Aaaand….I’m back! Yes. I have traveled back from the mystical far-off Land of Marvel and returned to the space-age World of Image. It was a long and costly journey, wrought with peril and danger! I lost many of my traveling companions along the way, victims of “The Mouse” and his army of killer princesses! *Sob*…they…they sang while they slaughtered them! Who does that?! Monsters! Sigh…oh well. I must proceed. (They would have wanted that.)
When we last left John Prophet he was on the run from Ragnarok, and by his only ally, Kirby! Very little time has passed since then. A transport of sorts comes to a halt in the frozen wilderness of Colorado. Out steps three of Ragnarok’s cybernetic warriors called Disciples. The last to step forward is a much smaller man. By the familiar half-smoked cigar between his lips and his distinctive white hair, we know this to be Kirby himself. Their arrival does not go unnoticed. Their prey watches them from a snowy bank, fuming with rage at the sight of his “friend” allied with the enemy! (Greetings, fight fans! Boy, do we have a slobber-knocker lined up for you tonight! In one corner, the traitor stands. Yes, we know he’s an old fart and the size of a kindergartner, but he must still be tough, right? In the other corner, the warrior hero with luxurious hair and muscles to spare…John Prophet! -Applause!- Let’s get ready to rumble!)
Suddenly, one of the Disciples spies Prophet! It reacts quickly, firing a killing shot! Prophet curses himself silently for hesitating as the shot hits him! The force propels him through the air, engulfing him in a painful energy field! He hits the frozen ground. The Disciple is quickly on him, attacking before Prophet can rise! The warrior’s instincts take over, and he strikes back reflexively and races off into the woods as the cyborg is momentarily stunned! Not to be outdone, the creature fires off one of his robotic hands! (Yep. You read that right. He fired off his hand as an attack. Now, call me crazy, but I’d definitely be hit by this strange maneuver as I’d be screaming like a pansy at the very sight of my enemy’s rocket-propelled hand approaching my face! Am I alone here?) It catches up to the hero quickly and knocks him through the frozen top of a nearby lake! He plunges downward, through the unbearably icy water. The cyborg follows.
The two combatants grapple as they sink. The Disciple holds Prophet in a bear hug and energizes its body, electrocuting both of them. Enraged, the hero throws the villain off of him. He then pulls a metallic bo staff weapon. It snaps to full length quickly. He then whirls it around, aiming it like a rifle. The tip fires a devastating energy burst at the shocked enemy! The Disciple floats, unmoving. The warrior emerges from the icy waters. He carries the battle-damaged cyborg on his shoulders like a macabre trophy! (I won’t even crack a joke here about the dangers of shrinkage.)
John Prophet carries the limp being for a distance from the other enemies. He then drops it into a clearing in the snow. Taking the padding from either side of his face and pulling, they unattach, revealing wiring underneath! He takes the wires from his temples and attaches the other ends to the battered Disciple’s head. It awakens with a jolt. It then speaks. It claims that it now serves Jonathan Taylor Prophet! (And here I thought those things were earmuffs or something!)
The next issue, we find ourselves back at Ragnarok HQ. Philip Omen stands, lit cigarette in hand, surveying all around him with extreme satisfaction. (Why are supervillains in comic books always holding a goblet or glass of wine? Sorry. The cig just reminded me of it. Is it to represent that they’re just so relaxed and at peace with being evil? Nah. They’re just so evil that, even in their off time, they have to do something naughty.)
Why is this madman smiling more than usual? Because Judas, the female winged terror from the future, has come to present day with a message. She tells him that, in her time, his Disciples rule all and that he is seen as a type of messiah. She is but his servant. Her mission? To kill John Prophet before he can become a threat! After she departs on her “holy mission” Omen turns and speaks to the hologram of a red-skinned being. The being, Darkthorn, is pleased with these recent developments, but to make sure that his and Omen’s dream in fact becomes reality, he will be sending someone else to assure it. (Damn! Sexist much? Like Judas can’t get the job done because she’s a woman?! I am appalled! I believe that women are our equals! They are not just pretty faces! Plus…Judas is hoooot!)
Elsewhere, back in the forests of Colorado, Kirby and the remaining Disciples search for Prophet. When they approach the frozen lake, they are met with a boobytrap! (Hehehe! I wrote the word “booby”! What? I’m getting old, but I can still find pleasure in the simpler things.) Prophet’s reprogrammed cyborg bursts through the ice! It opens fire on Kirby’s companion Disciple! Then, as if from the heavens, Prophet drops from above firing upon his once-ally! Not to be defeated, Kirby blasts Prophet’s minion and throws himself onto John’s back! Prophet throws Kirby over his head and the battle begins! The two warriors unleash holy hell upon one another until both are covered in their own blood and the blood of their opponent! Finally, both pull twin firearms at the same time! The standoff begins.
That’s when D.O.C.C. finally comes back online! The artificial intelligence calms Prophet’s rage. He lowers his weapons. Kirby sighs with relief. The two soldiers quickly make amends. They then decide it’s time to return to their shared mission. Omen and Ragnarok must be stopped!
While the heroes decide their next course of action, a portal opens not too far away. A monster of a man emerges. He is obviously the one Darkthorn spoke of. His name is Crypt and the war has now truly begun!
To be continued…..

Dedicated to my nephew, Blade Lee Miller, for his 21st. birthday! Happy birthday and I love you! Now go forth and make the bars sorry they ever invented their “free birthday drink” policy! Mwahahahahaha!

The cell doors open, and among several highly-armored, gigantic guards stands “Mary” and… (Note to self: Pausing for dramatic effect is a fantastic stalling mechanism when pretending to pass yourself off as a professional writer) the man who stabbed him through the chest in his nightmare!
Meanwhile in Washington, D.C., a strange woman stops her trek through a filthy alleyway. She places a canister-like object on the ground and opens it. Bladed projectiles shoot from the device’s innards forming strange, metallic wings on the woman’s back! She declares that she is called Judas and that John Prophet’s days are numbered! She then soars away, like an angel of death! (Wonder how I knew her name was Judas? She talked to herself literally the whole page! I know that comics aren’t supposed to be very realistic, but, the whole page? Get some therapy, lady!)
The board of directors for Ragnarok meet to discuss the possibility for creating more advanced soldiers, like Jonathan Prophet. Omen, however, has other plans. He declares that he would rather move forward with his pet project. This would entail androids with sophisticated A.I. to pose as humans, to get close to their targets, and to assassinate them with perfect efficiency. (So, basically he plans on creating Terminators? Real original idea there. Wait! How about taking it a step further and creating cybernetic police officers? We’ll call them Robocops!) To illustrate his point, Omen rips the flesh from his face, revealing a robotic skull underneath! The real Philip Omen then enters the room, confident he has made his point.
We begin the next issue with Prophet attached to a futuristic-looking device. He watches them like a hawk from his restraints as they take samples and put him through test after test. (Think Clockwork Orange on steroids! I mean, look at the picture below! He looks more pissed than afraid. Hell, I’m nervous to have a filling fixed!)
As the testing continues, everyone is watching with wrapped fascination. From the higher-ups at Ragnarok, down to even the soldiers. Kirby is also allowed to watch, but he grows more angry by the moment. Omen decides it’s best to now test the subjects’ mind in virtual battle scenarios. As the program begins, D.O.C.C., the orbiting satellite that powers and also keeps Prophet in check enters his mind. At first, it attempts to keep him calm and collected. But when Prophet suddenly finds himself in the winter of Nazi Germany, during World War Two, the warriors mind takes over instinctively, pushing the mechanized voice out. He is now fully reliving his bloody memories!
The warrior stalks his prey, hungry for their screams and the spraying of their life’s blood! He almost pities the enemy. Almost. He strikes without hesitation or mercy! He unloads shell after shell into their bodies, still warm as they drop, in broken pieces, to the cold snow beneath their feet! And then, suddenly he finds himself in the hot jungles of Vietnam. Once again, he watches the enemy before striking. He fires automatic hellfire upon them, dropping their corpses like flaming, tattered ragdolls! (I feel so unmanly as I write this. I wasn’t even a Boy Scout! Excuse me as I weep like a wee child…)
Omen is warned again and again by Kirby and the others around him, but still he pushes Prophet deeper into his own raging mind. Prophet spies a woman running from him in terror! His soldier mind takes over. She is the enemy. She must be slain. Looking closer, he sees that she is with child. Prophet battles with his conscience as she flees! But his instincts win over his humanity. He pulls the trigger! He turns. Suddenly, his father, a man of God stands before him! He exclaims his utter disgust at his son’s actions. He then tells John that only Hell awaits his soul now. He turns and disappears. Prophet roars for his father as he fires his rifles to the heavens in rage and misery! (Damn! I gots me some writing skills! I’m all goose-pimply at my descriptions! Yay, me!)
That’s when the machines that are hooked to him read that he is dead! The installation instantly goes into an uproar! That’s when they discover that John’s not dead, he’s disconnected and running free! Armed with only two bladed weapons, he cuts his way through the seemingly endless groups of heavily-armed guards! Soon, he bursts free of the compound! Now acting only on animal-like instinct, he takes possession of an advanced tank. And so, just like that, Prophet was free once again! (Whew! Action-packed, eh, folks? I know! I’m so excited, I peed myself a little! Umm. Note to self: Delete this sentence before this article goes to print.) We end this tale with Omen trying frantically to come up with a plan. That’s when the small man, Kirby, pipes up. He’ll take Prophet down himself!
When we last left Prophet and Kirby, they were attempting to break into an installation that, once within, would hopefully reestablish Prophet’s link to the satellite, D.O.C.C., therefore bringing the warrior back to full power. What they hadn’t counted on, was the sheer number of robotic soldiers that would resist their entry! (Seriously! You’d think that with the high number of high-tech automatons present, the government had money to literally throw away! Ah, America!)
Kirby enters a password into the computer console and wham! A beam from the now-active satellite hits John Prophet full force, bathing him in energy!
…..right now!
While the heroes get ready to fight, a helicopter circles the base below. It is inhabited by two people. One, a military pilot. The other? Mrs. “Red Dress” herself, Mary! Meanwhile, in the base, the heroes attack! Prophet makes his way past Cabbot with a well-aimed slice of his blades but immediately finds himself attacked by the clawed member of Bloodstrike, Deadlock!(Look everybody! We found Wolverine’s long lost twin brother! Isn’t he going to be happy?)
As the two battle, Deadlock tries to get under the skin of our hero by speaking ill of the Bible. This is not a smart idea! Prophet puts everything he has into one mighty punch! Say goodbye to Deadlock! But, as Prophet just won his battle, Kirby’s has just begun! The small man faces two highly-trained, super-powered women at the same time!
Good thing too. Because his partner is in need of serious aid as the mechanical monster fires countless bullets at him as it approaches! But with all of the attention on Kirby, Shogun doesn’t notice Prophet leap onto its shoulders! Too late! Prophet twists and pulls the giant metal head free of its body, ending the fight for good! (Daaaaaaamn! That’s all I can say here. Return to the narrative, already in progress….)
This moment of victory is interrupted by a woman’s voice telling both men to stand down. Turning, Prophet sees the woman he loved so many decades ago, Mary! The mighty warrior is in a state of utter disbelief! She then orders their surrender! Will they do so? Find out next time, loyal Unspoken-ites! This is Symbifan, back and badder than ever, baby! (God, it feels great to write again! Oh, and don’t think Mary’s horrendous choice in dress escaped my notice!)
This article is dedicated to you, the readers, for waiting month after month until I finally get these reviews out. Recently, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. This causes me to just drop off to sleep whenever and wherever it feels like it. With this going on, I have felt like I have been in a complete coma for about a year. (Hence my comical beginning to this article.) That said, know that I am now on the road to recovery and I couldn’t appreciate your patience more.