Tag Archives: comics

Behold the Blazing Angel (part 2 of 4)

Greetings, Unspokenites and welcome back to the site. You know, it occurred to me that it’s been awhile since we sat down and chatted about what’s going on with me. You see, in a matter of weeks, my first grandchild will be born. Exciting, huh? The only problem is…..the stubborn child seems to be quite content with just living in the womb forever!!! Alas, I’m done venting…..for now. This article’s dedicated to you, Lillian Miller. You’re not even officially here yet, and I’d battle Thanos himself for you. (P.S. I know you don’t get my comic book reference yet, but I plan to remedy that A.S.A.P. as I teach you the ways of the nerd.) Anyway, hopefully when I write all of you next, I’ll be Grandpa Symbifan! But for now, back to Azrael…..

The blazing helicopter of Bruce Wayne plummeted uncontrollably into the cabin below! The result was explosive to say the least! What was left of the aircraft then rolled down a snowy hill, crashing into a large pine tree. This stopped the firey vehicle’s momentum. Bruce and Alfred both momentarily lost consciousness as they hung upside down by their safety belts. Alfred was the last to awaken. It had only been a few seconds, but in that amount of time, Bruce had deduced that the shimmer of light that he had spied and the ensuing explosion had been caused by a small rocket launcher. And if he didn’t miss his guess, LeHah was directly involved. Alfred asked about the cabin’s occupants. Bruce replied that their survival was next to impossible. (This is why I keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. With all of my enemies, this is all a definite possibility. What? Who’s exaggerating? Blogging is a dangerous biz, peeps!)

Meanwhile, below the very spot where the cabin once stood, the young man and his dwarven associate stand within a highly reinforced fallout shelter! (Wait a minute here! Let’s take a moment to reflect on the fact that Batman was just wrong! I now return you to the article, already in progress.) The new Azrael wonders aloud who might do this. But his thought is interrupted by a deafening sound from above. As he listens, so do Bruce and Alfred. The assassins look up and see the cause of the noise as they’re nearly buried alive by a massive avalanche! Bruce Wayne and Alfred escape their wreckage unscathed and Bruce fashions them snow shoes from odds and ends. As they walk away, they wonder about the attackers. They seemed to have reached their own helicopter in time, but whether or not they escaped the onslaught of snow was another story. But they did live. Just barely. One of the two, LeHah himself, now sits with his accomplice in the open air, looking at the smoking ruins of their aircraft. LeHah claims to the other man that he saw a face as they struggled to survive. He uttered a name as they were sure to die, Biis. And just like that, they leveled off enough for a crash landing.

LeHah continues to recount the tale, but the other man questions him as to why. He was there for every bit of it after all. But LeHah continues to speak until it becomes clear that he isn’t talking to the man at all. He speaks to this Biis. It seems that Biis would like LeHah to be his servant, but first he must prove himself. Before the other man can move to defend himself, LeHah uses a quickly drawn machete to sever his partner’s head! At that moment, Bruce and Alfred continue their slow trek through the snow. Alfred suddenly stops. He questions his employer and friend as to what they’re to do next. Civilization is too far off to reach before nightfall and surely they’ll freeze before they arrive. Bruce hands his own coat back to Alfred and instructs him to wear it over his own. He will wear only his Batman costume to combat the cold as it contains its own heating system. (What an ass! Alfred was freezing this whole time, and Batman’s warm and comfy in his coat and heated tights?! It just goes to show you what kind of hero the Dark Knight is. Damn!) That’s when the earth below their feet began to rumble once again! But this time, a literal wall of flames erupt from the snow before them!

Batman and Alfred barely have time to shield their eyes before a hovercraft bursts from the inferno! Batman leaps into the air without hesitation and grabs hold of the craft! Inside, Nomoz looks to Azrael and orders him to armor up and get rid of their little stowaway. The boy refuses at first, but Nomoz’s grim orders finally win out and Azrael completes his armor set by donning his mask! He then leaps outside through a hatch and attacks the Batman! Fists are thrown by both parties but to no avail! They seem evenly matched. They leap from the vehicle and continue their brawl in the snow. Batman attempts to talk sense into Azrael, but is instead met with a punch that sends the Dark Knight staggering! Batman vows that he won’t allow another strike to land. He begins to pummel the Avenging Angel! Seeing this, the dwarf bellows for Azrael to use his flaming sword! Without complaint, the weapon is drawn! He strikes, but Batman uses his cape to seize the blade and pull it from his attacker’s grasp! He then uses the momentum to hurl it far from both men! Alfred cries out for Batman to dodge quickly! The dark hero attempts to do this, but too slow. The hovercraft rams him in the spine from behind as it stops just long enough to pick up the stunned Azrael and then shoot off into the sky! (Bet you didn’t think you’d read about a dwarf flying a hovercraft when you woke up this morning! Surprised ya there, huh?)

After the hovercraft is far from sight, Batman rises from the snow. Though he’s a bit sore, he’s okay. His armor took the brunt of the attack. With Alfred at his side, he slides down into the fallout shelter to look for clues. Miles away, Nomoz grins. He tells Azrael that they have the Bat right where they want him. Confused, Azrael asks why it would be a good thing to have him in their lair. Nomoz replies as he lifts an explosive trigger that the place is wired to explode at the mere touch of a button! Elsewhere, LeHah grins as he applies facepaint in a mirror within his fancy hotel room. He then dons strange, medieval-looking armor. It is decided. He would now serve his dark lord, Biis, by eliminating Azrael once and for all! By this time, Nomoz and the young Azrael are settled into their own rooms within a rather old-looking mansion. Azrael has in this small amount of time constructed new, more high-tech armor. Blades now spring from gauntlets with the flick of the wrist and the armor itself is light and highly flexible for hand-to-hand combat. The dwarf looks pleased. (He created new armor in that short amount of time? Hell, it takes me longer in the bathroom. What? I’m old!)

Azrael asks more about the Order of Saint Dumas. Nomoz answers that those of the Order had become very wealthy by the end of the crusades. They would use this fortune for whatever good causes they found. But if they were betrayed, they would send Azrael to punish their enemies. One of these enemies was LeHah. LeHah had stolen money from the Order’s Swiss bank accounts and used the money to create an arms dealing operation for himself. That’s when Azrael’s father had been sent out. Unfortunately, LeHah had been ready and the former Azrael had perished. (The next scene was omitted because it served little point to the plot. It’s just LeHah standing naked, with facepaint on, vowing to serve the demon lord, Biis. But if you wanna see his old man buns for yourself, feel free to find this issue online. Ugh! Shudder…..) Meanwhile, Batman has discovered information in the hidden bomb shelter on the Order. That, and he has also discovered a loose wire dangling overhead. It was connected to the explosives all around them! It must’ve pulled loose when the hovercraft lifted off.

Nomoz looks to the new Angel of Vengeance and tells him that LeHah had been their treasurer and as such, knows the whereabouts of not only every single bank account, but every member themselves! The dwarf had called the nearest Order member to be ready for an attack. It turned out that he had been suffering from an illness in a nearby hospital. They should leave immediately. Nomoz had been correct. LeHah was in fact planning to assassinate all members of the Order of St. Dumas in tribute to the demon, Biis! Later, at the hospital in question, Azrael readies himself to protect this follower of the Order. Nomoz corrects the young man. Azrael is meant to avenge, not to protect. But this conversation is cut short as they enter the hospital room. Azrael hears screams within and kicks the door open. LeHah stands in full armor as he murders the nurse with a large rifle! Next is the Order member! He then turns his attention to Azrael and Nomoz! Nomoz orders Azrael to protect himself with his armor. But it’s all too late. Azrael can only clutch the duffle bag containing his armor. The gunshots hit him, knocking him through the glass window! Azrael lies in the alleyway below, smoke rising from his limp form!

To be continued…..

Hark the Heralds (part 6 of 6)

The time has finally arrived, Unspokenites! It’s the conclusion of my endless prattling about the “Silver Surfer: Herald Ordeal” storyline! Yay! I bet you’re all really jazzed that this amazing journey we’ve been on together is ending at last. You think you are?! I had to write every damn word of it! I tell you, some people only care about themselves. I’m sorry. You know I love you sexy, sexy nerds. Kisses!

The mighty Galactus sends metallic tendrils from his enormous ship to the very core of the nearby planet. It’s through this method that the ancient god feeds. But before the planet crumbles to nothingness, Morg stands there and watches the process with delight. It’s then that current Herald hears his name called out from behind. Turning, he sees the former Heralds hovering and powered up for battle! The Silver Surfer proclaims that this madness ends now. There will be no more senseless killing. Morg will be stopped here and now. (Gives you chills, huh? You wouldn’t believe my nipples right now!) Morg is not amused. He fires an energy blast from his weapon at the powerful quartet, nearly incinerating Terrax! The Surfer pulls Terrax free, saving his life! Terrax thanks his former enemy and says that, due to Morg’s advanced power, they haven’t a chance in a fight! The Surfer will have to convince Galactus himself to relinquish Morgs power! The Silver Surfer is not pleased, but he begrudgingly agrees, leaving the fight!

Air-Walker strikes first, connecting with the monster’s jaw with a powerful punch! Nova then descends and asks Terrax where the Silver Surfer has fled to. Terrax replies that he is off to save them all. In reply, Nova adds to Terrax’s power as they simultaneously blast Morg with the Power Cosmic! Meanwhile, the Surfer roars Galactus’ name, flying into the god’s ship. Galactus barely notices this intrusion, but does reply that the former Herald is no longer welcome here and should leave with haste. Otherwise, Morg will remove him forcefully. The cosmic hero replies that Morg is the subject to which he must be heard. Galactus turns his attention towards the Surfer. As their exchange begins, the battle continues outside with Morg pinning Firelord, his deadly axe raised! But before he can land a lethal blow, Nova fires upon him from behind and Air-Walker prepares for yet another strike at their common foe! (Anyone notice that when it came to the actual slugfest, the Silver Surfer didn’t fight too hard over being convinced to get lost? Cough…..wussy…..cough…..!)

Galactus fires energy from his eyes at the Surfer, but he blocks with energy from his clenched fist! Galactus, it seems, will not be told what to do! Back at the fight, Air-Walker smacks Morg’s axe from his grasp! He follows with another punch towards the face! But Morg easily dodges this time and tears Air-Walker’s arm from his body and strikes the automaton with it! (With his own arm?! That’s friggin’ metal, baby! No pun intended.) Back in the ship, the Silver Surfer blasts Galactus in his titanic eye! This enrages the ancient god! Outside, Morg nearly obliterates Air-Walker, using his own arm as a club! He’s stopped by an attack from both sides by the airborne forms of Firelord and Nova! Inside, Galactus uses his enormous hand to swat the hero again and again into the ship’s wall! Morg casts Nova far away with his power! He then picks up his weapon and advances upon Firelord with a menacing grin! The Surfer falls into Galactus’ outstretched hand. He stands up bravely and defiantly. This act finally gets the god to stop and listen.

Firelord raises his firey staff, ready for an attack. Morg strikes to quickly however! He knocks the staff far away and then follows with a deep wound to Firelord’s chest! In disbelief, he drops! Inside, Galactus speaks of how he has left many ex-Heralds, possessing the Power Cosmic, in his time. A mistake he will rectify right now…..with all of their deaths! Morg raises his axe to finish the job! But he hears Terrax gloat from behind that he shouldn’t concern himself with fodder. Terrax is the only one here worthy of a true fight! Morg appears intrigued. Back within the ship, as Galactus prepares to kill the Silver Surfer, he pleads one final time. If he doesn’t depower Morg, though the Surfer and his allies may fall this day, other heroes are sure to come. Galactus will not know a moments peace as long as his new Herald acts in his stead! Galactus’ eyes stop glowing. He speaks with two simple words, “Very well.” (Did you guys get whiplash from going back and forth from Galactus to Morg? You did? Umm. I’m sure it wasn’t from reading my article. Go sue someone else. Go sue Disney.)

While the two cosmic axes meet with a fierce clash outside, Galactus and the Silver Surfer exit the spacecraft. As they begin their descent toward the ongoing battle, Terrax’s axe suddenly shatters! Terrax is shocked enough that it allows Morg time to follow with a forearm to the face! Terrax falls! Morg prepares to then behead his new enemy! But, as the Surfer yells out in terror, a returning Nova blasts the axe away! (Man, this guy hasn’t decapitated a single person this whole issue. Poor guy. It’s really messed up when people interrupt others when they’re trying to enjoy their hobbies.) The Surfer lands and asks for an update on his comrades’ wellbeing. As Nova does as asked, no-one sees as Morg picks up his fallen weapon! The Surfer cries out once again, but it’s all too late. Nova is cut down! She falls into the Silver Surfer’s arms and perishes there. An enraged Silver Surfer powers up to his max and approaches a happily awaiting Morg! But before this battle can begin, Galactus puts a gigantic hand between the two as he roars for this to stop this very minute! The two Heralds look up to the angered god!

It was Nova’s murder that made up Galactus’ mind. The ancient god told Morg as such as he stripped the madman of the Power Cosmic that he had gifted him. Morg roared in outrage as he was depowered. Galactus then took his leave. The Surfer wasted no time. He attacked Morg with an energy blast before he could do the same! However, Morg still had enough might to triumph. He blocked the attack! But before he could retaliate, Terrax hammered him in the back of his skull with his fist! Not to be undone yet, Morg throws Terrax into the Surfer! That’s when a one-armed Air-Walker grabbed hold of the monster and held him while a recovered Firelord and Terrax shot him with powerful blasts again and again! The Surfer soon joins them with his own power! Terrax waits for Morg to fall before he picks up his axe. He raises Morg’s own weapon to finish him off! The Surfer tries to stop him from ending the villain’s wretched life, but too late! As the blade sinks into hardened flesh, there’s a gigantic explosion! (Finally, someone hits with an axe blow! Am I right, folks? Damn!)

Not too long after, Morg’s smoking skeleton lies with the axe still wedged where his heart once was! Terrax removes it for himself. Galactus, momentarily interested, turns to finally leave. But he’s stopped by Firelord. If Galactus will reform his old friend, Air-Walker, they will both serve as Heralds, locating unpopulated world’s for the god to feast upon. Galactus agrees after a short moment of contemplation. Galactus leaves as the remaining Heralds place Nova’s corpse upon the Silver Surfer’s board. They send her off into a nearby sun. Firelord and Air-Walker say their farewells and then leave with the ever-hungry ancient one. Terrax and the Surfer make an uneasy pact to leave one another to their own business. Terrax then flies off himself. This leaves only the Silver Surfer on the barren world. Alone, he mourns the true hero here today. The one who gave her very life. Nova.

End.

Hark the Heralds (part 5 of 6)

Here it is, folks! Coming straight to you from my bathroom as I sit upon my porcelain throne, part five of six is completed in my comprehensive look back at the Silver Surfer: “Herald Ordeal” epic! (Guys, I’m starting to think I have stomach issues…..) Now, on with the story!

Terrax sat upon a large rock on the nearly barren world, seething in hatred. He had been exiled here not so long ago by his hated enemy, the Silver Surfer. He’d lost track of how long he’d been trapped here alone. But as he saw it, the longer his time here, the sweeter his revenge would be. As he was lost in thought, a familiar voice called out to him from behind. Turning, he saw the very person he was just imagining ripping limb from limb, the Surfer himself! And he wasn’t alone. He had three other ex-Heralds of Galactus with him! (Why am I not overly confident that Terrax will join up without a fight? This is a comic book though. Characters throw down, destroying whole city blocks, over lesser things like being shorted one McNugget sauce packet.) The Silver Surfer began by asking to make a bargain. But the Surfer barely said another word before Terrax answered with a mighty blow to the cosmic hero’s face!

The Surfer had hoped to bypass all of this. Very well. If Terrax wouldn’t listen of his own free will, he would be forced to. He ordered his companions to encircle and attack! Firelord and Air-Walker struck first, each grabbing one of Terrax’s mighty arms. But he used his superior strength to smash the two into one another, taking them momentarily out of the game! He then grabbed for a weapon. Finding a long stone, he snapped it out of the ground and formed a club. Terrax swung this new weapon at Nova’s beautiful face! But Firelord had regained his strength and blocked this blow with his flaming staff! Firelord threw Terrax to the ground where Air-Walker punched their foe in the face with all of his mechanical might! But this wasn’t enough. Terrax threw Air-Walker into an unsuspecting Firelord, taking the two male beings out of the fight once again! (Well, things seem to be going rather smashingly. That is if you’re talking about Terrax smashing Firelord and Air-Walker together like cymbals! Where’s the Surfer in all of this anyway? One pimp-slap and the dude’s off crying somewhere?)

Terrax then quickly spun around to use his club to block an energy blast that he’d expected from behind from Nova! He beat the ground between them quickly, knocking loose rubble that struck Nova and blinded her! He then stood over her and swung downwards, ready to cave in her firey skull! But instead, he struck the Silver Surfer’s hovering surfboard! A hand then grabbed the monster’s head from behind, spun him around, and the Surfer uppercut him with all of his power, knocking Terrax sailing through the air! (About damn time! I mean, wussy move, but at least it was a move. Man, where’s Wolverine when you need a manly fight to read about? Sigh…..) Terrax rose moments later. He backed towards an enormous drop-off with only crashing waves and stone to break his fall! He would not be imprisoned. He’d take his own life first! The Surfer merely stated that this would only stun Terrax and they’d have words anyway. Sighing, Terrax begrudgingly agreed to listen.

(Damn! Was it me, or did that at all remind you of the alleyway brawl in the cult classic film, “They Live”? Just put on the damn glasses already! Jeez!) It was then that the Silver Surfer told the tale of the newest and most bloodthirsty Herald of Galactus, Morg. Terrax seemed unfazed by this tale. After all, anyone who could frighten his own enemy to this degree was fine by him. What was in it for him to join these do-gooders? What did he care? Perhaps if he was granted his freedom from this accursed rock? The Surfer thought on it and then, against his allies’ wishes, he agreed. But first, Terrax demanded that they find his cosmic axe that was cast into an asteroid field when he was taken here. Again, the Surfer agreed. And so off into deep space the former Heralds journeyed in search of Terrax’s deadly weapon.

When they finally located the large asteroid in which the Surfer thought he had thrown the axe not so long ago, the Heralds all split up in search of the item. It was Air-Walker that located it with his superior sensors. Terrax took his mighty axe in his hands and smiled a fiendish smile. Nova and the Silver Surfer walked a bit away from the others, discussing strategy. As they did, Terrax slowly advanced behind them, bladed weapon raised to strike! Nova suddenly saw this and cried out to the hero to duck! But the Surfer calmly turned instead, questioning if Terrax was quite done. Terrax scoffed and replied that yes, he was done finding the balance to his long-lost cosmic axe. Now they could all leave this place and bring the fight to Morg! Hell had better make room for a new arrival, because this particular madman’s days were officially numbered now!

To be concluded…..