Category Archives: 90s Comics

90s Comics, 90s Marvel, Uncategorized

Ghost in the Machine (part 1 of 4)

2 Comments

Greetings, Legions of the Unspoken. Tis I, your loyal narrator, Symbifan. That’s right. I’m back. And boy oh boy, have I been through the emotional ringer since last we spoke. Whew! My father passed away, to state it bluntly. Now, I’m not going to say that the man and I were close, but damn it, we were trying after all these years. Sigh. Anyway, that’s my excuse for my long tardiness in writing this article. I’ve been in a kind of confused haze for way too long. Well, now I’m back and I’m ready to get back to my true passion. That’s right. I’m ready to continue my nude sculptures of Batman. Ha! Anyone that knows me knows that it’d be Superman I’d sculpt in the buff. Jeez! It’s fun to laugh again. Anyway, on to my look back at “Death’s Head II” #1 by Marvel Comics! (Also, if you haven’t heard the guys over at the Unspoken Issues give their expert opinions, I highly recommend you give them a listen! Here’s the link to their podcast on this very storyline: https://youtu.be/lEpAio_wSuM?si=k3xIP0YZlYVTCVc9!)

The robotic bountyhunter, Death’s Head, looked at his surroundings. He was now on a planet called Tyler’s World, within a supposedly impenetrable high-tech base. His target was a male by the name of of Tyler Wilson. Tyler had done well for himself, the hunter mused. This was his planet after all. (I’d get a planet named in tribute to me, but Ultra Sexy World was trademarked already. Damn you, Carrot Top! Always one step ahead of me.) Death’s Head spied a duo of highly armed mercenaries not far from his position. To his dismay, they put up little fight even when they noticed him bearing down on them. Way too easy. Or was it? Several more soldiers surrounded him, attacking fiercely! The robot used his hand-blade to send all of them to their makers and with little effort. Death’s Head did love his work. Three million credits to dispose of someone he wanted to kill anyway? A no-brainer. But as the bountyhunter entered the next room, he finally saw something he wasn’t prepared for. Tyler was strung up in a web of cables! Looming over him was a cyborg that’s tech put his own body to shame! Death’s Head called out for the cyborg to cease it’s attack. This was his prey. Ignoring him, it plunged blades from a weapon/arm into Tyler’s skull! It then stated aloud Tyler’s full name, the number one hundred and three, and that he was now assimilated! Ignoring this, Death’s Head demanded satisfaction for stealing his target! The cyborg looked to him and replied that he had other places to be, but he’d see the bountyhunter again soon. It then teleported away. Death’s Head handled the tracking device in his metallic hand. Sooner than the cyborg thought.

The cyborg arrived within an A.I.M. (Advanced Idea Mechanics) lab in the year 2020. His creator, a redheaded woman by the name of Dr. Evelyn Necker, asked for a status report from the creature. Called Minion, it answered with sarcasm that wasn’t part of her project’s original programming. She was annoyed by this but supposed it was inevitable as the cyborg absorbed parts of it’s targets’ personalities and skills that it found useful to itself. The lab technicians checked Minion out in every way possible, and it prepared to teleport away once again, eager for it’s next kill. Necker did manage to get the name “Death’s Head” from Minion before it disappeared. This mere mention of the robotic bountyhunter caused fear in the usually cold and indifferent doctor for some reason. Dr. Necker called for an emergency meeting of the A.I.M. board of directors immediately. She stated for all of those holographically assembled that she was concerned for the Minion project’s wellbeing as it was growing less and less controllable with every kill and that she required more funding to discover any bugs as this cyborg was created to ensure that A.I.M wasn’t somehow destroyed in the near future. It was to be their ultimate protector. Begrudgingly, the board agreed. (Man, she’s good. I could’ve used her to beg for a higher allowance from my ex-wife. Umm…..I mean…..never mind…..)

It was now the year 2456. The place was the Zeta Reticula quadrant. A rather large, barbarian-like being with a greenish, incectoid hide was demanding knowledge of his future from a bound, pink-skinned female creature! She refused and this was met with a fierce backhand from the monstrous creature! That’s when a robotic voice from behind the two answered for her. His future was to be murdered within minutes at the hands of the Minion cyborg! Minion leapt from his hiding place and attacked immediately! It caused an avalanche of rock with a blast from it’s cannon-arm and turned to the female. And then, it surprisingly freed her. To repay him, she hastily warned him that the alien barbarian wasn’t dead quite yet! And sure enough, he did crawl from underneath the rubble and spring at Minion! A backhand tore half of the flesh from the cyborg’s face and sent him reeling! (Always with the backhand! Anyone else think that this dude’s a space pimp in his spare time? ) But Minion wasn’t beat yet, growing a liquid metal spike in place of his cannon-arm, the cyborg first cut off the beast’s hand! He then followed by impaling him through the chest and then through the mouth! Minion stated that subject one hundred and four was now assimilated. But before he left this desolate scene, the female thanked him. Strangely enough though, she called him Death’s Head! Speaking of Death’s Head, he teleported in seconds later, narrowly missing all of this. But he had a lock on Minion now!

Minion arrived back in the year 2020 with Dr. Necker demanding to check his systems thoroughly. He declined. This angered the good A.I.M. scientist who attempted to order the cyborg into compliance. This verbal fight was interrupted however as Death’s Head crashed through the overhead window! He immediately fired a lazer rifle at Minion’s face as he roared in his hollow-sounding voice about his stolen bounty! As Minion slowly arose, he told the robot to not resist. Confounded, the bountyhunter asked if he was serious. Minion then leapt at him, saying that Death’s Head was in fact his next target! The two tumbled to the ground with a heavy thud! Minion tried to gut Death’s Head with his bladed arm, but the bountyhunter was too fast and used his own blade to impale the cyborg! But Minion did connect next, nearly tearing half of the robot’s head off in one powerful swipe! Minion approached from the rear as Death’s Head tried to recover. Too late. The rest of his head was cut cleanly from his metal neck! Minion wasted no time in absorbing the robot’s skills and traits. That’s when he started to overload! His circuits were on fire! And then, he suddenly stopped. Minion looked to Dr. Necker and told her he was now leaving for his next target. But he spoke as Death’s spoke now, using his expressions! He then teleported away, without another word! Necker turned to a nearby technician and demanded to know the identity of the next name on the cyborg’s hit list. The man replied that he had gone to 1992 to murder Mr. Fantastic of the Fantastic Four! (Was anyone else reminded of Rock em’ Sock em’ Robots during the fight? To the exxxxtreme!)

To be continued…..

Dedicated to the memory of my father, Terry L. Miller. Thanks for buying me this storyline as a kid. It was worth mowing the lawn for after all. Goodbye, Dad.

90s Comics, 90s DC, DC Comics, Uncategorized

Frag it! We’re Doin’ Lobo! (part 4 of 4)

Leave a comment

Feetal’s Gizz! We’re at the end of this miniseries already? Damn! Time sure flies when you’re writing about a sadistic, alien psychopath, huh? Yep. I remember my first experience with the Lobo character. My brother, SymbiEric, and I were opening up packs of DC Cosmic Cards in my mom’s car after eating out at our favorite restaurant, Giovanni’s Pizza. As we greedily looked through our now grease-covered, newly-acquired acquisitions, one of us came across the Main Man’s card. And after looking at that unique visage and reading the information on the back, I was totally hooked! Anyway, enough about me. It’s time once again for our “hero” to take center stage for the last time. Enjoy, Legions of the Unspoken!

Lobo was finding his vacation time on Revel-7 to be a tad on the boring side. Where was the action? Where was the depravity? Where were the scantily-clad women? Sigh. This was definitely not what the Main Man signed on for. Miss Tribb overhead him complaining and scoffed. Maybe he’d be more comfortable with a destructive riot, some unprovoked murder, etc? Lobo grinned in response. He picked Tribb up under his arm and carried her over to a coat hook on the outside of the room’s closet door. He hung her there, suspended by her collar, and slammed the door to the room shut. He then went on his merry way in search of a communication device. (Man. Respect your elders, ‘Bo. At least iron her wrinkles out before hanging her up. Ha! Damn. This series is making me sick and twisted! I like it!)

At L.E.G.I.O.N. headquarters, Vril Dox paced frantically and slammed his gloved fist into his office wall. How could his plans have gone so awry? Now five parties bent upon Lobo’s demise were about to converge upon a renowned vacation planet and it was all his fault! As he mentally went over his options, a L.E.G.I.O.N. operative knocked on the door. It seemed as if Lobo had hacked the Revel-7’s communications network for the entire planet! Vril switched on his viewing screen. Lobo quickly came into view. He stated his feelings of boredom and announced that the denizens of this world had five hours to evacuate before he began the massacre! The screen went as blank a Vril’s facial expression. Utter chaos erupted on Revel-7 as an entire population tried to evacuate the planet at once! Lobo sat back and enjoyed the show he’d created! (That’s…..friggin’…..awesome! The dude’s a dark genius I tells ya! Oh to only be in my early twenties again and to party with the Main Man. But middle age is just as cool…..sniffle…..)

At that precise moment, the grannies and the truckers both entered the planet’s orbit. They quickly became aware of one another and watched carefully, ready to strike should they suddenly be provoked. Next, Lobo’s little biker fan club arrived on scene. Next were the space police! The truckers weren’t prepared for the sudden appearance of the law enforcement ship and they collided, killing everyone aboard both vessels! The large explosion annihilated the gang of bikers as well! (Well, that went slightly awry, didn’t it? Ooooh! Fireworks of death! Ahhhh!) While the Main Man’s enemies accidentally murdered one another, he stood, blissfully aware of all of this, singing bad karaoke on stage! Then Lobo was stricken with a crisis of conscience. Did he leave the old lady behind and party it up? Did he break his word for the first time in his life? He walked away from his room. He didn’t get far though before he roared some obscenities and returned for his ex-teacher.

The grannies arrived planetside and saw all of the obscene peep shows and porn shops littering the surface! They now had a new mission in life! They opened fire on the buildings! This barrage destroyed the incoming fleet of the dance/theatre company! As more and more of Lobo’s enemies fell from the skies, he admired their explosive deaths, oblivious to who they were or that they were here for him in the first place! (Men! Am I right, ladies? On the sadder side of things…..all of that alien pornography…..lost forever. Sob. Shudder.) The Main Man rocketed past the carnage upon his space-hawg with his complaining passenger in back. Soon after, Vril Dox shut the door to his office and nearly jumped out of his green skin as he heard a gruff voice from behind. Turning, he saw Lobo and his legless captive. When questioned about her missing limbs, he merely replied that women were always losing one thing or another.

Lobo handed over the older Czarnian woman. Vril was then forced to admit that Lobo had done a good job. She did arrive alive after all. Mission accomplished. Satisfied with this, Lobo then marched over to Miss Tribb, took her head in his powerful arms, and snapped her neck! Dox looked at Lobo in shock! Lobo spoke in passing that no-one ever said she had to live after delivery! He laughed maniacally as he left the office. Vril Dox attempted to rub away the instant pain emanating from his temples. (Note: Only one teacher was harmed during the writing of this particular series of articles. )

End.

P.S. The aforementioned trading card. (Oddly missing the Giovanni’s Pizza grease. Go figure.) Thanks for the trade, SymbiEric. Love ya!

90s Comics, 90s DC, DC Comics, Uncategorized

Frag It! We’re Doin’ Lobo! (part 3 of 4)

Leave a comment

Welcome back, Unspokenites! Wow! Are we really almost done with this miniseries? That didn’t take long. I mean, I took forever to write about it, but it’s still almost done. So, what’re your thoughts on this limited series? Leave a comment so I feel all warm and special in my inside-y parts. And now, back to the story…..

To say Vril Dox was angry was an understatement! He had cleverly sent Lobo after the one person that he’d want to murder most in the galaxy, thus stoking his rage so he’d not only murder rivals of Vril’s like the police chief, but take out others of the criminal element like those Lobo-loving bikers. It was all too perfect. If he was lucky, all converging parties as well as Lobo himself would all perish. But no! Now Lobo had to turn up missing! Vril Dox wanted answers! Where in the known galaxy was the Main Man? (Brilliant scheme, but I wouldn’t poke the bear like this. Being on Lobo’s bad side is like calling out a woman on her memory. A death sentence!) Just then, the interested parties began to arrive in an asteroid field. And still, no Lobo!

Elsewhere, Lobo shakes the cobwebs from his head as he struggles to rise to his feet. Looking over, he sees the now-legless Miss Tribb in the corner of this strange room. He holds his pained head as he complains about her not warning him of this obviously hostile spacecraft. Now they had been gassed and imprisoned. This of course started a verbal battle of words that caused the duo to be gassed once again! As Lobo and Tribb lost consciousness this time, cloaked men spoke to one another. “Bee” would know what to do with their prisoners. When they both awoke once again, they found themselves on a stage! There was a sign that read “14th. Annual Orothography Commandos’ Spelling Bee”. Only cloaked monks sat in the audience. One announced it was time for the bee to begin! (Even I’m at a loss for words here…..)

But before the spelling bee could officially start, an elder monk explained to the prisoners on stage that it was their holy mission to bring correct grammar and literacy to the universe. The rules were simple: 1. Spell or die. 2. Spell correctly for your freedom. 3. No gum chewing. 4. All judge’s decisions are final. 5. And no sudden outbursts. (Well, I can definitely see killing someone over obnoxious gum chewing. Some people are annoying as hell as they smack their lips. Grrr! Pass me my meds, Mrs. Symbifan. Ahhhh! Thanks.) The competition begins. As the others spell their given words, they’re executed mercilessly for small mistakes! Lobo does great as he’s given words like “genocide” or “mutilation”. Miss Tribb of course spells her words flawlessly. This goes on until only Lobo, Tribb, and one other being are left! Sensing trouble, Lobo blows in the other alien’s oversized ear! He cries out in alarm! This means death due to sudden outburst! All that remain now are the two Czarnians. Teacher and delinquent pupil.

But the Main Man wasn’t going down without a fight. He proclaimed to the druids that this competition wasn’t fair as his opponent was once a teacher. Outraged at this, Miss Tribb retorted that yes, she was once a teacher. A teacher that he had recently mangled. The next thing he knew, Lobo awoke, suspended in chains, for the crime of harming one who would teach others! Tribb smiled gleefully! (I don’t know. I could think of some teachers from my past that deserve the chain treatment instead! Monsters!) But Lobo had had enough. As the cloaked men took aim, he broke through his chains and paid them all back in spades! He left no-one alive when all was said and done! This was almost a blessing judging by the way that they were mangled!

After Lobo and his disgruntled passenger were free and at a safe spaceport, the Main Man called Vril Dox to check in. He told his boss that they would be late as he was going to Revel-7 for some much-needed rest and relaxation. He then hung up, leaving Vril to wonder where he’d heard of that sector. Suddenly it hit him. Lobo had just given his whereabouts over an unsecured line. Not only that, but Revel-7 was a vacation planet! And when all of Lobo’s enemies arrived after hearing the news, it’d be nothing more than a planet-sized graveyard! Vril groaned. Meanwhile, on Revel-7, Miss Tribb complained like usual, but Lobo just told her to shut it for once and enjoy her Mai Tai! (I’ll take a Shirley Temple. Shaken, not stirred.)

To be concluded…..