His name was Prometheus and he defeated the Justice League. And not the League with Guy Gardner, Blue Beetle, and Booster Gold. No. I’m talking about the League with Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman! That’s right. “The Big Guns”! And not only was this villain a mere human, this was his very first appearance! Let that sink in. Anyway, to say that my teenaged mind was blown away when I read this, was an understatement. But how did this badass, mystery villain come to be? (Awww! Thank you for asking! -Flutters eyelashes- ) That’s what I’m here today to discuss. So, without further ado, let us begin with “New Year’s Evil: Prometheus”…..
The man in the strange helmet spoke of his beginning to the other man. He spoke of how his parents were what would commonly be called hippies. But not your average, peaceful hippies. This couple thrived on crime. And not only that, they took their young son with them on their jobs from the time he was a baby. (Someone call the Department of Human Servic…..oh…..never mind. They have him strapped in a car seat on their hight-speed shootout with the police. It’s cool.) They murdered and robbed their way across the country and the boy grew up to believe that not only were his parents loving and right in what they did, those who opposed them were wrong. Justice was a bad thing. Things went on this way for several years until the law finally caught up with the happy little family. Surrounded by more police than the boy could count, his already injured parents opened fire! They were mowed down in a barrage of bullets! The boy’s hair turned white that day. That was also the day he knew true hatred.
The man paused in the telling of his origin story to look at the other man. He was dressed in a typical, superhero costume. This made total sense in the current situation. He called himself Retro. The one talking called himself Prometheus. Retro was impressed with Prometheus’ story so far. He hadn’t been aware that there would be someone here playing the part of a faux supervillain as this Prometheus so obviously was. Retro asked what “Prometheus” meant. The other man smiled and answered simply. It was a name from Greek Mythology. Prometheus stole fire from the gods. But before Retro cold question him further, he was asked about his own codename. Retro answered proudly and with his hands on his hips in a true, heroic pose. He said that rays from the past made him into a hero today. Hence, “Retro”. (Nerd! Well, I guess there have been lamer superhero origin stories. Cough. Cough. -Clears throat and whispers…..Superman.-) Retro then added in a quieter tone that that was the origin he’d invented for himself when he won the contest to meet the real Justice League on their Moon base and pretend to be a superhero for a day. A suddenly nervous Retro asked more of Prometheus’ tale.
The boy made a decision that night. A vow. He would destroy the forces of justice. The first thing he did was dig up his parents’ secret stash. The fortune was considerable as they saved every stolen penny. Next, he went to the local crime boss and blackmailed him into helping him gain a new identity. The boy then flew aboard a private jet to learn everything he would need to know to make his dream a reality. He learned everything that books could teach him. Next, he learned the best ways to murder a foe. (Sounds like a slightly less psychotic Batman.) Next, he ventured to Tibet to find the mythical kingdom of evil, Shamballa. And find it he did! After a year of living there, the Lama himself invited the boy to join him deeper underground. It was there that he first saw the door to Shamballa. It somewhat resembled an alien craft that had crash-landed within the Earth eons ago. Outside the craft was a simpler door. Removing a strange key of sorts from his robes, the Lama unlocked it. Inside, it was completely different. A Void! Killing the Lama with a spear, the “holy” man reverted into a dying, alien form! Prometheus kept the key. He then showed it to Retro. A clicking noise was then heard everywhere at once! A second later, they were within a crooked house, floating within the nothingness of the Void! A crooked house for a crooked man.
It was now that Retro began to feel a bit uneasy. (Now?! It took until now to begin to feel like things are a little off with this Prometheus? Me thinks ol’ Retro is a bit on the “duh” side. Thoughts?) Retro hits Prometheus with a quick barrage of questions, but the helmeted man simply ignores the other’s frantic words. He continues that once he made it back to the United States, he thought perhaps he’d begin his reign of terror by blowing up the Supreme Court. But then he passed before a poster that presented pictures of the newest incarnation of the Justice League of America. That’s when inspiration hit. Retro asked if Prometheus really thought he could defeat this new JLA. Seriously, he wouldn’t stand a chance. Prometheus looked amused at this. But what if the JLA was foolish to hold a contest that allowed a wannabe superhero to enter their Moon base and get close to them? And what if they had no idea what the winner actually looked like? Further, what if Prometheus’ high-tech helmet had been recording this winner for this entire conversation, down to his very mannerisms? They’d be in real trouble, wouldn’t they? That’s when the key disintegrated Retro completely!
“Retro” then shifted back to normal reality. He left the building he’d been sitting in behind him, dressed in his superhero costume. He apologized to the press for his delay. He’d been rehearsing his origin story. He then prepared to be teleported onto the JLA’s Moon base. And to enter history.
End.
Last time, despite the odds, the Justice League found each other in a universe gone mad and banded together! The final issue begins with the soon-to-be-JLA fighting a group of everyday people granted with superpowers. The metahumans are being schooled by our heroes, but time grows short. They must discover if Dr. Destiny is in fact behind this or if a new threat has emerged. The metas may have no chance of winning this battle but they do have the numbers. To be blunt, this is taking forever to beat a bunch of cannon fodder. (Hey, Superman called them that, not me! I know, right?! And he’s usually such a goody-two-shoes!)
That’s when Martian Manhunter comes to the realization that only one man knows Dr. Destiny’s location….Kyle Rayner AKA Green Lantern! After all, wasn’t he drawing this in a comic book all the way back in issue one? Manhunter then invades Kyle’s personal space and does his whole Martian “laying-of-hands” trick with poor Green Lantern’s head and enters his mind! He does find out exactly what he wants to know, and faster than the Flash does dishes, they’re off! It doesn’t take long for them to reach their destination.
The being calls himself Know Man! (I know! Sounds like what Sheldon Cooper from “Big Bang Theory” would call himself if he became an evil mastermind!) But I digress. The heroes begin their assault, but to no avail. Even Supes is knocked into the ionosphere by the guy! That’s when Batman comes up with a risky plan. He removes the mind-reaching equipment from Dr. Destiny and slaps it onto Martian Manhunter and Aquaman with the hopes of mentally reversing it’s evil effects! (That’s right! Aquaman has telepathic powers that can be used on more than just fish! He’s a total badass! That said, I expect an autographed picture any day of Jason Momoa for my girlfriend for typing that sentence.) As the two heroes reach out with their minds to an entire planet, the others are getting seriously kicked around by the villain!
That’s when Know Man performs his most heinous act….he monologues his origin story! It turns out that the guy used to be an honest-to-Flintstone caveman! You heard me right! Long ago, a race called the Controllers decided that the universe was such a dangerous place that an anti-war deterrent was needed in every sector of space to keep everyone safe. One of these Controllers crash landed on the Earth and was discovered by the being that would become Know Man! The caveman was chosen to continue this mission, as the Controller was dying. He soon gained entrance into the spaceship and began to evolve, both mentally and physically. He was even gifted with immortality! Know Man witnessed many horrors throughout his long life. And when superbeings started surfacing, he decided it was his time to act. He would me remake the Earth into an entire world of super-powered humans. He would make the heroes and villains of old obsolete! (Whew! Long-winded fella, huh?)
The group listens to all of this in near silence until they decide they’ve heard enough. Superman leads the charge! But before an attack can be made, the heroes suddenly find themselves transported into their own personal Hells, based on their own fears about themselves! All seems lost until Martian Manhunter frees himself with the surprising help of….Dr. Destiny! And, just like that, the people of Earth begin to return to normal! Mission accomplished, but he still needs to free his friends. That’s when he spies Wonder Woman’s lasso of truth! Using its power, combined with his mental willpower, he reaches out to each hero and makes them see the truth about themselves. They are heroes. Superheroes.
Returned to their senses, the heroes attack! But Know Man no longer wishes to fight! Even though they have thwarted his plans, they have only succeeded in dooming the human race to a future threat he has forseen! (Yeah! Like that’ll ever happen! It’s not like comic writers lie in bed at night and dream up new and more powerful villains all of the time! Right?) Anyway, Know Man then disappears, leaving the big question: Where do they go from here? It is decided that if bigger threats do in fact exist out there, they are way stronger together than they ever were apart. And so, The Justice League of America is born! Yes, to us comic fans, it truly was a dream come true.
(Dedicated to my bestfriend, Tim Osborn, for showing me the wonder of the traditional superhero.)
That’s right! The Symbifan has officially come out of retirement to bring you not one, but two parts of the monumental storyline known as Justice League: A Midsummer’s Nightmare! (In two articles that is. I’m not a machine!) Umm…sorry about that. Now, where was I about six months ago? ….Ah yes! I was about to give my insights on the second installment of this titanic tale. (Talk about a long build-up! Sheesh!)
The first candidate on Bruce Wayne’s list for the most epic of superhero teams is Arthur Curry AKA Aquaman! Bruce, never being one for wasting any time, forcibly dunks Arthur’s head into his fishtank where, to Arthur’s amazement, he can breathe! This seems to do the trick and Aquaman returns to his senses. (Score one for being straight to the point, eh kiddies?!)
The Unspoken Decade: 90's Comic Book Blog Extraordinaire 