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90s Comics, 90s Marvel, Uncategorized

“Okay, Axis, Here We Come!” (part 3 of 4)

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Boy, these characters from Marvel’s Golden Age sure are awesome, eh Unspokenites? I for one was always fascinated by them. It’s sad that so little of them still exist today really. (Except for the Whizzer in his yellow costume. Him, you can keep! Ha! Just kidding.) Anyway, I bet you’re wondering what happens next in our titanic tale! Well, wonder no further! The Unspoken Decade proudly presents “Invaders” #3…..

The Human Torch had had enough! He bursts into flames and melts his way out of his see-through prison! The Whizzer asks to be freed too, but the Torch is too enraged to be stopped now! The flaming android melts the surrounding Nazi soldiers’ guns as he flies towards the members of Battle-Axis! Dr. Death orders Volton to hurl a beam of electricity his way. He does, but the Torch is too fast! But as he evades, he’s suddenly struck powerless by a high-powered hose from the lab’s ceiling! Now without his flame, he plummets right into Strongman’s path! The muscle-bound villain uses the Human Torch’s momentum and his own superior strength to knock the hero out with a single punch! He’s then drug into a fresh prison chamber. Dr Death then walks towards the Torch. Peering in at him, the Nazis asks if he’d like to know his identity! The Torch seems unconcerned until the villain pulls off his face mask! (And reveals himself to be…..Shaq! Man, he really is in everything these days!) He is James Bradley, assistant to the man who created the Human Torch! He explains that he had begged his partner not to go public with the Torch, but his pleas were ignored. Disgusted, he stormed out of the lab before the press arrived. Years later, he was thrilled to become Dr. Death for the Third Reich when they approached him if it meant getting his hands on his old co-creation!

The Human Torch now knows why this Dr. Death betrayed his country. But what of these others? He demands answers. The Spider Queen is the first to answer. Her name was Sharon Kane and her husband had been a scientist that had invented a super-strong web fluid for Washington. All was well until the day he was gunned down by Russian spies! Soon after, America allied themselves with Russia against Nazi Germany when they entered the war! That’s why she fights against her homeland. The next to speak is Strongman. He was named Percy Van Norton. He’d been a millionaire, but even his money couldn’t take away the sting of being relentlessly teased as a youth. So he took an experimental formula that enhanced his strength and durability. He knew the Nazis valued strength, so when Dr. Death approached him, he was more than willing. The Human Meteor had been called Duke O’ Dowd and had received his powers by crashing his plane in the Himalayans and discovering the secret city of Bayakura. The denizens there taught him how to convert his atoms into pure energy. He had started out a superhero, but when he learned that America was working with the British he so despised, he joined the opposite side. Volton spoke up next. He remembered nothing of his human life or why he’d joined the cause. He just remembered being struck by a bolt of lightning. (Well, that was a simple and right to the point origin story. Genius! Gotta love a deeply motivated character.)

While the villains are in such a talkative mood, the Torch questions them further. Where are they and what is their master plan? Dr. Death replies with pride that they are beneath the Mojave Desert where they have constructed a giant oscillotron. The machine’s job is to create an earthquake so destructive, that the West Coast would break off, killing numerous Americans and forcing the U.S. out of the war! Without their powerful ally, England would be forced to surrender next! This would leave Russia to battle all of the Azis Powers alone! The Whizzer cries out in rage, but he is simply ignored and the Human Torch is doused once again with water within his cell. Meanwhile, as Captain America flies the Atlantean aircraft high above the desert, Miss America demands to know of the villains’ secret location from the Silver Scorpion. The new, armored heroine seems unsure. Miss America next asks how this woman even knows of the armor she now wears. The Silver Scorpion replies that she had accompanied her fiancée to work often as he served as a guard to a scientist that was creating the armor. The scientist had needed a model to fit the armor around and chose her. (I bet he did! Pervert! I applaud your ingenuity, good sir.) The heroes know the rest of her sad tale.

As this conversation is going on, Namor takes this time to ask of the Blazing Skull’s origins. He answers that he was once a journalist named Mark Todd and that he had been on assignment during a war in China. He was forced underground during an attack and encountered a race of beings that had flaming skulls for heads! There, they taught him how to become immune to flames and gifted him a mask to look as they did to the surface world. This was to fight injustice incognito. He later learned how to make his own flesh appear transparent. To put the Blazing Skull at ease, Cap tells him that this was no more strange than his or the other Invaders’ origins. (Like…..heehee…..the Whizzer…..getting super speed from a…..hahaha…..blood transfusion from a…..mongoose! Haw! Haw! Haw!) These talks however have not stopped Miss America from grilling the Silver Scorpion. She questions her once again about the villains’ hideout. Things become so heated up between the two females, that the Scorpion suddenly shouts out that she lied! She knew nothing of their evil plans and overheard only a vague statement about a “dead lake”. Before Miss America can say anymore, Captain America motions for her silence. They are flying over the Mojave Desert right now. Doesn’t this place have craters called “dead lakes”? And if so, couldn’t Namor’s Atlantean ship detect them?

The Sub-Mariner confirmed that this was in fact so. Scanning the desert, the ship’s sensors quickly picked up a crater that had been covered up, comoflauged in some way! Cap decided they should keep their distance until a plan could be formed. But too late! Anti-aircraft guns came out of concealed spots in the desert sands and began firing upon the Atlantean ship! They made a crash landing! But, unable to wait any longer for her beloved, Miss America burst from the craft and flew down with the guns as they sank back into the earth! She found herself inside of an enormous high-tech base, full to bursting with Nazi soldiers! She was discovered immediately! But the heroine knew how to deal with their like! She fought her way through, knocking the Ratzis around like bowling pins! But, so concerned was she with the soldiers, that she missed a sneak attack by the Human Meteor and Volton! (Geez. Maybe if she’d waited for the others before attacking? The Whizzer must be some man in the sack! Giggle.) She’s then ensnared by the Spider Queen’s webbing and pulled forcefully to the ground!

But never fear! The Invaders burst into the Battle-Axis headquarters, ready to rescue their friend and cripple this whole evil operation beyond repair! Dr. Death plunges a syringe into Miss America’s arm and she slips into unconsciousness. He then orders a nearby man in a lab coat to activate a device he calls the Dimension Smasher! As Captain America and the Blazing Skull battle the behemoth known as the Golem, Silver Scorpion fights against the Spider Queen! Still unsure of her armor’s capabilities, she manages to fire an energy blast that gives her foe pause! Next, Namor slowly advances upon Volton through his barrage of electrical blasts! It seems as if our heroes are winning! Battle-Axis is quickly losing ground! That is until the Dimension Smasher hums to life! And then, emerging from the smoke, hovers in a strange alien being! Some know him as the Vision! But he calls himself Aarkus, Destroyer of Evil! (“Destroyer of Evil”? Sounds like a plus actually for the Invaders. Who’s more evil than Nazis after all? Not counting New England Patriots’ ex-quarterback, Tom Brady, of course. That joke was for you, mom!)

The Vision surveys his surroundings and studies those that surround him in awe! Captain America looks to the strange being and pleads that, if he is against all things evil as he says, that he join them in their fight. But instead, the Vision floats past Cap and towards Namor. He raises one hand and places a single finger upon the Atlantean hybrid’s brow. Namor suddenly freezes into a block of ice! Volton exclaims in shock that the Vision is on their side! Dr. Death merely states that why wouldn’t he be? They control his way home! Next, Vision attacks the Silver Scorpion, knocking her out! The Golem finishes the job by defeating Captain America and the Blazing Skull with his mighty fists! The Invaders all now lie defeated! Who will save America now?

To be concluded!

(And don’t forget to donate all unnecessary metals to the war effort! Keep ’em flying, boys!)

90s Comics, 90s Marvel, Uncategorized

“Okay, Axis, here we come!” (Part 2 of 4)

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Welcome back to the dangerous days of the second World War…..but in the 90’s. That’s right. This is a story that would most likely take place before Marvel Comics was even called Marvel Comics…..only it is called that. You know, I’m just confusing myself here and run the risk of taking you Unspokenites down with me. Let’s just return to the story. (Sheesh!) I bring you “Invaders” #2…..

A nearly unconscious and severely beaten Miss America crashes through the window in the meeting room of the Liberty Legion! Shocked, Captain America leaps to action and stops her impact on the hard wood floor with his muscled frame. The other Invaders and the Thin Man kneel down to check on their comrade. The Thin Man recalls aloud that he thought she had been on a date this night with the Whizzer. Her love’s codename spoken aloud awakens Miss America and she demands to know his whereabouts! Cap manages to calm her, asking what had happened. She replies that five superpowered Nazis took the Whizzer captive and nearly killed her! In fact, they only let her be because they thought that they had! The Human Torch suggests that she rest while they look into the matter. Not to be denied her vengeance, Miss America finds a stone sculpture of Captain America’s head nearby and crushes it with a single blow! She won’t be left behind! (A simple, “Nah. I’m good, guys,” would be way too simple at this juncture it seems. Women. Am I right?)

The Thin Man suggests that he stay behind and find other heroes to help out. And though this hurts Namor’s pride to ask for aid, Captain America tells the Atlantean King that he feels they’re going to need all of the help they can get this time. Within moments, the Invaders are speeding away within Namor’s high-tech plane as the Thin Man wishes them his best. Meanwhile, over the Hollywoodland sign, a strange and ominous fog descends. Two police officers, out on their nightly patrol, spot this occurrence and slow to a stop in their squad car. They’re horrified as they witness a large, black balloon emerge from within the fog! A rope drops but no-one slides down. Instead, the officers hear a feminine voice from behind! It’s the Spider Queen! As she keeps the two entranced, Volton lands and electrifies both lawmen until their flesh blackens! (Yep. Crispy as KFC I’d reckon too. Damn. That sounds good now!) The other Nazis emerge now with a new ally, the dreaded Sky Shark! They carry a drugged Whizzer with them as yet another man descends the rope ladder. Dr. Death refers to this man as their “ace-in-the-hole”!

Elsewhere, Namor and the Human Torch land at their destination. They seek to give an ally, a Dr. Jacob Goldstein, sanctuary until this attack blew over with the Battle-Axis. Goldstein had once sent a set of armor he’d designed against the Invaders against his will and joined them when they’d given their word to liberate his brother from Nazi clutches. As it turned out, the heroes hardly had to intervene at all as the doctor had transformed himself into a hulking Golem, straight from Jewish folklore, and nearly saved his sibling alone! The two superheroes knock but the door creaks open! Peering inside with the Torch’s firey light, the duo spy Dr. Death and Goldstein together! The evil Nazi leader then orders Goldstein to attack! Begrudgingly, he obeys as he transforms into the clay behemoth, the Golem, once more! The two Invaders fight valiantly, but the creature’s sheer strength is too much in the end! Both lie injured and unconscious in the now flaming residence! Dr. Death orders the Golem to take the Human Torch and to leave the King of Atlantis to die in the fire! The Golem follows orders and Namor is left to perish! (And he didn’t want help! Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Am I actually siding with Nazis on even a marginal level?! Bad narrator! Bad!)

The Sub-Mariner tries his best to crawl through the burning wreckage, but now deeply dehydrated, he finds his enhanced strength completely gone. He almost collapses for good until a gloved hand catches him. Looking for the face of his savior, Namor sees a flaming skull staring back at him instead! (No. It’s not Ghost Rider. This is a Golden Age comic story, written in the 1990’s, and now brought to you in the year 2025. Damn! Got confused again.) Seeing the confusion upon the Atlantean’s face, the hero introduces himself as the Blazing Skull. He then picks up Namor over one shoulder and races from the burning home. Once outside, he states that the Thin Man sent him. He then asks if Namor needs further help. Instead, the aquatic hero looks to a tall water tower and smashes his fists into its wooden legs. It comes crashing down, drenching Namor in life-saving water! The Sub-Mariner roars that he’s now ready to go rescue the Human Torch and woe to any Nazi that’s holding him prisoner!

On their own mission, Miss America flies up to a high window at UCLA’s college campus with Captain America held in her powerful arms. Spying inside, they see three corpses and three of the members of Battle-Axis standing over them! The one known as Strongman holds an enormous high-tech device over his head. They call it an oscillotron and claim that it’s needed for their leader’s sinister scheme. Hearing enough, Cap and Miss America leap through the overhead window and straight into battle! But once again, the heroes are bested by the villainous Battle-Axis! But as they move in for the kill, they’re stopped by a woman clad in silver armor and a large handgun aimed at them! She calls herself the Silver Scorpion and warns not to cross her or they’ll feel the sting of her ray gun! The villains notice the blonde, female “corpse” is missing from their feet! Unimpressed, Spider Queen throws a web at the gun and pulls it from the Silver Scorpion’s hand! She aims it at the armored heroine but soon sees that she’s been fooled. This was no more than a strangly -shaped glue gun! (I’m constantly tricked into thinking long, cardboard tubing is in fact a cool lightsaber. I’m also extremely immature for my age.)

There’s a slight skirmish before Battle-Axis decides that they’re wasting too much time. They have memorized enough of the device’s inner workings to help their leader, so they destroy their ill-gotten prize and make a hasty escape, destroying the room’s foundations on the way out! Unable to give chase, Captain America and Miss America turn to their new ally. But the Silver Scorpion is already checking the others bodies. No hope. They’re gone. She tells how one was the designer of the oscillotron and her armor. The other was the man she loved. She was called this night to be on high alert from the Thin Man. Too little, too late it seems now. The two superheroes thank her and give their condolences before they turn to leave. But the Silver Scorpion won’t be left behind so easily. She wants revenge and while she was thought to be dead, overheard Battle-Axis’ next destination! Begrudgingly, she is allowed to join the heroes. (Blackmail is an excellent basis for a great, lasting partnership.)

To be continued……

And remember to plant a victory garden! (Hmmm? Oh, just Google it!)

90s Comics, 90s Marvel, Uncategorized

Hark the Heralds (part 6 of 6)

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The time has finally arrived, Unspokenites! It’s the conclusion of my endless prattling about the “Silver Surfer: Herald Ordeal” storyline! Yay! I bet you’re all really jazzed that this amazing journey we’ve been on together is ending at last. You think you are?! I had to write every damn word of it! I tell you, some people only care about themselves. I’m sorry. You know I love you sexy, sexy nerds. Kisses!

The mighty Galactus sends metallic tendrils from his enormous ship to the very core of the nearby planet. It’s through this method that the ancient god feeds. But before the planet crumbles to nothingness, Morg stands there and watches the process with delight. It’s then that current Herald hears his name called out from behind. Turning, he sees the former Heralds hovering and powered up for battle! The Silver Surfer proclaims that this madness ends now. There will be no more senseless killing. Morg will be stopped here and now. (Gives you chills, huh? You wouldn’t believe my nipples right now!) Morg is not amused. He fires an energy blast from his weapon at the powerful quartet, nearly incinerating Terrax! The Surfer pulls Terrax free, saving his life! Terrax thanks his former enemy and says that, due to Morg’s advanced power, they haven’t a chance in a fight! The Surfer will have to convince Galactus himself to relinquish Morgs power! The Silver Surfer is not pleased, but he begrudgingly agrees, leaving the fight!

Air-Walker strikes first, connecting with the monster’s jaw with a powerful punch! Nova then descends and asks Terrax where the Silver Surfer has fled to. Terrax replies that he is off to save them all. In reply, Nova adds to Terrax’s power as they simultaneously blast Morg with the Power Cosmic! Meanwhile, the Surfer roars Galactus’ name, flying into the god’s ship. Galactus barely notices this intrusion, but does reply that the former Herald is no longer welcome here and should leave with haste. Otherwise, Morg will remove him forcefully. The cosmic hero replies that Morg is the subject to which he must be heard. Galactus turns his attention towards the Surfer. As their exchange begins, the battle continues outside with Morg pinning Firelord, his deadly axe raised! But before he can land a lethal blow, Nova fires upon him from behind and Air-Walker prepares for yet another strike at their common foe! (Anyone notice that when it came to the actual slugfest, the Silver Surfer didn’t fight too hard over being convinced to get lost? Cough…..wussy…..cough…..!)

Galactus fires energy from his eyes at the Surfer, but he blocks with energy from his clenched fist! Galactus, it seems, will not be told what to do! Back at the fight, Air-Walker smacks Morg’s axe from his grasp! He follows with another punch towards the face! But Morg easily dodges this time and tears Air-Walker’s arm from his body and strikes the automaton with it! (With his own arm?! That’s friggin’ metal, baby! No pun intended.) Back in the ship, the Silver Surfer blasts Galactus in his titanic eye! This enrages the ancient god! Outside, Morg nearly obliterates Air-Walker, using his own arm as a club! He’s stopped by an attack from both sides by the airborne forms of Firelord and Nova! Inside, Galactus uses his enormous hand to swat the hero again and again into the ship’s wall! Morg casts Nova far away with his power! He then picks up his weapon and advances upon Firelord with a menacing grin! The Surfer falls into Galactus’ outstretched hand. He stands up bravely and defiantly. This act finally gets the god to stop and listen.

Firelord raises his firey staff, ready for an attack. Morg strikes to quickly however! He knocks the staff far away and then follows with a deep wound to Firelord’s chest! In disbelief, he drops! Inside, Galactus speaks of how he has left many ex-Heralds, possessing the Power Cosmic, in his time. A mistake he will rectify right now…..with all of their deaths! Morg raises his axe to finish the job! But he hears Terrax gloat from behind that he shouldn’t concern himself with fodder. Terrax is the only one here worthy of a true fight! Morg appears intrigued. Back within the ship, as Galactus prepares to kill the Silver Surfer, he pleads one final time. If he doesn’t depower Morg, though the Surfer and his allies may fall this day, other heroes are sure to come. Galactus will not know a moments peace as long as his new Herald acts in his stead! Galactus’ eyes stop glowing. He speaks with two simple words, “Very well.” (Did you guys get whiplash from going back and forth from Galactus to Morg? You did? Umm. I’m sure it wasn’t from reading my article. Go sue someone else. Go sue Disney.)

While the two cosmic axes meet with a fierce clash outside, Galactus and the Silver Surfer exit the spacecraft. As they begin their descent toward the ongoing battle, Terrax’s axe suddenly shatters! Terrax is shocked enough that it allows Morg time to follow with a forearm to the face! Terrax falls! Morg prepares to then behead his new enemy! But, as the Surfer yells out in terror, a returning Nova blasts the axe away! (Man, this guy hasn’t decapitated a single person this whole issue. Poor guy. It’s really messed up when people interrupt others when they’re trying to enjoy their hobbies.) The Surfer lands and asks for an update on his comrades’ wellbeing. As Nova does as asked, no-one sees as Morg picks up his fallen weapon! The Surfer cries out once again, but it’s all too late. Nova is cut down! She falls into the Silver Surfer’s arms and perishes there. An enraged Silver Surfer powers up to his max and approaches a happily awaiting Morg! But before this battle can begin, Galactus puts a gigantic hand between the two as he roars for this to stop this very minute! The two Heralds look up to the angered god!

It was Nova’s murder that made up Galactus’ mind. The ancient god told Morg as such as he stripped the madman of the Power Cosmic that he had gifted him. Morg roared in outrage as he was depowered. Galactus then took his leave. The Surfer wasted no time. He attacked Morg with an energy blast before he could do the same! However, Morg still had enough might to triumph. He blocked the attack! But before he could retaliate, Terrax hammered him in the back of his skull with his fist! Not to be undone yet, Morg throws Terrax into the Surfer! That’s when a one-armed Air-Walker grabbed hold of the monster and held him while a recovered Firelord and Terrax shot him with powerful blasts again and again! The Surfer soon joins them with his own power! Terrax waits for Morg to fall before he picks up his axe. He raises Morg’s own weapon to finish him off! The Surfer tries to stop him from ending the villain’s wretched life, but too late! As the blade sinks into hardened flesh, there’s a gigantic explosion! (Finally, someone hits with an axe blow! Am I right, folks? Damn!)

Not too long after, Morg’s smoking skeleton lies with the axe still wedged where his heart once was! Terrax removes it for himself. Galactus, momentarily interested, turns to finally leave. But he’s stopped by Firelord. If Galactus will reform his old friend, Air-Walker, they will both serve as Heralds, locating unpopulated world’s for the god to feast upon. Galactus agrees after a short moment of contemplation. Galactus leaves as the remaining Heralds place Nova’s corpse upon the Silver Surfer’s board. They send her off into a nearby sun. Firelord and Air-Walker say their farewells and then leave with the ever-hungry ancient one. Terrax and the Surfer make an uneasy pact to leave one another to their own business. Terrax then flies off himself. This leaves only the Silver Surfer on the barren world. Alone, he mourns the true hero here today. The one who gave her very life. Nova.

End.