Category Archives: 90s Marvel

90s Comics, 90s Marvel, Uncategorized

“Okay, Axis, here we come!” (Part 1 of 4)

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Wait a minute! Isn’t this supposed to be a website dedicated to comic books of the 1990’s? What’re these Golden Age superheroes from the days of World War II doing here? Psych! This article’s about the 4-part 90’s Marvel miniseries starring the Invaders! I bet you were really fooled, huh? (I’m well aware that I didn’t fool anyone and that this intro wasn’t funny in the slightest. Bear with me here. It’s still early in the morning as I write this.) Well, should we begin before I make an even bigger ass out of myself? Let’s…..

Our tale begins in the summer of 1942. President Roosevelt and Prime Minister Churchill had just met over recent attacks off of the Atlantic seaboard and in the Caribbean where Axis submarine attacks were seriously hurting the Allied effort. If this kept up, the tide of the war might turn in favor of the enemy. At this very moment, off the coast of New York City, torpedoes fire with sinister intent from a Nazi submarine! But unbeknownst to the hated Ratzis, the Invaders were hovering overhead within their high-tech, Atlantean airship! The Human Torch and Namor the Submariner burst from the strange craft, ready for battle! Namor swims at high speed toward the aquatic projectile, grabs hold of it, and turns it back towards the Nazis! (I’d be more scared of the tiny trunks he’s wearing than of the returning torpedo! Awkwaaaard!) The explosion forces them to emerge! The enemy tries to use their guns to fire back at the two superpowered beings, but soon find that they’re no match for Namor’s powerful fists and the Human Torch’s fireballs! That’s when things get really interesting! Captain America leaps from the hovering plane, straight into the middle of the rumble!

As expected, this scuffle doesn’t last long. But as the trio of heroes try to decide what to do with their prisoners, the Human Torch fires a barrage of fireballs at the enemy craft. They don’t reach their target however! An energy field has stopped them cold! Looking at this energy’s source, they see five, strangely dressed people now standing upon the craft! They introduce themselves as the Battle-Axis and it is quite apparent which side they’re on in this war! Captain America is confused. These beings sound American! He questions them and they immediately admit that they are! More so than Cap’s Atlantean and synthetic companions! Namor wants to rush them, but the Captain stops him, awaiting an actual attack. He doesn’t have to wait long as electricity fires from one of the men’s fists at the Human Torch! That was it! The battle cry sounds and they charge at their enemies! (Jeez, Cap! Why wait for an attack? You know they’re bad guys. It’s not like they’re there to invite you to a pottery class! They’re Nazi sympathizers!)

Captain America meets his sparring partner first. But the enemy, the Human Meteor, leaps over this attack as the woman behind him, the Spider Queen, fires webbing from her wrists, entangling the star-spangled hero so that he falls over, unable to snap this cocoon! The Spider Queen admits aloud that she hates to attack him, but she won’t side with those that stand with Russians. Cap replies that the Russians are our allies in this bloody war. She should stand by them as he does. This comment enrages her and she kicks him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him! Meanwhile, Namor strikes at his assailant, Strong Man he calls himself. But the large man is way to strong, even for the Avenging Son of Atlantis! He strikes again and again with powerful punches! The Human Meteor tries to help, but Strong Man orders him back! He’s been bullied all of his life and the Prince of Atlantis is his and his alone! (Man, these guys are real pros! They even have the time to introduce themselves in the midst of fierce hand-to-hand combat! Impressive!)

At this moment the Human Torch battles his opponent, Volton, to no avail! His fireballs seem to do very little and while he’s in the midst of throwing more, Volton suddenly encircles the Torch in an aura of electricity, frying him slowly! Never to be beaten by Nazi scum, Captain America uses all of his superior strength to pull out of the webs and slaps the Spider Queen unconscious with a tap! (Lol! Heaven forbid we strike a female Nazi with a closed hand! She might get her widdle evil feewings hurt.) But while Cap’s attention is on this, the last villain, Dr. Death, fires a tranquilizer dart strong enough to penetrate the Invaders leader’s chainmail and knock him unconscious with the toxin within! But just as the supervillains are arguing about how to murder their foes, the Atlantean ship comes from nowhere and hits the Nazi boat! The force knocks the severely injured Invaders into the ocean! The members of Battle-Axis decide to leave in the damaged U-boat. They’ve proven their point. But water is the realm of Namor and he quickly awakens due to the liquid’s healing properties upon his hybrid flesh. He quickly pulls his comrades ashore.

The Invaders make it to the docks where they’re helped ashore by concerned citizens with warm towels for the heroes. But there’s never time to rest in this war. After a brief thanks, the three take off into the air while the dock workers look on in disbelief. They fly to the roof of Times Tower where the Torch puts Cap down and then descends himself. Namor follows suit. They enter the building with the Human Torch lighting the way in the darkness. But in this darkness, a figure suddenly attacks the Torch, knocking the artificial man to the ground! But before he can retaliate, Captain America stops him. The attacker is none other than the Thin Man, stretchy hero of the Liberty Legion! Thin Man apologizes as he thought they were Nazi saboteurs. Cap briefly asks of the whereabouts of the other Legionnaires until he’s satisfied that everyone’s safe. Thin Man asks what brings the famous Invaders from their headquarters in London. The trio speak of investigating news of Nazi planning attacks in the States. That’s when they bring up their superpowered attackers. The Thin Man seems to know who they’re speaking of immediately. (Now I’ve seen stretchy superheroes in comics most of my life, but the Thin Man creeps me out! He’s like a roadside accident. You don’t want to look, but…..) He pulls out files and files on superpowered people from America that have suddenly switched sides! The members of Battle-Axis are in those files!

At this precise moment, a loving couple walks through a beautiful park on Manhattan’s east side. They speak of new love and silly, past squabbles until they suddenly kiss. But as they share this romantic moment, the woman notices a shimmer of something metallic out in the water. Both look more intently and recognize the form of a submarine below the water! That’s when the two burst into action, quickly changing into costume! Within moments, Miss America and the Whizzer race into action! (Yeah, I know. He’s called “The Whizzer” and he wears a yellow costume. Grow up, you guys! Heehee. Might as well call him “Pee-Man”.) The two superheroes debate what would bring a sub this close inland. This conversation allows them to be blindsided by the quick fists of Battle-Axis’ Human Meteor and for Miss America to be ensnared by the Spider Queen’s webs! Both heroes seem to be battered unconscious at this point! The villains speak of their scheme to now travel to the Mojave Desert for the next part of their plan as they begin to tie up their prey more securely. But Miss America suddenly breaks free of her bindings! She realizes she can’t rescue the Whizzer as well as escape! She must leave him behind to go get help! The Human Meteor and Volton spring into action, giving chase!

Miss America twists and turns through the air, trying in vain to shake her pursuers, but they stay on her tail, gaining on her! Finally she does some quick thinking and falls back, grabbing both villains by their arms! She then swings them into one another with explosive results! When they come to, Miss America is gone. Was she incinerated by the blast, or did she somehow escape? The Human Meteor and Volton decide to report back to Dr. Death that the heroine is no more. They take their leave. Meanwhile, hanging by one weakened arm from a steeple of a nearby church, Miss America tries not to fall! What will become of her lover should she perish? She decides she’d rather not find out!

To be continued! Stay tuned and remember to buy War Bonds for the war effort!

Uncategorized, 90s Marvel, 90s Comics

Hark the Heralds (part 6 of 6)

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The time has finally arrived, Unspokenites! It’s the conclusion of my endless prattling about the “Silver Surfer: Herald Ordeal” storyline! Yay! I bet you’re all really jazzed that this amazing journey we’ve been on together is ending at last. You think you are?! I had to write every damn word of it! I tell you, some people only care about themselves. I’m sorry. You know I love you sexy, sexy nerds. Kisses!

The mighty Galactus sends metallic tendrils from his enormous ship to the very core of the nearby planet. It’s through this method that the ancient god feeds. But before the planet crumbles to nothingness, Morg stands there and watches the process with delight. It’s then that current Herald hears his name called out from behind. Turning, he sees the former Heralds hovering and powered up for battle! The Silver Surfer proclaims that this madness ends now. There will be no more senseless killing. Morg will be stopped here and now. (Gives you chills, huh? You wouldn’t believe my nipples right now!) Morg is not amused. He fires an energy blast from his weapon at the powerful quartet, nearly incinerating Terrax! The Surfer pulls Terrax free, saving his life! Terrax thanks his former enemy and says that, due to Morg’s advanced power, they haven’t a chance in a fight! The Surfer will have to convince Galactus himself to relinquish Morgs power! The Silver Surfer is not pleased, but he begrudgingly agrees, leaving the fight!

Air-Walker strikes first, connecting with the monster’s jaw with a powerful punch! Nova then descends and asks Terrax where the Silver Surfer has fled to. Terrax replies that he is off to save them all. In reply, Nova adds to Terrax’s power as they simultaneously blast Morg with the Power Cosmic! Meanwhile, the Surfer roars Galactus’ name, flying into the god’s ship. Galactus barely notices this intrusion, but does reply that the former Herald is no longer welcome here and should leave with haste. Otherwise, Morg will remove him forcefully. The cosmic hero replies that Morg is the subject to which he must be heard. Galactus turns his attention towards the Surfer. As their exchange begins, the battle continues outside with Morg pinning Firelord, his deadly axe raised! But before he can land a lethal blow, Nova fires upon him from behind and Air-Walker prepares for yet another strike at their common foe! (Anyone notice that when it came to the actual slugfest, the Silver Surfer didn’t fight too hard over being convinced to get lost? Cough…..wussy…..cough…..!)

Galactus fires energy from his eyes at the Surfer, but he blocks with energy from his clenched fist! Galactus, it seems, will not be told what to do! Back at the fight, Air-Walker smacks Morg’s axe from his grasp! He follows with another punch towards the face! But Morg easily dodges this time and tears Air-Walker’s arm from his body and strikes the automaton with it! (With his own arm?! That’s friggin’ metal, baby! No pun intended.) Back in the ship, the Silver Surfer blasts Galactus in his titanic eye! This enrages the ancient god! Outside, Morg nearly obliterates Air-Walker, using his own arm as a club! He’s stopped by an attack from both sides by the airborne forms of Firelord and Nova! Inside, Galactus uses his enormous hand to swat the hero again and again into the ship’s wall! Morg casts Nova far away with his power! He then picks up his weapon and advances upon Firelord with a menacing grin! The Surfer falls into Galactus’ outstretched hand. He stands up bravely and defiantly. This act finally gets the god to stop and listen.

Firelord raises his firey staff, ready for an attack. Morg strikes to quickly however! He knocks the staff far away and then follows with a deep wound to Firelord’s chest! In disbelief, he drops! Inside, Galactus speaks of how he has left many ex-Heralds, possessing the Power Cosmic, in his time. A mistake he will rectify right now…..with all of their deaths! Morg raises his axe to finish the job! But he hears Terrax gloat from behind that he shouldn’t concern himself with fodder. Terrax is the only one here worthy of a true fight! Morg appears intrigued. Back within the ship, as Galactus prepares to kill the Silver Surfer, he pleads one final time. If he doesn’t depower Morg, though the Surfer and his allies may fall this day, other heroes are sure to come. Galactus will not know a moments peace as long as his new Herald acts in his stead! Galactus’ eyes stop glowing. He speaks with two simple words, “Very well.” (Did you guys get whiplash from going back and forth from Galactus to Morg? You did? Umm. I’m sure it wasn’t from reading my article. Go sue someone else. Go sue Disney.)

While the two cosmic axes meet with a fierce clash outside, Galactus and the Silver Surfer exit the spacecraft. As they begin their descent toward the ongoing battle, Terrax’s axe suddenly shatters! Terrax is shocked enough that it allows Morg time to follow with a forearm to the face! Terrax falls! Morg prepares to then behead his new enemy! But, as the Surfer yells out in terror, a returning Nova blasts the axe away! (Man, this guy hasn’t decapitated a single person this whole issue. Poor guy. It’s really messed up when people interrupt others when they’re trying to enjoy their hobbies.) The Surfer lands and asks for an update on his comrades’ wellbeing. As Nova does as asked, no-one sees as Morg picks up his fallen weapon! The Surfer cries out once again, but it’s all too late. Nova is cut down! She falls into the Silver Surfer’s arms and perishes there. An enraged Silver Surfer powers up to his max and approaches a happily awaiting Morg! But before this battle can begin, Galactus puts a gigantic hand between the two as he roars for this to stop this very minute! The two Heralds look up to the angered god!

It was Nova’s murder that made up Galactus’ mind. The ancient god told Morg as such as he stripped the madman of the Power Cosmic that he had gifted him. Morg roared in outrage as he was depowered. Galactus then took his leave. The Surfer wasted no time. He attacked Morg with an energy blast before he could do the same! However, Morg still had enough might to triumph. He blocked the attack! But before he could retaliate, Terrax hammered him in the back of his skull with his fist! Not to be undone yet, Morg throws Terrax into the Surfer! That’s when a one-armed Air-Walker grabbed hold of the monster and held him while a recovered Firelord and Terrax shot him with powerful blasts again and again! The Surfer soon joins them with his own power! Terrax waits for Morg to fall before he picks up his axe. He raises Morg’s own weapon to finish him off! The Surfer tries to stop him from ending the villain’s wretched life, but too late! As the blade sinks into hardened flesh, there’s a gigantic explosion! (Finally, someone hits with an axe blow! Am I right, folks? Damn!)

Not too long after, Morg’s smoking skeleton lies with the axe still wedged where his heart once was! Terrax removes it for himself. Galactus, momentarily interested, turns to finally leave. But he’s stopped by Firelord. If Galactus will reform his old friend, Air-Walker, they will both serve as Heralds, locating unpopulated world’s for the god to feast upon. Galactus agrees after a short moment of contemplation. Galactus leaves as the remaining Heralds place Nova’s corpse upon the Silver Surfer’s board. They send her off into a nearby sun. Firelord and Air-Walker say their farewells and then leave with the ever-hungry ancient one. Terrax and the Surfer make an uneasy pact to leave one another to their own business. Terrax then flies off himself. This leaves only the Silver Surfer on the barren world. Alone, he mourns the true hero here today. The one who gave her very life. Nova.

End.

90s Comics, 90s Marvel, Uncategorized

Hark the Heralds (part 5 of 6)

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Here it is, folks! Coming straight to you from my bathroom as I sit upon my porcelain throne, part five of six is completed in my comprehensive look back at the Silver Surfer: “Herald Ordeal” epic! (Guys, I’m starting to think I have stomach issues…..) Now, on with the story!

Terrax sat upon a large rock on the nearly barren world, seething in hatred. He had been exiled here not so long ago by his hated enemy, the Silver Surfer. He’d lost track of how long he’d been trapped here alone. But as he saw it, the longer his time here, the sweeter his revenge would be. As he was lost in thought, a familiar voice called out to him from behind. Turning, he saw the very person he was just imagining ripping limb from limb, the Surfer himself! And he wasn’t alone. He had three other ex-Heralds of Galactus with him! (Why am I not overly confident that Terrax will join up without a fight? This is a comic book though. Characters throw down, destroying whole city blocks, over lesser things like being shorted one McNugget sauce packet.) The Silver Surfer began by asking to make a bargain. But the Surfer barely said another word before Terrax answered with a mighty blow to the cosmic hero’s face!

The Surfer had hoped to bypass all of this. Very well. If Terrax wouldn’t listen of his own free will, he would be forced to. He ordered his companions to encircle and attack! Firelord and Air-Walker struck first, each grabbing one of Terrax’s mighty arms. But he used his superior strength to smash the two into one another, taking them momentarily out of the game! He then grabbed for a weapon. Finding a long stone, he snapped it out of the ground and formed a club. Terrax swung this new weapon at Nova’s beautiful face! But Firelord had regained his strength and blocked this blow with his flaming staff! Firelord threw Terrax to the ground where Air-Walker punched their foe in the face with all of his mechanical might! But this wasn’t enough. Terrax threw Air-Walker into an unsuspecting Firelord, taking the two male beings out of the fight once again! (Well, things seem to be going rather smashingly. That is if you’re talking about Terrax smashing Firelord and Air-Walker together like cymbals! Where’s the Surfer in all of this anyway? One pimp-slap and the dude’s off crying somewhere?)

Terrax then quickly spun around to use his club to block an energy blast that he’d expected from behind from Nova! He beat the ground between them quickly, knocking loose rubble that struck Nova and blinded her! He then stood over her and swung downwards, ready to cave in her firey skull! But instead, he struck the Silver Surfer’s hovering surfboard! A hand then grabbed the monster’s head from behind, spun him around, and the Surfer uppercut him with all of his power, knocking Terrax sailing through the air! (About damn time! I mean, wussy move, but at least it was a move. Man, where’s Wolverine when you need a manly fight to read about? Sigh…..) Terrax rose moments later. He backed towards an enormous drop-off with only crashing waves and stone to break his fall! He would not be imprisoned. He’d take his own life first! The Surfer merely stated that this would only stun Terrax and they’d have words anyway. Sighing, Terrax begrudgingly agreed to listen.

(Damn! Was it me, or did that at all remind you of the alleyway brawl in the cult classic film, “They Live”? Just put on the damn glasses already! Jeez!) It was then that the Silver Surfer told the tale of the newest and most bloodthirsty Herald of Galactus, Morg. Terrax seemed unfazed by this tale. After all, anyone who could frighten his own enemy to this degree was fine by him. What was in it for him to join these do-gooders? What did he care? Perhaps if he was granted his freedom from this accursed rock? The Surfer thought on it and then, against his allies’ wishes, he agreed. But first, Terrax demanded that they find his cosmic axe that was cast into an asteroid field when he was taken here. Again, the Surfer agreed. And so off into deep space the former Heralds journeyed in search of Terrax’s deadly weapon.

When they finally located the large asteroid in which the Surfer thought he had thrown the axe not so long ago, the Heralds all split up in search of the item. It was Air-Walker that located it with his superior sensors. Terrax took his mighty axe in his hands and smiled a fiendish smile. Nova and the Silver Surfer walked a bit away from the others, discussing strategy. As they did, Terrax slowly advanced behind them, bladed weapon raised to strike! Nova suddenly saw this and cried out to the hero to duck! But the Surfer calmly turned instead, questioning if Terrax was quite done. Terrax scoffed and replied that yes, he was done finding the balance to his long-lost cosmic axe. Now they could all leave this place and bring the fight to Morg! Hell had better make room for a new arrival, because this particular madman’s days were officially numbered now!

To be concluded…..