90s Comics, 90s DC, DC Comics, Uncategorized

Behold the Blazing Angel (part 2 of 4)

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Greetings, Unspokenites and welcome back to the site. You know, it occurred to me that it’s been awhile since we sat down and chatted about what’s going on with me. You see, in a matter of weeks, my first grandchild will be born. Exciting, huh? The only problem is…..the stubborn child seems to be quite content with just living in the womb forever!!! Alas, I’m done venting…..for now. This article’s dedicated to you, Lillian Miller. You’re not even officially here yet, and I’d battle Thanos himself for you. (P.S. I know you don’t get my comic book reference yet, but I plan to remedy that A.S.A.P. as I teach you the ways of the nerd.) Anyway, hopefully when I write all of you next, I’ll be Grandpa Symbifan! But for now, back to Azrael…..

The blazing helicopter of Bruce Wayne plummeted uncontrollably into the cabin below! The result was explosive to say the least! What was left of the aircraft then rolled down a snowy hill, crashing into a large pine tree. This stopped the firey vehicle’s momentum. Bruce and Alfred both momentarily lost consciousness as they hung upside down by their safety belts. Alfred was the last to awaken. It had only been a few seconds, but in that amount of time, Bruce had deduced that the shimmer of light that he had spied and the ensuing explosion had been caused by a small rocket launcher. And if he didn’t miss his guess, LeHah was directly involved. Alfred asked about the cabin’s occupants. Bruce replied that their survival was next to impossible. (This is why I keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. With all of my enemies, this is all a definite possibility. What? Who’s exaggerating? Blogging is a dangerous biz, peeps!)

Meanwhile, below the very spot where the cabin once stood, the young man and his dwarven associate stand within a highly reinforced fallout shelter! (Wait a minute here! Let’s take a moment to reflect on the fact that Batman was just wrong! I now return you to the article, already in progress.) The new Azrael wonders aloud who might do this. But his thought is interrupted by a deafening sound from above. As he listens, so do Bruce and Alfred. The assassins look up and see the cause of the noise as they’re nearly buried alive by a massive avalanche! Bruce Wayne and Alfred escape their wreckage unscathed and Bruce fashions them snow shoes from odds and ends. As they walk away, they wonder about the attackers. They seemed to have reached their own helicopter in time, but whether or not they escaped the onslaught of snow was another story. But they did live. Just barely. One of the two, LeHah himself, now sits with his accomplice in the open air, looking at the smoking ruins of their aircraft. LeHah claims to the other man that he saw a face as they struggled to survive. He uttered a name as they were sure to die, Biis. And just like that, they leveled off enough for a crash landing.

LeHah continues to recount the tale, but the other man questions him as to why. He was there for every bit of it after all. But LeHah continues to speak until it becomes clear that he isn’t talking to the man at all. He speaks to this Biis. It seems that Biis would like LeHah to be his servant, but first he must prove himself. Before the other man can move to defend himself, LeHah uses a quickly drawn machete to sever his partner’s head! At that moment, Bruce and Alfred continue their slow trek through the snow. Alfred suddenly stops. He questions his employer and friend as to what they’re to do next. Civilization is too far off to reach before nightfall and surely they’ll freeze before they arrive. Bruce hands his own coat back to Alfred and instructs him to wear it over his own. He will wear only his Batman costume to combat the cold as it contains its own heating system. (What an ass! Alfred was freezing this whole time, and Batman’s warm and comfy in his coat and heated tights?! It just goes to show you what kind of hero the Dark Knight is. Damn!) That’s when the earth below their feet began to rumble once again! But this time, a literal wall of flames erupt from the snow before them!

Batman and Alfred barely have time to shield their eyes before a hovercraft bursts from the inferno! Batman leaps into the air without hesitation and grabs hold of the craft! Inside, Nomoz looks to Azrael and orders him to armor up and get rid of their little stowaway. The boy refuses at first, but Nomoz’s grim orders finally win out and Azrael completes his armor set by donning his mask! He then leaps outside through a hatch and attacks the Batman! Fists are thrown by both parties but to no avail! They seem evenly matched. They leap from the vehicle and continue their brawl in the snow. Batman attempts to talk sense into Azrael, but is instead met with a punch that sends the Dark Knight staggering! Batman vows that he won’t allow another strike to land. He begins to pummel the Avenging Angel! Seeing this, the dwarf bellows for Azrael to use his flaming sword! Without complaint, the weapon is drawn! He strikes, but Batman uses his cape to seize the blade and pull it from his attacker’s grasp! He then uses the momentum to hurl it far from both men! Alfred cries out for Batman to dodge quickly! The dark hero attempts to do this, but too slow. The hovercraft rams him in the spine from behind as it stops just long enough to pick up the stunned Azrael and then shoot off into the sky! (Bet you didn’t think you’d read about a dwarf flying a hovercraft when you woke up this morning! Surprised ya there, huh?)

After the hovercraft is far from sight, Batman rises from the snow. Though he’s a bit sore, he’s okay. His armor took the brunt of the attack. With Alfred at his side, he slides down into the fallout shelter to look for clues. Miles away, Nomoz grins. He tells Azrael that they have the Bat right where they want him. Confused, Azrael asks why it would be a good thing to have him in their lair. Nomoz replies as he lifts an explosive trigger that the place is wired to explode at the mere touch of a button! Elsewhere, LeHah grins as he applies facepaint in a mirror within his fancy hotel room. He then dons strange, medieval-looking armor. It is decided. He would now serve his dark lord, Biis, by eliminating Azrael once and for all! By this time, Nomoz and the young Azrael are settled into their own rooms within a rather old-looking mansion. Azrael has in this small amount of time constructed new, more high-tech armor. Blades now spring from gauntlets with the flick of the wrist and the armor itself is light and highly flexible for hand-to-hand combat. The dwarf looks pleased. (He created new armor in that short amount of time? Hell, it takes me longer in the bathroom. What? I’m old!)

Azrael asks more about the Order of Saint Dumas. Nomoz answers that those of the Order had become very wealthy by the end of the crusades. They would use this fortune for whatever good causes they found. But if they were betrayed, they would send Azrael to punish their enemies. One of these enemies was LeHah. LeHah had stolen money from the Order’s Swiss bank accounts and used the money to create an arms dealing operation for himself. That’s when Azrael’s father had been sent out. Unfortunately, LeHah had been ready and the former Azrael had perished. (The next scene was omitted because it served little point to the plot. It’s just LeHah standing naked, with facepaint on, vowing to serve the demon lord, Biis. But if you wanna see his old man buns for yourself, feel free to find this issue online. Ugh! Shudder…..) Meanwhile, Batman has discovered information in the hidden bomb shelter on the Order. That, and he has also discovered a loose wire dangling overhead. It was connected to the explosives all around them! It must’ve pulled loose when the hovercraft lifted off.

Nomoz looks to the new Angel of Vengeance and tells him that LeHah had been their treasurer and as such, knows the whereabouts of not only every single bank account, but every member themselves! The dwarf had called the nearest Order member to be ready for an attack. It turned out that he had been suffering from an illness in a nearby hospital. They should leave immediately. Nomoz had been correct. LeHah was in fact planning to assassinate all members of the Order of St. Dumas in tribute to the demon, Biis! Later, at the hospital in question, Azrael readies himself to protect this follower of the Order. Nomoz corrects the young man. Azrael is meant to avenge, not to protect. But this conversation is cut short as they enter the hospital room. Azrael hears screams within and kicks the door open. LeHah stands in full armor as he murders the nurse with a large rifle! Next is the Order member! He then turns his attention to Azrael and Nomoz! Nomoz orders Azrael to protect himself with his armor. But it’s all too late. Azrael can only clutch the duffle bag containing his armor. The gunshots hit him, knocking him through the glass window! Azrael lies in the alleyway below, smoke rising from his limp form!

To be continued…..

90s Comics, 90s DC, DC Comics, Uncategorized

Behold the Blazing Angel (part 1 of 4)

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I remember being really late to the party when it came to Azrael. By the time I learned about the character, he was already on his way to becoming the new Batman. This meant I’d missed his first appearance by quite a bit. So, rather than spending tons of my parents’ hard-earned cash on backissues, I did what any other cheap comic fan does, I bought the trade paperback. To say I was impressed with the character was an understatement! But you don’t want to read me droning on about the “Avenging Angel”. Let’s begin my look back at the miniseries that started it all with “Batman: Sword of Azrael” #1…..

The knight stood within the expensive Gotham City high-rise apartment. He had his flaming sword at the ready. His prey sat, clothed in nothing but a robe, in a leather chair. Considering the threat that stood before him, the man didn’t look afraid in the slightest. In fact, he looked mildly amused! The knight proclaimed that the man’s life was forfeit. He had been judged and the punishment was death by firey sword! The man smiled and replied that this wasn’t so. He pulled a handgun and aimed it at the knight. This was a shock. Surely he saw that the knight was armored. But shots were fired anyway in quick procession. To the knight’s surprise, the bullets passed straight through his chainmail and into the muscled flesh beneath! Blood sprayed the window behind him as he sank to the floor. He was mortally wounded. He knew it. The man rose and advanced with the weapon still drawn! He meant to finish the job! That’s when the knight swung upwards with his flaming sword and cut into the man’s arrogant face! Other men with automatic weapons burst into the room and fired! But rather than take further damage, the knight threw himself through the window, shattering the bloodied glass! (Wow! That was an action-packed beginning! I don’t blame the knight for not fearing the gun either. I was more afraid of that robe coming untied instead. Shudder!)

Controlling his fall as best as he could, the knight spied a large parade going on below him. It was for the city’s annual Founder’s Day if memory served him correctly. Seeing a banner hanging over the street, the knight grabbed hold and used it to swing onto the back of a horse marching in the parade. The horse nearly threw him as it reared up! People in the crowd panicked and began running. The scene was total chaos! The injured knight rode the animal a small distance before falling off near an alleyway. Gripping his bloody wounds, he entered the confined area as quietly as he could. He was seen by a homeless beggar that ran off, afraid of the knight’s flaming weapon most likely. (Yep. That’d do it for me. Man with a flaming sword spotted? Me walking hastily in the other direction. I’m way too pretty to die after all.) He continued along the alleyways, his blood flowing from his many wounds until he passed a concerned couple. They offered him their help when they saw the amount of blood. He waved them away with a blessing and continued along his path. The knight reached a door and knocked on it as he fell. He pulled off his helmet as the door was answered by a blonde youth in glasses. The boy exclaimed one word, “Father?!”

The young man stood vigil at his father’s side as he lie, very close to death, in the boy’s bed. The boy offered to fetch a doctor but his father refused. No-one must learn of the existence of Azrael. The boy will have to leave his corpse to be discovered by others. The knight’s son must find a package left for him and continue where he had failed. Before any more questions could be asked, the knight passed away. The youth cried out in horror and anguish as he was left alone in the room. Meanwhile, Bruce Wayne’s butler, Alfred, questioned his employer and friend. Usually the Batman didn’t concern himself with riots. What was different this time? Bruce replied that fourteen people lie injured while four others had perished. Bruce approached the grandfather clock and turned the hands. This opened the entryway to the Batcave. He continued that an angel had been spotted dropping into the parade from above, inciting the ensuing madness. Alfred recanted his earlier statement. This was in fact very much a Batman case. Bruce ignored the butler’s sarcasm as he walked to his large computer setup. He brought an image of a bullet-riddled armor plate that a police officer had found in the streets. It was soaked in blood. The second fact that interested Bruce was that the apartment above was owned by Carleton LeHah, a little-known manufacturer of exotic weaponry and ammunition. Ammunition that could even penetrate an “angel’s” armor. Bruce began suiting up. (Yeah. Just drop your drawers in mid-sentence there, Bruce. Honestly, poor Alfred.)

The young man opened the package as he was instructed. There was a phone number within. Calling it, some men arrived and took his father’s body away. Next, there was around fourty thousand dollars in the different currencies of several nations. Lastly, was a note that instructed him to go to a small airfield in Switzerland. After taking a plane from there, he was picked up and taken to a secluded cabin nestled within snowy mountain peaks. He knocked, unsure of what was to happen next. A dwarven man answered. He was called Nomoz and he would be the boy’s new teacher. A teacher of something he called “The System”. (Is this a sex thing? This sounds like a sex thing.) The beastly man who drove him there then struck him. The boy recovered and demanded to know why he’d been assaulted. He was struck again. He was then answered. It was to show him how weak he was. His father had been a member of a secret order that dated back to the fourteenth century. He was called Azrael. And the boy would now take his place. Meanwhile, in Gotham City, Batman investigated the apartment that the “angel” had fallen from. He found new glass had been recently been installed. Outside, he found the clue he’d been hoping for, spent armor-piercing rounds. The Dark Knight then left a high-tech listening device behind in LeHah’s apartment to pick up anything else of interest. It didn’t take long. There were mumbling about someone or something named Dumas, an upcoming attack, and suitcase-sized warheads.

Nomoz dangled a medallion on a chain in font of the boy’s face. It was very intricately detailed. Nomoz told him that this was the crest of the ancient Order of Saint Dumas. His father and those that came before him had spent their lives in service to this order. But first, they must recall a type of training that had been implanted in the boy’s mind by his father since birth. (Can you imagine a baby pulling off extraordinary Kung-Fu moves while inside the womb? The poor mother! ) He would remember this only as odd dreams he’d had throughout his life. Back in Gotham, Batman spoke to Commissioner Gordon atop the police headquarters for information. This led him to the alleyways in search of this “angel’s” missing flaming sword. The vigilante discovered a grate that led to a stairway. Shining a small flashlight, the sword was discovered, crest of the Order of St. Dumas at the hilt! But even Batman knew nothing of this secretive order. For that, he’d need help. Back at the cabin, the boy was hypnotized by the swinging medallion. This would awaken The System inside of him and he would wake up transformed.

What happened next could only be described as Hell itself opened up inside the boy’s brain! His eyes then snapped open. The thug moved to strike him once more. But this time, he dodged instinctively and swept the goon’s legs out from under him! Nomoz told him that The System had done it’s job. Now he just needed to work his body to match his new skills. (If this was an 80’s movie, it’d be time for a montage scene. But this is my article, so hum the “Eye of the Tiger” on your own time.) Batman went to Oracle for the information he needed. Once she was a crimefighter like him, Batgirl. That was before the sadistic Joker severed her spine with a well-placed bullet. Now she operated as the “information person” with her high-tech computer system and uncanny intellect. Oracle had had trouble finding anything on the symbol that the Dark Knight had presented her with. But in typical Oracle fashion, she didn’t give up. She discovered that the Order of St. Dumas had began as part of the fabled Knights Templar and that they had splintered off of the main group after a disagreement. Their leader, Dumas, led them in the crusades where they acquired a vast wealth. The Order seemingly disappeared soon after. But maybe they weren’t gone after all, Batman mused.

The young man made his way up one of the snowy mountainside with Nomoz leading the way. They reached yet another building before dark. While Nomoz was presenting the boy with the garments he’d wear as the new Azrael, Batman had taken a private jet to the area. He’d overheard that known terrorists that were working with LeHah over a weaponry deal and were going to strike at this “Dumas”. The Dark Knight put two and two together and shot through the air at breathtaking speed to hopefully save a young man’s life. He and Alfred took a helicopter the rest of the way to the cabin. But too late! Terrorists appeared over the ridge, rocket launchers aimed at the small wooden building! Only seconds passed before the helicopter was caught in the intense explosion that decimated the entire cabin hideaway below!

To be continued…..

90s Comics, 90s Indy, 90s Indy Stuff, Uncategorized

Fun With Monsters

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I defy any of you to best me at the “Monster in my Pocket” game on the original Nintendo! Come at me, bro! That said, the “Monster in my Pocket” miniature figures began appearing in toy and department stores in 1990. They were colorful, detailed, and just plain awesome! They would continue to be produced until 1992 by Matchbox. For those of you that don’t know, these small rubber figurines depicted fantastic monsters ranging from folklore to mythology throughout the world. But enough with the history lesson. Let’s begin our look back at the first issue of their short-lived but amazing comic book series…..

In a dark and faraway castle, two of the world’s greatest monsters clash in a titanic struggle! The Warlock catches his longtime foe, the Vampire, in a ring of arcane power! But the Vampire is one step ahead and escapes by transforming his body into mist! That’s when the two finally halt their fight. They’re just too evenly matched. The Vampire reasons that the Warlock would have the monsters of the world conquer humanity now, while he doesn’t think the time is ripe and to wait awhile longer. Warlock agrees with this. Vampire continues that perhaps, rather than continuing their endless struggle, each of them will amass the biggest groups of the world’s most terrifying creatures and the leader with the largest number of followers will win the contest and implement his plan unheeded. The Warlock agrees and the two alpha monsters take their leave to begin recruiting. (Yeah, I know. The Vampire is obviously Count Dracula with a baldness problem and who the hell knows what the Warlock’s real name is. Why are their monikers so bland, you ask? The answer is simple: Dracula was offended by being turned into a colorful toy and threatened to sue. What an ass!)

The Vampire approaches the Werewolf first while the Warlock travels to Medusa’s temple, the hidden lair of the Phantom of the Opera, and to parts unknown to convince Great Beast itself to join his cause. The Vampire next finds and reasons with Frankenstein’s Monster and talks with the Mummy. This recruiting goes on and on until the monsters have raised their horrifying groups. They then meet at the secret point on Earth where evil was first born. (I’m guessing that’s somewhere in Iowa. What?! I was born and still reside in Iowa! Damn! Sensitive much?) As the hellish legions stare at one another across a great divide in the firey, rocky earth, the Vampire confers with the Mummy about how strangely the Warlock’s monsters are behaving. The Warlock turns to Medusa at this time and she admits that the Vampire has the numbers in his favor. Warlock simply asks a minion if the elements to his plan were in readiness. The two enemies then raise a toast before they begin counting. It’s then that a great flash occurs and all present are momentarily blinded as they’re engulfed in intense light!

The Vampire’s group of monsters awaken in darkness. For those not blessed with night vision, a gremlin lights a match to illuminate their surroundings. They all appear to be trapped, surrounded by strong walls! Cursing the Warlock for his obvious treachery, the Vampire tries to break them free. Nothing. But when it comes to superior strength, the Frankenstein Monster is nearly unmatched. He easily punches a hole through their prison wall. Looking about, they’re all surprised to find that their “prison” was no more than an overturned cardboard box and that they are only mere inches tall! To make matters worse, a stray cat has just discovered what it presumes to be an easy meal! Meanwhile, the Warlock and his band of creatures are discovering that they are in the same situation but in a completely different location! The master of arcane magic is outraged that his vampiric adversary would sink low enough to shrink him and his beastly cohorts. (Awww! Aren’t they cute? Question: How has everyone been meeting Medusa’s cursed gaze without becoming no more than stone statues? Ah! The writer didn’t expect my level of nerdy attention to detail! Fool!)

Back at Vampire’s camp, Werewolf howls in outrage that a mere house cat would threaten him! Against Vampire’s orders, he sprigs and attacks the feline! But alas, he’s knocked aside with a swift swipe from the cat’s clawed paw! The cat advances upon the fallen Werewolf! But the ground beneath it’s paws erupts with mud and sludge! Afraid the alley cat retreats! The Swamp Beast slowly emerges from the ground. They have all been saved from a grisly fate. Vampire decides that they need to escape to a safer place to think. Without warning, Frankenstein’s Monster throws the Mummy into the back of a parked pickup truck! He then motions for the others to climb the deceased Egyptian’s wrappings! They do so and plot as the titanic vehicle pulls away. Vampire asks if, should they discover a proper laboratory, Dr. Jekyll could perhaps reverse whatever has been done to them. Unsure, the doctor agrees to try. (A million New Kids on the Block advertisements later, we arrive at the next part of our tale. Sheesh!)

Later, after leaving the relative safety of the vehicle, the monsters round a fire hydrant the size of a large house. The Vampire is lost in thought by this time, worried for the fate of his monstrous companions. He pauses as the others walk on. He suddenly spies a woman’s ankle several times his size as a female pedestrian walks unknowingly overhead the Lord of the Undead! Unable to control his base instincts, he transforms into a miniscule bat and flies towards her exposed neck! As the others roar for him to stop, the Vampire bites down! Annoyed by this slight irritation, she smacks what she presumes to be a mosquito! The dazed Vampire plummets towards the sidewalk! Luckily, the Swamp Beast’s soft body breaks his fall! The monsters are covered with disgusting swamp muck as it flies everywhere! Still ravenous with hunger, Vampire runs after the woman, grabbing hold to one of her swiftly moving heels! The other monsters follow their leader, afraid for his very life! (Well, someone has a fetish! And for once, it’s not Quentin Tarantino! Ewww! But I digress. “Pulp Fiction” and “Reservoir Dogs” are the bomb, yo!)

But, in order to not only save his leader, but the others as well, Frankenstein’s Monster forcibly removes the Vampire from the woman’s person! The only damage done is a slit in her stockings from sharp vampiric fingernails. Regaining his senses, Vampire orders the monsters to take cover. He spies a jacket hanging from a rack in the clothing store they’re now in and orders them into the chest pocket. Unfortunately, this is the same jacket that’s purchased by a young teen moments later. The teen, Jack, flirts with the sales girl while she rings up his purchase. The monsters listen on while he shyly asks the girl out on a date. The girl, Tina, accepts and Jack puts on the jacket before he even leaves the store. He heads home soon after, a huge smile on his face. When Jack reaches his house, he rushes in the door, barely acknowledging his parents or his younger brother, Tom, on the way up the stairs to his bedroom. He absently tosses the garment over his desk chair as he prepares for his night out. He sits back then and hears complaints emanating from his new jacket’s pocket! (Watch out, Jack! There’s monsters in the pocket! See what I did there? You know? Like the toyline name…..I’m so underappreciated…..)

Jack investigates just as soon as the monsters exit the pocket. Instead of crying out in shock, Jack seems more curious and amused than anything. He asks who they are and how they got to be in his jacket pocket. But instead of answering, the Vampire attempts to mesmerize Jack with his hypnotic gaze. It fails miserably. But though his powers seem to be diminished at this size, the Frankenstein Monster still has a good portion of his strength! He leaps towards the teen’s face and punches him square in the nose! Shocked, Jack retreats from the monsters a bit. This only lasts for a moment before an argument begins between the Vampire and the human youth! Tom passes by his brother’s closed door and hears a commotion. He opens the door and witnesses his brother lying on his back on the carpet with a small army of miniature creatures attacking him! Tom looks to a bowl he was carrying a snack inside. Without thinking he lunges at the small creatures and covers them with the bowel, trapping them! (Bet you didn’t think an ancient monster’s main weakness was Tupperware! Drains them of their unholy abilities. And keeps them fresh! )

While Tom covers the dish with a lid and seals it shut, Jack briefly describes what all had occurred to his younger brother. Tom seems to take this strange story in stride. He lifts the bowl up and promises out loud to free the monsters should they vow to behave. They agree and are released. The Vampire explains to the two humans their plight and desperate need of a lab. Jack replies that he can take them all to his high school’s lab in the morning, but for now, he has a date. (Way to think only of your hormones there, Jack!) Tom agrees to look after them while Jack heads out. Tom sets them all in front of the television to keep them occupied. Oddly enough, it works! Jack leaves the house and jumps onto his motorcycle. He speeds off. But his exit doesn’t go unnoticed. The Warlock and Medusa watch his departure with keen interest from the bushes! While on his date, Jack stumbles over his words hopelessly. That’s when he begins to hear advice in his ear on how to woo the girl. The Vampire, having secretly tagged along, is hiding upon Jack’s shoulder! And though Jack ruins every poetic line he’s given, Tina finds him charming nonetheless.

Back at home, the monsters are interrupted from watching a late-night show by the sudden appearance of the Warlock’s face on the screen! He orders an attack! That’s when the other group of monsters burst from the device, shattering the screen as they do so! The Vampire’s group are surprised to discover that the Warlock’s monsters are shrunk down as well! Elsewhere, Jack receives a kiss at the end of his date. He’s walking on air when he returns to his home. But he is far from prepared from what he finds as he opens his bedroom door! Two armies of history’s most terrifying creatures are fighting a titanic war upon his bedspread! The Vampire leaves Jack’s pocket in mist form and pleads for Jack’s assistance! Looking around, the youth discovers a fly-swatter. Taking it in his hand, he attacks the enemy monsters! Unprepared for this onslaught, the Warlock calls for a tactical retreat! They then hastily escape from his open bedroom window. Jack and Tom’s father would later question the state of the wrecked television set. The boys would reply that the picture tube must have blown. Satisfied with this response, he leaves the brothers alone. It looks like things are about to get really interesting in their young lives!

End.

The Gimmick Era Has Never Been Covered So Well.