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HITMAN – TO ALL THE BOYS AT NOONAN’S by Darry Weight

“Come on, a giant space monster ate the sun last year. People get used to stuff.”

Not sure why I start each article with a quote but there are worse places to steal an idea from than The Wire. This time around the words of wisdom are those of your hero and mine, Tommy Monaghan.

Hitman by Garth Ennis and John McCrea ran from 1996 through 2001 with the title character having appeared a few years earlier during Bloodlines. If you are not familiar with that particular crossover please do not Google it. It is not worth it.

The finest use of superpower ever.
The finest use of superpower ever.

Tommy is a stranger in a strange land. He is a hired killer with a heart o’ gold living and operating in Gotham City, but that is not the strange part. The strange is that Hitman was a DC comic with 60+ issues and no “Vertigo” banner. It was set in the same world as each and every bit of ridiculousness (see the opening quote about The Final Night) that accompanies superhero comics but it was never really a superhero comic.

Tommy has superpowers, though half the stories (thankfully all collected, and you can Google them) do not feature them. I am pretty sure Ennis had given up on them by the time Superman actually makes an appearance in the Eisner award winning issue #34 (dollar bins were created by whatever higher power you believe in just so you can get this issue cheap). He does not have a secret identity and the extent of his costume is the green trench coat. In any other story he would be the guy a member of the Bat-Family beats down for information or name-dropped by Matches Malone.

What Tommy’s adventures did that few other superhero comics do, or superhero stories regardless of medium accomplish, was to reinstate that sense of scope. When something is described as awesome does it really fill with awe? Maybe, but when Tommy and his sidekick/partner, Natt the Hat, are sent back in time to inadvertently hunt the dinosaurs the first thing the reader is shown is the character struck dumb by how magnificent the beast before him is. Time travel is a bit of a trope, but I cannot think of the last time a character acknowledged the limitless potential and wonder of their world.

Yes, that is a dog-eared corner. That's how often this gets read.
Yes, that is a dog-eared corner. That’s how often this gets read.

This used to be the Marvel Method. Throw someone the reader feels as if they know into “The Unknown” and see what shenanigans are had. It is still around today, but for me this is where it was done best. Tommy’s not in the Justice League (though either Grant Morrison or Howard Porter were fans because he makes a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it-wait-that-analogy-does-not-work-in-print appearance in JLA during a membership drive) and he is not likely to fight the Crime Syndicate should they come calling. He does live in a world where those things happen, and he never lets the reader forget that. Tommy also does not occupy a space that says superpower is necessarily a good thing. His ever present sunglasses are not because he is a Scott Summers-ian level prick but rather because his seldom used X-Ray vision has blacked-out his eyes and he does not want to scare off the ladies (which makes Tommy the only gunslinger in Gotham to not openly flaunt his horrible, supernatural disfigurement). He also has a bit of that old staple of 90s comics, Generic Psychic Powers. They tend to give him a headache so if you need him to use them he may tell you “not tonight.”

Fantastic Four, the book that began the Marvel Age, is being canceled and, across the street, the Legion of Superheroes is nowhere to be found. Both are the kind of heady, science fiction adventures that seem to have no place in today’s market. Outer space? Different dimensions? Lost kingdoms? No, thank you. Kids from a semi-utopian future who have conquered time travel? Nah, man, our future is gonna be filled with zombies. Or melting ice caps. Maybe we have just lost perspective and maybe our imaginations cannot function without it. The sharp, beautiful light of New Ideas planting themselves in our mind, amid the collection of fears and uncertainties, expanding what we “know we knew.” If Tommy had been dragged to the Negative Zone he would have found a bar, something familiar amid the weirdness. Maybe inadvertently inciting open revolt against some Generic Threat, if the beer had been warm, but he would never have thought of any of this as commonplace.

I wish John McCrea had drawn this issue, but look! Aztek!
I wish John McCrea had drawn this issue, but look! Aztek!

If you are lucky you may have had a friend try and push the series on you. They may have mentioned the bits everyone remembers: Six Pack, the hero whose power comes from alcoholism, and his team Section Either (with Dogwelder and Bueno Excellente as members), the few issues Tommy and his drinking buddies get stuck in the Gotham Aquarium during a George Romero style outbreak, and of course the time Tommy vomited on the Hero Gotham Deserves. Those made this book the Wizard pick of the month! Tommy never forgets that he lives and operates in the DCU even if he is not at the center of the larger action. Tommy’s Heroes were never afraid to call the Powers That Be on their nonsense and point out how the people the world is being saved for might view the goings-on. His adventures are most often what would happen if someone on the sidelines got pulled into the action.

Maybe you have not had anyone recommend this to you. Maybe you also read Future’s End, in which case, I am sorry but there is no treatment that has proven effective. Reading Hitman a decade and a half after it came to a satisfying conclusion shows how far away from good today’s stories can be. The spectacle of interconnectivity has always been the type of go-to cross promotion that superhero comics rely on. Lately both major companies’ narratives seem to be moving frantically toward a deep, dark center that nothing, certainly not compelling character driven stories, can escape. Maybe the singularity births a Brave New World of something we have not seen before but most likely there will just be Movies and TV Shows and nothing of the four color comics we all know and love (well everyone except Rick Remender – that boy seems to have issues and he is taking them out on the poor intellectual properties whose care has been temporarily entrusted to him).

Tommy may have begun life as a supporting character in The Demon (making him closer to being an actual Jack Kirby creation than any of the King’s older titles Dan DiDio keeps headlining), but his stories are mostly about a few guys sitting around drinking. Characters are often drawn lighting cigarettes and one tight little panel follows another to tell stories and deliver dialogue. When there are double-page spreads or splash pages in general there is purpose and meaning that carries the added weight from being used sparingly. My personal favorite story is The Old Dog. I will not spoil it here but the violent, revenge-fueled ending comes in between panels and feels as satisfying as any interplanetary brawl that the Avengers or Justice League have to deal with. What good is this to you? You do not know me (though “I am Baytor” if anyone asks). What is the appeal of being told how good this book was and is and will continue to be if you cannot be shown all the fun little details?

Because when you have read this book you do not forget it. Ever. Through the good, the bad, and the downright heartbreaking. When I speak to a comic fan there is no doubt whether or not they have read Hitman because if they have then we are old friends suddenly reminiscing about all the time spent at Noonan’s Sleazy Bar. If they have not then they have no idea what I am talking about which means that there is still time.

Hitman04
What I think of when someone mentions “Red Wedding.”

The Hero Gotham Does Not Need Right Now never got around to arresting Tommy, no matter how much of Gotham got wrecked. A lesser man would accuse Master Bruce of playing the social status card and never wanting to come down to “The Cauldron,” but I am sure he just had too other things to do (such as all those parent teacher conferences he must attend). If you have ever read a Daredevil comic you know about Hell’s Kitchen. Same idea, different Dark Avenger. Ennis made Tommy’s neighborhood the Worst Part of the Worst City in the World with the twist being that all the lowlifes drank at the same bar and understood how the world worked, “idiots in underwear” and all. The general consensus being that no one thought too highly of “The Justice Club.”

Except for Superman.

You might not be able to tell from the way DC has been treating him lately, but there was a time when Superman really was the one who inspired everyone else to get it together and help their neighbor. He is the New Testament Messiah as envisioned by two Jewish kids regardless of what Zack Snyder has him doing on screen. I mentioned above Ennis, McCrea, and company winning for Best Single Issue at the height of their run. In the days before Brian Michael Bendis, the issue features two guys talking, albeit on a rooftop, and it is the entirety of superhero comics in microcosm. “As above, so below.” When Disney and Time Warner start selling off parts for scrap, the last big crossover is going to be a retelling of Tommy shooting a piece of human garbage through a window with a rifle.

Tommy once claimed that he wanted to corner the market on killing superhumans. That was how he would distinguish himself. He took out the classic 90s anti-hero Nightfist (“He Will Hit You With His Fist!”) and kneecapped the Mad Hatter but he never “put his gun on anyone not in the Game” (to continue the trend mentioned in the opening). Though raised in part by a nun, Tommy does not get his moral code from the good lord, at least not that one. As he tells Superman on the rooftop of a Gotham dive (and the reason he is there is a better World’s Finest team up than anything written by Jeph Loeb), “You can’t help what people are gonna believe about you.” Tommy follows this a few years later at their next meeting with “[and] I guess you can’t help who’s gonna believe in you either.” Tommy is proof that Superman makes his world better. Superman’s lip-service about it being a better place may fall of deaf ears to us here on Earth-33 (though this was before Flashpoint so it may be Earth-Pri… dammit, I stopped caring) but to the people who actually live in the DCU, it makes all the difference. Anyone in the DCU is “One Bad Day” away from being a supervillain, but Tommy, what with his propensity for violence and superpowers, would have been a card-carrying member of the Secret Society (they’re a union, right?) if not for having already seen how the world can be made into a better place: help your fellow man when they are in need.

If you can read this and still think that "Injustice" makes sense then you may have missed something.
If you read this and still think “Injustice” makes sense then you may have missed something.

Normally this is where a story loses me except this time it was delivered by the same author who later had a Superman analogue beaten to death by a crowbar in The Boys and did downright awful things to pretty much every member of the Justice League in The Pro. Garth Ennis is not known for his steadfast devotion to superheroes. As far as I can tell, he considers them to be silly. So why does the Original Superhero get so much respect? Because it is mutual. Tommy can go places that Superman cannot and vice versa. They both live in the same world and they both try to live according to the same basic rules but their lives have turned out very different. Whenever I see a version of the “Man of Steel” that does not work for me I think of what would have happened if Jor-El had landed that rocket gracefully outside of St. Killian’s orphanage in the heart of the Cauldron.

Tommy’s my favorite character to come out of the 90s not wearing a blue hoodie. Ennis made sure I knew what kind of beer, whiskey, and movies he enjoyed. His latter day love interest hightailed it to New York to bother the Punisher, after ruining Kyle Rayner’s Most Momentous Team-Up. His supporting cast is as robust as any of the Major Characters’ in any of their heydays and he once had Lobo sodomized. Hitman’s not just one of the best series to come out of the 90s (having read most of them I feel comfortable making that statement), it is an intensely personal drama with the budget of a Summer Blockbuster and zombie baby seals.

The foulest crime "The Gentry" have committed is keeping Tommy from a cameo in "The Just."
The foulest crime “The Gentry” have committed is keeping Tommy from a cameo in “The Just.”
Hitman07
Pat. Hacken. Ringo. Sean. There’s a book called “Star-Spangled War Stories Featuring G.I. Zombie” out now and yet these guys are no where to be found.

If you have not read it you could do worse than to check it out. If nothing else, one collection, no matter which, is probably going to be more rewarding than anything with Axis on the cover.

2014 in review! WE had a great year, folks!

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 17,000 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 6 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

It’s the Most Punishing Time of the Year!-Punisher Holiday Special #1

Hello, Legions of the Unspoken!  Merry Christmas!  Happy Hanukkah!  Happy Solstice, Yule, Kwanzaa, or whatever you celebrate!  If you hate the season, I hope you are making it through as best you can! Emily sure did a fantastic job yesterday with her look at the Marvel Holiday Special from 1992!  Make sure you take a gander at it right here!

Emily mentioned this in her article yesterday, but it is really important to remember that many folks don’t have a great time during the holiday season.  Try and spare a kind word for them, and when it comes to food charity, I encourage you to not only give during the holidays, but it would be swell if you could give during the entire year when you can.  People ain’t just hungry at Christmas.

Many comic book characters also do not have a particularly swell time during Christmas, although most have a bad time for reasons other than hunger.  Characters like Batman or Punisher don’t care for Christmas for obvious reasons and reasons many in the real world can relate to as well.  Having lost family can put a damper on the whole holiday thing.

Which is why it is sort of surprising that Marvel put out three Punisher Holiday specials, and he was prominently featured in several Marvel Holiday Specials in the 90’s as well.  The other side of that, though, is that Punisher was so popular then that they milked him for everything he was worth.  There were Punisher Summer and Back to School Specials as well during this time, which also don’t seem like prime specials to be propped up by a psychopathic serial killer like Frank Castle.

But that doesn’t mean that this Holiday special has to be bad.  In fact, the opposite is very much true.  Thanks to the hard work of the creators involved with this special, we have a lot of fun.  The first story is a little like the movie Die Hard in that there is lots of action with the trappings of Christmas permeating the background.  Also, since this is the 90’s, the special has a gimmick cover.

Stephen (why it isn’t spelled Steven as it should be is a mystery that the world may never know the answer to) Grant writes this fun tale, where we get introduced the world’s whiniest mobster.

That mob guy sort of looks like he could be Murderface's cousin.  You don't know who Murderface is?  For shame, good sir, for shame.
That mob guy sort of looks like he could be Murderface’s cousin. You don’t know who Murderface is? For shame, good sir, for shame.

Well, the good news is that apparently even mobsters celebrate Christmas.  The bad news is that they have no idea how it is done.  Little Tony sounds like such a whiny little douche.  We all know someone like him, right?  Someone who always gets their way and then the first time they don’t, they wind up making you go deaf from their ability to alternate between screams so shrill they could pierce the dimensional barrier and whines so pathetic that they almost create their own emo albums.  One could only assume that all of these qualities would only be worse in the son of a prominent mob boss.

So, these guys set up a plan to ambush Punisher, which he learns about from a drug dealer who appears to have stepped straight out of the Chick tract, The Gay Blade.  Don’t get that reference?  Well, you can see this work of hilarious hate right here, but compare the following two images and tell me that the guy Punisher is squeezing for information would look out of place at all next to these two:

As an extra I left in Lambda being a "gay symbol" so that you can be on the lookout.  Man,m those Chick Tract folks are nuts...and entertainingly so!
That lady is reacting like a zombie is going reaching up for her in a Tales from the Crypt comic.

309 The Punisher - Holiday Special #1 - Page 4

309 The Punisher - Holiday Special #1 - Page 5

So now that Punisher has dealt with this hippie drug dealer, he has to head to the mall to cut off this plan.  Something tells me that the meeting between Punisher and these mooks won’t be quite the same experience as the one I had playing this board game with my little sister.

This game is brutal, and we still play it every now and again.  Why?  Because we hate ourselves.
This game is brutal, and we still play it every now and again. Why? Because we hate ourselves.

The only problem with this plan by Punisher is that Little Tony’s mooks are actually in control of the mall, which seems ludicrous.  I love it.  When it comes to Christmas Action-Adventure stories, they have to take place at the mall or a Santa theme park.  For these stories to work, they almost need Christmas decorations saturating the edges and the background.  That way, we never forget that it is Christmas, but we also don’t have to have the main characters addressing it all the time.

The bad guys apparently feel like they were REALLY BAD this year, and Anti-Santa must have noticed, as they are quite gleeful that Punisher is walking into their mall-trap.  We as readers know that a criminal being happy over luring the Punisher to them would be the same as a mouse being ecstatic that it had lured a cat to it.  That doesn’t stop these guys, though.

Also, Punisher mulls the evolution of mankind.  I can't tell if he thinks we have come a long way or if he thinks we are too far behind, but I can totally tell he hates the mall, which might be the last human quality Punisher has.
Also, Punisher mulls the evolution of mankind. I can’t tell if he thinks we have come a long way or if he thinks we are too far behind, but I can totally tell he hates the mall, which might be the last human quality Punisher has.

Punisher ditches his bag and sets himself up in proper position to stop the robbery he has been informed about.  The mooks put their plan in motion as Punisher has one of those Admiral Ackbar moments; you know the one.

309 The Punisher - Holiday Special #1 - Page 8

309 The Punisher - Holiday Special #1 - Page 9

it-s-a-trap

Man, I am unsure why that joke never gets old to me, but it never does.  That will stay funny even after it gets ruined in the new Star Wars movies coming out.  Or it gets elevated into new heights of grandeur.  Those were the only two positions people took on the internet about them.  But I digress.

With the trap set and Punisher dead in the middle of it, he starts putting on his awesome gloves and taking care of business.  Using some small arms fire (because the bad guys took the bag he stashed) and an ingenious car trap, he manages to take out a few of the mooks encroaching on him. They do manage to wound Castle.  He also gets to drive one of those mall display cars IN THE MALL, which is just another of many reasons that despite being a bloodthirsty and psycopathic serial killer, Punisher is more awesome than anything else.  Don’t deny it; you’ve always wanted to drive one of those cars in the mall.  Hell, the fact that this dream might come true for any of us might be the sole reason to keep malls open in the Amazon age.

Things get complicated when the bad guys happen upon a runaway at the mall, who they momentarily hold hostage.  Punisher offs a mook (Most of these mooks are dressed as mall security guards, by the by, which sort of precludes them as mooks, right?) which enables her to get away…and in Punisher’s way.

Isn’t there always a runaway at Christmas?  Don’t they always mess everything up before it gets saved?  Maybe I am just superimposing that girl from Ernest Saves Christmas into every Christmas movie, but man, it seems like a trope that gets in just in time for Christmas, sort of like  your uncle.  Point being, though, that this young lady is now caught in this death trap with Punisher, which bodes well for neither of them.

309 The Punisher - Holiday Special #1 - Page 14 309 The Punisher - Holiday Special #1 - Page 15309 The Punisher - Holiday Special #1 - Page 16

Punisher shows us exactly why he went into vigilantism instead of counseling, as his only consolation for this teenager runaway victim of some sort of domestic abuse is to let her know that he would rue killing her.  Of course, while she sees what she has been doing as surviving, Frank Castle may only see it as stealing.  This is the black and white viewpoint that makes Punisher so fascinating to me, even if he is the most unlikely character to get a Christmas special this side of Anton Lavey.

Also, somehow, the head mook just makes me laugh so much as he blows away his own mall with weapons he and his men do not understand, planning to recoup his loss thanks to insurance.  I mean, I am sure I am not spoiling anything by letting you know that does not happen, as there is a Punisher:  Holiday Special #2, but no The Mook Who Killed Punisher Holiday Special.  I also love how these hardcore security guards also do not seem to understand most of his armory, which seems basic to me.  They’re grenades, guys.  You’re welcome.

Of course, the seminal moment of the book happens as Punisher is running low on weapons, ammo, and in addition to his munitions shortfall issues, he has been wounded again.  This forces improvisation that leads to what is arguably the greatest moment in both Punisher and Christmas history.

309 The Punisher - Holiday Special #1 - Page 18
When you see the reindeer appearing on the horizon in the dark, does it remind you of that meme where the deer is looking in the window with the macros “SOON” across it? Oh you don’t know that? Never mind.

Yes, Punisher killed someone with a toy reindeer.  That canon, folks.

Punisher sends the young runaway to the car he crashed earlier as he attempts to deal with the other mooks.  Believe it or not, she gets captured as Frank Castle deals with a henchman whose reputation he knows.  Of course, Castle is still in improvisation mode, so we see a use for hardware that I am sure is not approved by Home Depot.

309 The Punisher - Holiday Special #1 - Page 22

309 The Punisher - Holiday Special #1 - Page 24
While Home Depot may not approve of use of a a saw in such a manner, I must say that S-Mart from Evil Dead most certainly does.

Punisher also manages to distract these mooks with one of the greatest and oldest tricks in the book, as these hardcore henchmen just seem to falter left and right in the wake of Punisher’s unyielding onslaught.  Maybe it is because they are dressed as mall security guards, as such an unimposing position would surely cause one to lose one’s edge.  Or maybe Punisher is just so bad ass that he can use trees as hang gliders.

309 The Punisher - Holiday Special #1 - Page 25
Best use of a dummy since Mannequin 2: On the Move.
309 The Punisher - Holiday Special #1 - Page 26
Check out that one mook/mall cop who went GANGSTA by turning that hat around. You’re cool, bro.

That leaves Punisher, the runaway, and the head mook in the mall, and as I spoiled for you earlier, one of these three doesn’t make it out alive.  You can guess which one it is.  As far as the young runaway, she returns home, just as Pat Benatar did in her “Love is a Battlefield” video, as both of these stalwart runaways valiantly battled evil, although Pat Benatar never got to team up with Punisher, although that is a team-up I would read.  I’d especially be down for that team-up if they fought Nazis like Pat Benatar did in “Shadows of the Night”.  Man, for a 90’s comic book blog, I sure have talked about 80’s videos a lot in this paragraph.

Also, to make sure that all is well that ends well, Little Tony gets a present after all. Santa Claus ain’t the one that brings it, though.

309 The Punisher - Holiday Special #1 - Page 31 309 The Punisher - Holiday Special #1 - Page 33

Hey, you got a present here too!  I’d like to think it is slightly better than Little Tony’s, although that’s really up to you!  Be here Monday for The Golden Age #4!  Merry Christmas, everybody!