90s Comics, 90s DC, DC Comics, Uncategorized

Behold the Blazing Angel (part 1 of 4)

Leave a comment

I remember being really late to the party when it came to Azrael. By the time I learned about the character, he was already on his way to becoming the new Batman. This meant I’d missed his first appearance by quite a bit. So, rather than spending tons of my parents’ hard-earned cash on backissues, I did what any other cheap comic fan does, I bought the trade paperback. To say I was impressed with the character was an understatement! But you don’t want to read me droning on about the “Avenging Angel”. Let’s begin my look back at the miniseries that started it all with “Batman: Sword of Azrael” #1…..

The knight stood within the expensive Gotham City high-rise apartment. He had his flaming sword at the ready. His prey sat, clothed in nothing but a robe, in a leather chair. Considering the threat that stood before him, the man didn’t look afraid in the slightest. In fact, he looked mildly amused! The knight proclaimed that the man’s life was forfeit. He had been judged and the punishment was death by firey sword! The man smiled and replied that this wasn’t so. He pulled a handgun and aimed it at the knight. This was a shock. Surely he saw that the knight was armored. But shots were fired anyway in quick procession. To the knight’s surprise, the bullets passed straight through his chainmail and into the muscled flesh beneath! Blood sprayed the window behind him as he sank to the floor. He was mortally wounded. He knew it. The man rose and advanced with the weapon still drawn! He meant to finish the job! That’s when the knight swung upwards with his flaming sword and cut into the man’s arrogant face! Other men with automatic weapons burst into the room and fired! But rather than take further damage, the knight threw himself through the window, shattering the bloodied glass! (Wow! That was an action-packed beginning! I don’t blame the knight for not fearing the gun either. I was more afraid of that robe coming untied instead. Shudder!)

Controlling his fall as best as he could, the knight spied a large parade going on below him. It was for the city’s annual Founder’s Day if memory served him correctly. Seeing a banner hanging over the street, the knight grabbed hold and used it to swing onto the back of a horse marching in the parade. The horse nearly threw him as it reared up! People in the crowd panicked and began running. The scene was total chaos! The injured knight rode the animal a small distance before falling off near an alleyway. Gripping his bloody wounds, he entered the confined area as quietly as he could. He was seen by a homeless beggar that ran off, afraid of the knight’s flaming weapon most likely. (Yep. That’d do it for me. Man with a flaming sword spotted? Me walking hastily in the other direction. I’m way too pretty to die after all.) He continued along the alleyways, his blood flowing from his many wounds until he passed a concerned couple. They offered him their help when they saw the amount of blood. He waved them away with a blessing and continued along his path. The knight reached a door and knocked on it as he fell. He pulled off his helmet as the door was answered by a blonde youth in glasses. The boy exclaimed one word, “Father?!”

The young man stood vigil at his father’s side as he lie, very close to death, in the boy’s bed. The boy offered to fetch a doctor but his father refused. No-one must learn of the existence of Azrael. The boy will have to leave his corpse to be discovered by others. The knight’s son must find a package left for him and continue where he had failed. Before any more questions could be asked, the knight passed away. The youth cried out in horror and anguish as he was left alone in the room. Meanwhile, Bruce Wayne’s butler, Alfred, questioned his employer and friend. Usually the Batman didn’t concern himself with riots. What was different this time? Bruce replied that fourteen people lie injured while four others had perished. Bruce approached the grandfather clock and turned the hands. This opened the entryway to the Batcave. He continued that an angel had been spotted dropping into the parade from above, inciting the ensuing madness. Alfred recanted his earlier statement. This was in fact very much a Batman case. Bruce ignored the butler’s sarcasm as he walked to his large computer setup. He brought an image of a bullet-riddled armor plate that a police officer had found in the streets. It was soaked in blood. The second fact that interested Bruce was that the apartment above was owned by Carleton LeHah, a little-known manufacturer of exotic weaponry and ammunition. Ammunition that could even penetrate an “angel’s” armor. Bruce began suiting up. (Yeah. Just drop your drawers in mid-sentence there, Bruce. Honestly, poor Alfred.)

The young man opened the package as he was instructed. There was a phone number within. Calling it, some men arrived and took his father’s body away. Next, there was around fourty thousand dollars in the different currencies of several nations. Lastly, was a note that instructed him to go to a small airfield in Switzerland. After taking a plane from there, he was picked up and taken to a secluded cabin nestled within snowy mountain peaks. He knocked, unsure of what was to happen next. A dwarven man answered. He was called Nomoz and he would be the boy’s new teacher. A teacher of something he called “The System”. (Is this a sex thing? This sounds like a sex thing.) The beastly man who drove him there then struck him. The boy recovered and demanded to know why he’d been assaulted. He was struck again. He was then answered. It was to show him how weak he was. His father had been a member of a secret order that dated back to the fourteenth century. He was called Azrael. And the boy would now take his place. Meanwhile, in Gotham City, Batman investigated the apartment that the “angel” had fallen from. He found new glass had been recently been installed. Outside, he found the clue he’d been hoping for, spent armor-piercing rounds. The Dark Knight then left a high-tech listening device behind in LeHah’s apartment to pick up anything else of interest. It didn’t take long. There were mumbling about someone or something named Dumas, an upcoming attack, and suitcase-sized warheads.

Nomoz dangled a medallion on a chain in font of the boy’s face. It was very intricately detailed. Nomoz told him that this was the crest of the ancient Order of Saint Dumas. His father and those that came before him had spent their lives in service to this order. But first, they must recall a type of training that had been implanted in the boy’s mind by his father since birth. (Can you imagine a baby pulling off extraordinary Kung-Fu moves while inside the womb? The poor mother! ) He would remember this only as odd dreams he’d had throughout his life. Back in Gotham, Batman spoke to Commissioner Gordon atop the police headquarters for information. This led him to the alleyways in search of this “angel’s” missing flaming sword. The vigilante discovered a grate that led to a stairway. Shining a small flashlight, the sword was discovered, crest of the Order of St. Dumas at the hilt! But even Batman knew nothing of this secretive order. For that, he’d need help. Back at the cabin, the boy was hypnotized by the swinging medallion. This would awaken The System inside of him and he would wake up transformed.

What happened next could only be described as Hell itself opened up inside the boy’s brain! His eyes then snapped open. The thug moved to strike him once more. But this time, he dodged instinctively and swept the goon’s legs out from under him! Nomoz told him that The System had done it’s job. Now he just needed to work his body to match his new skills. (If this was an 80’s movie, it’d be time for a montage scene. But this is my article, so hum the “Eye of the Tiger” on your own time.) Batman went to Oracle for the information he needed. Once she was a crimefighter like him, Batgirl. That was before the sadistic Joker severed her spine with a well-placed bullet. Now she operated as the “information person” with her high-tech computer system and uncanny intellect. Oracle had had trouble finding anything on the symbol that the Dark Knight had presented her with. But in typical Oracle fashion, she didn’t give up. She discovered that the Order of St. Dumas had began as part of the fabled Knights Templar and that they had splintered off of the main group after a disagreement. Their leader, Dumas, led them in the crusades where they acquired a vast wealth. The Order seemingly disappeared soon after. But maybe they weren’t gone after all, Batman mused.

The young man made his way up one of the snowy mountainside with Nomoz leading the way. They reached yet another building before dark. While Nomoz was presenting the boy with the garments he’d wear as the new Azrael, Batman had taken a private jet to the area. He’d overheard that known terrorists that were working with LeHah over a weaponry deal and were going to strike at this “Dumas”. The Dark Knight put two and two together and shot through the air at breathtaking speed to hopefully save a young man’s life. He and Alfred took a helicopter the rest of the way to the cabin. But too late! Terrorists appeared over the ridge, rocket launchers aimed at the small wooden building! Only seconds passed before the helicopter was caught in the intense explosion that decimated the entire cabin hideaway below!

To be continued…..

90s Comics, 90s Indy, 90s Indy Stuff, Uncategorized

Fun With Monsters

Leave a comment

I defy any of you to best me at the “Monster in my Pocket” game on the original Nintendo! Come at me, bro! That said, the “Monster in my Pocket” miniature figures began appearing in toy and department stores in 1990. They were colorful, detailed, and just plain awesome! They would continue to be produced until 1992 by Matchbox. For those of you that don’t know, these small rubber figurines depicted fantastic monsters ranging from folklore to mythology throughout the world. But enough with the history lesson. Let’s begin our look back at the first issue of their short-lived but amazing comic book series…..

In a dark and faraway castle, two of the world’s greatest monsters clash in a titanic struggle! The Warlock catches his longtime foe, the Vampire, in a ring of arcane power! But the Vampire is one step ahead and escapes by transforming his body into mist! That’s when the two finally halt their fight. They’re just too evenly matched. The Vampire reasons that the Warlock would have the monsters of the world conquer humanity now, while he doesn’t think the time is ripe and to wait awhile longer. Warlock agrees with this. Vampire continues that perhaps, rather than continuing their endless struggle, each of them will amass the biggest groups of the world’s most terrifying creatures and the leader with the largest number of followers will win the contest and implement his plan unheeded. The Warlock agrees and the two alpha monsters take their leave to begin recruiting. (Yeah, I know. The Vampire is obviously Count Dracula with a baldness problem and who the hell knows what the Warlock’s real name is. Why are their monikers so bland, you ask? The answer is simple: Dracula was offended by being turned into a colorful toy and threatened to sue. What an ass!)

The Vampire approaches the Werewolf first while the Warlock travels to Medusa’s temple, the hidden lair of the Phantom of the Opera, and to parts unknown to convince Great Beast itself to join his cause. The Vampire next finds and reasons with Frankenstein’s Monster and talks with the Mummy. This recruiting goes on and on until the monsters have raised their horrifying groups. They then meet at the secret point on Earth where evil was first born. (I’m guessing that’s somewhere in Iowa. What?! I was born and still reside in Iowa! Damn! Sensitive much?) As the hellish legions stare at one another across a great divide in the firey, rocky earth, the Vampire confers with the Mummy about how strangely the Warlock’s monsters are behaving. The Warlock turns to Medusa at this time and she admits that the Vampire has the numbers in his favor. Warlock simply asks a minion if the elements to his plan were in readiness. The two enemies then raise a toast before they begin counting. It’s then that a great flash occurs and all present are momentarily blinded as they’re engulfed in intense light!

The Vampire’s group of monsters awaken in darkness. For those not blessed with night vision, a gremlin lights a match to illuminate their surroundings. They all appear to be trapped, surrounded by strong walls! Cursing the Warlock for his obvious treachery, the Vampire tries to break them free. Nothing. But when it comes to superior strength, the Frankenstein Monster is nearly unmatched. He easily punches a hole through their prison wall. Looking about, they’re all surprised to find that their “prison” was no more than an overturned cardboard box and that they are only mere inches tall! To make matters worse, a stray cat has just discovered what it presumes to be an easy meal! Meanwhile, the Warlock and his band of creatures are discovering that they are in the same situation but in a completely different location! The master of arcane magic is outraged that his vampiric adversary would sink low enough to shrink him and his beastly cohorts. (Awww! Aren’t they cute? Question: How has everyone been meeting Medusa’s cursed gaze without becoming no more than stone statues? Ah! The writer didn’t expect my level of nerdy attention to detail! Fool!)

Back at Vampire’s camp, Werewolf howls in outrage that a mere house cat would threaten him! Against Vampire’s orders, he sprigs and attacks the feline! But alas, he’s knocked aside with a swift swipe from the cat’s clawed paw! The cat advances upon the fallen Werewolf! But the ground beneath it’s paws erupts with mud and sludge! Afraid the alley cat retreats! The Swamp Beast slowly emerges from the ground. They have all been saved from a grisly fate. Vampire decides that they need to escape to a safer place to think. Without warning, Frankenstein’s Monster throws the Mummy into the back of a parked pickup truck! He then motions for the others to climb the deceased Egyptian’s wrappings! They do so and plot as the titanic vehicle pulls away. Vampire asks if, should they discover a proper laboratory, Dr. Jekyll could perhaps reverse whatever has been done to them. Unsure, the doctor agrees to try. (A million New Kids on the Block advertisements later, we arrive at the next part of our tale. Sheesh!)

Later, after leaving the relative safety of the vehicle, the monsters round a fire hydrant the size of a large house. The Vampire is lost in thought by this time, worried for the fate of his monstrous companions. He pauses as the others walk on. He suddenly spies a woman’s ankle several times his size as a female pedestrian walks unknowingly overhead the Lord of the Undead! Unable to control his base instincts, he transforms into a miniscule bat and flies towards her exposed neck! As the others roar for him to stop, the Vampire bites down! Annoyed by this slight irritation, she smacks what she presumes to be a mosquito! The dazed Vampire plummets towards the sidewalk! Luckily, the Swamp Beast’s soft body breaks his fall! The monsters are covered with disgusting swamp muck as it flies everywhere! Still ravenous with hunger, Vampire runs after the woman, grabbing hold to one of her swiftly moving heels! The other monsters follow their leader, afraid for his very life! (Well, someone has a fetish! And for once, it’s not Quentin Tarantino! Ewww! But I digress. “Pulp Fiction” and “Reservoir Dogs” are the bomb, yo!)

But, in order to not only save his leader, but the others as well, Frankenstein’s Monster forcibly removes the Vampire from the woman’s person! The only damage done is a slit in her stockings from sharp vampiric fingernails. Regaining his senses, Vampire orders the monsters to take cover. He spies a jacket hanging from a rack in the clothing store they’re now in and orders them into the chest pocket. Unfortunately, this is the same jacket that’s purchased by a young teen moments later. The teen, Jack, flirts with the sales girl while she rings up his purchase. The monsters listen on while he shyly asks the girl out on a date. The girl, Tina, accepts and Jack puts on the jacket before he even leaves the store. He heads home soon after, a huge smile on his face. When Jack reaches his house, he rushes in the door, barely acknowledging his parents or his younger brother, Tom, on the way up the stairs to his bedroom. He absently tosses the garment over his desk chair as he prepares for his night out. He sits back then and hears complaints emanating from his new jacket’s pocket! (Watch out, Jack! There’s monsters in the pocket! See what I did there? You know? Like the toyline name…..I’m so underappreciated…..)

Jack investigates just as soon as the monsters exit the pocket. Instead of crying out in shock, Jack seems more curious and amused than anything. He asks who they are and how they got to be in his jacket pocket. But instead of answering, the Vampire attempts to mesmerize Jack with his hypnotic gaze. It fails miserably. But though his powers seem to be diminished at this size, the Frankenstein Monster still has a good portion of his strength! He leaps towards the teen’s face and punches him square in the nose! Shocked, Jack retreats from the monsters a bit. This only lasts for a moment before an argument begins between the Vampire and the human youth! Tom passes by his brother’s closed door and hears a commotion. He opens the door and witnesses his brother lying on his back on the carpet with a small army of miniature creatures attacking him! Tom looks to a bowl he was carrying a snack inside. Without thinking he lunges at the small creatures and covers them with the bowel, trapping them! (Bet you didn’t think an ancient monster’s main weakness was Tupperware! Drains them of their unholy abilities. And keeps them fresh! )

While Tom covers the dish with a lid and seals it shut, Jack briefly describes what all had occurred to his younger brother. Tom seems to take this strange story in stride. He lifts the bowl up and promises out loud to free the monsters should they vow to behave. They agree and are released. The Vampire explains to the two humans their plight and desperate need of a lab. Jack replies that he can take them all to his high school’s lab in the morning, but for now, he has a date. (Way to think only of your hormones there, Jack!) Tom agrees to look after them while Jack heads out. Tom sets them all in front of the television to keep them occupied. Oddly enough, it works! Jack leaves the house and jumps onto his motorcycle. He speeds off. But his exit doesn’t go unnoticed. The Warlock and Medusa watch his departure with keen interest from the bushes! While on his date, Jack stumbles over his words hopelessly. That’s when he begins to hear advice in his ear on how to woo the girl. The Vampire, having secretly tagged along, is hiding upon Jack’s shoulder! And though Jack ruins every poetic line he’s given, Tina finds him charming nonetheless.

Back at home, the monsters are interrupted from watching a late-night show by the sudden appearance of the Warlock’s face on the screen! He orders an attack! That’s when the other group of monsters burst from the device, shattering the screen as they do so! The Vampire’s group are surprised to discover that the Warlock’s monsters are shrunk down as well! Elsewhere, Jack receives a kiss at the end of his date. He’s walking on air when he returns to his home. But he is far from prepared from what he finds as he opens his bedroom door! Two armies of history’s most terrifying creatures are fighting a titanic war upon his bedspread! The Vampire leaves Jack’s pocket in mist form and pleads for Jack’s assistance! Looking around, the youth discovers a fly-swatter. Taking it in his hand, he attacks the enemy monsters! Unprepared for this onslaught, the Warlock calls for a tactical retreat! They then hastily escape from his open bedroom window. Jack and Tom’s father would later question the state of the wrecked television set. The boys would reply that the picture tube must have blown. Satisfied with this response, he leaves the brothers alone. It looks like things are about to get really interesting in their young lives!

End.

90s Comics, 90s Marvel, Uncategorized

Hark the Heralds (part 6 of 6)

2 Comments

The time has finally arrived, Unspokenites! It’s the conclusion of my endless prattling about the “Silver Surfer: Herald Ordeal” storyline! Yay! I bet you’re all really jazzed that this amazing journey we’ve been on together is ending at last. You think you are?! I had to write every damn word of it! I tell you, some people only care about themselves. I’m sorry. You know I love you sexy, sexy nerds. Kisses!

The mighty Galactus sends metallic tendrils from his enormous ship to the very core of the nearby planet. It’s through this method that the ancient god feeds. But before the planet crumbles to nothingness, Morg stands there and watches the process with delight. It’s then that current Herald hears his name called out from behind. Turning, he sees the former Heralds hovering and powered up for battle! The Silver Surfer proclaims that this madness ends now. There will be no more senseless killing. Morg will be stopped here and now. (Gives you chills, huh? You wouldn’t believe my nipples right now!) Morg is not amused. He fires an energy blast from his weapon at the powerful quartet, nearly incinerating Terrax! The Surfer pulls Terrax free, saving his life! Terrax thanks his former enemy and says that, due to Morg’s advanced power, they haven’t a chance in a fight! The Surfer will have to convince Galactus himself to relinquish Morgs power! The Silver Surfer is not pleased, but he begrudgingly agrees, leaving the fight!

Air-Walker strikes first, connecting with the monster’s jaw with a powerful punch! Nova then descends and asks Terrax where the Silver Surfer has fled to. Terrax replies that he is off to save them all. In reply, Nova adds to Terrax’s power as they simultaneously blast Morg with the Power Cosmic! Meanwhile, the Surfer roars Galactus’ name, flying into the god’s ship. Galactus barely notices this intrusion, but does reply that the former Herald is no longer welcome here and should leave with haste. Otherwise, Morg will remove him forcefully. The cosmic hero replies that Morg is the subject to which he must be heard. Galactus turns his attention towards the Surfer. As their exchange begins, the battle continues outside with Morg pinning Firelord, his deadly axe raised! But before he can land a lethal blow, Nova fires upon him from behind and Air-Walker prepares for yet another strike at their common foe! (Anyone notice that when it came to the actual slugfest, the Silver Surfer didn’t fight too hard over being convinced to get lost? Cough…..wussy…..cough…..!)

Galactus fires energy from his eyes at the Surfer, but he blocks with energy from his clenched fist! Galactus, it seems, will not be told what to do! Back at the fight, Air-Walker smacks Morg’s axe from his grasp! He follows with another punch towards the face! But Morg easily dodges this time and tears Air-Walker’s arm from his body and strikes the automaton with it! (With his own arm?! That’s friggin’ metal, baby! No pun intended.) Back in the ship, the Silver Surfer blasts Galactus in his titanic eye! This enrages the ancient god! Outside, Morg nearly obliterates Air-Walker, using his own arm as a club! He’s stopped by an attack from both sides by the airborne forms of Firelord and Nova! Inside, Galactus uses his enormous hand to swat the hero again and again into the ship’s wall! Morg casts Nova far away with his power! He then picks up his weapon and advances upon Firelord with a menacing grin! The Surfer falls into Galactus’ outstretched hand. He stands up bravely and defiantly. This act finally gets the god to stop and listen.

Firelord raises his firey staff, ready for an attack. Morg strikes to quickly however! He knocks the staff far away and then follows with a deep wound to Firelord’s chest! In disbelief, he drops! Inside, Galactus speaks of how he has left many ex-Heralds, possessing the Power Cosmic, in his time. A mistake he will rectify right now…..with all of their deaths! Morg raises his axe to finish the job! But he hears Terrax gloat from behind that he shouldn’t concern himself with fodder. Terrax is the only one here worthy of a true fight! Morg appears intrigued. Back within the ship, as Galactus prepares to kill the Silver Surfer, he pleads one final time. If he doesn’t depower Morg, though the Surfer and his allies may fall this day, other heroes are sure to come. Galactus will not know a moments peace as long as his new Herald acts in his stead! Galactus’ eyes stop glowing. He speaks with two simple words, “Very well.” (Did you guys get whiplash from going back and forth from Galactus to Morg? You did? Umm. I’m sure it wasn’t from reading my article. Go sue someone else. Go sue Disney.)

While the two cosmic axes meet with a fierce clash outside, Galactus and the Silver Surfer exit the spacecraft. As they begin their descent toward the ongoing battle, Terrax’s axe suddenly shatters! Terrax is shocked enough that it allows Morg time to follow with a forearm to the face! Terrax falls! Morg prepares to then behead his new enemy! But, as the Surfer yells out in terror, a returning Nova blasts the axe away! (Man, this guy hasn’t decapitated a single person this whole issue. Poor guy. It’s really messed up when people interrupt others when they’re trying to enjoy their hobbies.) The Surfer lands and asks for an update on his comrades’ wellbeing. As Nova does as asked, no-one sees as Morg picks up his fallen weapon! The Surfer cries out once again, but it’s all too late. Nova is cut down! She falls into the Silver Surfer’s arms and perishes there. An enraged Silver Surfer powers up to his max and approaches a happily awaiting Morg! But before this battle can begin, Galactus puts a gigantic hand between the two as he roars for this to stop this very minute! The two Heralds look up to the angered god!

It was Nova’s murder that made up Galactus’ mind. The ancient god told Morg as such as he stripped the madman of the Power Cosmic that he had gifted him. Morg roared in outrage as he was depowered. Galactus then took his leave. The Surfer wasted no time. He attacked Morg with an energy blast before he could do the same! However, Morg still had enough might to triumph. He blocked the attack! But before he could retaliate, Terrax hammered him in the back of his skull with his fist! Not to be undone yet, Morg throws Terrax into the Surfer! That’s when a one-armed Air-Walker grabbed hold of the monster and held him while a recovered Firelord and Terrax shot him with powerful blasts again and again! The Surfer soon joins them with his own power! Terrax waits for Morg to fall before he picks up his axe. He raises Morg’s own weapon to finish him off! The Surfer tries to stop him from ending the villain’s wretched life, but too late! As the blade sinks into hardened flesh, there’s a gigantic explosion! (Finally, someone hits with an axe blow! Am I right, folks? Damn!)

Not too long after, Morg’s smoking skeleton lies with the axe still wedged where his heart once was! Terrax removes it for himself. Galactus, momentarily interested, turns to finally leave. But he’s stopped by Firelord. If Galactus will reform his old friend, Air-Walker, they will both serve as Heralds, locating unpopulated world’s for the god to feast upon. Galactus agrees after a short moment of contemplation. Galactus leaves as the remaining Heralds place Nova’s corpse upon the Silver Surfer’s board. They send her off into a nearby sun. Firelord and Air-Walker say their farewells and then leave with the ever-hungry ancient one. Terrax and the Surfer make an uneasy pact to leave one another to their own business. Terrax then flies off himself. This leaves only the Silver Surfer on the barren world. Alone, he mourns the true hero here today. The one who gave her very life. Nova.

End.

The Gimmick Era Has Never Been Covered So Well.