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No Contest: The Story of Artemis (part 1 of 5)

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Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman. They are and have always been DC Comics’ Trinity. But in the 90’s, even they weren’t safe from drastic change it seemed. Batman was seemingly crippled for life by a powerful foe called Bane and put into a wheelchair. And Superman was thought to be beaten to death by a behemoth known only as Doomsday. The question on everyone’s mind was: Who’s next?! Wonder Woman was the next likely target. And what happened to the Princess of Themyscira you may ask? Our tale begins here…..

P.S. For more on Artemis, check out the “Unspoken Issues” podcast on the subject: https://youtu.be/eesKJgtqRZ0?si=ZxIcWaJzNHw0SemN! Enjoy!

As Wonder Woman stood on the shores of Paradise Island, an eerie silence surrounded her. She had fought, and fought hard to free her homeland from the hordes of the sorceress, Circe, but for what? Only to walk this beautiful landscape all alone? Where were the other Amazons? (And did they still offer free shipping along with a subscription to Prime?) As she pondered all of this, she suddenly caught a shimmer of light from behind her! Instinctively, she turned with her defensive bracelets at the ready! A single arrow shattered upon them at what would have been heart level! Examining the arrowhead quickly, she determined that it was of Amazonian design! But before Wonder Woman could think further on the subject, she heard several sets of footsteps approaching. She readied herself for further attacks! But the attacks never came. Instead, she was greeted by several Amazonian sisters, overjoyed to see their Princess returned to them! They rushed her playfully.

To say that the Princess of Themyscira was happy to see her sisters was an understatement. So pleased was she that she soon put the recent attack to the back of her mind. As she walked with the others, they told tale of a many-year war that was fought upon this very land against daemonic warriors! And though the Amazons had emerged victorious in the end, much of the beautiful architecture there had been ruined. Diana approached the throne room of her mother, Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons. She knelt out of respect. Her mother motioned for her to rise. Hippolyta wasted no time in stating that though only a short time had seemed to pass to her daughter, many years had passed here! And these years weren’t without incident either. Not only had the warrior women repelled a daemon invasion, they had been forced to battle another tribe of Amazons as well! (It’s rainin’ women! Hallelujah! It’s rainin’ women! Amen!) These were the daughters of Hippolyta’s own misguided sister, corrupted by the world of man and further changed by Circe’s false promises!

The war between the two tribes lasted for two bloody days until Circe’s master plan became evident. She appeared in the skies, cackling as she proclaimed her ultimate triumph over the immortal women of Paradise Island! The entire island shook and rumbled as it disappeared into another dimension! A dimension of darkness and daemons! Now, the two tribes of women were forced to put their petty differences aside and fight a common foe! For what seemed like an eternity, the two tribes fought as one against the evil creatures until finally, the battle was won. Queen Hippolyta’s Amazons rewarded the other tribe of women a part of Themyscira as their own, forgetting their short alliance with Circe. (Mighty nice to reward them with a tiny bit of land on the isle that’s their rightful home in the first place. Women! Am I right, fellas? Jeez!) The tale ended. But before Diana could say much in return, her mother admitted that this had all occurred during the span of a decade! Wonder Woman was beside herself with shock!

A small time passes as mother and daughter converse. Finally, the Queen asks how Diana’s mission to free women and children from their evil, male oppressors and stop violence has been going in the World of Man. (D’oh! Somebody’s gonna be a bit disappointed. Hey! I’m a man and I’m deeply offended by how absolutely correct the Queen’s beliefs are.) The Princess looks a bit embarrassed, but replies that the problem is harder to conquer than originally thought, though she has been working towards this goal with the best of her ability. Hippolyta’s answer to this is to go silent and look down. Moments pass before she replies. So, essentially nothing has been accomplished? Her time amongst the men has been an absolute waste. An excuse to go adventuring and nothing more. She then finishes her thought by stating how deeply disappointed she is in Diana.

Little more is said before Diana leaves the throne room. She wanders the beautiful isle of Themyscira a bit by herself, deep in thought. She even watches a pottery class to try and calm her nerves. It accomplishes little in that regard. When the class is ended, she walks with an old friend of hers and chats about her thoughts. But this is soon interrupted as an arrow suddenly hits a tree between the two Amazons! Now angry at these unprovoked attacks, Wonder Woman enters the forest to find her attacker. She discovers a small group of unknown Amazonian warriors. The one in the middle has ankle-length red hair and carries a bow. The red-head demands to know why Diana is in these woods. It is typical of Hippolyta’s warriors to wander off and go where they please it seems. Diana ignores this insult and states that she doesn’t like being used as target practice. The red-headed Amazon merely looks amused at this. (Look at that red-head’s legs…..sorry. I’m into the story. I am! Legs…..) Wonder Woman continues that this behavior is an outrage since her mother has shown them such charity after their betrayal! The red-head looks enraged at this!

She roars back that they were forced to ally themselves with Circe to regain the birthright of their immortality and then were forced into a war alongside their hated enemy to fight daemons for ten years. And when that was over? They were “gifted” a small, inhospitable part of the island for doing most of the fighting. One of the other Amazons calls the red-head Artemis as she comments that perhaps the Princess would like to join their archery contest? Now angry, Diana takes a bow and fires at the target quickly. As expected, a perfect bullseye. But then her arrow is split in half by a second arrow! Shocked, Diana turns to see the smirk on this Artemis’ face as she lowers her own bow. Just then, one of the Princess’ friends bursts through the brush with a frantic look on her face! She looks to Diana as she says that the Queen has called for a second Contest. She wants to choose a new Wonder Woman! (Oh! Snap!)

To be continued…..

90s Comics, 90s DC, DC Comics, Uncategorized

Bird of Prey Reborn

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Sometimes the cover actually does make the book. Or at least it grabs your attention enough to read it. That’s pretty much the way it was in 1993 for me and the Hawkman poster above. It had been plastered to my local comic shop’s window for almost a month, and the owner was getting tired of me asking when the comic would finally be released. Now, I’d been reading older comics about Hawkman for nearly a year or so at this time, so I was interested in the upcoming title anyway. But this image was the frosting on a cake I was already going to devour. (And I’m diabetic, so you know I’m deadly serious! ) Anyway, it finally came out and the comic store owner even gave me the poster when I bought my copy. Over time, I’ve fallen in and out of interest with the character like most fans. But this issue will always be special to me because of the memories it brings back. That’s what a good book should always do in my opinion. That said, on to my look back at “Hawkman” #1…..

He perched atop a tall, decrepit building. To those passerbys lost in their own thoughts, he would appear as nothing more than a strange gargoyle. But to those who peered closer, they would see that this “gargoyle” peered back! He called to the creatures of the Earth for their aid this night. Their spirits would strengthen him. But mostly, he called to the predators. For that was what he was searching for tonight in these dangerous city streets…..prey. It didn’t take long to find what he was hunting for. He saw the gunman before he heard the gunshots. The man stood upon a nearby rooftop. He had hostages and fired blindly at a police helicopter. Not far from this hectic scene, a different man and his female companion were about to be attacked by murderous muggers in a dark alleyway. It was time. Unfurling his large, metallic wings, he shot up into the air at an incredible speed. He thanked the animals of the world for their power. But mostly, he thanked the spirit of the hawk. (And I thank the Titmouse for hours of hysterical laughter at the mere mention of his name. Yeah. I’m extremely immature. Surprised?)

The man with the gun demanded that the police bring him his child and his wife. He blamed the city for taking away his son and for his wife leaving him as a result. If they didn’t comply, he would begin killing his hostages! On the ground, the Police Superintendent asked to be briefed on the situation. An officer replied that the man had nearly beaten his son to death and that social services had stepped in and taken the boy and his wife into protective custody. Even if they weren’t terrified, they’d never make it here before he grew impatient and began executing the hostages. To make matters worse, the entrance to the rooftop had been blocked. The crazed man began to count to ten. But before he could get to nine, he was yanked into the air by powerful arms and deposited into police custody below! The police cheered but Hawkman had no time for this. He soared onto the next impending crime. (I’m still in awe at just how badass Hawkman looks! Forgive me as my nerdy self drools!)

The woman pleaded that they had already given the thugs everything they had, couldn’t they just let them go? In reply, a knife was drawn by one thief as another held the male victim still! It seemed that these criminals didn’t want the couple in their neighborhood because of the dark color of their skin. They were going to make an example out of them! Hawkman flew in and connected with a fist to the knife-weilder’s jaw! The other man pulled a gun and fired frantically at the dark hero! Hawkman used his metal wings to deflect the shots! He then threw a well-aimed shuriken into the gunman’s hand, forcing him to release the woman and his grip on the firearm! Hawkman then followed up this attack by knocking the blade-armed mugger unconscious as he snuck up from the rear with a nunchuck to the face! The gunman then pulled a knife of his own and came running at the winged vigilante! This attack was easily blocked by three long blades that slid from Hawkman’s gauntlet! (Holy God! He’s half Wolverine! Can this guy get any cooler?!)

The winged avenger then used his claws to knock the weapon aside and followed up by pinning the criminal by his earring to the wall with one of the claws! He waited as fear flowed through the racist thug. And just as it seemed the man would faint, the hero used his free hand to strike a blow to the other man’s temple, rendering him unconscious. (Okay, forget the Punisher! This is your new brutal antihero! As a man with two earrings, I nearly wet myself just reading this part! Let alone if it had happened to me personally!) The couple thanked him profusely as he took flight once again. The news was buzzing that night. Was this Hawkman the original, Golden Age hero by the same name, or perhaps the alien Hawkman that came to Earth in modern times from the planet Thanagar? Was this hero perhaps a new man altogether? To find out, a reporter was sent live to the last place the Thanagarian hero was seen, the strange place called the Netherworld. Only moments passed before the signal was lost, leaving the reporter alone with this place’s odd residents and fearful for his life!

The denizens of Netherworld were less than helpful. These often misunderstood creatures were different to say the least. They didn’t fit in with ordinary-looking human beings, so they took refuge here for safety and for a place to belong. They distrusted the outside world and feared it. When one of the beings that lived here, a cat-like female named Feralyce, heard the name Hawkman spoken aloud, she became instantly agitated and lept to enter the “real world” to locate him. Another resident stopped her, and tried to talk some sense into the feline young woman. After all, unless the people of Netherworld wore spandex and operated as either superheroes or villains, they were not accepted. Searching for this new Hawkman would put not only her in danger, but everyone here. (Sounds like entering the outside world directly from a comic convention.) Feralyce roared that the Hawkman she knew had saved her life and then vanished. If this was him, she must go to him. She must know the truth. She is eventually stopped however and another resident looked to the frightened reporter.

The man begins questioning the reporter as to why he came there, but his answer is interrupted by a sudden explosion! An armored man, floating upon discs and armed with high-tech weaponry, then flew into the Netherworld, opening fire upon everyone there without a care for who he killed! The people had heard of him. He was called Deadline and operated as a superpowered hitman! But who would want the people here dead bad enough to hire him? Seeing his chance, the reporter saw that his signal was back and began reporting the carnage! (Trust a reporter to really care about their fellow human beings. I mean, look at Lois Lane. Witch. Clark should be with Lana Lang!) As this terrible scene is broadcasted throughout the city, a local busboy takes particular notice as he cleans the tables at a popular diner. He immediately stops his work and sprints off as his boss threatens him with losing this low-paying job. The man then burst through the diner’s alleyway door and lept into the air! He landed atop a nearby roof and kept running! He finally came to a halt as he reached an abandoned church. He entered the darkness and was met by a growl from a wolf in the shadows! The man calmed the beast and pulled a set of armor from between the destroyed pews. Within moments, the new Hawkman stood in his place!

Back at Netherworld, Deadline continues his vicious assault! He stops momentarily to state that he personally doesn’t care one bit who lives or dies there tonight. He was paid well to remove them from the area one way or another. But before he can continue his speech, Feralyce springs from a rooftop, claws at the ready! But the hitman teleports away, leaving her to drop to the unforgiving concrete below! (I guess that disproves the whole myth about landing on their feet, huh? More like the neck. Too soon?) He aims, ready to end her life. Just then, Deadline feels a disturbance in the air behind his head! He turns to look, but seemingly too late. Hawkman strikes! However, the hitman is still faster and becomes intangible right before he teleports away from the punch! Deadline reappears and looks to the winged avenger. He admits that he was actually sent to this place tonight for him! Hawkman merely replies that he knows. The hero strikes with a quick swing of his nunchuck, smashing the barrel of the assassin’s rifle! Deadline doesn’t look pleased. He continues that his employer wants to know this new Hawkman’s identity bad enough to pay for news of it whether he lives or dies in the process!

The villain’s next attack was to fire exploding projectiles at Hawkman. And while the hero blocked with his wings so that they’d explode with his body safe within their metallic embrace, Deadline approached with a long knife to behead the winged one as he was stunned! Not so fast! Hawkman let out his three metal claws from his gauntlet at lightning speed and blocked the blade before a drop of blood could be spilled! (SNIKT! Sorry. I think I’ll read some Wolverine comics next. Why? I have my reasons.) He followed with a well-aimed kick, but Deadline laughed as he became intangible once again! But this time it was expected! Before the assassin could completely disappear, Hawkman swung his nunchuck not at the villain, but at the discs he hovered upon! The hovering devices caved inwards and Deadline came tumbling down toward the street! Now unable to concentrate enough to teleport away once again, the hero grabbed Deadline by his armor and rammed him into a nearby brick wall with tremendous force! Pinning the hitman, Hawkman began to speak through gritted teeth.

He spat out the words with malice that he was hunting those who feared the Hawkman name. The best way to call these men out was to become Hawkman. He then demanded to know the killer’s employer’s name. Deadline declined in terror. Hawkman threatened to drop him down to the enraged people of Netherworld below if he didn’t talk! Needless to say, he answered with the name, Johnny Van Overloop. (Dorky name for a villain, but what do I know? I’ve only forced others to watch that “Madame Web” movie with me on repeat. That’s right! I’m sick, man!) Hawkman struck the villain’s skull, knocking him out and carried him away with swift, razor-sharp wings. As he flew overhead, the denizens of the city below demanded to know which Hawkman he was. He simply replied that he was the current one. And then, just like that, he was gone. The man who asked the question turned to the awakening Feralyce as she sniffed the air. Surely her heightened sense of smell could answer what the winged vigilante would not. She replied with a grin that he was exactly who he said he was. He was Hawkman. That was all that they needed to know.

End.