Where have I been? Well, it’s a bit complicated, you see? It involves me, the Skrull and Kree empires, and a ton of nunya. Nunya business! Lol! Seriously, though. Things have just been weird. Let’s just leave it with the fact that your loyal Symbifan always has been, and always will be, a total and complete nut. But I promise you that I will always be a constant with the Unspoken Decade. That is, until the day comes that I go to that giant comic shop in the sky. Good enough? Good. Now, enough with those…..um…..what do you call them? Ah! Feelings! And let’s get on with my comeback article. It involves the origin story of the morbidly strange mutant hero, codenamed: Maggott, from “X-Men” Volume 2, #76. And now, on with the show…..
Maggott sat in the attic of the famed X-Mansion. He was in hiding, not from an invading supervillain, but from a fairly common thing. He was hiding from a routine physical from the X-Men’s new, resident doctor, Dr. Cecilia Reyes. But why? Well, no-one had really bothered to search him out and ask. That was, until he was shocked to hear a gruff voice from above. He immediately knew it. Wolverine then dropped from the ceiling and lit up one of his trademark cigars. Stating that Storm hated when he smoked up here, he suggested that Maggott not only explain himself, but do so before she returned from her errands. Smiling, the younger mutant decided that it was time to reveal his secrets. He began…..(Wow! When Wolverine plays the part of concerned, fatherly figure, you’d best be spilling the beans! This is a once-in-a-lifetime moment here!)
Maggott had grown up by the name of Japheth in the beautiful countryside of South Aftrica. Northwest Transvall to be specific. And though the area was glorious in its peaceful beauty, it wasn’t without its strife. European invaders made the area a living hell for the inhabitants on a nearly daily basis. Japheth lived in a small shack with his parents and four other siblings. And though things were extremely cramped, they were happy. For the most part that is. You see, Japheth was ill. No matter how much or what type of food he consumed, he just couldn’t keep it down. Though he was nearly twelve years old, he looked to be no more than a half of that. His father worked like a dog in the gold mines to pay for the special medicines and gruel needed to keep the poor child alive. Not to mention the rest of the family. Yes. Things were tough. But no-one complained. (Sob. Poor little bugger. Will someone get this little dude a Big Mac and some large fries?! Will someone please think of the children?! Sob!)
At least, that was how it appeared. One night, while everyone else was slumbering, Japheth awoke to the sound of soft prayers in the next room. It was his mother’s voice. She was crying as she spoke to God. She prayed that He would soon take young Japheth into his loving arms and spare not only him his enduring pain, but the rest of them their suffering as well. Japheth made a decision that very moment. He would no longer be a burden to his family. Taking what knowledge he could remember from watching his father, he took the pickup truck to the farthest desert until it ran out of gas. He then prepared to die. But what he couldn’t have known was that his younger brother, Daniel, had been sleeping in the back of the vehicle! Daniel asked no questions and never complained as the two of them tried to find water or help in the harsh desert. Japheth prayed for the life of his brother. That was when the devil himself seemed to answer his prayers! (Damn! No superhero had ever had an origin story this depressing in the history of superheroes. Batman? A damn cakewalk compared to Maggott!)
The man hovered there like a red and purple garbed nightmare! More than anything, Japheth thought that his eyes were what were truly terrifying. They seemed to look straight trough you. Like you were nothing. It was the X-Men’s oldest and greatest foe, Magneto, Master of Magnetism! Almost before either of the boys could react, Magneto helped Japheth lie down. He placed his gloved hands over the child’s stomach. Suddenly, the boy could feel no more pain within his stomach! It was simply gone! Maggott would find out later that Magneto had magnetically stopped his nerves from registering any pain! (You know, Maggie, I have a trick back. Just sayin’. Sigh. It’s back to the chiropractor for me.) Japheth suddenly shot to his feet as if he was compelled to. That’s when two, large slugs burst from inside the small boy’s stomach, sealing the skin that they had disturbed behind them! The two creatures crawled everywhere while Magneto stared on in rapt fascination. And all the while, Daniel hid behind the villain’s flowing cape, staring on in utter disbelief.
As Japheth rested, Magneto whispered words such as “superior”, “chosen”, and “mutant” in his ear. And when he awoke, the worms crawled back to him, leaving a stripped antelope carcass in their wake! That’s when Japheth noticed that not only was his skin now blue, but as these creatures fed, he felt not only better, but stronger! He caressed the creatures as they crawled all over him until Magneto moved the very earth beneath the two boys and carried them upon the dirt mound with his mighty power towards their home. But when the boys arrived, they found their shack in flames and their mother in hysterical tears! The people had revolted against the European invaders overnight, it seemed, and they had replied with mindless violence! His mother finally spoke. The other children were no more and their father had marched off to town for vengeance! Magneto knelt and asked Ja’s next move. He seemed keenly interested in the small boy’s reply. (Anyone else sensing a deal with the Devil is about to be struck? Just me? Yeah. I could just be gassy. I did eat some dairy and, little did you guys know, I’m lactose intolerant. It’s my yummy kryptonite.)
Magneto needed no verbal answer. The look of pure rage on the boy’s face was answer enough. They left Daniel with his mother while Magneto, carrying Japheth, flew towards the carnage in town! He spied his father immediately and the battle wasn’t going well. He was hopelessly outnumbered and close to falling! Magneto looked to the boy in his arms. Japheth yelled for the mutant to help his father. And help he did! The European men were hovered into the air immediately! Their organs burst and their very blood shot from their screaming forms as they all perished in horror and anguish! But the people were the most surprising thing. The rebelling forces actually cheered at this terrible scene! Magneto spoke that humanity were no more than animals and that mutants were their true masters. Mutants like he and Japheth. Japheth disagreed. He shouted that this didn’t have to happen this way. People didn’t have to die. Magneto merely answered as he hovered away to be careful. It’s because those arms that are raised to cheer him now, nut they could just as easily be throwing stones the next day at him. (That’s deep. Deep, deep words. Man, I’m really regretting that bowl of cereal. Ugh! Goodbye, cruel world.)
Japheth’s father took his small son in his arms and embraced him. And just as he did, the slugs decided that it was time to go home. They crawled back inside his belly. Hardly anyone noticed his cries of pain and terror as the worms settled back down inside Japheth. They were too busy celebrating after all. Wolverine’s cigar dropped from his mouth in present day. Maggott answered the unasked question for him. Yes. The worms were his digestive system given form! And whatever they ate, gave him strength! But did it still hurt when they were done? As they crawled back inside right now, the look on the mutant hero’s face was answer enough. Wolverine slowly placed a comforting hand on Maggott’s shuddering shoulder.
End.
Dedicated to the fans of the Unspoken Decade for being so patient with me. This one’s for all of you!
SNIKT! That’s right, Legions of the Unspoken! Symbifan has returned with yet another article about my favorite time in comicdom history, the grungy 90’s! And, as I have hinted above, this is an article about everyone’s favorite clawed mutant, Wolverine! You may be asking yourselves, why no part 2 to the Justice League article I wrote last? (I know. I sense an instant literary classic there too!) Well, you see, I have my reasons. And since I hold nothing back from you, my loyal readers, trust me when I say that all will be explained at the end of this article. Be patient. That’s all I ask. As you know, Wolverine is not known for his patience, so let’s begin with our story, shall we?
Meanwhile, within the forests of Madripoor, the man called Logan hunts a deer alongside an aging gray timber wolf. Does Logan hunt for trophies or food? No. He hunts most probably to keep his inner beast calm and pacified. (Apparently this means running around in the woods completely nekkid! I mean, there are cleverly positioned bushes and deep shadows to cover Wolvie’s junk, but come on! Modesty, bro!) The wolf, unsure of it’s company, continues to stalk it’s prey regardless. It finds it’s moment and pounces, ending the life of the deer in one fatal slash of claws! (Damn! You’d think Bambi would be safe since this whole Disney/Marvel merger! As it turns out……) Wolverine notices the trouble that the old wolf is having with devouring it’s meal. Cautiously, the mutant creeps forward and uses his adamantium claws to more easily cut up the deer meat for his companion. After a short pause, the wolf nudges some of the raw meat towards our hero. They then both feast until sleep overtakes them. Wolverine is awakened a short time later by a strangely familiar scent coming from the city below.
Later, now wearing his familiar costume, (Thank God!) The clawed mutant warrior enters the home of his ally and sometimes lover, Tyger Tiger. This unannounced visit is met with a dagger thrown directly at his face! Slightly amused, he snatches it from the air. The two then decide to communicate more verbally. Logan asks if there are any new criminals that have recently entered the city. Tyger replies that indeed a General Coy has been making new drug connections. As he turns to go and investigate this, Tyger Tiger decides that now’s the perfect moment to break her off a piece of that Wolvie-pie! They make love into the night. (Only Wolverine can turn a B & E into sex! I think this might be an unknown mutant power of his.)
We next find our hero using his unbreakable adamantium claws to scale the outside wall of the aforementioned General Coy’s penthouse. As this is going on outside, we find our two criminals beginning a meeting of sorts. As pleasantries are exchanged, Cyber’s attention suddenly shifts. He says that he senses something. Something from his past. (I’m reminded of Darth Vader here when he says, “I sense something. A presence I haven’t felt since…..” And then he just walks off, sentence left lingering!I know Sith Lord’s are supposed to be evil but, rude much?!)
By this point, Wolvie has just about reached the top of the criminal compound. He enters without a sound, guards completely unaware of him. In the meantime, Cyber begins slowly taking off his hat and trench coat while he explains to the crime boss seated across from him that he possesses certain psionic abilities that allow him to pick out familiar brain patterns. He continues by saying that he has just sensed another man who he thought dead long ago. As the villain continues to disrobe, he reveals that most of his body consists of a metallic alloy of some sort! (Wouldn’t this be an uncomfortable meeting? First the dude starts talking like Darth Vader, now he’s taking his clothes off! I feel sorry for General Coy here!)
Later, Logan finds himself slowly dragging his terribly wounded form up a nearby cliffside. He is unsure why he’s doing this or where exactly this rocky formation came from. His only thoughts are of escape. While this is going on, in another part of Madripoor, Tyger Tiger wonders where Wolverine is. He should have returned from General Coy’s long ago. Just then, a redressed Cyber crashes his fist through her door! Unafraid she asks the madman if he would care for some tea. He replies that he would. (Cool scene. Personally, in the same instance, I’d have offered some Kool-Aid. You know, just to throw him off his game.)
The exact time this is going on, our pal Wolvie lies in a forested area. While his body bleeds, his mind drifts. It, oddly enough, drifts back to a 1950’s looking diner. He sits upon a pink Cadillac speaking to a young girl named Janet. He tells her that he’s not used to having to work so hard to get a girl. To illustrate this, he calls out and several women surround him in an almost cartoon-like fashion. He then tells them to go, returning his attention to the blonde. She replies that perhaps he should ask one of his worshippers to the upcoming dance instead of her. Plus, there’s this other guy…..To save face and show off a bit, Logan lets his claws loose, betting that this other guy posesses nothing as cool as his adamantium claws.
That gets her attention! She seems mesmerized by the shiny but deadly instruments of death. She admits that this other guy has nothing like these, but happens to be older, a teacher in fact. This completely enrages the furry mutant! He demands the name of said teacher. She admits that it’s the gym teacher, a Mr. Cyber. Logan slashes wildly at the air, vowing to put a stop to this right away by removing him from the picture in a most final way!
Meanwhile, Tyger Tiger and Cyber sit in the living room of her apartment haggling over the cost of keeping this new drug from General Coy and putting it into her own hands. A price is not agreed upon and Cyber grows aggitated. Within the dream-world, Cyber pulls ahead of our hero easily, but instead of just winning or escaping, he turns quickly and smashes his vehicle into Wolverine’s with full force! Minutes later, within the firey destruction, Logan walks from the wreckage, the dead body of Janet held in his arms! He places her carefully on the ground and unleashes his claws as Cyber approaches. Both appear ready to fight!
Next, we find Tyger Tiger seemingly alone in her apartment. Cyber has gone but she now aims a gun at an intruder of some type! As it turns out, it’s the timber wolf from earlier on in our tale. She senses that the wolf wishes her to follow it. Back in the dream-world, Wolverine and Cyber rush each other, slicing and dicing as they meet and then take opposite sides. Suddenly, Logan quite literally falls to chopped-up pieces! (Don’t you hate that in anime? You know, when two rivals rush each other and then end up on other sides. One then looks back and the other’s head falls off. Nobody’s weapon is that sharp and precise, people! Ugh! Anyway, returning to our story…..) Cyber spits down on the pieces of our hero and turns to leave.
Back in the real world, the old timber wolf has led our leading lady to the wounded Wolverine at last! He remarks that he’s just about healed when he suddenly catches wind of Cyber’s scent upon her! Still confused and reeling from the drugs, he turns to attack his savior! She soon talks him down, though, and helps him walk away from the bloody scene, towards a more safe area to speak further.
Back at the headquarters of the crime boss, General Coy, Cyber finishes up his business. He has sold the drugs. The General seems worried that there will be retribution from Tyger Tiger and her “friend”. Cyber replies that he’s counting on it!
At the home of Tyger Tiger, Wolverine is now safely letting his mutant healing factor do it’s job. As this goes on, she asks the question upon everyone’s minds: Who is Cyber? In true Wolverine fashion, though, he is cryptic and uncooperative. He tells her very little. Tyger tells him how she is supposed to meet Cyber at midnight for the purchase of his powerful hallucinogen. It’s imperative she know what she’s gotten herself into. Logan tells her that if she’s involved with Cyber, she’s already lost. Tyger is understandably confused. Is this not the famous scrapper from the Weapon X program? It’s then that he admits that Cyber has beaten him in the past. Not just beat him physically, but mentally. If she’s goes up against that madman, she’ll have to do it alone. (Shocker, right? Who would have ever pegged the deadly Wolverine for a coward? That’s it, I’m burning my Wolverine Fan Club membership card right now!)
Midnight comes. Tyger Tiger and General Coy stand on the docks, opposite one another. Both have their own personal armies surrounding them. Before much can be said between the two, Cyber interrupts from the shadows. Looking, you can glimpse the villain standing upon the corpses of the aforementioned armies from minutes ago! He steps down slowly, admitting that he did in fact bring the drugs, but he won’t be selling to either of them! He will now be the authority in Madripoor! Tyger starts to stand up to him but is hit with a metallic fist for her trouble! That’s when we hear the familiar SNIKT noise from the shadows! Wolverine came after all and, by the look on his face, Cyber had better begin to pray! (P. S. I never got around to burning that membership card.)
Claws are unleashed from both combatants’ bodies as they begin to square off. Wolverine remarks how his claws are longer. (Ohhhhh! Burn!) Tyger Tiger and General Coy hold handguns aimed at one another as the two clawed men lunge at one another! The two beat and slice the holy hell out of each other as the fight moves onto the top of a nearby truck! Meanwhile, Tyger and the General have moved their standoff inside. It soon becomes a battle of words between both parties. The hallucinogen from Cyber’s claws work into his system as he fights to crash through the windshield of the truck that Cyber has taken control of. At one point, he even pictures the truch and driver to be a gigantic rushing bull! (Whoa! That must be some great stuff! Cheech and Chong would be so jealous! And Logan’s getting this stuff for free!) As the two continue to bicker, Cyber suddenly loses control of the vehicle! The truck careens off of an cliff!
The two, of course, survive the horrendous fall. As Tyger Tiger and General Coy decide how to best explain the loss of so many of their men to one man, Wolverine and Cyber continue their brawl! Cyber leaps from tree to tree in pursuit while Wolverine dodges and moves every time the madman attacks. Finally, his luck runs out and he’s cornered. Cyber pins Wolverine to a tree, telling him that he’ll never hurt him with his adamantium claws as his skin itself is adamantium! He finishes his threat by spitting in our heroe’s face! All this does is anger the ol’ canuckle-head further and he breaks loose of Cyber’s grasp, slashing out one of Cyber’s quite vulnerable eyes!
He then continues his assault until Wolvie’s friend, the timber wolf, pounces from a nearby ledge, knocking Cyber down into the mangled wreckage below! The hallucinogens within seep into the open wound where his eye once was! (To say Cyber was now “tripping balls”, as the kids like to say, is an understatement!) The battle-hardened warrior then leaps to solid ground. Tyger Tiger awaits him. He takes her in his arms and kisses her passionately.
And now for the real reason I wrote this article. Five years ago today, my stepfather passed away from a heart attack. He had had a severe one some time before and recovered from it. Unfortunately not enough. The stronger one from earlier had weakened his heart to the point where the second one took his life. Now, I know that when the death of someone you care about hits so suddenly and from seemingly out of nowhere, the shock you feel is unbelievable. But you see, my stepdad was always my Wolverine. He looked and healed like the character so that’s what I called him.
