Tag Archives: Punisher

The Punisher Goes Black, Can Still Come Back – by Emily Scott

Hey, everyone! (The readers of this blog really need a collective nickname, like The Unspoken. It would be more convenient for me and make you guys sound ominous and badass, a win-win scenario.) I’m sure that Dean, this wonderful blog’s proprietor, would like me to thank those of you who scoped out last week’s installment of Super Blog Team-Up and encourage those of you who haven’t to check it out as soon as you are done reading this very article. (Seriously, finish mine first.) Last week’s SBTU theme was Team Up, Tear Down, and Dean’s article examines one of the more unexpected pairings in comic book history, The Punisher and Archie. Yes, that Archie. Yes, that Punisher.

This week I will be taking a look at another of the weirder Punisher offerings, The Last Days, a story that starts out as a fairly typical Punisher plot before taking a sharp turn into the Twilight Zone when Frank Castle becomes a black man. After I wrote about Neil Gaiman’s Death and Peter Milligan’s Enigma, Dean promised me less heady subject matter, and while this comic is certainly not as cerebral as those fine works, it is no less of a mindfuck. What it most certainly isn’t is unprecedented:

On a scale of 1 to Ted Danson, I honestly have no idea where this ranks on the offensiveness scale of white people putting on a form of blackface.
On a scale of 1 to Ted Danson, I honestly have no idea where this ranks on the offensiveness scale of white people putting on a form of blackface.

While I haven’t read all of this Lois Lane comic (and am pretty sure my brain would have up and quit if I’d tried to pair it with the Punisher story), I’ve seen enough individual panels and pages to get the sense that its makers at least tried, successfully or not, to explore some weighty race issues by showing what a white person could learn from experiencing life as a black person. Yeah….not so much with The Punisher. If you are wondering if Frank Castle has any sort of epiphanies about the prejudices the black community endures or revelations about his own bigotry, I will sate your curiosity right now before we proceed any further: nope, no, not even a little.

This is seriously as introspective as he gets - realizing that all men, regardless of color, are equally good targets for him to kill the fuck out of.
This is seriously as introspective as he gets – realizing that all men, regardless of color, are equally good targets for him to kill the fuck out of.

This is a gimmick, plain and simple, produced in what this very blog’s tagline will tell you was the era of gimmicks. It’s certainly an entertaining gimmick and worth the read, if for no other reason than novelty’s sake or because you like action comics, but I don’t think I have to point out to anyone reading this in 2014 or beyond that it has the potential to veer into wildly tone deaf territory.

It’s possible that by avoiding much social commentary from Castle himself, it remains about as inoffensive as a comic about a white guy who temporarily gets turned black can get. (It’s also possible that the opposite is true and that it’s worse to turn him black and not make any real race relations critiques, but my pasty white ass wouldn’t really be the best judge of that.) But I said this would be less heady subject matter, so I won’t make the same mistake I did while reading it and try to turn it into something it’s not. What is it, then? Let’s dive in, shall we, Unspoken? (You like it, don’t you?)

Our story begins in familiar territory, with The Punisher taking out some low level thugs of a crime boss who has been giving Kingpin some competition. Kingpin’s new lackey comes up with a scheme to kidnap Punisher’s pal Microchip to persuade him to take out their enemy for them. The Punisher, bereft of safe ground to run to, goes to a stash of weapons guarded by perhaps his only other friend.

It's impressive that in a comic involving him changing his race through plastic surgery, The Punisher asking his puppy, "Who's a good boy?"
It’s impressive that in a comic involving him changing his race through plastic surgery, The Punisher asking his puppy, “Who’s a good boy?” remains one of its most surreal moments.

With nowhere to run and Kingpin sending him a piece of his friend (his little finger, sickos), Punisher has little choice but to go along with the plan, which he executes in the most Punisher-y way possible. No mere van will do for this mission, no sir. With so much on the line, he needs a vehicle that would put the Popemobile, the newest movies’ Batmobile, and other mobile you can think of to shame.

"Yep, no big, just an $8 million car. Maybe on the next mission I'll just drive my Battleyacht and encrust my skull shirt with diamonds."
“Yep, no big, just an $8 million car. Maybe on the next mission I’ll just drive my Battleyacht and encrust my skull shirt with diamonds.”

The Punisher gets his target, but it’s not a victory without cost. (And I’m  not talking about the Punishermobile.) The fight draws the cop down on them, and unwilling to turn his gun on any of the boys in blue, Punisher must submit himself to arrest. As someone who has wholly devoted himself to taking out criminals, he is understandably underwhelmed about being locked up with a giant building of them, but Kingpin gets to his lawyer and judge, of course, so it’s off to Rikers for Punisher till he can figure out how to escape yet again.

Microchip, meanwhile, no longer a useful pawn with Punisher locked away, gets dropped off in Thailand with  no way home but his wits. He manages to get a briefcase of money sent to him but must prove his identity, with no ID, to claim it. Conveniently enough, though, the store owner who holds the briefcase also happens to carry a video game Microchip has designed, setting up what would have been an amazing scene in any 80s or 90s action movie.

Punisher Over the Top
The best and most ridiculous way anyone has had to prove themselves since Sylvester Stallone had to prove he could take care of his son by winning an arm wrestling championship.

Back at Rikers , Punisher must fight off multiple inmates, who are themselves fighting over who gets a chance to do him in, decline an invitation to join the Aryan Brotherhood, and fret over over who will feed his dog while he’s on the inside. Punisher’s old pal Jigsaw, whose name more alludes to how his face fits together after encountering Punisher than his love of puzzles, is chief among those out for blood.

Punisher Shiny Knives

They are fighting with the shiniest knives ever.
They are fighting with the shiniest knives ever.

Punisher fights off the bevy of assailants as well as could be expected, but even the Punisher can only do so much without an arsenal.  Eventually he gets overwhelmed, and Jigsaw takes out his own punishment on Frank Castle’s face, cutting him up beyond recognition. Punisher ends up in the infirmary, his face heavily bandaged, and through a series of events that would only happen in a comic book, has another injured inmate offer him his place in his own escape attempt.

Before we proceed any further, we should take a look at the bizarre cover of the fifth issue of this story, which features a photograph. Why it features this I couldn’t even begin to tell you. It’s not like the whole storyline has covers with photographs. Did the artist who was supposed to draw the cover break his hand? Was every single other artist in the business out of town? Did they lose the cover drawing right before press time and all they had in the studio was some gauze? I would accept any and all of these explanations because the alternative, that they did this on purpose because it would be super awesome, seems ludicrous.

Punisher Photo Cover
Ah, the bandaged face, source of so many wacky sitcom hijinks from this era.

Punisher manages to escape the dudes who helped him escape from prison, but he jumps out of the frying pan and into the fire, as Kingpin and his lackey put a bounty on his head big enough to make any two-bit crook or opportunist take notice. Severely weakened from having most of his face sliced off, Punisher must go back into hiding while Microchip, who has undergone his own physical transformation to stay discreet, finds a suitable plastic surgeon to make him look less Frank Castle-y and remain less dead.

Kingpin’s lackey finds Microchip anyway and breaks into the facility guarded by Punisher’s beloved pup. (This part makes me incredibly sad because I’m sure you can tell where this is going and it isn’t any place good and no, poor puppy, I’m not crying, shut up, you’re crying.) At least before he goes, the dog gives the lackey hell and takes a chunk out of his arm, which isn’t especially relevant to the story, but it makes me narrow my eyes and whisper, “Good,” all the same. I couldn’t make myself take a screen shot of the doggy, so enjoy this page of Microchip looking completely goddamn ridiculous instead:

Punisher Ruffian
“My word, a ruffian!”

Punisher, despite being damn near dead, holds off his bounty hunters long enough for Microchip to find him his surgeon. That this surgeon, the only female character in the entire book, is  also a junkie who loses her license for stealing meds and is literally dressed like a whore as a disguise is something I could go on and on about, but I already have a weekly radio show on which Dean and I discuss gender dynamics in dork culture (Tune in live every Thursday night at midnight!), so I’ll settle for an eye roll and move on.

I have to give Dr. Junkie Hooker credit where it’s due, though, since she manages to perform a surgery so complex no actual surgeon could achieve it while fighting off both withdrawal and two dudes who come prowling around for drugs to steal. A lot of surgeons might call it a day if they had to drag two dead bodies out of their operating theater, but she just blows them the fuck away, drags their corpses right outta there, and gets back to business.

Punisher Paging Dr. BAMF
Paging Dr. BAMF.

While I was reading this comics, I couldn’t believe how far into the story I got, stealing glances at how many issues were left, before this moment, the thing that it is by far best remembered for. You might have felt the same way reading this article, noticing at how little you had left to scroll before the end and still having not reached the point in the Black Punisher comic when Punisher actually becomes black. Well, wait no more.

Punisher Black
I like how they put the skull symbol on the bottom of the mirror in case you somehow forgot whose comic book this was while you were actively reading it.

With a new face, a new race, but no place to go, Punisher sets out for Chicago, where he has stored a cache of guns and money. In what is, unfortunately, the most realistic thing in this comic, Punisher gets pulled over and brutalized by the cops a scant few hours after becoming a black man. He is saved by none other than Luke Cage, Hero for Hire, who takes him in while he recovers and attempts to kick him out once he’s well.

Instead, Punisher hires Cage to help him recover his guns and promises him the money as payment. Cage agrees, so long as Punisher agrees to do things his way, meaning no killing, the least Punisher-y way possible. They recover the guns but find the money missing, leaving Punisher in Cage’s debt. Cage offers to let Punisher repay that debt by helping him with a case of his own, which entails stopping some bad guys from taking over a building inhabited by Cage’s clients. Once again, Cage stipulates that Punisher kill no one in their efforts.

Punisher Karate Chop
I suppose it’s easier not to kill people when you can double karate chop a machete.

Castle, who is going by one of his super clever aliases (Rook),  gives not killing people the ol’ college try, but ultimately Punisher gotta Punisher, and he takes a guy out trying to get some of the residents out of the building unharmed. Castle and Cage debate their ideological differences about how best to clean up the streets, and Castle tries to teach the guy who has been black longer than five minutes about race. Cage is having none of it.

Punisher Privilege
Even when he’s black, Punisher still has a lot to learn about white privilege.

Once he discovers that there might be some validity to what Cage is saying, Castle contemplates a world that no longer has a need for a Punisher. He starts to think that he might be able to carve out a life somewhere in this crazy world for Frank Castle, Regular Joe, the timing of which is perfect because his surgery is wearing off, and it would be difficult to explain to a community of black people why he is suddenly a white guy.

Punisher FadeBut before he can ride off into the sunset, he is taken captive by the Kingpin’s former lackey, who has coerced Dr. Junkie Hooker to identify him. (How he totally just figures that Punisher has become a black man I will never understand.) I say former because at some point, the Kingpin’s entire operation was apparently brought down. At first I thought I must have slept through the couple issues where this happened, but apparently it occurs in a Daredevil comic. I was all the more confused because the lackey went from being a young Asian man to looking like David Lynch with no explanation given.

Punisher David Lynch
You thought I was just joking.

Cage busts in at the last minute to save Punisher, who is turning whiter by the panel. (Seriously, he is black one panel and white the next.) Cage seems somehow unsurprised by this development and shrugs it off with a “you lost your tan” comment, and it’s back to business as usual for both. Punisher may appreciate the help, but it doesn’t stop him from warning Cage that he tows the line between do-goodery and crime, and we all know how Punisher feels about crime. Balance restored, world back to normal. Of course, if we needed any proof that he never really stopped being The Punisher, it would be this, the panels I’ll leave you with.

Punisher Tape Shirt
You really couldn’t just put on a plain black t-shirt instead?

 

Two Wrongs Making a Right-SBTU-Punisher Meets Archie!

Hey, folks!  I hope you have enjoyed the last couple of weeks as Sparky Ryan brought you the history of the Marvel UK incursion into the states from the early 90’s.  I had a great time with some of those books back in the day, and his work was a great trip down memory lane, but now your good 90’s comics aficionado and pal Dean Compton is back, and I am back just in time for one of my favorite elements of this blog…THE SUPER BLOG TEAM UP!!!!!

If you weren’t around last time or haven’t had the chance to look at the Super Blog Team Up subpage here, the SBTU (I ain’t gonna keep typing that out folks; I ain’t getting paid by the word.  Hell, I ain’t getting paid at all!) is a quarterly gathering of sorts where many blogs publish on the same day about the same topic.  At the bottom of my random meanderings, make sure you click the links and take a gander at what all the great folks have shared in SBTU.  We all work really hard, and we all appreciate every view and comment we get.  Except for the ones from spammers.  It’s really sad how excited I will get when I get a notification for a comment, only to find it is poorly written spam imploring me to spend some money on something to filter out spam comments.  As an aside to this aside, I think I’d like spam comments better if their grammar was correct.

But I have digressed so far that one might believe this not to be a blog about comic books at all!  You’d be sorely mistaken!  As I was saying about SBTU, the concept is that all of these blogs look at the same subject on the same day.  This time, the subject is Team Up, Tear Down, and from the second I heard that, I could not help but think of the team up that never should have happened, but somehow tore down every preconceived notion one would have about this comic working or being good.  I am talking about the time comic book hell froze over.  I am talking about Punisher Meets Archie…

That's the most honest blurb in the history of comments; many, myself included, dreaded this one.
That’s the most honest blurb in the history of comments; many, myself included, dreaded this one.

The dread was punctuated with the entire “why are they doing this?/oh my god, they’re ruining everything/they don’t know what they’re doing” mentality that seems to permeate every fanboy’s good sense at some point.  This time, though, our cynical malaise seemed justified (to the max, as we would say in the 90’s) because how could this be readable, let alone good?  I mean, it’s Punisher Meets Archie, for Christ’s sake!

The answer to the question of how could it be readable or good can be found on the  credits page:

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 3

Indeed, that is the fine talent of the late John Buscema and the late Stan Goldberg combined with one of the best inkers of all time, Tom Palmer, to bring you this tale.  You see, the first element of this endeavor that would have doomed it to disaster, would have been seeing the character drawn in a style dichotomous to what we usually see with them.  Punisher in the Archie style would have made all the Punisher fans angrier than Hulk driving a compact car while he is stuck in rush hour traffic.  Now try getting that image out of your head!

Conversely, seeing Archie done up all grim and gritty would have made Archie fans feel angry and betrayed as well.  I’d come with some metaphor or simile for the anger of Archie fans, but based on their choice of comic fare, I am unsure that they get angry.  I mean, nothing in that world can’t be solved with just a waltz down to the choklit shop, right?

So that solved one problem, but the elephant in the room would have to be how one would mesh such strikingly disparate worlds without compromising the integrity of either, or in Punisher’s case, without compromising what was left of the integrity of an emotionless and psychopathic mass murderer who was being used as a guest in seemingly every book at Marvel to increase sales.  We talked about his ubiquity here at The Unspoken Decade when we covered Darkhawk.  I mean, who could possibly bridge this chasm?

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 6

According to both of the publishers involved, enter Batton Lash:

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 4
If they had gone with the whole metal detectors story that Victor mentions, it would have been a debacle on the level of the Segway, a vehicle that PEOPLE STILL RIDE.

Batton Lash concocted a premise that would work for both universes, and the only caveat that any Punisher fan might have a quarrel with is the fact that Punisher is working with the feds in order to bring in our villain, and he has agreed to bring this quarry in alive.

Being the gigantic Punisher fan I am, I understand their point.  Frank Castle ain’t known for playing nice with the feds.  It’s basically the real world equivalent of teaming up Kruschev and Kennedy.  That’s something that just won’t and should not work; however, if one thinks about it, Punisher is always compromising.  I have seen numerous Punisher team-ups with Spider-Man, Daredevil, and Captain America where Castle agrees not to kill anyone (one example being The Omega Effect).  I think too often, folks think Punisher=murderer, and while yes, he is indeed a serial killer, what one should really think is Punisher=Force of Nature.  While Punisher would greatly prefer to murder his adversaries, it is much more important for him to achieve his goals.  This means making temporary alliances, such as the ones I named earlier (or even the times he makes temporary alliances with criminals, such as in Punisher:  P.O.V. ) in order to get done whatever it is that Punisher needs to get done at that time.  That’s what makes him a force of nature to me; he allows nothing, not even compromise, to stop his forward progress.

So to me, this isn’t a big deal, although again, I get why some Punisher fans cannot sign off on it.

The twist of the story, though, is almost 100% an Archie gag, and man, it is a good one.

No character in an Archie comic book has ever looked sleazier, and that's saying something because REGGIE MANTLE is an Archie character.
No character in an Archie comic book has ever looked sleazier, and that’s saying something because REGGIE MANTLE is an Archie character.

So Punisher heads for Riverdale in search of the mookiest doppelgänger in the history of mooks, doppelgänger, and mooky doppelgängers.  Of course, this leads to trouble due to our mook’s resemblance to Archie.  Also, call Guinness and let them know I just set the record for more uses of mook in a paragraph.

Are these the first crosshairs in the history of Archie?
Are these the first crosshairs in the history of Archie?

Could it really end this quickly?  Nope.  This is a crossover folks, and you don’t need ‘ol Dean Compton to let you know that crossovers can’t end this fast, especially not when there are 48 PAGES!  NO ADS!  to fill!  So in what is the biggest swerve since Vince Russo ran WCW (WARNING: WRESTLING JOKE), Archie was only shot by a water gun.  In true Archie fashion, though, this instance leads him into a disagreement with Veronica!

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 11
What does Archie mean about his costume being ridiculous? Isn’t that what he always wears?

So, in true Archie fashion, having already asked one of the ladies out, Archie goes with his second choice, Betty.

I feel really badly for Betty here; who likes being second best?  Betty is a pretty lady; she’s nice, she’s funny, and she’s smart.  Why does she just wait for Archie to call her AFTER he has ruined his chances with Veronica?  Betty should play second fiddle to no one, and neither should anyone reading this.  Learn from Betty, folks!

Punisher in the meantime, heads for Riverdale, very unaware of it and very prepared for it to be a cesspool.  Even his super genius partner, Microchip, apparently has never heard of Riverdale, despite it being a suburb of New York and how, with a name like Microchip, he is required to know EVERYTHING.  That’s one of the few things I learned from 80’s movies.

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 13

Of course, it takes little time for Archie’s doppelgänger to insert himself into Archie’s circle in Riverdale, and of course, what would an Archie comic be without Veronica (or possibly Betty) making Archie jealous via the most emotionally devastating weapon in the history of mankind:

THE DATE WITH ANOTHER GUY!

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 14

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 15
How did Mr. Lodge and Veronica miss Melvin’s act of child abuse that occurred right in front of them?

Emily and I often watch this show, American Greed, on CNBC that focuses on how folks scam rich people, and we both find it shocking how easy rich folks get scammed.  Like, it seems that the only thing required to scam a rich person is to know one and to then ask them for money.

Mr. Lodge is no exception, as it seems that Melvin just SHOWS UP and tells him of his business exploits, and Lodge cannot unlock all of his safes and vaults fast enough.  Also, doesn’t it seem like acquiring a business would be small potatoes to Mr. Lodge?

Speaking of safes and vaults, wouldn’t you like to see Uncle Scrooge and Mr. Lodge have a crossover?  I have seen Mr. Lodge do regular swimming in one of those old timey swimsuits that are always hilarious, but I bet he could swim though coins just like Uncle Scrooge.

BAM!  There’s the premise!  They can have a coin swimming race.  You.  Yes, you.  Call Archie and Disney and let them know about my idea and tell them to GET IT BOOKED.

Still, fun times are happening, at least until Punisher shows up and has the emo Punisher moment he always has that we all love him for. It is the one shred of humanity that makes us feel compassion for everyone’s favorite skull-chested psychopath…

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 16

Punisher’s last shred of humanity causes him to pass over a malt, which would have led him to those guys in the corner, something I believe would cause even Riverdale denizens to take notice.  Alas, Pop’s dedication to the dollar and fear of government overrides his sense of danger, and those shadow punks take Archie, who is apparently upset that his second choice for a date dared not to wait for him to see if he called her.  Well, Archie is about to have bigger troubles anyhow.

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 18
Archie’s patriotism is not be questioned, but neither is Jughead’s insatiable power to mooch.

I wonder what Pops is hiding that he doesn’t want to be audited.  Maybe Riverdale ain’t so squeaky clean after all!

While Archie’s life is in danger, the faux Archie shows up at the dance with Veronica.  He quickly shows the biggest difference between him and Archie is that he’s such a giant dick that perennial dick Reggie Mantle is put off by him.  If Reggie Mantle thinks you’re a creep, you must be a creep on a galaxy level.  Or at the very least, the type of person Punisher likes to kill catch for the feds.

Reggies smile as he puts his arm on Melvin always makes me smile.  It is the best creepy smile in the history of comics, and if you disagree, you can start your own blog and talk about it.
Reggie’s smile as he puts his arm on Melvin always makes me smile. It is the best creepy smile in the history of comics, and if you disagree, you can start your own blog and talk about it.

Man, Betty is awesome.  She’s the only one who wonders where Archie is and what’s going on.  Archie is making our crossover complete, as Punisher follows the criminals who kidnapped him.  Get ready Archie, because you are about to meet The Punisher.

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 20

Yes, Archie, The Punisher.

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 24

That may be the image that makes the book.  Also, Punisher would probably have had an easier time differentiating Melvin and Archie if he had, you know, OPENED HIS EYES.

Of course, no matter how ominous that panel may look, Punisher at some point decides that pointing a gun is just a smidge safer if one opens their eyes, and he realizes that Archie is not his prey.

Archie manages to get away with an assist from his pal Jughead, which I love.  In the face of imminent death, Jughead and Archie are best friends, and he finds a way to help his pal.  We’d all like to be that person; perhaps you can find the Jughead in you.  I have done so via massive consumption of fast food.  You’ll have to find your own path, however.

For real though, this is an incident that exemplifies what I spoke of when I sad that Batton Lash showed us these characters together without violating the integrity of either set of characters, and this little bit with Jughead helping Archie speaks volumes to that.

Archie does exactly what America’s favorite whitebread teen would do, or also what most sane folks would do, and that is telling the cops that Punisher is loose in Riverdale and that some mob guys have kidnapped him.

Hopefully, you have not been as big an idiot as Mr. Andrews has when he has called the police in the past.

I am not sure that Archie blew that undercover cop's cover so much as the uniformed cop did when he informed the entire world that this guy wasn't a spy, but rather he was an undercover cop.
I am not sure that Archie blew that guy’s cover so much as the uniformed cop did when he informed the entire world that he was an undercover cop, not a spy.

Why are Archie and Jughead winking like they got over on the cops?  I mean, not only are the cops obviously not going to help, but you asked them for help.  You didn’t fool anyone.

I do enjoy the touch here where Archie’s concern is for his parents, not himself.  Again, Lash shows us Archie’s character simply and naturally.

Also, that is the worst undercover cop ever.  He looks like every stranger I was warned about in elementary school, and he would fool no one into believing he is not with the fuzz.

Of course, once we see Punisher interact with Riverdale’s finest, we see that maybe they don’t know much about policing, possibly because they have no crime.

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 29 Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 30

Riverdale cops don’t put up with anything.  They hadn’t even run the tags and they were already demanding that Microchip get out of the van!  Where’s Occupy Riverdale to deal with this?

Archie goes to the dance where his doppelgänger is, and that’s when we see some gunplay and some great infiltration skill displayed by Punisher.   Also, Archie and his pals are sharp, except for Jughead, who has more courage than brains, it seems.

Do they really need Reggie to warn Veronica?  Wouldn't that really just take one of them?
Do they really need Reggie to warn Veronica? Wouldn’t that really just take one of them?

Punisher gets emo again during his infiltration of the school, and he also stumbles upon the reason that Betty tolerates so much from Archie.  Graffiti.

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 33
The way he is looking at that sign, I feel as though Punisher would murder a litterbug to maintain Riverdale’s innocence.

Melvin proves he is not Archie in another way, but the really fun thing is the little Easter Eggs stuck in everywhere.  One of my favorites is a conversation between Katy Keene and Millie the Model!

But let’s not make light of Veronica sticking up for herself, or the cluelessness of Mr. Weatherbee.  How can folks really confuse this guy for Archie once they are up close?

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 34
Mr. Weatherbee’s response to being physically accosted is to make sure his tie is cool. That seems appropriate.

Punisher’s infiltration works like a charm, maybe too charming, as Miss Grundy basically offers to marry Frank Castle on the spot, while Flutesnoot gives Castle the cover he needs to continue to monitor this dance, as Riverdale High is expecting a new gym teacher.

Also, the caterers now have guns and are after Melvin, but you’ll have to read that to find out how that happens; I can’t give it all to you, folks!

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 35
Mr. Weatherbee know that if the food ain’t out for the guests, a party will die.

Miss Grundy knows what she wants when she sees it!  You have got to like that!  Miss Grundy is also a woman who would never let you down and definitely carry her fair share in a relationship (probably more, as my beloved Emily does.  Check out some of her work under the Archives!)

Oh Moose, you want to help so badly.

Punisher and Archie finally find themselves able to sort out their identity crisis, and they pool their resources, which leads to what s, in my mind, the funniest moment in the book.  Archie’s War Journal.  To think of it is to chuckle, but to read it is to laugh until one’s ribs ache.

Jughead apparently managed to pay off his tab, as he is waving that hamburger around like that drunk guy at 4th of July parties does.  You know the one.
Jughead apparently managed to pay off his tab, as he is waving that hamburger around like that drunk guy at 4th of July parties does. You know the one.

There’s lots more, but if I keep going, I am just going to wind up ruining the entire book for you!  The last image I shall leave you with is one of the best Easter Eggs in the book, that being the Spider-Man/Shield crossover!

Note that I said Shield, and not S.H.I.E.L.D.  Shield, for anyone who doesn’t know, is an old patriotic Archie character, and I believe he is the first patriotic superhero, predating even Marvel’s Sentinel Of Liberty, Captain America himself!  At this point of the 90’s Shield had been in limbo since the end of DC’s Impact Comics line (which we will definitely be covering here at The Unspoken Decade and soon!).  I don’t known when the next time after Archie Meets Punisher we would see him, but I do know it would be a while.  We also have Sonic the Hedgehog, which Archie licensed and published.  If memory serves, it was quite successful for quite some time, and it had appeal to multiple markets, as kids like my cousin would buy it, even though they did not care for comic books in general, because it had Sonic, Tails, and all the characters from that universe in it.

It only happens in balloon form, but it happens, kids.  It totally happens.

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 45

To find out how Archie, Punisher, and the gang save the day, you’ll just have to read the rest yourself.  Normally I have no qualms about spoiling comic books published twenty years ago, but in this case, I don’t want to reveal all of the magic.

There’s a true art to combining franchises that is usually done in a heavy-handed manner and appears clumsy.  Take a gander at the first Aliens vs. Predator movie if you need to reminded.  Actually, don’t.  I don’t want to ruin movies forever for you.

In this case, the amalgamation of the Archie/Punisher universes is done so effortlessly that one almost instinctively knows that this was a lot of hard work, as nothing so slick could ever be easy.  Lash, Goldberg, J. Buscema, and Palmer are to be commended over and over for taking these two wrongs and making them into something right.

I also cannot help but believe that this was the genesis for Archie publications like the Afterlife with Archie zombie stories or the recent death of Archie in Life with Archie.  Hell, without this comic book, we might not even have had the adult Archie stories in Life With Archie that preceded his demise.

I think this is the first time in a long time that Archie Comics stretched what an Archie comic could be, and while it may not have paid immediate dividends, it did impact the line in the future.  For Punisher, not so much, as he dove right into another crossover right after this one.  In fact, despite my saying that was the last image earlier, here’s one more.  Check out the rest of the Super Blog Team Up at the links under the pic, and thanks for dropping by the Unspoken Decade!

Punisher Meets Archie - When Worlds Collide #435 - Page 50

Super Blog Team-Up 4:  Team Up, Tear Down

  1. Bronze Age Babies:  FF/Doom, Red Skull/Cap, Joker/Batman
  2. In My Not So Humble Opinion:  Solomon Kane and Conan!
  3. Between the Pages:  World’s Finest Couple: Lois Lane/Bruce Wayne
  4. Flodo’s Page:  Green Lantern and the Little Green Man
  5. Superhero Satellite:  Superman & The Masters of the Universe 
  6. Longbox Graveyard:  Thing/Thing
  7. Superior Spider-Talk:  Spider-Man and the Coming of Razorback
  8. The Daily Rios:  New Teen Titans/DNAgents
  9. The Middle Spaces:  Super-Hegemonic Team-Up! 
  10. Chasing Amazing:  A Once in a Timeline Team-Up
  11. Retroist:  Dr. Doom/Dr. Strange
  12. Fantastiverse:  Superman/Spider-Man
  13. Mystery V-Log-Avengers #1

What the Hell Did I Just Read? Enigma: Part I by Emily Scott

Let me just get this out of the way to start – Peter Milligan’s Enigma is an aptly named comic. I know I will be tempted as this article goes on to make a lot of mystery-based puns, but maybe if I just say that right from the beginning, I can save myself some undeserved pats on the back and you lovely readers some groans. Dean, proprietor of this fine blog, who was kind enough to let me come back to talk about this brilliant and unique piece of work, kept asking what I thought of Enigma as I was reading it, and I kept responding, “It’s weird.” He wasn’t sure if that was good or bad, and at the time I couldn’t have said, no more than I mean it as praise or criticism when I tell you now that all I could do when I finished was stare at nothing in particular and mumble, “The hell did I just read?”

Before someone wants to throw the Internet equivalent of rotten vegetables at me, I will reuse two words from the previous paragraph: brilliant and unique. This comic is a staggeringly original and daring work of art, and I’ve honestly never read anything like it, but it is challenging and not always pleasant to read, and the pieces of the puzzle don’t all quite fit together till the end. Even then, it still takes some mental gymnastics to make sure you’ve put them all together, and even after multiple reads, you can never quite be sure. It defies easy categorization or summation. I could list all the things that happen in this comic, but it would be like saying Picasso painted a lot of pictures of people; it would be an accurate, but by no means adequate, way to get at the heart of the work.

Incidentally, painting superheroes in Picasso’s style must be a big thing because a Picasso Google Images search is chock full of them. This one’s for you, Dean.
Incidentally, painting superheroes in Picasso’s style must be a big thing because a Picasso Google Images search is chock full of them. This one’s for you, Dean.

In emphasizing just how out there and occasionally disturbing this comic is, I by no means want to detract from it truly being a masterpiece, but I feel like it’s important to establish right away that is no ordinary fare, even for a comic. I say even for a comic because, well, let’s face it: weird things happen in comics. We take a lot of them for granted because they have had ubiquity our whole lives, but come on, a guy who has the powers of a spider and a man-beast with metal claws who can’t die are a little surreal. And yet there are reasons why Spider-Man and Wolverine are on lunchboxes around the world and I had never even heard of Enigma till Dean asked me to read it for this blog.

Enigma will never be mainstream, and that might be the highest compliment I could pay it. (I may be refraining from patting myself on the back for mystery-related puns, but you guys who’ve like this comic for a long time go ahead and give yourselves one now. You know you like feeling smug about liking stuff other people don’t like. I do too. We all do.) This is not a comic for kids, and not just because it contains “adult” content. So much happens in its eight issues, not just in terms of plot, but in issues addressed, themes like identity and sexuality explored, and mindfuckery conducted that I’m starting to wonder if I’m not stalling as I write this because it’s hard to know where to even start.

Already you have to be wondering where this could possibly be going. I was worried it would be like the Phantom of the Opera...yeah, it’s not like the Phantom of the Opera.
Already you have to be wondering where this could possibly be going. I was worried it would be like the Phantom of the Opera…yeah, it’s not like the Phantom of the Opera.

Enigma opens on a farm in Arizona, the sort of place, we are told by a narrator whose identity only becomes more mysterious as the story progresses, “where you’d have sexual relations with your parents and end up shooting someone.” We are told something very bad happened on this farm 25 years and then are immediately taken to the present day and introduced to Michael Smith, the most boring man in the world. (Once again fiction teaches us that if you want something supernatural or fantastical to happen to you, the best thing you can do is be as ordinary as possible.)

Michael is the sort of guy who has to have a certain number of bath towels and only has sex with his girlfriend on the same day every week. These are our first clues exciting things will happen to him. He goes to work, which on this day is fixing the phone of a famous actor. The actor says he bets Michael wishes he were him, which is our first clue something terrible will happen to the actor.

Seriously, who the hell says that? Of course, the narrator is not being much kinder to our protagonist. What’s the point of YOU, buddy?
Seriously, who the hell says that? Of course, the narrator is not being much kinder to our protagonist. What’s the point of YOU, buddy?

Next we spend a bit of time with our Phantom of the Opera and are given a glimpse into his mind in ways that make absolutely no sense on a first read. Seriously, it does not matter how observant or analytical you are, much of this material defies even speculation until you know everything that’s going on, which is fine because this comic is like a Lay’s potato chip: I challenge anyone to be satisfied with just one reading. Part of what makes a second or a third read so enticing is that there are so many “a-ha!” moments, where the lines you either skimmed or puzzled over (and whichever you did will tell you a lot about yourself as a reader) finally fit neatly into place. This applies to pretty much everything you see involving the character Enigma until several issues in.

Also, someone is eating people’s brains. Unlike so much else in this comic, that’s fairly straightforward. Michael finds himself drawn to the scene of the latest brain consumption for reasons he can’t explain, though it doesn’t seem like anyone would be interested even if he could articulate them. His girlfriend may not care why he feels linked to the brain eater or the strange masked man, but she does care that it’s Tuesday, and the two engage in their usual weekly amorous activities in an unusual place.

I liked it better when I could tell myself guys just thought about baseball during sex.
I liked it better when I could tell myself guys just thought about baseball during sex.

Already it is obvious that one of the prominent themes in this comic is Michael trying to suss out his own identity. When we hear about someone committing a gruesome act, it might be natural for any of us to wonder if we are capable of such things ourselves, but someone whose sense of self is as shapeless as Michael’s is that much more more susceptible to contemplating what monsters might lurk inside. His search for his true nature is something I will by needs discuss at greater length in the second part of this article, but it’s worth noting now how much it’s a driving force in Michael’s actions and how he only seems to feel anything when in pursuit of the mystery of the brain eater and the masked man. He is compelled to seek out the truth and yet, as we will discover later, unprepared to face it when confronted by it. (None of us can identify with that, right?)

His curiosity causes him to follow a floating lizard (just go with it) to another crime scene, where the Head, also known as the thing nomming on everyone’s brains, has just supped on another victim and is contemplating dessert when the Enigma makes an appearance. Michael gives chase, feeling less like himself and more alive than ever before. So of course he promptly gets his brain slurped out.

In case I haven't used enough synonyms for weird yet in describing this comic, perhaps it will serve as a helpful visual aid when I tell you that this is a fairly typical looking couple of panels.
In case I haven’t used enough synonyms for weird yet in describing this comic, perhaps it will serve as a helpful visual aid when I tell you that this is a fairly typical looking couple of panels.

This might be as good a time as any to bring up Duncan Fegredo’s art and Sherilyn Van Valkenburgh’s colors, something I normally wouldn’t discuss at length, not because they’re unimportant but because I have not taken enough art history or art appreciation classes to feel like I have any idea what I’m talking about. The images in Enigma work in such pitch perfect synergy with the words, though, that I can’t imagine one without the other.

In lesser artistic hands, I honestly don’t know if this comic would have worked half as well, no matter how amazing the script. There are a lot of ways to draw someone’s brains being sucked out, you know? Not all of them would have permanently seared themselves onto my retinas the way the above page and many others did. Fegredo’s art allows Milligan’s script to achieve maximum effectiveness.

Then he took them to a midnight screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Then he took them to a midnight screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

What that often means is art that is in turns disturbing, nauseating, confusing, and beautiful, sometimes all of those things simultaneously. Just as the story is told in an off kilter and intentionally puzzling manner, the world as shown by Fegredo can be disorienting, and I found myself having to stare for a bit at some pages to figure out just exactly what it what it was I was looking at. As appropriate as that is, it also serves the dual purpose of making you pay careful attention to a work that deserves it.

The colors add another note to the harmony that is Enigma, the muted palette grounding the world in which it takes place and serving as a basis on which to contrast the surreal happenings and images. You will find no bright primary colors that comic books typically traffic in, which is further highlighted when we are introduced to the comic-within-the-comic Enigma, from which Michael recognizes the strange creatures who have been appearing. (Yes, there is a whole other meta layer to this. I told you there’s a lot going on. It’s like a clown car of concepts – no matter how much you unpack, there is always more.) The colors by no means render it dark or bleak looking, though, instead intensifying what is already intense imagery.

If the person who drew this has not done copious amounts of hallucinogens, I'll just eat my hat.
If the person who drew this has not done copious amounts of hallucinogens, I’ll just eat my hat.

While it might seem like I am harping on about how much happens in a scant eight issues, I promise if anything I’m underselling it. Look no further than the impressive rogues gallery Milligan creates, which is more thought provoking and memorable than those some super heroes accumulate over decades. In addition to the Head, we are introduced to the Truth, the gentleman in the corset above, formerly the actor with the world’s most inflated self-image. Oh, the irony. (I told you something bad was going to happen to him.) You can probably infer from his name what he does.

While it’s all deftly handled, as expected, I don’t know that the Truth requires much deep analysis. No matter how originally done, the idea that people do not care to hear the honest truth about themselves, even to the point that it is fatal, is nothing new to us. (My favorite example is Buffy’s musical episode Once More With Feeling. What’s yours?) Michael, however, perhaps not particularly pop culture savvy, remains determined to seek out the truth, both with a lower and upper case T, and discovers that no matter what else he might be, he is as human as the rest of us.

What did he think was going to happen if he went in there? That he would learn the truth about the Colonel's secret recipe or where Jimmy Hoffa's body is buried? Come on, man.
What did he think was going to happen if he went in there? That he would learn the truth about the Colonel’s secret recipe or where Jimmy Hoffa’s body is buried? Come on, man.

We are also introduced to my favorite, The Interior League, an idea that sounds ludicrous, almost laughable, at first but grows more insidious the more you think about it. Basically, they break into houses and rearrange the furniture in such a way that a member of the household goes insane and kills everyone. (Someone who is really into feng shui is nodding solemnly right now.) Home is an increasingly important concept in Enigma, and there are few things more profoundly distressing than the idea that someone would violate such a sacred space as your own home, not necessarily destroy it, just fundamentally alter it, make it not yours anymore.

Rounding out the rogues gallery is Envelope Girl, a character who does not grow any less ludicrous the more you contemplate her but is an awesome concept nonetheless. In the simplest terms possible, she mails people somewhere else. They approach her, are enveloped by her (*wink*) and end up in a box in a completely different location from where they started.

In slightly snootier terms, I believe Envelope Girl illustrates some of the maternal abandonment issues that will later be addressed in ways that go even more off the rail that a lady who mails people from her abdomen. (I keep telling you, so much to unravel. So very much.) We learn that Michael was Punky Brewstered by his mother, and much like he faithfully waited on a curb for her for days, people give themselves over completely to Envelope Girl, entrusting their fate to her completely through a sort of reverse birth, back into the womb act.

Do you think Envelope Girl gets mad if people ask her to send their regular mail, like their gas bill or grandkid's birthday card?
Do you think Envelope Girl gets mad if people ask her to send their regular mail, like their gas bill or grandkid’s birthday card?

So what is this all adding up to? So far we have a lot of dead guys, some lizards, and a protagonist who only feels alive now that he is seeking the comic book characters sprung to life all around him, who he may or may not be summoning forth with his mind. What’s a guy to do but seek out Titus Bird, writer of said comic-within-the-comic, rescue him from his new throng of unwanted followers, decide to move in with him while you investigate his creations, and deck him in the face when he makes a pass at you?

Say, remember how in very recent memory, you could punch a guy for having the audacity to find you attractive and HE was the one who had to apologize to YOU?
Say, remember how in very recent memory, you could punch a guy for having the audacity to find you attractive and HE was the one who had to apologize to YOU?

If this comic is a puzzle, Michael’s questioning of his sexuality is, I promise, the last edge piece we need to identify before we can begin putting them together in any discernible fashion. This was the last place I expected this comic to go when I started it, but its ability not just to surprise but to pull so many disparate elements into a sort of highbrow Exquisite Corpse is one of its greatest strengths. (For those who don’t know, Exquisite Corpse is a drawing game, not a necrophilia thing. It is possible thinking too long on this comic has made me feel that disclaimer is necessary.)

…and then what?

 

And then what? Come back next week to find out!
And then what? Come back next week to find out!