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90s Comics, 90s DC, DC Comics, Uncategorized

Frag It! We’re Doin’ Lobo! (part 3 of 4)

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Welcome back, Unspokenites! Wow! Are we really almost done with this miniseries? That didn’t take long. I mean, I took forever to write about it, but it’s still almost done. So, what’re your thoughts on this limited series? Leave a comment so I feel all warm and special in my inside-y parts. And now, back to the story…..

To say Vril Dox was angry was an understatement! He had cleverly sent Lobo after the one person that he’d want to murder most in the galaxy, thus stoking his rage so he’d not only murder rivals of Vril’s like the police chief, but take out others of the criminal element like those Lobo-loving bikers. It was all too perfect. If he was lucky, all converging parties as well as Lobo himself would all perish. But no! Now Lobo had to turn up missing! Vril Dox wanted answers! Where in the known galaxy was the Main Man? (Brilliant scheme, but I wouldn’t poke the bear like this. Being on Lobo’s bad side is like calling out a woman on her memory. A death sentence!) Just then, the interested parties began to arrive in an asteroid field. And still, no Lobo!

Elsewhere, Lobo shakes the cobwebs from his head as he struggles to rise to his feet. Looking over, he sees the now-legless Miss Tribb in the corner of this strange room. He holds his pained head as he complains about her not warning him of this obviously hostile spacecraft. Now they had been gassed and imprisoned. This of course started a verbal battle of words that caused the duo to be gassed once again! As Lobo and Tribb lost consciousness this time, cloaked men spoke to one another. “Bee” would know what to do with their prisoners. When they both awoke once again, they found themselves on a stage! There was a sign that read “14th. Annual Orothography Commandos’ Spelling Bee”. Only cloaked monks sat in the audience. One announced it was time for the bee to begin! (Even I’m at a loss for words here…..)

But before the spelling bee could officially start, an elder monk explained to the prisoners on stage that it was their holy mission to bring correct grammar and literacy to the universe. The rules were simple: 1. Spell or die. 2. Spell correctly for your freedom. 3. No gum chewing. 4. All judge’s decisions are final. 5. And no sudden outbursts. (Well, I can definitely see killing someone over obnoxious gum chewing. Some people are annoying as hell as they smack their lips. Grrr! Pass me my meds, Mrs. Symbifan. Ahhhh! Thanks.) The competition begins. As the others spell their given words, they’re executed mercilessly for small mistakes! Lobo does great as he’s given words like “genocide” or “mutilation”. Miss Tribb of course spells her words flawlessly. This goes on until only Lobo, Tribb, and one other being are left! Sensing trouble, Lobo blows in the other alien’s oversized ear! He cries out in alarm! This means death due to sudden outburst! All that remain now are the two Czarnians. Teacher and delinquent pupil.

But the Main Man wasn’t going down without a fight. He proclaimed to the druids that this competition wasn’t fair as his opponent was once a teacher. Outraged at this, Miss Tribb retorted that yes, she was once a teacher. A teacher that he had recently mangled. The next thing he knew, Lobo awoke, suspended in chains, for the crime of harming one who would teach others! Tribb smiled gleefully! (I don’t know. I could think of some teachers from my past that deserve the chain treatment instead! Monsters!) But Lobo had had enough. As the cloaked men took aim, he broke through his chains and paid them all back in spades! He left no-one alive when all was said and done! This was almost a blessing judging by the way that they were mangled!

After Lobo and his disgruntled passenger were free and at a safe spaceport, the Main Man called Vril Dox to check in. He told his boss that they would be late as he was going to Revel-7 for some much-needed rest and relaxation. He then hung up, leaving Vril to wonder where he’d heard of that sector. Suddenly it hit him. Lobo had just given his whereabouts over an unsecured line. Not only that, but Revel-7 was a vacation planet! And when all of Lobo’s enemies arrived after hearing the news, it’d be nothing more than a planet-sized graveyard! Vril groaned. Meanwhile, on Revel-7, Miss Tribb complained like usual, but Lobo just told her to shut it for once and enjoy her Mai Tai! (I’ll take a Shirley Temple. Shaken, not stirred.)

To be concluded…..

90s Comics, 90s Marvel, Uncategorized

Worthy of the Webs (part 3 of 4)

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Here we are, Unspokenites! Its part three of my look back at not only the Scarlet Spider’s first night out as a hero, but his first battle as well! And what a first battle too! I mean, who goes and picks a fight with Venom when they’re just a rookie? (I’d be searching for someone wussy like Egghead or something.) Anyway, I present to you the story from “Web of Spider-Man” #119…..

The Scarlet Spider clings to the wall of a building, holding pressure to the webbing that’s holding his insides in place. Venom almost gutted him just moments ago. He needs to get home. Find a way to treat his wounds. Somehow, he manages to return to his apartment. Using his hooded sweatshirt, he ties pressure over the deep gashes on his side just as his webbing finally dissolves. He dresses in his civilian clothes and attempts a call on the telephone for help. But the blood loss is too great. He passes out in the building’s hallway. A neighbor discovers him and, despite her distrust, decides to get him to the hospital ASAP. (Man, I know this is a serious moment in the story, but who else would become a peeping tom if they were granted spider powers? Well? A show of hands? Liars!)

Elsewhere, Venom swings toward the apartment of one Peter Parker in search of answers about this fake Spider-Man that they’ve just battled. The symbiotic duo crash through a window and examine the dwelling. Empty. Annoyed, they look elsewhere. (The subtlety of a triggered Gilbert Gottfried-sounding burglar alarm. Rest in peace, dude.) Their search next take them to the home of Parker’s Aunt May. Nothing. What’s been going on in their absence? Where is Spider-Man? At that moment, as Ben Reilly receives the last of his stitches at the hospital, a nurse casually leaves the room and searches out a phone. Finding one, she makes a hurried call to reporter, Ken Ellis, of the Daily Bugle. He had called earlier, offering cash to anyone who had news of a young man with a specific, serious injury that should arrive this night. Hanging up quickly, he rushes out the double doors and into a passing cab.

Ellis’ sudden departure does not go unnoticed. A being atop a building across the street uncloaks herself, becoming visible. (It’s a Disney-owned Predator! Run! Run before it forces you into it’s inevitably crappy movie!) It’s the female symbiote, Scream. She will follow this reporter. He will lead her to this new Spider. And through him, Venom. Then she will have hope again. Hope of controlling her alien “other”. She cloaks herself once again and follows the cab from the rooftops. Meanwhile, a room of gangsters speak to a shadowed man as he reads the newspaper. They demand he do what they hired him to do, murder the head of another crime family for them. This is his specialty after all. The mysterious man is called Kaine and he doesn’t like taking orders. Kaine ignores them and continues reading in silence. Now angered, guns are drawn and held on him. But Kaine merely knocks the large chandelier down onto many of the criminals with the throw of an unseen weapon, disarms two more men with ease, and finishes by burning the face of the most outspoken one with his mere touch. He dies in anguish! Kaine leaves the paper behind with the headline announcing the Scarlet Spider. Kaine whispers to no-one that he’s found something else more interesting to do.

Back at the hospital, as Ben lowers his shirt over his bandaged midsection, he overhears a commotion from behind his curtain. Peering out, he spies Ken Ellis pushing his way through the nurses. Frantic to conceal his identity, Ben leaps onto the ceiling and pulls the casing off of the overhead vent. He crawls through hastily, making his way to the roof in hardly any time. When Ellis bursts in, he’s met with an empty room. (I know I’ve felt like crawling to freedom exactly like Ben did to escape the utter boredom of the emergency room where I live! You need how much blood? How long does this test’s results take? Madness!) But when the Scarlet Spider reaches the rooftop, he finds he isn’t alone! Scream’s waiting for him! Good thing he thought to pull his mask on! She demands his aid in finding Venom. But Ben has had enough of this situation. He swings off quickly, leaving her to rage alone! Or did he?

Scream tears the rooftop to pieces in her anger, sending pieces of debris flying downwards to the people in the busy streets below! But the Scarlet Spider hasn’t left the scene quite yet. Half expecting this, he hid and waited. He catches and crushes as much of the falling pieces as he can before she swings away. Ben begins to think, what if he hadn’t been here to rescue these people below tonight? What if he’d ignored them and left them to save themselves? It reminded him of Peter’s Uncle Ben and how his murder could have been prevented should Peter have stopped a certain thief earlier that fateful night. Perhaps he’d forgotten Spider-Man’s lesson: “With great power comes great responsibility.” (Is anyone else sick of this constantly repeated credo? Ugh! It’s like the Spider-Man origin story in general. I consider leaping from a high window whenever it’s retold. Maybe it’s just me…..Nah.)

Later, the woman who saved Ben Reilly’s life knocks on his apartment door. She’s been wondering if he’s okay since his sudden disappearance at the hospital. (Yeah. And she saw his muscles while he was unconscious too. I bet that played no part. Women. What a bunch of perverts.) Ben answers but doesn’t remove the chain from his door. He apologies and tells her that he’s busy. She looks taken aback at his rudeness but nods and leaves. He closes the door all of the way and continues suiting up. He’s going to war against Venom! He may still leave this city, but it’ll be with a clean conscience because he’s stopped that creature! Elsewhere, Scream has absolutely lost it! She throws even more heavy objects from the great height of another skyscraper, putting countless more innocent people in harms way! She’s stopped rather quickly, though, as two feet hit her at great speed and with superhuman force! She turns. Venom has arrived and they’ve had enough! Venom knocks Scream down with a powerful punch to the face! They then pin her down and begin to literally tear the bonded symbiote from the human host’s very flesh!

Just then, small orbs are fired upon Venom from behind! Venom turns, confused. The Scarlet Spider stands where the tiny balls were shot from. The pellets suddenly explode with webbing and it covers Venom’s face so quickly and completely, that even they must struggle to tear it off! The hero states that he calls his new invention impact webbing, and he’s brought plenty to end this fight! The two square off. The final battle is here at last!

To be concluded…..

Uncategorized, 90s Marvel, 90s Comics

Worthy of the Webs (part 2 of 4)

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Hello, my dear Unspokenites. I bring you this article now as I brave severe tooth pain. (AKA Feel sorry for me.) But as I love you guys and my job at the Unspoken Decade, I will brave this mind-blowing agony and give you what you’ve been desperately waiting for. (AKA Feel really sorry for me yet excited for my impending excessive droning on and on and dumb jokes.) I present now my look back at the Scarlet Spider’s first battle in this exciting second part of the story. It was originally presented in “Spider-Man” #53. Enjoy…..Sigh. No-one has ever suffered as I now suffer. (AKA I’m a big wussy.)

Kenneth Ellis sat at his desk at the Daily Bugle, still impressed with his recent first page story that presented exclusive knowledge of Venom’s recent visit in New York. That’s when his phone rang. He picked it up with haste. The man on the other end began negotiating price before he gave up his bit of knowledge on Venom’s recent whereabouts. Ellis replied that the contact would be paid handsomely if the tip paid off. Satisfied, the man told Ellis where Venom was right this very moment. Excited, the reporter burst through the double glass doors to the famous newspaper building. As he speed walked, he spoke out loud of his hopes and dreams to become top reporter in this city, even though he did hate it here. A voice spoke nearby. It said it was disappointed that Ken didn’t have any pride in his home. Looking up, Ellis saw a man hanging from a building’s wall in a Spider-Man-like fashion! In fact, his costume even somewhat resembled the infamous wall-crawler’s! (Man, does Iron Man ever stop upgrading his armor? This set of duds doesn’t even slightly resemble his usual work. There’s a spider emblem on the chest too. What the hell? I want answers!)

The clone had read Ellis’ recent article. He noticed how he always seemed to be in the right place at the right time with Venom. And if that truly was the case, Reilly would need his help in locating the Lethal Protector before anyone else got hurt. After a moment of consideration, Ken replied that he would tell this costumed mystery man what he knew if he agreed to an exclusive interview after the fight was over. (Yeah. Lets negotiate with a masked guy that’s literally hanging from an alleyway wall in a city full of superpowered killers. Smart move, dude.) Ben didn’t say yes, but he didn’t say no either. That was enough for Ellis. He told the spider-clone that Venom was currently at the Roosevelt Island Trans Terminal! Ben swung away on a webline quickly, readying himself for battle! Meanwhile, Venom mused at the number of police waiting for them below the building they currently perched atop. Didn’t these law-bringers know that Venom was now one of the good guys? Fools. Venom then looks back at the pile of pummeled, bloody bodies of muggers and killers stacked close by and stops talking. They don’t seem to be talking back much anyway.

Just then, the police look up at a swinging form coming their way and instantly relax. Venom follows their gaze. Could that be Spider-Man? The police chief orders his men back. No need to get caught up in this fight between two super-beings. Venom questions “Spider-Man’s” change in costume aloud. His answer is a swinging kick to the ribs! (Oh it’s on now! Bring on the blood! Bring on the pain! Bring on the toothache gel! I’m still in agony here!) Venom begins to fall, but instead of dropping alone, the symbiotic duo grab Ben’s leg on the way down, dragging him with them! Ben shoots a webline to a building top and slows their decent! But Venom turns so that Reilly takes the brunt of the impact! Venom then lunges at Ben, claws ready to tear flesh! Ben barely dodges the attack! Venom states that this can’t be Spider-Man that they’re dealing with. Spider-Man and Venom made a deal to stay out of one another’s business. That means that this man is a fake. And Venom hates fakes! Venom then tears through Ben’s abdominal area with their razor-sharp claws as they finish their sentence!

As Ben Reilly tries to hold his insides in. He admits that he is a fake. Venom replies then that he must now die for this outrage! A female voice interrupts Venom from delivering the finishing blow! Venom looks towards it’s source and sees their female “child”, the symbiote called Scream! Scream warns that soon armored men will come for them should they not flee the area now and that she will help them escape! Venom roars that they will never accept help from their spawn! They are all like Carnage and must therefore die! Venom lunges at Scream with murderous intent! As the two symbiotes fight, Ben sees the amount of blood he’s losing. He should run and save himself. At that moment, reporter, Ken Ellis bursts through the crowd and begins taking notes of the battle! Scream backhands Venom a good distance away from her! They smash into a parked car with a terrified woman trapped within! Venom ignores her and springs back at the female symbiote! However, Ben does notice her. He pulls himself to his feet, ignoring his extreme pain. Hobbling over to the demolished vehicle, he tears off the car door, freeing the sobbing woman! (Does anyone else hear Bonnie Tyler’s “Holding Out For a Hero” in their heads as this scene takes place?)

A man loses his balance from up high during this titanic scuffle and begins to fall towards the asphalt! Quickly Ben fires a web at the man, webbing him safely to a wall! Above, Scream roars that she and the other symbiotes just want Venom’s help. They want to learn from them. Venom dismisses this plea with a death threat! They slam into the tram, snapping it’s cable! Without even stopping to think, Ben Reilly swings toward the battle, straight at Venom with both feet in the creature’s spine! Venom tumbles as Scream roars in outrage! But Venom grabs the female’s tendrils and pulls her with them as they both plummet into the icy water below! Ignoring this, Ben enters the tram car and scoops up the operator. He then swings them both to safety. He carefully sets the man down in the crowd. The people cheer at this new superhero that has saved the day. But Ben is too deep in thought to notice. He must leave the city tonight. What did he think he was doing playing the part of a hero? (I seriously don’t remember Scream being in this story. Guys, you can tell me. I won’t get mad. Am I perhaps getting a bit old? I humbly accept your criticisms…..sob……sniff.)

Ken Ellis breaks through the crowd, demanding an interview with this new superhero. Ben declines as he swings away. He replies as he leaves that he’s no hero. Ken thinks to himself that the people here would disagree. And he’ll write his story about this…..Scarlet Spider anyway. Scarlet Spider. Yeah. He likes the ring of that.

To be continued…..