“She’s got legs, she knows how to use them. She never begs, she knows how to choose them. She’s holding leg, wondering how to feel them. Would you get behind them, if you could only find them? She’s my baby, she’s my baby. Yeah, it’s alright.” – “Legs” by ZZ Top. But I digress. Truer words were never spoken. Trust the great poets, ZZ Top, to express my thoughts on the Artemis character perfectly. Sigh. Anyway, moving on to the next part of our tale…..

We begin with Princess Diana descending from the clear skies over Themyscira, dressed in full Wonder Woman garb. She gently lands on the beach, near some of her Amazonian sisters. A close friend, a blonde named Mala, admits that she was worried as Diana suddenly disappeared when her mother decreed that a new Contest would be held to decide the mantle of Wonder Woman once and for all. Diana merely replied that she needed time to think. She continued by asking sarcastically if a victor had been crowned while she was absent. (Reeeowr! A bit catty for this early in the article me thinks.) The other Amazon merely replied that she was being silly and handed her a typical outfit to compete within. She took it begrudgingly. Diana asked offhandedly if Artemis and the other once-exiled Amazons would be competing. The answer didn’t sound very positive.

A short time later, as the Amazons begin to warm up and practice for the upcoming competition, Artemis and her group suddenly stroll into the thick of the others. One of the Amazons murmurs a question aloud: “Who invited them?” Diana’s attention snaps towards the snide comment’s speaker and replies for all to hear that she herself invited them. Queen Hippolyta sits up straight in her throne and looks immediately agitated. Diana looks to her mother and continues that all Amazons should have a vote whether or not Artemis and her sisters should be kept from competing. The Queen allows this with anger clearly visible upon her face. The Amazons vote. It’s nearly unanimous. They will be allowed. Obviously out-voted Hippolyta decrees that all Amazonian sisters will be allowed to try for the right to become Wonder Woman! (Me thinks Diana’s in for a grounding. Or maybe a spanking. Where’s THAT issue I ask you?!)

The Amazons begin with javelin throwing, racing, feats of strength, hand to hand combat, etc. After, many of them decide to rest and recoup in the shade. Diana sits with her sisters and spies Artemis and her cohorts strolling by. She gives a friendly smile as she asks if they would like to join them. The reply is full of spite and disgust. The trio passes Diana and the others by as they make their own camp close by. Both groups sit and talk about one another into the night. (Girls. Am I right, fellas? Always gossiping and fighting. I guess it’s the same even on Paradise Island.) Suddenly, Diana holds her head in anguish as a vision forces it’s way into her mind! She sees the ancient past where it appears as though it wasn’t Hippolyta’s sister, Antiope, which betrayed her sister and the others to Herakles, but rather the other way around! Diana awakens near the campfire with a concerned Mala looking over her. She speaks very little of the vision to her friend. But she wonders about the truth of it silently to herself.

The following morning, the next test is prepared. They are to separate into small teams and work together to defeat their competition. Queen Hippolyta gives them all very little time to prepare before she announces that the test has begun. Diana and three of her sisters are joined by Artemis on a team. (You can just tell this is gonna be a mistake. I sense a cat fight in the near future….. So sexy.) Plans are quickly put together and it begins. Mala wanders through the woods, calling out for Diana and Artemis to help her lug their heavy gear in a very loud and annoyed tone. That’s when she’s suddenly attacked by another small group of Amazons that have been waiting for easy prey in the treetops. But Mala is far from unprepared! She strikes back with fierce skill and cunning as the others spring from their hiding places and take the other Amazons prisoner! But as they’re binding them, backup arrives and they throw a net at Mala and Artemis! But Diana has been hiding for just this reason. She leaps from the heavy foliage and battles the other group by herself! But just as the word of surrender is given, an arrow flies through the air, aimed right at Diana’s vital organs!

To be continued…..

Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman. They are and have always been DC Comics’ Trinity. But in the 90’s, even they weren’t safe from drastic change it seemed. Batman was seemingly crippled for life by a powerful foe called Bane and put into a wheelchair. And Superman was thought to be beaten to death by a behemoth known only as Doomsday. The question on everyone’s mind was: Who’s next?! Wonder Woman was the next likely target. And what happened to the Princess of Themyscira you may ask? Our tale begins here…..

P.S. For more on Artemis, check out the “Unspoken Issues” podcast on the subject: https://youtu.be/eesKJgtqRZ0?si=ZxIcWaJzNHw0SemN! Enjoy!

As Wonder Woman stood on the shores of Paradise Island, an eerie silence surrounded her. She had fought, and fought hard to free her homeland from the hordes of the sorceress, Circe, but for what? Only to walk this beautiful landscape all alone? Where were the other Amazons? (And did they still offer free shipping along with a subscription to Prime?) As she pondered all of this, she suddenly caught a shimmer of light from behind her! Instinctively, she turned with her defensive bracelets at the ready! A single arrow shattered upon them at what would have been heart level! Examining the arrowhead quickly, she determined that it was of Amazonian design! But before Wonder Woman could think further on the subject, she heard several sets of footsteps approaching. She readied herself for further attacks! But the attacks never came. Instead, she was greeted by several Amazonian sisters, overjoyed to see their Princess returned to them! They rushed her playfully.

To say that the Princess of Themyscira was happy to see her sisters was an understatement. So pleased was she that she soon put the recent attack to the back of her mind. As she walked with the others, they told tale of a many-year war that was fought upon this very land against daemonic warriors! And though the Amazons had emerged victorious in the end, much of the beautiful architecture there had been ruined. Diana approached the throne room of her mother, Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons. She knelt out of respect. Her mother motioned for her to rise. Hippolyta wasted no time in stating that though only a short time had seemed to pass to her daughter, many years had passed here! And these years weren’t without incident either. Not only had the warrior women repelled a daemon invasion, they had been forced to battle another tribe of Amazons as well! (It’s rainin’ women! Hallelujah! It’s rainin’ women! Amen!) These were the daughters of Hippolyta’s own misguided sister, corrupted by the world of man and further changed by Circe’s false promises!

The war between the two tribes lasted for two bloody days until Circe’s master plan became evident. She appeared in the skies, cackling as she proclaimed her ultimate triumph over the immortal women of Paradise Island! The entire island shook and rumbled as it disappeared into another dimension! A dimension of darkness and daemons! Now, the two tribes of women were forced to put their petty differences aside and fight a common foe! For what seemed like an eternity, the two tribes fought as one against the evil creatures until finally, the battle was won. Queen Hippolyta’s Amazons rewarded the other tribe of women a part of Themyscira as their own, forgetting their short alliance with Circe. (Mighty nice to reward them with a tiny bit of land on the isle that’s their rightful home in the first place. Women! Am I right, fellas? Jeez!) The tale ended. But before Diana could say much in return, her mother admitted that this had all occurred during the span of a decade! Wonder Woman was beside herself with shock!

A small time passes as mother and daughter converse. Finally, the Queen asks how Diana’s mission to free women and children from their evil, male oppressors and stop violence has been going in the World of Man. (D’oh! Somebody’s gonna be a bit disappointed. Hey! I’m a man and I’m deeply offended by how absolutely correct the Queen’s beliefs are.) The Princess looks a bit embarrassed, but replies that the problem is harder to conquer than originally thought, though she has been working towards this goal with the best of her ability. Hippolyta’s answer to this is to go silent and look down. Moments pass before she replies. So, essentially nothing has been accomplished? Her time amongst the men has been an absolute waste. An excuse to go adventuring and nothing more. She then finishes her thought by stating how deeply disappointed she is in Diana.

Little more is said before Diana leaves the throne room. She wanders the beautiful isle of Themyscira a bit by herself, deep in thought. She even watches a pottery class to try and calm her nerves. It accomplishes little in that regard. When the class is ended, she walks with an old friend of hers and chats about her thoughts. But this is soon interrupted as an arrow suddenly hits a tree between the two Amazons! Now angry at these unprovoked attacks, Wonder Woman enters the forest to find her attacker. She discovers a small group of unknown Amazonian warriors. The one in the middle has ankle-length red hair and carries a bow. The red-head demands to know why Diana is in these woods. It is typical of Hippolyta’s warriors to wander off and go where they please it seems. Diana ignores this insult and states that she doesn’t like being used as target practice. The red-headed Amazon merely looks amused at this. (Look at that red-head’s legs…..sorry. I’m into the story. I am! Legs…..) Wonder Woman continues that this behavior is an outrage since her mother has shown them such charity after their betrayal! The red-head looks enraged at this!

She roars back that they were forced to ally themselves with Circe to regain the birthright of their immortality and then were forced into a war alongside their hated enemy to fight daemons for ten years. And when that was over? They were “gifted” a small, inhospitable part of the island for doing most of the fighting. One of the other Amazons calls the red-head Artemis as she comments that perhaps the Princess would like to join their archery contest? Now angry, Diana takes a bow and fires at the target quickly. As expected, a perfect bullseye. But then her arrow is split in half by a second arrow! Shocked, Diana turns to see the smirk on this Artemis’ face as she lowers her own bow. Just then, one of the Princess’ friends bursts through the brush with a frantic look on her face! She looks to Diana as she says that the Queen has called for a second Contest. She wants to choose a new Wonder Woman! (Oh! Snap!)

To be continued…..