Tag Archives: 90s comics

Death Is What Happens While You’re Making Other Plans-Exiles Pt.1

Hello there, Legions of the Unspoken!  We hope you enjoyed the Super Blog Team Up and all that goes with it!  I am still sifting through the great offerings myself!  it’s truly an honor to be a part of something so great!  I already cannot wait for four months to pass so we can play with those cats again!

We have decided to dedicate this month, though, to the independent publishers of the 90’s, in what we are calling Indie February!  What a cosmic storm of creativity it took to come up with that title!  For real, though, we didn’t want to fancy up a title and draw any attention away from the great indie work that we are covering!

I think it might be impossible to explain just how hot comic books were at one time in the 90’s, but to say that the center of the sun was the only thing hotter is not only an appropriate thing to imagine, but I am sure it was literally true.

This is what comic book stores looked and felt like in the 90’s.

The state of the industry meant that those of us who were there got to see lots of comic book companies spring up, some for better and some for worse. No matter how bad someone perceived a Dagger Comics to be, though, their existence and the constant explosion of new comic book companies and universes made for an era of excitement.  This part of the 90’s felt like anything could happen.  We felt like any comic book company could just be the next Image or Valiant, as unlikely as that would be.  That feeling, though, is what led my friends and I to constantly scribble ideas or doodle images in our notebooks.

Some companies got involved in creating the atmosphere that predated the era altogether.  One of those companies was Malibu Comics, a stalwart publisher that was born as a black and white publisher in the late 1980’s, which was not a great time to attempt to break into comics as a black and white company.  They came onto the scene following a glut of black and white material flooding the market in the wake of the huge success of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  Malibu, however, due to some luck and the hard work of guys like Tom Mason, Chris Ulm, Scott Rosenberg, Dave Olbrich, and many others, kept their operation afloat, and eventually became fairly successful.  I knew what Malibu Comics was before I got into comics, although my knowledge of them was fuzzy.  Not as fuzzy as the soup my brother made three weeks ago that lurks in the back of my refrigerator trying to kill me, but fuzzy enough that I would only claim cognizance of their existence and no more had I been asked.

Malibu also holds the honorable distinction of being the original publishers of Image Comics.  I think Image would have been a success regardless of whether they immediately published themselves or had been with Malibu for the year that they were, but I do feel as though the year that Image spent with Malibu helped ease their transition into the world of comic book publishing.  Eventually Image would leave the Malibu umbrella, but Malibu had been preparing, and they gave us the Ultraverse!  They let us know the Ultraverse was coming, not just via house ads in trades, Wizard, and other comic book magazines, but they let the whole world know by buying TV commercials!

One of the many things that I find gets glossed over when it comes to the explosion of new universes and imprints in the 90’s gets touched upon in this commercial – how exciting it felt for the fans to get in on the ground floor of a universe.  It wasn’t that the DC and Marvel Universes weren’t cool, but for my young friends and I who were into comic books, we wanted something that could “be ours.”  We had fun learning the character histories and rivalries within the DC and Marvel Universes, but to be there when it all started was a fun all its own.  We didn’t know what would be the next big universe, whether it was Triumphant, Lightning, or a revamped Now! Comics.  Malibu seized this feeling with their Ultraverse by telling us directly that not only was this going to be a big deal, but we could get in now.  They come across, and I mean this in a complimentary fashion, as a 90’s Marvel Bullpen Bulletins in their self-promotion.  To be reading Ultraverse comics would place one in an echelon unreachable for comics fans who were only attempting to belong to a not-so-exclusive club called “EVERYONE.”

Malibu and all the parties involved built a world full of fantastic characters, concepts, and settings that made for a very interesting shared universe.  The creators and the company worked hard to keep everything straight, fun, exciting, and most importantly, built to last.

Except one team.  One team…was built to die.

Exiles #1 - Page 1
He’s doing the twist, but he’s doing it in the 90’s, so it’s EXTREME!

The first time I heard or saw anything of The Exiles, the Ultraverse wasn’t around, and Image Comics was still under the Malibu Comics umbrella.  I was a huge Protectors fan, and I saw two different house ads in those books for a book called Exiles.  This book was seemingly just going to be a part of Malibu.  There’s nary a mention of the Ultraverse.  There’s nothing about Hardcase, Prime, or even NM-E!  There was a house ad with just Exiles, and then there was a promo poster that I feel greatly solidifies the Exiles as having been conceived as properties of Malibu proper.

You just know Evil Ernie killed everyone on this poster mere moments later.
You just know Evil Ernie killed everyone on this poster mere moments later.

There in the lower right we see Exiles.  There’s Ghoul, Tinsel, and basically everyone in the group but Deadeye.  Of course, you don’t know who any of these folks are yet!  (Maybe you do; I mean, I dunno if who is reading this right now has read this book or not.  I shouldn’t claim such knowledge!) You don’t even know who Amber Hunt is.  But here’s a hint as to who she is – she’s sort of a bitch.

Notice how Amber’s word balloon when she says “maybe” has those icicles that everyone knows signify that this lady is unpleasant, in the same way drinking swamp water is unpleasant.  She reminds me of that popular girl from high school.  You know the one.  The one who was attractive, self-centered, and expected you to dote on her because she was attractive and self-centered.  If the girl I knew in high school is reading this, I just want to ask her, why?  I mean, you hate comic books.  You told me so EVERY DAY.

Whew!  Guess I need to let it go.  Or I need to congratulate Tom Mason, the late Steve Gerber, Chris Ulm, Dave Olbrich, Paul Pelletier, and Ken Branch for doing such a fantastic job on creating Amber Hunt, because that’s pretty much the reaction they are looking for.  I guess it is possible I am just an easy audience as well, but I’d rather just call them geniuses.  I bet they feel the same way.

I also want to salute them for the arrows showing folks the progression of the panels.  Many times, I hear my pals who don’t read comic books bemoan not knowing “how to read” comic books, or complaining that “I don’t understand the order in which the panels are supposed to be read.”  Actually, most of my pals end that last sentence in a preposition, but the point is this is an impediment for those who have those issues.  And I don’t begrudge the folks who say those things; it can be a legitimate complaint.  If I read panels in the wrong order, though, I just re-read them in the proper order.

Now for some action!  To make up for biology being boring, Amber Hunt gets a full-on superhero (should I say “Ultra” here?) brawl right outside her high school!

This is what my high school parking lot looked like every day, but there was MORE spandex.
This is what my high school parking lot looked like every day, but there was MORE spandex.

Look, I will be the first to admit that there at least a dozen dudes who look like Deadeye.  They had the big gun.  They had the cyborg eye.  They had the big build.  AND I LOVED THEM ALL.  First off, just ask Emily, the amazing editor of this site (also my girlfriend and a great contributing author here!) about my obsession with cyborg eyes.  You will never believe the amount of time I have spent going on and on to her, my brother, my friends, light poles, non-shady housecats, and anyone/anything who will listen (or just can’t move) about how amazing cybernetic eyes are.  They are just amazing, and I want one the very second that technology catches up to give me that.  I figure I can just pay for it with the eye I am giving up to have the cybernetic eye implanted.  That’s why I have to be first, you see, because regular eyes will be dropping in value the way your NES did when the SNES came out.  Point being, cybernetic eyes are great, so Deadeye is great to me.

Also, I only have two regrets about the Sinister Supreme Soviet, and one is that he isn’t covered in hammers, sickles, and CCCP in block letters.  The other you will see later.  For now though, you have to understand that our heroes and the Sinister Supreme Soviet are both after the same thing – Amber Hunt.

That’s right, the snotty homecoming queen is the object that these forces are fighting over, and she does not really care for it one bit.

Exiles #1 - Page 4

Exiles #1 - Page 6
That arrow on his chest is not pointing to his head because Trax is a genius.
Exiles #1 - Page 9
I like how Amber Hunt believes the proper recourse to deal with kidnappers is civil court. Aw, honey, kidnappers go to jail.

 I am not normally one to be on the side of a young lady like Amber Hunt, but I will say that she probably deserved better than just being taken away in the middle of an ULTRA fight right outside her biology class.  Deadeye has her over his shoulder like he is a Visigoth that just conquered Rome and she is his booty.  That doesn’t engender Amber Hunt to trust these folks, and she already wasn’t nice.  They should have planned this out better.  Then again, perhaps the Sinister Supreme Soviet gave them little choice.

Now that she has been apprehended, it’s time for someone to explain to Amber Hunt exactly what is going on, which is nice, seeing how a cyborg manhandled her.  Also, something tells me she probably isn’t as enamored with Deadeye’s cybernetic eye as I am.  The Exiles also decided to blindfold Hunt, and then they make sure the first thing she sees is comforting.

Or they make sure the first thing she sees is their teammate Ghoul, who is basically a dead guy who looks like The Creature from the Black Lagoon ate a graveyard salad.

Exiles #1 - Page 10
Look, you put the blindfold on her; you do not get to then tell her how much better it is now that you have taken it off of her.
Exiles #1 - Page 11
As much as I dislike Amber Hunt, Dr. Deming is being very evasive. I’d be upset as well.
Exiles #1 - Page 12
Now De. Deming GUILT-TRIPS THE TEENAGER SHE JUST KIDNAPPED! Never mind all the bad stuff I said about you, Amber Hunt; I am totally on your side now.

 Dr. Deming is sort of going about this all wrong, and that surprises me.  Not because she is somehow bereft of potential to be mean, but because she has done this before!  How could she be so bad at getting folks acclimated to their new surroundings after being kidnapped?  Of course, she did convince Deadeye, Tinsel, and Trax to join up, so perhaps she knows more about this than I do…

Malcolm Kort is the mastermind bad guy in this series, and I love him.  He has the big office requisite of the corporate villains of the late 80’s and early 90’s.  I also approve his hair as being delightfully appropriate for a corporate villain.  However, I do disapprove of one thing he does.  Remember when I told you that there was only one thing I regretted about the Sinister Supreme Soviet?  That regret is that he is gone so quickly.

Exiles #1 - Page 17

Exiles #1 - Page 16
Kort misunderstands communism, but I will admit that for someone who talks up the USSR all the time, SSS is very concerned with capital. When he isn’t talking about hating it, he is talking about wanting some. Triple S sounds cooler than SSS; I’d say I would call him Triple S from now on, but he’s gonna be dead in a page or three, so what’s the point?
Exiles #1 - Page 18
At least if Kort had kidnapped Amber Hunt, she would have gotten an explanation of what is going on. I mean, he’s a murderer, but at least he is a better host than Deming.
Exiles #1 - Page 20
I can’t judge him for keeping the creepy hand; I’d have done the same thing. How can one be a dastardly villain without macabre trophies?


The Exiles have a purpose though, and said purpose isn’t just stopping sleazeball supreme Malcolm Kort; they are sort of like the X-Men, in that they want to find youngsters with this Theta Virus and train them to use and control their power.  That’s what the Beta Team Tinsel was talking about is doing.  Sadly enough, though, Malcolm Kort is doing the same thing.  Of course, when he has his goons kidnap kids with the Theta Virus, they are kind enough to introduce themselves.

Exiles #1 - Page 22
How long does Bloodbath spend on that hair everyday? It sticks up and it has the long braids? I guess he does have to maintain the pristine aesthetic appeal that goes with being a villain named Bloodbath.

The kid is named Timothy Halloran, and as you can see, he is in big trouble.  Bloodbath is truly not be messed with.  I recall when I got this issue back in the day, I was so upset because they had taken my name.  I had a villain named Bloodbath, and he was so much cooler, better, and (insert the hyperbolic and egotistical self-inflation of a 14-year old here) than what this guy was.  Incidentally, he was also the first Ultraverse card I ever got, so I know that Tom Mason, Dave Olbrich, and the rest of the gang basically just did this to spite me.  There’s no denying it, fellas!

Timothy was just taking out the trash and minding his own business when all this started.  Things don’t get better when the Theta Team turns up because, as you will see as we keep going in this series, the Exiles don’t really know what they are doing, and it costs everyone.  It costs the people they try to help, the people they try to stop, and ultimately it will cost the Exiles.

In the meantime, this Theta Team rides in on cool skycycles and attempts to save Timothy.

I see Timothy's hand and all I can think of is the Violent Femmes.  "Big hands, I Know You're the One"!
I see Timothy’s hand and all I can think of is the Violent Femmes. “Big hands, I Know You’re the One”!

As has already been stated, the Exiles just do not know what they are doing.  Take Mustang.  He has a cool electrocution style power, but he just has no clue how or when to use it.  He and Catapult (who is good at throwing things)  comprise the Beta Team taking on Bloodbath and Bruut, and they fail in the same way that the Arch Deluxe failed.  Spectacularly.

I love the subtext of the comic book, in that we rarely see the character talking about their failures, but instead, we see them as headstrong.  They don’t know how bad they are sometimes, and they don’t know that they don’t know.  That’s the dangerous part.  In our world, which (sadly) has a dearth of cyborgs and supreme Soviet mercenaries to kill us, a lack of knowledge can still be insanely dangerous and/or fatal.  In the Ultraverse, it can be even worse, because lack of knowledge in conjunction with power means innocents get hurt.

Exiles #1 - Page 28

See that?  They just proved how hapless they are, and their only thought is to go and re-tackle the guy who just manipulated them into killing an innocent.  Not just any innocent, but the MOTHER of the kid they were sent here to, well, kidnap.

Bless their hearts.

Their ineptitude does not stop them from sporting a fun pose on a badass cover to #2.  I am a sucker for dynamic poses.  It’s the 90’s kid in me!  Hell, it’s just the cool kid in me!  I never get why folks hate dynamic poses so much.  I especially like it when people tell me “no one stands like that”.  Of course they don’t.  That’s sort of why I am reading a superhero comic book, bro, y’know, so I can see THE IMPOSSIBLE.

Exiles #2 - Page 1
The “Featuring Bloodbath” blurb reads like that is something that has been added to laundry detergent or something. Like this is “Tide w/Bloodbath.”

The Exiles continue down their path of ineptness, and it is comically predictable.  These guys are a secret paramilitary group who were just involved in major property damage and a murder, and yet they seem surprised when San Diego’s finest arrive on the scene to investigate what is going on.

Also, notice Catapult’s sort of blase attitude about the fact that Timothy’s mother was just killed due to their carelessness.  Again, we are seeing little signs that while these guys have power, they do not have what it takes to be heroes.  That saddens me, but it also makes perfect sense.  I have always enjoyed the Guy Gardner character, and one of the primary reasons for that is because he is one of the few super nice/super mean people to ever get super powers.  Even more rare, though, is the person who never really learns to use their power properly, and truth be told, that person would be ubiquitous in a place like the Ultraverse.  Even with the small number of folks with super powers there, they would almost all certainly have to go through a period where they didn’t know how to use their super powers.  Sort of like how when you were a teenager and you didn’t know how to use your best features.  Later you learned, but man, you were annoying until then!  Now imagine being annoying and deadly!  Now imagine being annoying, deadly, and blase about the impact you have.  You’d have Catapult, or me in high school.  He and I are sort of similar, although my antics usually drew fewer cops AND caused fewer deaths.

Exiles #2 - Page 3
I am fairly sure this is the last time anyone said hurl.

Bloodbath has absconded, but Bruut now gets to show what he can do, which is mostly getting shot.

Exiles #2 - Page 5
They are firing every caliber of bullet possible at Bruut, as evidenced by the different sound effects being made by the myriad bullets being fired.

Bruut is too much for the SDPD, but with the help of Catapult and Mustang (and possibly 22178921789789 bullets), the SDPD manages to stave off Bruut, who then decides to take a nap on top of a tractor trailer, which is something I have always wanted to do.  While it seems dangerous, it also sounds like fun to me.  I am a man of simple tastes.

Not only did Bruut  land this helicopter on the big rig, but he then kicked the chopper into traffic.  If you say you have never wished you could kickj something large into traffic, you are a liar.
Not only did Bruut land this helicopter on the big rig, but he then kicked the chopper into traffic. If you say you have never wished you could kick something large into traffic, you are a liar.

Dr. Deming finally gets around to explaining exactly what is going on to Amber Hunt.  Dr. Deming fascinates me.  I like her look, and I also enjoy her self-awareness.  I am pretty sure that may be her actual super power. Her other super power may be that she can’t explain  anything well, despite being a scientist.  We all know that kind of person, and Gerber does a great job of conveying that personality type.

We learn a little bit more about Theta Virus as well.  I wonder how some folks would handle that.  There’s a lady in my family who constantly whines about being ill all of the time.  If she has the flu, she would complain to the point where you’d think that she had Ebola.  If she actually got Ebola, she’d tell you she had cosmic ringworm syndrome or something worse than Ebola, which since I could not imagine anything worse, I had to make up a disease.  If someone did have cosmic ringworm syndrome, I bet I could do a better job of telling them than Dr. Deming.

Exiles #2 - Page 14
“Come see me when you decide whether or not to live or die from something I could cure you of.”

I also want to give R.Phipps a great deal of praise for making each character have great physical personality.  Their expressions are wonderful, and they also look their part.  Dr. Deming looks like an intelligent lady who is in over her head.  Amber Hunt looks like a spoiled brat.  Deadeye looks like a guy who would get right to the heart of the matter of why life is rather tough for the Exiles in one sentence!

To be honest though, the Theta Virus being contagious would upset people for a little bit, until they realized NOW THEY HAVE SUPER POWERS.
To be honest, though, the Theta Virus being contagious would upset people for a little bit, until they realized NOW THEY HAVE SUPER POWERS.

Malcolm Kort and his cohort have Timothy captured, and there’s a sort of odd analogue going on here, in that Dr. Deming is much more opaque about giving Amber information, but other than the initial kidnapping, has more or less been nice to Amber.  I guess there was also that whole showing her Ghoul right as Amber was blindfolded.  There’s also this:

"Sorry, but I am too busy with my stuff to save your life.  I am sure you understand,"
“Sorry, but I am too busy with my stuff to save your life. I am sure you understand.”

So other than those three things, she’s been nice to Amber Hunt.  Well, nice may be too strong of a word, but at least she did not expose her to insane indoctrination techniques as Malcolm Kort does, as though he were attempting to become the Jim Jones of the Ultraverse.

Exiles #2 - Page 16
I can’t do anything but imagine him comically hitting people with that GIANT hand.

It really seems as though the folks interested in the Theta Virus and the people who have contracted it have made plans to go about everything the exact wrong way.  I will take Deming’s methods over Kort’s, because she does seem to have a better heart, but also because she has Deadeye on her team.  Kort’s stature diminishes in my eyes as well due to the late, great Sinister Supreme Soviet.  If there were a way to play Sarah MacLachlan’s “I Will Remember You” here, then I would do so.  Wait, there’s totally a way to do that!

The Exiles head off on a mission to rescue Timothy, which I will cover in Part Two of this entry.  I also have an interview lined up with Tom Mason in regards to Exiles that  you will be seeing in the next 10 days or so!  Indie February keeps heating up as well, when Emily Scott brings you Satan’s Six later this week!  Enjoy, and we will see you Legions around here again for Part Two!

SBTU Presents: 5 Batmen, 1 Superman, ZERO HOUR!

Hello there, Legions of the Unspoken!  Dean Compton here, and I sure hope all of you enjoyed the Robocop vs. Terminator goodness Emily Scott brought you earlier this week as the Super Blog Team-Up is underway once more!  Our theme this time is Parallel World and Alternate Realities, and I had lots of great stuff to choose from in the 90’s.  I could have gone with numerous What If’s, several Elseworlds, Heroes Reborn, or even the Image/Valiant Deathmate crossover!

But only one event really destroyed everything in the 90’s and rebuilt it.  Only one event had the grandeur and scope that deserves to be presented alongside the luminaries of the Super-Blog Team-Up, and that’s Zero Hour.

I recall being insanely excited for this series as a teenager in the 90’s.  My older comic book pals had discussed the Crisis on Infinite Earths, the last time prior to Zero Hour that a superhero universe had been shaken up, destroyed, and rebuilt in its entirety.  To say I couldn’t wait would be tantamount to saying that the core of a nuclear reactor is sort of hot.  I bought in hook, line, and sinker to every aspect of the event, from the white-out erasure of reality to the fact that the mini-series itself counted down to #0, all the way to DC putting out all “Zero Issues” the month that Zero Hour finished, which meant, Flash #0, Superman #0, Batman:  Shadow of the Bat #0, and so on.

The plan for this month was for me to do the entirety of Zero Hour, culminating in this week’s release – and perhaps that happened in an alternate reality, but alas, in this reality, my oldest nemesis LIFE got in the way, and so this is the only article you are getting from me this month.  But hey, at least it is a Super-Blog Team-Up article, right?

Zero Hour wasn’t just a mini-series, of course.  It crossed over into nearly every single DC superhero title that exists, with varying results.  While some of them were very awesome, like Superman:  The Man Of Steel #37 (hey, that just happens to be the comic book I am covering here!  How about that?), some were awful.  For instance, Outsiders #11 might be the worst comic book I have ever read.

If you see this comic, act calm.  Back away slowly and leave.  As soon as you are in a safe location, alert the proper authorities.
If you see this comic, act calm. Back away slowly and leave. As soon as you are in a safe location, alert the proper authorities.

Unless you are into comic books to see some weird vampires in some weird bondage gear acting like Vampirella-lite, this just is not the comic book for you.  Oh, that’s why you’re here?  All right, one more look:

030 The Outsiders V2 #11 - Page 6
The lady who is shamelessly licking blood off her hands like all of a sudden this a YouPorn video is Looker. She’s one of the good guys. Really.

That comic is so awful that it is getting its own entry one day, and I say that as a guy who LOVES The Outsiders.  I will have to take a look at the entire series, with a special focus on this issue.  That day is not today, though, as today is for what i consider to be the apex of Zero Hour, Superman:  The Man of Steel #37.

As I stated earlier, Zero Hour crossed over into seemingly every DC superhero title.  Even outlying titles such as Anima got involved, since hey, if the universe is being destroyed, how could everyone not be involved, right?  And if the universe is indeed being decimated, none could be more involved than Superman.  In fact, he gets involved before he really understands what is happening, as he is busy trying to protect a benefit concert being held to help rebuild Metropolis.

That’s right, I said rebuild Metropolis.  Thanks to Lex Luthor, it lies in ruins right now, so they are having a big benefit concert.  It seems sort of crass to me to hold the concert in the area that has been decimated.  I mean, these are the folks that need the help, so I assume they do not have the cash to attend some giant outdoor festival.  We didn’t hold the big USA for Africa concerts in Ethiopia, and if we had, people would have called us insensitive jerkbitches.  And they’d be right.

Stop being so ungrateful and pay up kids; we are doing this for you.

 As it is, though, Metopolis marches to the beat of its own drummer, and Superman has to pay the drummer, even if he did not call the tune.  Also, the promoter of the concert is apparently one of Lois Lane’s exes, and he has no qualms about blatantly scamming on Clark’s squirrel right in front of him.  It makes you wonder whose comic book is this anyhow?

Normally I would jump to Clark's defense here, but to be honest, he does look like a yuppie with that hair.  Do people still say yuppie?  Is that still a thing?
Normally I would jump to Clark’s defense here, but to be honest, he does look like a yuppie with that hair. Do people still say yuppie? Is that still a thing?

I also have to admit that Clark is sort of being a buzzkill there.  In fact, he is easily the most uncool guy to ever have long hair.  His arguments are silly for two reasons, #1 is that concerts attract “an unlawful element” even in the best of circumstances, and #2, YOU’RE SUPERMAN.  Can’t you handle some pot sellers and pickpockets?  With a lack of self-belief like that, it’s no wonder Metropolis got destroyed on Superman’s watch.

However, Superman has little time to reflect on this dude trying to make him look bad in front of Lois, the evil of pickpockets, or the state of Metropolis, as he is being signaled in one of the oldest ways possible.

018 Superman The Man of Steel #37 - Page 24 really page 2
Basically, you need to learn Morse Code in case Batman attempts to signal you.

This Batman, however, isn’t the Batman that this Superman knows…

The combination of Batman's gesture there with him accusing Superman of "going hippie" is basically the reason I started reading comic books.
The combination of Batman’s gesture there with him accusing Superman of “going hippie” is basically the reason I started reading comic books.

Yep, this is just after Batman lost a “loser gets his back broken” match to every Bat-fan’s favorite masked wrestler, Bane, but this Batman does not recall such an event!  He is very concerned about Superman’s stance on free love, LBJ, and Abbie Hoffman, however.  There’s nothing wrong with that, as I am very concerned about these things as well, albeit in the opposite direction of Bat-Nixon, here.  I want Superman to be more hippie and more of a peacenik, so he doesn’t fry all of us with his heat vision.  Bat-Nixon is probably more concerned that Superman doesn’t help out Chile’s Allende.  (Look it up, folks!)

Superman could probably deal with this Batman and get to the bottom of whatever is going on.  The problem is that not only is this not the only Batman that Superman will have to deal with, but the Batman that comes next makes Bat-Nixon look like Bat-Jimmy Carter.

It's not the Batman that Superman needs; it's the Batman Superman deserves.
It’s not the Batman that Superman needs; it’s the Batman Superman deserves.
Actually, Morse Code seemed to work faster than violence.  The World's Greatest Detective has lost a step in his old age.
Actually, Morse Code seemed to work faster than violence. The World’s Greatest Detective has lost a step in his old age.

Yep, that’s The Batman from the Dark Knight Returns,  Or is that “The Goddamned Batman”?  I am unsure what is en vogue as far as making fun of Frank Miller’s Batman on the internet these days.  I mean, I know we are supposed to do it, but I am scared that mixing stuff from All-Star Batman and TDKR is not allowed.  I know that when S:TMOS #37 came out, this appearance excited me greatly.  I was a huge TDKR fan at this time.  Now, I see it as a thinly veiled argument for fascism.  It saddens me that so many folks see Batman in such a fashion, but not as much as it saddens me that I used to enjoy this take on Batman.  Oh well, youth is wasted on the young, I suppose.

The TDKR Batman is quicker on the uptake than his “violence attraction” plan earlier, as he figures out something that is sort of a nightmare to anyone.  Of course, seeing as how he considers himself a living nightmare, he shrugs off the existential nightmare of BEING OUT OF PLACE IN REALITY.  Caps for emphasis, folks.

018 Superman The Man of Steel #37 - Page 7
TDKR Batman faces the fact that he is not of the true reality with a grimace.

This comic is going well, but it could be better.  How, you ask?  MORE BATMEN.

018 Superman The Man of Steel #37 - Page 8
I enjoy how Golden Age Batman’s word balloons are all shaky, as though it was hard for people to speak in the late 1930’s. Also, did you catch where he insulted Superman there? What is the Superman of his age up to? Skulking with rats in the shadows, it would seem.

So now that Golden Age Batman has cut down Superman and all the various Batmen are starting to figure out that they are a part of this anomaly, we have to get back to business.  Namely, protecting this concert that Superman is somehow incapable of dealing with due to the “unlawful element” that will gather at this concert.  This leads to an awesome superhero posedown, one that I cannot help but think would distract a lot of attention away from the concert.

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I feel like saying “if it’s too loud, it’s too old” is both very funny and very hurtful to Golden Age Batman. Also, what good is super-hearing if loud music blocks it out? Does that mean that Superman can’t hear during rush hour in Metropolis?

For it being Superman’s comic, they sort of make him look bad sometimes.  For instance, one of the things we always associate with Superman is being “faster than a speeding bullet”.  That seems like an unbreakable axiom, especially in The Man of Steel’s own title.  The music of the concert though, forces Superman to be so far behind a speeding bullet, the only comparison would be how far behind you I’d finish in Mario Kart.  I ain’t very good, folks.  No matter who you are, you’re better than me.  Sort of how this normal thug was for one fleeting moment, better than Superman…

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With lyrics like those, I understand why he felt the need to shoot her.

The “unlawful element” that is attacking this concert happens to be the mutants from TDKR!  If there’s any element of TDKR that stands the test of time, it has to be the mutants.  They have a cool look, they have an enormous leader, and they have an amazing super tank that even gives Batman issues when he tries to stop it.

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Well, I guess I owe Superman an apology, as a decidedly unlawful element showed up here for this concert, although I doubt he thought MUTANTS FROM THE FUTURE would be the cadre of the “unlawful element,” but one way or another, the concert promoters brought this on the poor unsuspecting people of Metropolis.

With the day saved, the concert can conclude, and we are told that most of the people at this concert thought that the tank and the battle between Batman, Inc. and Superman were just a part of the concert’s special effects.  I’d say that is a lame excuse, but then again, these people do not seem to realize that the singer of this concert is a vampire, so I suppose I can just chalk this one up to the people of Metropolis being sort of dense and slow to notice things.

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Despite being a vampire, this lady has the snobby and elitist Rock ‘N Roll icon thing down. It’s important to pass these sentiments down, so I am glad to see that young lady learning.

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But what to do about all these Batmen?  How will they all fit in?  This is an important question, as Batman signalling Superman is sort of the start of Zero Hour.  We can’t be having all these Batmen hanging about messing that up.

So what if they all just disappeared?

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If you don’t laugh when you see TDKR Batman changing into happy-go-lucky Batman, you are a Terminator of some sort, so please self-destruct.
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Oh, yeah, our Batman wants to play as well.

So with the extraneous Batmen are gone, the one true Superman now races to meet the one true Batman!  And…Metron?  Why not?  How could one have a cataclysmic cosmic convergence without the New Gods?  How could one have this meeting without Batman and Superman getting together after the worst year of their lives?  How could that not be mentioned?

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So the “real” Batman is the last Batman to get in on this cosmic crisis? Once again, what makes him the World’s Greatest Detective?

Just for fun, here’s the rendition of this scene from the Zero Hour mini-series…

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It’s like deja vu all over again!

I have been hard on Batman here, but to be honest, I love this issue.  This is the epitome of what you can do with an individual story within a larger event.  The creators have a lot of fun and stretch the limits of alternity, but they do a great job staying true to Superman even as his life is going topsy turvy due to dudes trying to take his lady, the “lawless element” that permeates every concert, Metropolis being devastated, and of course, Batmen.  So many Batmen.

I also find that Jon Bogdanove’s Superman is extremely underrated, and Louise Simonson does a terrific job with the different Batmen and how they act and interact with Superman and each other.  This issue shows us that that not only is there more than one take on Batman, but that they are all quite valid and entertaining.  I’d like to see more of these Batmen, even Golden Age Batman and his warbly word balloons!

I hope you enjoyed this look at Superman:  TMOS #37!  I will take a closer look at Zero Hour in March, and I am sorry I didn’t get to it this month.  We’re declaring next month here at The Unspoken Decade to be INDY FEBRUARY as we look at Indy comics and publishers!  There’ll be Ultraverse (and a special crossover between this blog and The Ultraverse Network!), Satan’s Six, Neil Gaiman’s Mr. Hero, and Alan Moore’s WildC.A.T.S. and maybe a special entry or two!

I also hope you enjoyed this entry as part of the Super-Blog Team-Up!  Now that you have read this bad boy, hop on over to the other sites participating!  They’re all great!

Amazing Spider-Talk / Chasing Amazing / Superior Spider-Talk

Spider-Man Reign

Superior Spider-Talk

Between The Pages

A Tale Of Two Cities On The Edge Of Forever

Bronze Age Babies

Things Are a Little Different Around Here…

Firestorm Fan

Firestorm on Infinite Earths — Countdown Arena

Flodo’s Page

An Earth-1 / Earth-2 Team-Up Featuring Green Lantern

In My Not So Humble Opinion

The Many Worlds of Tesla Strong

The Legion of Super-Bloggers

Star Trek/Legion of Super-Heroes

Longbox Graveyard

X-Men #141 & 142: Days of Future Past

The Marvel Super Heroes Podcast (i.e. part of Rolled Spine Podcast)

Epic Comics’ Doctor Zero

Mystery Vlog

Marvel & DC’s Secret Crossover: Avengers #85–86 (1st Squadron Supreme)

Superhero Satellite

Marvel Comics’ Star Comics Line

Ultraverse Network

Parallel Worlds: The Ultraverse Before and After Black September

On the Street Where You Live…-By Angel Hayes

Welcome back, lovely readers.

Last time we spoke there was blood everywhere and cheesecake on the corner. Now I implore you to follow me in the way-back machine from 1994 to 1990.

Follow me to meet up with our ever ostracized….Doom Patrol.

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Welcome to where all that you can think you may will into existence

Doom Patrol (v2) #35 – Down Paradise Way – 1990 – Vertigo Comics

The covers of Doom Patrol V2 comics are a singular art. If you thought my passion for holographic covers were impressive (and/or unnerving), we have only just begun.

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The Carpenters know that life is just entropy. Much like the Doom Patrol.

There is nothing quite like Grant Morrison’s Doom Patrol.

Much like the way breezes feel best in the spring and rain doesn’t bother you if your day has no obligations, it can only be experienced not explained.

The grotesque but colorful covers give way not to a magical land, but one of pure will. Imagination is not king here. He is God. Gruesome, uncaring, and ultimately what all beings are capable of.

Phew. Let’s take a breath.

We open on a rather plain looking lady for the cover we’ve just be traumatized by.

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She looks like LADY SCIENTIST or LADY WRITER off of the flash cards from Careers the Board Game.

She’s searching for Danny. And as luck would have it, Danny appears!

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We can all identify Paradise by hobos with booze in their hands.

What an amazing splash page.

Featuring literal subtext (a true weakness of mine) as Danny responds with, “Hello, Sara.” Amazing choice of colors by keeping mundane elements such as the concrete and brick their normal colors. It makes the surreal fantasticism pop out and right into our already charmed hearts.

I starred at this page for no less than eight minutes when I first encountered it. Drinking in the lines, the focal points, the curves of the light posts, the unexpected joy brought to life via whimsy in the bittersweet atmosphere of a back alley city street.

We continue as Sara and Danny catch up much like old friends tend to do…except with Danny, it’s way more fucking badass.

danny speaking capture

Danny is the ultimate texter.

Welcome to Danny.

A being whom I consider to be one of the most wonderful things ever willed into existence. The nostalgia of walking where you had once been. The melancholy that follows when the places your memories were made have been destroyed. All of this makes perfect sense with Danny. Much like Lovecraft’s The Street, he sees all and feels all. He experiences it with you, just like the sadness you feel for lost and forgotten places can permeate your mind.

Also, Berlin is always Divine.

We now switch from the fabulous Danny. To our homegrown outcast heroes, the Doom Patrol themselves.

They’re moving out, and like everything and anything in Doom Patrol stories Robotman, Cliff Steele, just doesn’t get it.

Robotman

Kids who want two front teeth for Christmas have nothing on Cliff.

Robotman is a straight man’s straight man. So straight even his skin is steel (rimshot).

He’s our human throughout Doom Patrol even though he’s a robot….I PROMISE IT WILL ALL MAKE SENSE.

The chief (who is like professor X with no need for mental abilities because he has a gun and beard that could kill bears) decides it’s time for the Doom Patrol to swap HQs. He has important beard-related/destroying-the-world-sometimes-saving-the-world things to do, and this old warehouse isn’t cutting it.

Cliff is understandably pretty angsty and upset about his metal can body that he is continually being promised an upgrade for. Sounds like he’s stuck in the cell phone contract cycle.

The next page features Joshua Clay (Tempest) and a small extra from Planet of the Apes known as Dorothy.

We see a setup room to test her abilities ala danger room (X-Men rips off of the Doom Patrol a lot. They just decided Scott Summers was better than a robot who was a race car driver – tsk tsk.)

dorthory

 Dorothy makes Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends look terrifying.

Dorothy’s special abilities allow her to take beings from her own mind and pull them into reality. She has difficultly controlling the manifestation of them. The Good, the Bad, and the 3am Acid Trip all come out.

Let us get out of this nightmare and move on to a dream.

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I told that you’d know Paradise by the booze in the hobo’s hands

This is the beauty of Danny the Street. A sanctuary for the lost, one with opinions and an understanding of the human condition. Danny swept up the downtrodden and provided them with happiness. Paradise is reached when the ones who have nothing can be happy and healthy. Danny the Street is paradise for all of those who find him.

Now that you’ve got your smiling faces on just like Doom Patrol I’m going to slap that smile off your adorable face with a shift in tone.

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Don’t we all want that button in our kitchens? Never mind – Do NOT Want.

First of all, what a shift in tone (feeling that slap?). Our surrealistic focal points and dancing hobos have no place here. Rigid lines and flat colors rule the panels here making the oppression complete. Normalcy is the only thing allowed here.

Also bonus points if you figured out that he stabs her with a stylized heretic’s fork.

This is something Doom Patrol pulls off like no other. These are the events so weird no one else wants to even look upon it.

Let us meet the benefactors of our strange events that will come to pass.

nowhere

Oh, that’s where I left the surrealism…in the basement, of course.

Mr. Jones introduces us to The Men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E.

Mr. Jones has already proved to be easily provoked and full of terrible. Surely, those that follow him would look like evil K-9s with elf shoes and purple trench coats.

These guys gave me many a nightmare as the series went on. They are exactly what I would destroy first should I ever will them into existence.

Let’s check in on our philanthropic outcasts, shall we?

groupsupportA alchemist’s dream, a robot, a man in a wheelchair, a split personality disorder patient, and an ape girl….Well, I tried to make a joke but this is the saddest group therapy ever.

Doom Patrol is getting out their feelings and trying to figure out where to go from here. Rebis (formerly Negative Man) is chill and Crazy Jane can’t decide what she feels in between all the turmoil inside her.

We go over the plans; Dorothy needs to pee. Moving on.


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This is what I imagine all normal suburbanite dinner parties that I don’t get invited to are like.

The Men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E.’s speaking patterns are horrifying. You can hear them being telegraphed out. Horrible thoughts gargled with cruel intentions, words of hate pumped out with ease.

Not even wifey’s googly eyes can ease the terror and that is what googly eyes are for.

Something about the nonchalant mixing of the transmitted hate speech and yellow wallpaper with tulips makes the back of my spine contort. It also makes me not trust all bed and breakfasts.

Back to my family and yours, the Doom Patrol.

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These are really just here to show off Crazy Jane’s Amazing Room. Hence why they’re small.

Crazy Jane is helping Rebis indulge in vanity, and Cliff, well, he just wants something to happen.

Back to Mr. Douchebag Jones

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I can’t overstate how amazing it is that Danny the Street is a Transvestite. 

So like most things angry privileged “normal” people can’t stand, Mr. Jones aims to destroy Danny the Street.

Let’s talk about that amazing and foreboding last panel.

Not only do The Men look intimidating the color contrast of that evil laughter and the misaligned placement of it. Gives me the willies. The overbearing shadows they cast and the perspective of them looming over us is enough to make me want to close my eyes. The shadows they cast are weapons just as powerful as the dark thoughts they stir in my mind. The steam rises off of them to show they are not just weapons of hate, but purely logical machines of it.

Phew. Let’s turn on the lights.

Things cheer up over the next two pages to show Danny the Street’s Perpetual Cabaret!!!

caberet

Phantom Limb’s Uncle. Complete with Shiny Suit.

Every is well with the cabaret until someone is said to have been killed. KILLED ON DANNY THE STREET! Our only sanctuary is desecrated.

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My heart breaks. 

Sara, our resident lady scientist/writer, needs to find out who shattered her world. Wandering out to protect Danny she finds what we all fear.

The niggling doubts that say we are different and our differences make us weak. That normal is the only acceptable route for existence and life.

The force of doubt and hatred that is

THE MEN FROM N.O.W.H.E.R.E.

Doom Patrol V2 #35 - Page 23Nothing cute or witty. Just terror.

Their intimidating words, the looming figures like boogeymen who never leave our closets or our panicked late night thoughts.

We see them face to face. With all the industrial terror behind them ready to replicate.

 

They appear to try and destroy Danny the Street. The being of benevolence, the lonely place we stumble upon when we are trying to find ourselves, his lights always shining through our darkness.

Sara manages to warn Danny while escaping their ill-aimed shots. He must quickly try and escape; however….

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This is normal for the Doom Patrol.

Where is a street to hide?

-Angel Eena