmet had been recording this winner for this entire conversation, down to his very mannerisms? They’d be in real trouble, wouldn’t they? That’s when the key disintegrated Retro completely!

“Retro” then shifted back to normal reality. He left the building he’d been sitting in behind him, dressed in his superhero costume. He apologized to the press for his delay. He’d been rehearsing his origin story. He then prepared to be teleported onto the JLA’s Moon base. And to enter history.

End.

Let the Punishment Fit the Symbiote

What happens when you mix two of comicdom’s most badass characters into one being? I don’t know. These never mixed Ambush Bug and Spider-Ham to my knowledge. But when they do, I’ll be the first in line to buy that bad boy! But this story’s about the Punisher if he wore the living costume, Venom, instead of Eddie Brock. (I know. I’m sad now too.) Enjoy, Unspokenites…..sob…..as we look back at “What If…?” #44. This particular issue poses the interesting question: “What if Venom Had Posessed the Punisher?”

The Punisher takes a break from his personal war to enter Our Lady of Saints church. He lights a candle out of respect for his wife and children that were slaughtered so long ago. The pain never seemed to fade. As he does this, he recalls spying Spider-Man swinging overhead as he’d entered. He thought back over how many times that the Wall-Crawler had interrupted and ruined his missions in his career as a lethal vigilante. Perhaps it was these very thoughts that made the “shadows” in the bell tower slowly stir. The darkness then sprang to the praying form of Frank Castle, enveloping him completely in inky blackness! He springs to his feet and leaves this place of worship. He enters an alleyway and, as the black substance begins to flow, the Punisher suddenly realizes that he’s in control of it! (Yeah. Frank Castle seems amused by this sudden intrusion to his very body. Anyone else would pee themselves and faint. You’ve gotta respect the Punisher. Tough bladder on that guy.)

Later, as the Punisher’s friend and ally, Microchip, begins researching what this strange new suit is and where it came from, Frank decides to take it on a little test run. He’s amazed by how it alters itself to look like different people as it changes the look of the clothes it creates. (People wearing symbiotes need to wear underwear. There. I’ve said it. So wrong!) This allows the Punisher to walk straight through a crowd, in broad daylight, to his intended target. He asks the man from behind if he’s the correct person. Annoyed, the target turns. But before he can open his mouth to complain, the Punisher lists off the man’s many crimes as he shape-shifts into his preferred form before the criminals widening eyes! The mobster tries to dissuade what’s coming next with lying words, but to no avail. Black fingertip claws cut through his terrified form before he can utter a complete sentence! The two goons on either side of the cooling corpse grab for their guns reflexively, not yet aware that their employer is no more! Punisher webs their guns and torsos up in a flash. Frank is disgusted by the webbing. Too Spider-Man like for his taste. He concentrates and bullet-like projectiles fire from his arms! Punisher smiles a fanged grin. Much better. He mows down the two others and makes a hasty escape!

Assuming that this new costume must be nothing more than a battle suit created by S.H.I.E.L.D. or something, Frank doesn’t worry too much as he continues his one man war against crime. But as he does so, he becomes more brutal and vicious against his prey. Not only does he barely notice, if he does, he doesn’t care. One day, as Spider-Man swings by, an old woman screams as he passes overhead. Confused, he stops and asks her why. She looks to his similar black costume with white symbol on the chest for a moment before answering in relief. She had thought that he was the Punisher. Spidey looks to his own costume and wonders about the matching alien costume that he had been forced to lead into a deadly trap within a church bell tower not so long ago. Blocks from this, Daredevil corners two thugs in Hell’s Kitchen but stops as the Punisher leaps by, from rooftop to rooftop. His superior senses pick up that somthing is amiss. He vows to look into it later. Frank returns to his lair and nods off. Exhausted. But the costume is far from tired. (See! Do you really want to wear something like this with no undees on underneath?)

Microchip bursts into the room. He begins telling Frank that he’s only been able to find scattered reports of Spider-Man being present at that church the night in question. He thinks that the Fantastic Four may have more info, but has been unable to crack their systems. (Well, duh. Stay in your pay grade there, Micro. That’s the big boys you’re messing with. Hell, Reed’s electric toothbrush is more advanced that your entire computer system I’d wager.) The Punisher silently stands, grabs Microchip by the face, and slams his head into the wall, leaving the poor man unconscious. The symbiote then strolls from the room, a sleeping Frank Castle safe within it’s protective shell! It laughs softly as it leaves the hideout. Moments later, Spidey investigates the bell tower in question. Unsatisfied, he turns to go. But that’s when he’s jumped by the symbiote! The fight lasts for nearly an hour. And all the while, the symbiote stays silent as it beats Spider-Man within an inch of his life! After pulling the hero from a brick wall, it raises the Wall-Crawler for a killing blow! Just then, Castle awakens! He quickly orders the alien to halt. Spider-Man may be a nuisance, but he’s not the enemy. It drops him and the Punisher leaps away. Spider-Man whispers to himself that he’s going to need some help against this foe.

Spider-Man arrives not too long after at the headquarters of the Fantastic Four. And though Mr. Fantastic isn’t there, the Thing is more than happy to help. Not only does the rock colossus lend out a sonic rifle, he gives Spidey a bit of advice. If he’s being mistaken for his enemy, maybe it’s time for a costume change. Spidey leaves with a plan forming in his mind. (Wow! The Thing had just gave out some good advice. Pretty smart for a dude that has to have rocks in his head…..literally. Bad joke. I apologize.) Meanwhile, Castle awakens only to be confronted by a frightened Microchip about striking him earlier that night. Frank remembers nothing of this and grows agitated. The symbiote covers his face as he leaves, stating he has work to do. He grows inky wings and hovers, in broad daylight, towards the home office of the Kingpin. He’d heard a man, named Tombstone, had recently begun work there and the Punisher means to introduce himself the hard way! Battling his way through the lower levels, he soon finds his prey. Tombstone tries to run, but too late! The Punisher grabs him and tears his head off with his massive fanged mouth! But why stop there? He begins to make his way to the top floor, to the office of the Kingpin himself!

The Punisher arrives in the private office of the nefarious Kingpin. But the large man just dismisses him and sends in Typhoid Mary to defend him! But who else is fighting for his life? Daredevil aids Mary in the fight! Not quite. He states that he’s only here to put a stop to all of this brutal killing. But this only serves to enrage Castle further as he fires upon hero an villain alike! But as this fight continues, neither combatant notices a small strand of symbiotic tendril snake it’s way to the Kingpin across the floor! Castle then leaps from the window, leaving Daredevil and Typhoid Mary alone with a very dead Wilson Fisk! (Damn! Can you imagine the thunderous sound of a guy that big falling dead to the floor above your apartment? I’d complain to the landlord. Wait. He probably was the landlord. Never mind.) The Punisher didn’t return home that night. There was more killing to do.

The next night, the Punisher returned to the place where this all began, Our Lady of Saints. But he wasn’t alone. Spider-Man, Daredevil, and Moon Knight awaited him! The heroes tried to talk reason, but their words fell upon deaf ears! Frank Castle sprang at the trio! The symbiote was now in complete control! And what it saw was it’s enemy, Spider-Man, with new allies to hurt it! The assembled heroes tried their best. But the symbiote was way to strong and skilled for them! As it knocked them all aside, it spied the bell tower! Remembering it’s past pain in this place, it sends several tendrils around the tower and crushed the entire structure with ease! As it smiled with glee at its destruction, Spidey tore free a concealed, webbed up sonic rifle! Wasting no time, the Wall-Crawler fires point blank! The intense sound tore at the symbiote as it roared in anguish! But it didn’t tear free of Frank Castle! The two were bonded! The Punisher looked to Spider-Man and thanked him. He then pulled a sidearm and quickly fired at the sonic rifle, destroying it! (Anyone else confused? Thought so. You see, not only is Frank Castle a complex character, but the symbiote is really, really pissy. Better?)

Frank Castle stood there then, staring blankly, as if he were in a deep trance. And truth be told, he was. He imagined himself back in the Vietnam War and forward to more recent days. And as this dream progressed, he was hunted by a fanged shadow. The symbiote. Frank knew now what it was and that it was trying to assume complete control! Not on his watch! It was then that Castle made the alien know who was boss mentally. He made a deal with it. If the creature obeyed his commands without question, he’d let it live. A single moment passed. The Punisher awoke. He looked to the other vigilantes and said that it was all over. The symbiote worked for him now! And before they could question his words more that a little, the Punisher grew black, leathery wings and flew off. He knew that he’d won this day. He was confident in that. The other heroes would just have to deal with that fact and accept him at his word. Otherwise, if they wanted to pursue him, he’d be waiting. And hell would be waiting with him.

End.

Dedicated to my son, James Christian Miller, who has proven himself to be more of a superhero than any character I’ve ever read about. I love you.

The Gimmick Era Has Never Been Covered So Well.