Wait a minute! Isn’t this supposed to be a website dedicated to comic books of the 1990’s? What’re these Golden Age superheroes from the days of World War II doing here? Psych! This article’s about the 4-part 90’s Marvel miniseries starring the Invaders! I bet you were really fooled, huh? (I’m well aware that I didn’t fool anyone and that this intro wasn’t funny in the slightest. Bear with me here. It’s still early in the morning as I write this.) Well, should we begin before I make an even bigger ass out of myself? Let’s…..

Our tale begins in the summer of 1942. President Roosevelt and Prime Minister Churchill had just met over recent attacks off of the Atlantic seaboard and in the Caribbean where Axis submarine attacks were seriously hurting the Allied effort. If this kept up, the tide of the war might turn in favor of the enemy. At this very moment, off the coast of New York City, torpedoes fire with sinister intent from a Nazi submarine! But unbeknownst to the hated Ratzis, the Invaders were hovering overhead within their high-tech, Atlantean airship! The Human Torch and Namor the Submariner burst from the strange craft, ready for battle! Namor swims at high speed toward the aquatic projectile, grabs hold of it, and turns it back towards the Nazis! (I’d be more scared of the tiny trunks he’s wearing than of the returning torpedo! Awkwaaaard!) The explosion forces them to emerge! The enemy tries to use their guns to fire back at the two superpowered beings, but soon find that they’re no match for Namor’s powerful fists and the Human Torch’s fireballs! That’s when things get really interesting! Captain America leaps from the hovering plane, straight into the middle of the rumble!

As expected, this scuffle doesn’t last long. But as the trio of heroes try to decide what to do with their prisoners, the Human Torch fires a barrage of fireballs at the enemy craft. They don’t reach their target however! An energy field has stopped them cold! Looking at this energy’s source, they see five, strangely dressed people now standing upon the craft! They introduce themselves as the Battle-Axis and it is quite apparent which side they’re on in this war! Captain America is confused. These beings sound American! He questions them and they immediately admit that they are! More so than Cap’s Atlantean and synthetic companions! Namor wants to rush them, but the Captain stops him, awaiting an actual attack. He doesn’t have to wait long as electricity fires from one of the men’s fists at the Human Torch! That was it! The battle cry sounds and they charge at their enemies! (Jeez, Cap! Why wait for an attack? You know they’re bad guys. It’s not like they’re there to invite you to a pottery class! They’re Nazi sympathizers!)

Captain America meets his sparring partner first. But the enemy, the Human Meteor, leaps over this attack as the woman behind him, the Spider Queen, fires webbing from her wrists, entangling the star-spangled hero so that he falls over, unable to snap this cocoon! The Spider Queen admits aloud that she hates to attack him, but she won’t side with those that stand with Russians. Cap replies that the Russians are our allies in this bloody war. She should stand by them as he does. This comment enrages her and she kicks him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him! Meanwhile, Namor strikes at his assailant, Strong Man he calls himself. But the large man is way to strong, even for the Avenging Son of Atlantis! He strikes again and again with powerful punches! The Human Meteor tries to help, but Strong Man orders him back! He’s been bullied all of his life and the Prince of Atlantis is his and his alone! (Man, these guys are real pros! They even have the time to introduce themselves in the midst of fierce hand-to-hand combat! Impressive!)

At this moment the Human Torch battles his opponent, Volton, to no avail! His fireballs seem to do very little and while he’s in the midst of throwing more, Volton suddenly encircles the Torch in an aura of electricity, frying him slowly! Never to be beaten by Nazi scum, Captain America uses all of his superior strength to pull out of the webs and slaps the Spider Queen unconscious with a tap! (Lol! Heaven forbid we strike a female Nazi with a closed hand! She might get her widdle evil feewings hurt.) But while Cap’s attention is on this, the last villain, Dr. Death, fires a tranquilizer dart strong enough to penetrate the Invaders leader’s chainmail and knock him unconscious with the toxin within! But just as the supervillains are arguing about how to murder their foes, the Atlantean ship comes from nowhere and hits the Nazi boat! The force knocks the severely injured Invaders into the ocean! The members of Battle-Axis decide to leave in the damaged U-boat. They’ve proven their point. But water is the realm of Namor and he quickly awakens due to the liquid’s healing properties upon his hybrid flesh. He quickly pulls his comrades ashore.

The Invaders make it to the docks where they’re helped ashore by concerned citizens with warm towels for the heroes. But there’s never time to rest in this war. After a brief thanks, the three take off into the air while the dock workers look on in disbelief. They fly to the roof of Times Tower where the Torch puts Cap down and then descends himself. Namor follows suit. They enter the building with the Human Torch lighting the way in the darkness. But in this darkness, a figure suddenly attacks the Torch, knocking the artificial man to the ground! But before he can retaliate, Captain America stops him. The attacker is none other than the Thin Man, stretchy hero of the Liberty Legion! Thin Man apologizes as he thought they were Nazi saboteurs. Cap briefly asks of the whereabouts of the other Legionnaires until he’s satisfied that everyone’s safe. Thin Man asks what brings the famous Invaders from their headquarters in London. The trio speak of investigating news of Nazi planning attacks in the States. That’s when they bring up their superpowered attackers. The Thin Man seems to know who they’re speaking of immediately. (Now I’ve seen stretchy superheroes in comics most of my life, but the Thin Man creeps me out! He’s like a roadside accident. You don’t want to look, but…..) He pulls out files and files on superpowered people from America that have suddenly switched sides! The members of Battle-Axis are in those files!

At this precise moment, a loving couple walks through a beautiful park on Manhattan’s east side. They speak of new love and silly, past squabbles until they suddenly kiss. But as they share this romantic moment, the woman notices a shimmer of something metallic out in the water. Both look more intently and recognize the form of a submarine below the water! That’s when the two burst into action, quickly changing into costume! Within moments, Miss America and the Whizzer race into action! (Yeah, I know. He’s called “The Whizzer” and he wears a yellow costume. Grow up, you guys! Heehee. Might as well call him “Pee-Man”.) The two superheroes debate what would bring a sub this close inland. This conversation allows them to be blindsided by the quick fists of Battle-Axis’ Human Meteor and for Miss America to be ensnared by the Spider Queen’s webs! Both heroes seem to be battered unconscious at this point! The villains speak of their scheme to now travel to the Mojave Desert for the next part of their plan as they begin to tie up their prey more securely. But Miss America suddenly breaks free of her bindings! She realizes she can’t rescue the Whizzer as well as escape! She must leave him behind to go get help! The Human Meteor and Volton spring into action, giving chase!

Miss America twists and turns through the air, trying in vain to shake her pursuers, but they stay on her tail, gaining on her! Finally she does some quick thinking and falls back, grabbing both villains by their arms! She then swings them into one another with explosive results! When they come to, Miss America is gone. Was she incinerated by the blast, or did she somehow escape? The Human Meteor and Volton decide to report back to Dr. Death that the heroine is no more. They take their leave. Meanwhile, hanging by one weakened arm from a steeple of a nearby church, Miss America tries not to fall! What will become of her lover should she perish? She decides she’d rather not find out!

To be continued! Stay tuned and remember to buy War Bonds for the war effort!