I defy any of you to best me at the “Monster in my Pocket” game on the original Nintendo! Come at me, bro! That said, the “Monster in my Pocket” miniature figures began appearing in toy and department stores in 1990. They were colorful, detailed, and just plain awesome! They would continue to be produced until 1992 by Matchbox. For those of you that don’t know, these small rubber figurines depicted fantastic monsters ranging from folklore to mythology throughout the world. But enough with the history lesson. Let’s begin our look back at the first issue of their short-lived but amazing comic book series…..

In a dark and faraway castle, two of the world’s greatest monsters clash in a titanic struggle! The Warlock catches his longtime foe, the Vampire, in a ring of arcane power! But the Vampire is one step ahead and escapes by transforming his body into mist! That’s when the two finally halt their fight. They’re just too evenly matched. The Vampire reasons that the Warlock would have the monsters of the world conquer humanity now, while he doesn’t think the time is ripe and to wait awhile longer. Warlock agrees with this. Vampire continues that perhaps, rather than continuing their endless struggle, each of them will amass the biggest groups of the world’s most terrifying creatures and the leader with the largest number of followers will win the contest and implement his plan unheeded. The Warlock agrees and the two alpha monsters take their leave to begin recruiting. (Yeah, I know. The Vampire is obviously Count Dracula with a baldness problem and who the hell knows what the Warlock’s real name is. Why are their monikers so bland, you ask? The answer is simple: Dracula was offended by being turned into a colorful toy and threatened to sue. What an ass!)

The Vampire approaches the Werewolf first while the Warlock travels to Medusa’s temple, the hidden lair of the Phantom of the Opera, and to parts unknown to convince Great Beast itself to join his cause. The Vampire next finds and reasons with Frankenstein’s Monster and talks with the Mummy. This recruiting goes on and on until the monsters have raised their horrifying groups. They then meet at the secret point on Earth where evil was first born. (I’m guessing that’s somewhere in Iowa. What?! I was born and still reside in Iowa! Damn! Sensitive much?) As the hellish legions stare at one another across a great divide in the firey, rocky earth, the Vampire confers with the Mummy about how strangely the Warlock’s monsters are behaving. The Warlock turns to Medusa at this time and she admits that the Vampire has the numbers in his favor. Warlock simply asks a minion if the elements to his plan were in readiness. The two enemies then raise a toast before they begin counting. It’s then that a great flash occurs and all present are momentarily blinded as they’re engulfed in intense light!

The Vampire’s group of monsters awaken in darkness. For those not blessed with night vision, a gremlin lights a match to illuminate their surroundings. They all appear to be trapped, surrounded by strong walls! Cursing the Warlock for his obvious treachery, the Vampire tries to break them free. Nothing. But when it comes to superior strength, the Frankenstein Monster is nearly unmatched. He easily punches a hole through their prison wall. Looking about, they’re all surprised to find that their “prison” was no more than an overturned cardboard box and that they are only mere inches tall! To make matters worse, a stray cat has just discovered what it presumes to be an easy meal! Meanwhile, the Warlock and his band of creatures are discovering that they are in the same situation but in a completely different location! The master of arcane magic is outraged that his vampiric adversary would sink low enough to shrink him and his beastly cohorts. (Awww! Aren’t they cute? Question: How has everyone been meeting Medusa’s cursed gaze without becoming no more than stone statues? Ah! The writer didn’t expect my level of nerdy attention to detail! Fool!)

Back at Vampire’s camp, Werewolf howls in outrage that a mere house cat would threaten him! Against Vampire’s orders, he sprigs and attacks the feline! But alas, he’s knocked aside with a swift swipe from the cat’s clawed paw! The cat advances upon the fallen Werewolf! But the ground beneath it’s paws erupts with mud and sludge! Afraid the alley cat retreats! The Swamp Beast slowly emerges from the ground. They have all been saved from a grisly fate. Vampire decides that they need to escape to a safer place to think. Without warning, Frankenstein’s Monster throws the Mummy into the back of a parked pickup truck! He then motions for the others to climb the deceased Egyptian’s wrappings! They do so and plot as the titanic vehicle pulls away. Vampire asks if, should they discover a proper laboratory, Dr. Jekyll could perhaps reverse whatever has been done to them. Unsure, the doctor agrees to try. (A million New Kids on the Block advertisements later, we arrive at the next part of our tale. Sheesh!)

Later, after leaving the relative safety of the vehicle, the monsters round a fire hydrant the size of a large house. The Vampire is lost in thought by this time, worried for the fate of his monstrous companions. He pauses as the others walk on. He suddenly spies a woman’s ankle several times his size as a female pedestrian walks unknowingly overhead the Lord of the Undead! Unable to control his base instincts, he transforms into a miniscule bat and flies towards her exposed neck! As the others roar for him to stop, the Vampire bites down! Annoyed by this slight irritation, she smacks what she presumes to be a mosquito! The dazed Vampire plummets towards the sidewalk! Luckily, the Swamp Beast’s soft body breaks his fall! The monsters are covered with disgusting swamp muck as it flies everywhere! Still ravenous with hunger, Vampire runs after the woman, grabbing hold to one of her swiftly moving heels! The other monsters follow their leader, afraid for his very life! (Well, someone has a fetish! And for once, it’s not Quentin Tarantino! Ewww! But I digress. “Pulp Fiction” and “Reservoir Dogs” are the bomb, yo!)

But, in order to not only save his leader, but the others as well, Frankenstein’s Monster forcibly removes the Vampire from the woman’s person! The only damage done is a slit in her stockings from sharp vampiric fingernails. Regaining his senses, Vampire orders the monsters to take cover. He spies a jacket hanging from a rack in the clothing store they’re now in and orders them into the chest pocket. Unfortunately, this is the same jacket that’s purchased by a young teen moments later. The teen, Jack, flirts with the sales girl while she rings up his purchase. The monsters listen on while he shyly asks the girl out on a date. The girl, Tina, accepts and Jack puts on the jacket before he even leaves the store. He heads home soon after, a huge smile on his face. When Jack reaches his house, he rushes in the door, barely acknowledging his parents or his younger brother, Tom, on the way up the stairs to his bedroom. He absently tosses the garment over his desk chair as he prepares for his night out. He sits back then and hears complaints emanating from his new jacket’s pocket! (Watch out, Jack! There’s monsters in the pocket! See what I did there? You know? Like the toyline name…..I’m so underappreciated…..)

Jack investigates just as soon as the monsters exit the pocket. Instead of crying out in shock, Jack seems more curious and amused than anything. He asks who they are and how they got to be in his jacket pocket. But instead of answering, the Vampire attempts to mesmerize Jack with his hypnotic gaze. It fails miserably. But though his powers seem to be diminished at this size, the Frankenstein Monster still has a good portion of his strength! He leaps towards the teen’s face and punches him square in the nose! Shocked, Jack retreats from the monsters a bit. This only lasts for a moment before an argument begins between the Vampire and the human youth! Tom passes by his brother’s closed door and hears a commotion. He opens the door and witnesses his brother lying on his back on the carpet with a small army of miniature creatures attacking him! Tom looks to a bowl he was carrying a snack inside. Without thinking he lunges at the small creatures and covers them with the bowel, trapping them! (Bet you didn’t think an ancient monster’s main weakness was Tupperware! Drains them of their unholy abilities. And keeps them fresh! )

While Tom covers the dish with a lid and seals it shut, Jack briefly describes what all had occurred to his younger brother. Tom seems to take this strange story in stride. He lifts the bowl up and promises out loud to free the monsters should they vow to behave. They agree and are released. The Vampire explains to the two humans their plight and desperate need of a lab. Jack replies that he can take them all to his high school’s lab in the morning, but for now, he has a date. (Way to think only of your hormones there, Jack!) Tom agrees to look after them while Jack heads out. Tom sets them all in front of the television to keep them occupied. Oddly enough, it works! Jack leaves the house and jumps onto his motorcycle. He speeds off. But his exit doesn’t go unnoticed. The Warlock and Medusa watch his departure with keen interest from the bushes! While on his date, Jack stumbles over his words hopelessly. That’s when he begins to hear advice in his ear on how to woo the girl. The Vampire, having secretly tagged along, is hiding upon Jack’s shoulder! And though Jack ruins every poetic line he’s given, Tina finds him charming nonetheless.

Back at home, the monsters are interrupted from watching a late-night show by the sudden appearance of the Warlock’s face on the screen! He orders an attack! That’s when the other group of monsters burst from the device, shattering the screen as they do so! The Vampire’s group are surprised to discover that the Warlock’s monsters are shrunk down as well! Elsewhere, Jack receives a kiss at the end of his date. He’s walking on air when he returns to his home. But he is far from prepared from what he finds as he opens his bedroom door! Two armies of history’s most terrifying creatures are fighting a titanic war upon his bedspread! The Vampire leaves Jack’s pocket in mist form and pleads for Jack’s assistance! Looking around, the youth discovers a fly-swatter. Taking it in his hand, he attacks the enemy monsters! Unprepared for this onslaught, the Warlock calls for a tactical retreat! They then hastily escape from his open bedroom window. Jack and Tom’s father would later question the state of the wrecked television set. The boys would reply that the picture tube must have blown. Satisfied with this response, he leaves the brothers alone. It looks like things are about to get really interesting in their young lives!

End.