Tag Archives: Fantastic Four

90s Comics, 90s Marvel, Uncategorized

Ghost in the Machine (part 2 of 4)

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I have survived. Though I found myself in mortal danger, I live on. After a near-fatal Funko Pop avalanche, I crawled out from beneath the collectible rubble to press on and give you my comprehensive look back at “Death’s Head II” #2 by Marvel Comics. Only light injuries were sustained. (So…..much…..Disney….! I only slightly blame Mrs. Symbifan for her addiction. I have also been advised to tell you that I collect Funkos too and should probably just shut my trap. ) Moving on…..

It is the year 1992 and lightning strikes ominously as the Minion cyborg suddenly appears in a grungy back alley in New York City. Energy crackles from his metallic form as he constructs a deadly weapon out of the liquid metal in his right arm by sheer will. The cyborg is now ready to continue its mission. It will kill and assimilate the mind of one Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four! At that exact moment, Mr. Richards sits in a fancy, French restaurant, awaiting the arrival of his lovely wife, Sue. He looks up as the waiter appears with a phone. Mr. Fantastic takes it with a small thank you and answers. It’s Sue. It seems that she’ll be late for the date as she’s currently being held up at a charity event. He replies for her to take her time as he hangs up, amused. For once, she’s the late party. (For those of you that don’t know, Reed’s a crappy husband. He’d rather invent new technologies than satisfy his wife’s needs. Now, the sexy, aquatic monarch, Namor, wants Sue for his very own. So, emotionally cold but genius husband, or kingly and powerful bad boy. Let’s take a vote. Come on, ladies!)

Reed raised his water glass to his lips to drink, but is interrupted by the sudden appearance of a sexy, redhead dressed in strange garb and toting an enormous gun! She tells him that she’s Dr. Evelyn Necker from the year 2020 and that to live, he must do exactly as she says! Before Richards can question her further, Minion enters the restaurant, tossing staff aside like rag dolls as it advances on his target! Minion fires! But Necker pulls Reed to the floor and returns fire! She connects, stunning the powerful construct momentarily! She then rises to her feet to fire a killing shot! But this opportunity is taken away from her as Mr. Fantastic pulls the rifle from her grasp! He demands she stop firing in such a confined place with civilians present and that they take this fight elsewhere. Begrudgingly, she complies. Minion continuse to open fire as they race out the door! (Well, Necker had Minion dead to rights, but Mr. Goody-two-shoes had to ruin it. And the award for dumbass of the year goes to……) Forcing a cabbie from his vehicle, they get in and race off! But the cyborg won’t be dismissed so easily. It leaps and drops in front of the cab! Richards hits the gas, hitting Minion full force! Seconds pass and Minion rises from the street with a slightly annoyed look.

As the vehicle races through New York traffic, the Minion cyborg follows, running at super velocity! Cracking the pavement beneath its powerful footfall, it nearly catches up! And all the while, it fires blast after blast at the fleeing duo! As Reed tries to out-maneuver the shots, he demands an explanation from Necker. She reveals that it’s out to murder him and then absorb his superior intellect. How does she know this? Because she programmed it! It’s already done so with over one hundred victims, but it’s been acting uncontrollable since killing and absorbing the mind of the robotic Death’s Head. Just then, Minion catches up to the cab! But before it can attack, Richards sideswipes it into a lamppost and it tumbles into a store window! Glass explodes everywhere! The now-damaged cab speeds away! (Damn! Maybe old Reed needs to be taught a lesson by Minion. I mean, look at the mess he’s creating! Move the fight away from innocent bystanders my ass! Superheroes. Am I right?) Back in A.I.M. headquarters in the year 2020, a young man named Spratt, a sometimes-sidekick to Death’s Head, walks through the advanced lab, seemingly undetected as an outsider. He wears the uniform of a lowly A.I.M agent as he pushes Death’s Head’s remains down an empty corridor. As he walks, he vows to bring his friend back, no matter the cost!

Meanwhile, at the Fantastic Four’s base of operations, the Thing passes by a television set and happens to see the news as a frantic reporter recounts the recent events involving Mr. Fantastic, an unknown redheaded woman, and a superpowered attacker! Shocked, the Thing readies himself for action! As this is going on, Sue has finally arrived at the restaurant only to see the carnage! She pleads with the waiter as to her husband’s whereabouts! The man replies nervously about the pretty woman and the robotic assailant. (Ooooooh! Reed’s gonna be in trouble! Hehehe! Sorry. That was very juvenile of me…..He’s gonna get it! Hehehe!) Back to the action! Necker retrieves her firearm only to see that it’s damaged beyond repair. So instead, she throws an explosive at the gaining cyborg to slow it down! But shrapnel hits the taxi’s back tires and gas tank! This sends it spinning as it smokes! Mr. Fantastic wraps his rubber arms around Dr. Necker and rolls from the vehicle just as it explodes! Hearing a gravely voice, both look up to see the Thing sitting upon a hovering vehicle close by! The Thing asks for an explanation. Reed tells the large, rocky behemoth that, in short, the cyborg wants him dead. That’s all that Ben Grimm needed to hear. The Thing slowly approaches the cyborg as it walks towards him, through the flames!

The Thing doesn’t get too close however as Minion blasts him with his cannon arm! The rocky superhero pulls himself back to his feet and takes the cannon in both of his gigantic hands! He then crushes the weapon! Unfazed by this, Minion forms a blade-arm from where the cannon once was! Sensing that this fight might take him longer than expected, Ben orders the other two to take his vehicle and flee. Unsure at first, they finally comply. (That’s right, Mr. Grimm. Maybe this’ll teach you to only refer to people by nicknames for like ever! I’m sorry. I just can’t stand the Thing. How hard is it to remember three other people’s names after all of this damn time I ask you? Sheesh!) The Thing hits the cyborg assassin with two good punches, actually drawing blood! But Minion merely picks up the titan and throws him backwards off of the bridge they’ve been standing on and onto a passing boat far, far below! Minion, now satisfied there will be no more interference, continues searching for it’s prey!

A short time later, back at Mr. Fantastic’s lab, Necker lays Minion’s origins out for the superhero in the hopes that the explanation will help in stopping the killing machine. That’s when it hits him. Yes, Minion was built to assassinate and absorb the skills of several hundred organic hosts, but Death’s Head was mechanical! And if Richards didn’t miss his guess, the Death’s Head personality was inside and fighting for dominance of the cyborg’s mind. This would cause increased hostility and confusion. (Umm. Yes. I surmised this myself. Cough. -Clears throat.- Actually, I had no idea. But I love the pretty colors.) Reed immediately begins work on a device meant to force the robotic bountyhunter’s consciousness into the driver’s seat permanently! Less than an hour passes. The Human Torch comes home from a night out on the city, but is instead met at the door by Minion! Before the Torch can fully power up, he’s knocked out with a strong backhand! Minion enters the Fantastic Four’s HQ with ease! But when it makes it’s way into the lab area, it’s met with an energy burst that stops the cyborg in its tracks! Slowly, after a couple of minutes, it rises again. Only this time, it’s speaking like Death’s Head! The invention was a complete success! Death’s Head walks towards a nearby console and downloads all known knowledge on, Reed Richards, eliminating the need to kill him! He then turns and says his farewells before teleporting away! An annoyed and shocked Dr. Evelyn Necker does the same soon after.

Elsewhere, Spratt awaits a visitor with knowledge that can hopefully help bring his friend back. The man enters the room, announcing himself as Baron Strucker the 5th! He then strikes at poor Spratt, knocking the young man flying. Strucker approaches the remains of Death’s Head’s corpse with delight. He examines it closely and exclaims that with it under his command, A.I.M will pay and his family’s name will be avenged!

To be continued…..

90s Comics, 90s Marvel, Uncategorized

Hark the Heralds (part 6 of 6)

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The time has finally arrived, Unspokenites! It’s the conclusion of my endless prattling about the “Silver Surfer: Herald Ordeal” storyline! Yay! I bet you’re all really jazzed that this amazing journey we’ve been on together is ending at last. You think you are?! I had to write every damn word of it! I tell you, some people only care about themselves. I’m sorry. You know I love you sexy, sexy nerds. Kisses!

The mighty Galactus sends metallic tendrils from his enormous ship to the very core of the nearby planet. It’s through this method that the ancient god feeds. But before the planet crumbles to nothingness, Morg stands there and watches the process with delight. It’s then that current Herald hears his name called out from behind. Turning, he sees the former Heralds hovering and powered up for battle! The Silver Surfer proclaims that this madness ends now. There will be no more senseless killing. Morg will be stopped here and now. (Gives you chills, huh? You wouldn’t believe my nipples right now!) Morg is not amused. He fires an energy blast from his weapon at the powerful quartet, nearly incinerating Terrax! The Surfer pulls Terrax free, saving his life! Terrax thanks his former enemy and says that, due to Morg’s advanced power, they haven’t a chance in a fight! The Surfer will have to convince Galactus himself to relinquish Morgs power! The Silver Surfer is not pleased, but he begrudgingly agrees, leaving the fight!

Air-Walker strikes first, connecting with the monster’s jaw with a powerful punch! Nova then descends and asks Terrax where the Silver Surfer has fled to. Terrax replies that he is off to save them all. In reply, Nova adds to Terrax’s power as they simultaneously blast Morg with the Power Cosmic! Meanwhile, the Surfer roars Galactus’ name, flying into the god’s ship. Galactus barely notices this intrusion, but does reply that the former Herald is no longer welcome here and should leave with haste. Otherwise, Morg will remove him forcefully. The cosmic hero replies that Morg is the subject to which he must be heard. Galactus turns his attention towards the Surfer. As their exchange begins, the battle continues outside with Morg pinning Firelord, his deadly axe raised! But before he can land a lethal blow, Nova fires upon him from behind and Air-Walker prepares for yet another strike at their common foe! (Anyone notice that when it came to the actual slugfest, the Silver Surfer didn’t fight too hard over being convinced to get lost? Cough…..wussy…..cough…..!)

Galactus fires energy from his eyes at the Surfer, but he blocks with energy from his clenched fist! Galactus, it seems, will not be told what to do! Back at the fight, Air-Walker smacks Morg’s axe from his grasp! He follows with another punch towards the face! But Morg easily dodges this time and tears Air-Walker’s arm from his body and strikes the automaton with it! (With his own arm?! That’s friggin’ metal, baby! No pun intended.) Back in the ship, the Silver Surfer blasts Galactus in his titanic eye! This enrages the ancient god! Outside, Morg nearly obliterates Air-Walker, using his own arm as a club! He’s stopped by an attack from both sides by the airborne forms of Firelord and Nova! Inside, Galactus uses his enormous hand to swat the hero again and again into the ship’s wall! Morg casts Nova far away with his power! He then picks up his weapon and advances upon Firelord with a menacing grin! The Surfer falls into Galactus’ outstretched hand. He stands up bravely and defiantly. This act finally gets the god to stop and listen.

Firelord raises his firey staff, ready for an attack. Morg strikes to quickly however! He knocks the staff far away and then follows with a deep wound to Firelord’s chest! In disbelief, he drops! Inside, Galactus speaks of how he has left many ex-Heralds, possessing the Power Cosmic, in his time. A mistake he will rectify right now…..with all of their deaths! Morg raises his axe to finish the job! But he hears Terrax gloat from behind that he shouldn’t concern himself with fodder. Terrax is the only one here worthy of a true fight! Morg appears intrigued. Back within the ship, as Galactus prepares to kill the Silver Surfer, he pleads one final time. If he doesn’t depower Morg, though the Surfer and his allies may fall this day, other heroes are sure to come. Galactus will not know a moments peace as long as his new Herald acts in his stead! Galactus’ eyes stop glowing. He speaks with two simple words, “Very well.” (Did you guys get whiplash from going back and forth from Galactus to Morg? You did? Umm. I’m sure it wasn’t from reading my article. Go sue someone else. Go sue Disney.)

While the two cosmic axes meet with a fierce clash outside, Galactus and the Silver Surfer exit the spacecraft. As they begin their descent toward the ongoing battle, Terrax’s axe suddenly shatters! Terrax is shocked enough that it allows Morg time to follow with a forearm to the face! Terrax falls! Morg prepares to then behead his new enemy! But, as the Surfer yells out in terror, a returning Nova blasts the axe away! (Man, this guy hasn’t decapitated a single person this whole issue. Poor guy. It’s really messed up when people interrupt others when they’re trying to enjoy their hobbies.) The Surfer lands and asks for an update on his comrades’ wellbeing. As Nova does as asked, no-one sees as Morg picks up his fallen weapon! The Surfer cries out once again, but it’s all too late. Nova is cut down! She falls into the Silver Surfer’s arms and perishes there. An enraged Silver Surfer powers up to his max and approaches a happily awaiting Morg! But before this battle can begin, Galactus puts a gigantic hand between the two as he roars for this to stop this very minute! The two Heralds look up to the angered god!

It was Nova’s murder that made up Galactus’ mind. The ancient god told Morg as such as he stripped the madman of the Power Cosmic that he had gifted him. Morg roared in outrage as he was depowered. Galactus then took his leave. The Surfer wasted no time. He attacked Morg with an energy blast before he could do the same! However, Morg still had enough might to triumph. He blocked the attack! But before he could retaliate, Terrax hammered him in the back of his skull with his fist! Not to be undone yet, Morg throws Terrax into the Surfer! That’s when a one-armed Air-Walker grabbed hold of the monster and held him while a recovered Firelord and Terrax shot him with powerful blasts again and again! The Surfer soon joins them with his own power! Terrax waits for Morg to fall before he picks up his axe. He raises Morg’s own weapon to finish him off! The Surfer tries to stop him from ending the villain’s wretched life, but too late! As the blade sinks into hardened flesh, there’s a gigantic explosion! (Finally, someone hits with an axe blow! Am I right, folks? Damn!)

Not too long after, Morg’s smoking skeleton lies with the axe still wedged where his heart once was! Terrax removes it for himself. Galactus, momentarily interested, turns to finally leave. But he’s stopped by Firelord. If Galactus will reform his old friend, Air-Walker, they will both serve as Heralds, locating unpopulated world’s for the god to feast upon. Galactus agrees after a short moment of contemplation. Galactus leaves as the remaining Heralds place Nova’s corpse upon the Silver Surfer’s board. They send her off into a nearby sun. Firelord and Air-Walker say their farewells and then leave with the ever-hungry ancient one. Terrax and the Surfer make an uneasy pact to leave one another to their own business. Terrax then flies off himself. This leaves only the Silver Surfer on the barren world. Alone, he mourns the true hero here today. The one who gave her very life. Nova.

End.

90s Comics, 90s Marvel, Uncategorized

Hark the Heralds (part 5 of 6)

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Here it is, folks! Coming straight to you from my bathroom as I sit upon my porcelain throne, part five of six is completed in my comprehensive look back at the Silver Surfer: “Herald Ordeal” epic! (Guys, I’m starting to think I have stomach issues…..) Now, on with the story!

Terrax sat upon a large rock on the nearly barren world, seething in hatred. He had been exiled here not so long ago by his hated enemy, the Silver Surfer. He’d lost track of how long he’d been trapped here alone. But as he saw it, the longer his time here, the sweeter his revenge would be. As he was lost in thought, a familiar voice called out to him from behind. Turning, he saw the very person he was just imagining ripping limb from limb, the Surfer himself! And he wasn’t alone. He had three other ex-Heralds of Galactus with him! (Why am I not overly confident that Terrax will join up without a fight? This is a comic book though. Characters throw down, destroying whole city blocks, over lesser things like being shorted one McNugget sauce packet.) The Silver Surfer began by asking to make a bargain. But the Surfer barely said another word before Terrax answered with a mighty blow to the cosmic hero’s face!

The Surfer had hoped to bypass all of this. Very well. If Terrax wouldn’t listen of his own free will, he would be forced to. He ordered his companions to encircle and attack! Firelord and Air-Walker struck first, each grabbing one of Terrax’s mighty arms. But he used his superior strength to smash the two into one another, taking them momentarily out of the game! He then grabbed for a weapon. Finding a long stone, he snapped it out of the ground and formed a club. Terrax swung this new weapon at Nova’s beautiful face! But Firelord had regained his strength and blocked this blow with his flaming staff! Firelord threw Terrax to the ground where Air-Walker punched their foe in the face with all of his mechanical might! But this wasn’t enough. Terrax threw Air-Walker into an unsuspecting Firelord, taking the two male beings out of the fight once again! (Well, things seem to be going rather smashingly. That is if you’re talking about Terrax smashing Firelord and Air-Walker together like cymbals! Where’s the Surfer in all of this anyway? One pimp-slap and the dude’s off crying somewhere?)

Terrax then quickly spun around to use his club to block an energy blast that he’d expected from behind from Nova! He beat the ground between them quickly, knocking loose rubble that struck Nova and blinded her! He then stood over her and swung downwards, ready to cave in her firey skull! But instead, he struck the Silver Surfer’s hovering surfboard! A hand then grabbed the monster’s head from behind, spun him around, and the Surfer uppercut him with all of his power, knocking Terrax sailing through the air! (About damn time! I mean, wussy move, but at least it was a move. Man, where’s Wolverine when you need a manly fight to read about? Sigh…..) Terrax rose moments later. He backed towards an enormous drop-off with only crashing waves and stone to break his fall! He would not be imprisoned. He’d take his own life first! The Surfer merely stated that this would only stun Terrax and they’d have words anyway. Sighing, Terrax begrudgingly agreed to listen.

(Damn! Was it me, or did that at all remind you of the alleyway brawl in the cult classic film, “They Live”? Just put on the damn glasses already! Jeez!) It was then that the Silver Surfer told the tale of the newest and most bloodthirsty Herald of Galactus, Morg. Terrax seemed unfazed by this tale. After all, anyone who could frighten his own enemy to this degree was fine by him. What was in it for him to join these do-gooders? What did he care? Perhaps if he was granted his freedom from this accursed rock? The Surfer thought on it and then, against his allies’ wishes, he agreed. But first, Terrax demanded that they find his cosmic axe that was cast into an asteroid field when he was taken here. Again, the Surfer agreed. And so off into deep space the former Heralds journeyed in search of Terrax’s deadly weapon.

When they finally located the large asteroid in which the Surfer thought he had thrown the axe not so long ago, the Heralds all split up in search of the item. It was Air-Walker that located it with his superior sensors. Terrax took his mighty axe in his hands and smiled a fiendish smile. Nova and the Silver Surfer walked a bit away from the others, discussing strategy. As they did, Terrax slowly advanced behind them, bladed weapon raised to strike! Nova suddenly saw this and cried out to the hero to duck! But the Surfer calmly turned instead, questioning if Terrax was quite done. Terrax scoffed and replied that yes, he was done finding the balance to his long-lost cosmic axe. Now they could all leave this place and bring the fight to Morg! Hell had better make room for a new arrival, because this particular madman’s days were officially numbered now!

To be concluded…..