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Things Just Got – X-TREME!

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Greetings Legions of the Unspoken!  We have a special guest author today, Sir Tawmis of Comic Relief Podcast has come on by to give us a write-up on one of, if not the, most 90’s characters, ADAM-X…THE X-TREME!!!!  Thanks for the great work, Sir Tawmis, and don’t forget to scope out the great work they do over at Comic Relief Podcast!

Things Just Got – X-TREME!
Written by: Sir Tawmis

adamx-1 (1)Allow me a moment to talk about X-Treme, or as I like to call him, simply Adam-X. While I talk about him and his origin – I will also highlight some of the things that put Adam-X at the top of my favorite character list – of all comic book characters.

First, I admit. I am a sucker for the obscure characters. I think a lot of that has to do with, deep down inside, I am a writer yearning to flesh out characters who are just begging to have their origins explored – then unleash that untapped potential!

There are few characters that have more potential to be an amazing character than Adam-X.

The character known as X-Treme was created by Fabian Nicieza and Jeff Johnson, and he first appeared in X-Force Annual #2 (October 1993).

adamx-1 (2)When Adam-X appeared, he was the embodiment of a lot of what the 90’s comics represented – he had long hair, backwards hat, blades on his shoulder, wrists and hips. He was a character with a mysterious background, and a lethal hunter. Now, I am not a Child of the 90’s – I consider myself a Child of the 80’s – but I actually liked how Adam-X looked when he first appeared. (Granted, in hindsight, a little less blades on the shoulder and belt/waist might make him marketable in a more modern comic book market, but still!)

In his appearance, Adam-X is hunting down a friend named Michelle Balters (who also happens to be a mutant by the name of Neurotap). X-Force, led by Cable, arrive at the scene and attempt to take down Adam-X. However, Adam-X is easily able to defeat all of the members of X-Force by cutting them, then igniting the electrolytes in their blood.

This is one of the things that really made me like Adam-X. Don’t get me wrong. I was reading and collecting X-Force (and enjoying it!), but I was not a fan of Cable. (Still not a fan of Cable actually…). Come to think of it, overall I am not a fan of time displaced characters (such as Cable, Stryfe, Phoenix {Rachel Summers}, etc.)

So when Cable gets taken down – and not by a team – but a single individual – along with the rest of X-Force? That added so many marks on the “Positives” side of the character, that perhaps, to this very day, that’s why Adam-X remains my favorite character.

Naturally, Adam-X eventually teams up with X-Force, and together, they discover that Adam-X’s employer, Martin Strong is a little shady. And in “natural comic book team up fashion”, Adam-X and X-Force take down Martin Strong.

By the end of the issue, Adam-X is offered a position to join X-Force, but he declines the offer, explaining he wants to find more clues to his past.

adamx-1 (3)It wasn’t long before Adam-X would encounter one of the members of X-Force again. As luck would have it, Adam-X found himself being abducted and dragged into MurderWorld, where he was forced to fight Shatterstar, from X-Force. The two were equally matched, forced to fight to save a woman’s life. However, it finally came down to the two heroes teaming up and realizing the only way out of this was to fight the one behind it all – Arcade himself!

Together, Adam-X and Shatterstar were able to infiltrate Arcade’s hideout in MurderWorld. Arcade quickly (in order to preserve his own life), gave up the information as to who had hired him to abduct them and put them against each other.

As it turns out, someone by the name of Mr. Milbury had wanted Adam-X to be tested, and what better warrior that was evenly matched with Adam-X’s skill than X-Force’s Shatterstar. (Well, if you’re an avid read of the X-Men books, you know Mr. Milbury is an alias for none other than the most sinister of X-Men villains – Mr. Sinister himself!) But what interest would Mr. Sinister have in Adam-X? We’re getting to that, don’t you worry! This entire fight takes place in X-Force #30 – and if you enjoy a good fight between two heroes, pretty evenly matched, I’d recommend picking this up.

adamx-1 (4)The next time Adam-X appears is in X-Men #39, when he witnesses a plane crash in Canada. He rushes to the site of the plane crash and pulls out the pilot, who just so happens to be Phillip Summers, the grandfather of Scott Summers and Alex Summers (better known as Cyclops and Havok, respectively). Adam-X manages to use his power of igniting electrolytes to keep Phillip Summers warm throughout the night as the freezing temperatures continued to plummet. Fashioning a gurney, Adam-X pulls Phillip across the frozen tundra and gets him to a hospital where Scott and Jean rush to the hospital to check on Scott’s grandfather. Adam-X is there and asks Jean Grey to share his memories with Phillip – allowing him to vicariously live through Adam-X’s memories.

Unbeknownst to Adam-X, Scott, Jean – they’re being watched on a monitor, by someone with a red glove (later to be revealed as Erik the Red). Even stranger – Erik the Red is being watched because he is watching over Adam-X, by none other than Mister Sinister.

After Jean links the mind of Adam-X and Phillip Summers, there’s a narrator’s note of: Scott can’t help but feel that his fractured family lines have been made stronger because of this near-tragedy. Little does he know how terrifyingly right he is.

Now this would tie to X-Men #23, when Sinister had told Cyclops: “… but I care enough to wish you and your brothers to be protected from this illness.”

adamx-1 (5)Fabian Nicieza was laying down the ground work to make Adam-X related to the Summers family. As a matter of fact – Well, I am getting ahead of myself. Let me show you more of that ground work that Fabian had created to make this work.

Adam-X’s tie to the Summers family continues next in the pages of Captain Marvel, which stars Legacy (the 90’s version of Captain Marvel and the “genetic son” of Mar Vell). Once again, the typical hero fighting hero is how the issue begins – with Adam-X, being mind-controlled by Erik the Red to attack Legacy. Adam-X manages to become free of Erik the Red’s control, but still finds the urge to fight Captain Marvel.

adamx-1 (6)Eventually, Adam-X and Legacy team up and go after Erik the Red. Fighting through the Sidri (which appeared in Uncanny X-Men #154), Adam-X and Legacy manage to find Erik the Red who takes a moment to monologue about Adam-X’s true destiny:

You have been dubbed the Forsaken One, Adam – but that was a mistake on the Majestor’s part, those many years ago. Truly had you been rightfully admitted into the family, we would not be in this predicament today… I am talking about your destiny here… and that is something obviously enough by the intricate plans of the Crystal Claws which should not be rushed! Empress Lilandra sits on the throne this day only because Majestor D’Ken was driven mad by his experiences inside the M’Krann Crystal! She was not meant to guide the Imperium. You see Adam, YOURS is the destiny of power – for you were bred to introduce a HYBRID of specific genetic potential into the Shi’ar monarchy! Adam-X, you were born to rule the Shi’ar Imperium! Who else should be the heir to the throne of the Imperium but you – the only living child of Majestor D’Ken!

adamx-1 (7)So, let me just put it out there. As a huge fan of the (old) Uncanny X-Men, I can’t put into words how much I love the Shi’ar. So now, here’s this character – that I am already digging for quite a few reasons – and now they’re telling me he’s related to someone of the Shi’ar Empire – and not just someone – but to D’Ken himself!

And note, it says that he’s a Hybrid. So this is where the idea that D’Ken (either through genetic or other more vile ways), had a child with Katherine Summers, who had been abducted by the Shi’ar, as revealed in Uncanny X-Men #156 when Corsair explained:

“… until a teleport beam yanked us aboard the starship. It was a Shi’ar scouting mission. To them, Anne and I were zoo-logical specimens, representing the HIGHER ORDERS OF LIFE ON EARTH. We were separated. On the Imperial Throne World, I escaped the slave pens and set out to find her. She was with the Emperor [D’Ken]. My mistake then was in trying not to kill him with my bare hands instead of shooting him down where he stood. Guards came to his rescue, they wanted to execute me on the spot, but D’Ken had other ideas…”

Fabian, unfortunately departed the X-Books before he could complete the story. When asked, Fabian said:

“The character [X-Treme] WAS created to be the 3rd brother, but once I left the x-books, the following writers/editors chose to ignore the sub-plot(which is their call to make). the good news is that no writer/editor contradicted the storyline plans I had, so maybe someday I could still pick it up.”

 Unfortunately, as fate would have it, in 2006, Ed Brubaker introduced “a mutant that would shake the foundation of the X-Men” – none other than Gabriel Summers, better known as the mutant, Vulcan.

Vulcan was introduced in X-Men: Deadly Genesis #1 which essentially rewrote a large portion of the “Bible” of X-Men comic books – it rewrote Giant Size X-Men #1, stating that after Cyclops and his team had been defeated by Krakoa – Professor Xavier sent in Gabriel’s team – which consisted of himself, Petra, Darwin, and Sway – all of whom, save Gabriel were killed.

And then that’s when Cyclops came back and the new X-Men (Wolverine, Storm, Thunderbird, Banshee, Sunfire, Nightcrawler and Colossus) were formed to save the original X-Men. Now, in order to make this work – one would ask themselves – “How come no one ever mentioned Gabriel before?”

The answer. Mind blowing (literally!). Apparently, so driven by guilt and shame of sending Gabriel’s team to the slaughter (though it was revealed later that Darwin survived), Professor Xavier erased everyone’s mind who knew anything about Gabriel – and the other members of the team. Now, let’s bring this into scope a little. Erase every single person’s memory who knew about Gabriel (or any of the other members of his team). This would include Scott’s parents, brother (Alex), their grandparents, friends, teachers – the scope is mind-blowingly massive – and he would have had to done this for each of the members who perished from Gabriel’s team.

To this very day, I try to figure out – what the editors were thinking. Here, we have Adam-X, already being eluded to being related to the Summers family. Over there, we have Gabriel, who we have to rewrite Giant Size X-Men #1 and come up with this whole ploy that Professor Xavier has wiped out the memory of everyone who knew Gabriel. (Makes you wonder why he never wiped out the memory of anyone who knew John Proudstar, when Thunderbird died so soon after the Krakoa incident fighting Count Nefaria)!

Years would go by before Adam-X would appear again, unfortunately. Marvel had shuffled him away for a number of reasons – one of them being that they were worried that fans would become “confused” because at the time there was an X-Treme X-Men being published monthly. (Because fans wouldn’t be confused by the ten other “X” books and Avengers books being published monthly apparently… the fans could figure that out, but apparently couldn’t figure out why a character named X-Treme wasn’t in X-Treme X-Men… because… that rational of thinking sounds logical). It’s because of this, that I refer to X-Treme as Adam-X instead.

When he next appears, it’s in Uncanny X-Men #513 / Dark Avengers #7 (in 2009). He’s joined several other mutants (Hellion, Match, Lorelei, Avalance, Meld and Sunspot) in an attempt to over throw Norman Osborn who is essentially running everything. Norman Osborn sends his “Dark X-Men” after the small team of resistance – which consists of Cloak, Dagger, Weapon Omega, Namor, Mimic, and Daken.

While I was thankful to see Adam-X surface again, I cringed at the dialogue he was given, as he was essentially written as over the top parody of himself (and all things 1990). It’s painfully clear that Adam-X was added just to mock himself. But again, at least it was nice to know he wasn’t completely forgotten.

adamx-1 (8)He’d appear one more time, in Uncanny X-Men #542 (October 2011) during the time that the Norse God of Fear grants incredible powers to a number of super powered beings – one of them being Juggernaut. Cyclops calls on Adam-X, who appears (back to his original attire) to try and stop Juggernaut.

Several others attempt to stop Juggernaut before Adam-X arrives. Avalanche attempts to separate the road; but Juggernaut continues to walk. A mutant named Face, blasts him with his ‘annihilation beam’ which proves ineffective; Pixie attempts to teleport Juggernaut away, but it’s ineffective; Rogue attempts to absorb his powers and render him unconscious; she is instead, rendered unconscious and rescued by Magneto. Mercury tries to fill his lungs; but she’s expelled, when she realized she was being dissolved while inside Juggernaut; Pyslocke tries her psychic blades, but they too, prove ineffective. Adam-X is the only one, who proves effective in doing anything to Juggernaut; he manages to ignite his blood, however, the downside is that Juggernaut, for fifteen minutes burns anything he touches.

I had hoped, if the latest Cyclops series had continued (which had the time misplaced Scott Summers traveling around with the now living Corsair) – that somewhere in their space adventures, the writer would bring in Adam-X and perhaps elude again, to the family connection (and perhaps have a Shi’ar adventure).

Such was not my luck. I look forward to Adam-X appearing again. I’m hopeful that one day, someone will write him again – and develop him as Fabian had intended. After all, while everyone debated who the third Summers brother was – Sinister had said brothers – never indicating just how many “brothers” he had meant. So it still stands to reason that Adam-X could be connected to Katherine Summers and D’Ken. It’s already official that he’s connected to D’Ken as Marvel now officially names his real name as “Adam Neramani.”

Until then. I will continue to fight for Adam-X.

90s Marvel, Uncategorized

Non-non-non-non-NON-heinous: Bill and Ted’s Excellent Comic Book by Emily Scott

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Greetings, most excellent Legions of the Unspoken! I’m Emily Scott, and I am here to tell you all about a totally outstanding 1991 publication from Marvel, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Comic Book! *air guitar* This triumphant comic may have had bogus sales and only lasted 12 issues, but its short run is in no way indicative of how non-heinous this interpretation is of two beloved characters. Anyone who enjoys either movie would totally love these books, so prepare to be fully informed, and…PARTY ON, DUDES!

…Ok, I think I’ve got the bulk of the Bill and Ted speak out of my system, at least for the purposes of this article. I don’t really remember a time when my own vocabulary didn’t include some Bill and Ted-isms, and to this day I refer to things as being non-non-non heinous more often than any reasonable person should. Reading a dozen issues of their vernacular, though, has left me even more susceptible than usual to adding ‘most’ before every adjective and exclaiming, ‘Whoa!’ with hushed awe.

Bill and Ted Loquacious
How is it possible that these two panels squeeze in so much Bill and Ted slang that they sound translated straight from an English-to-Bill and Ted dictionary and yet sound so natural?

With a new comic book release, chatter about a third movie louder than ever, and the fact that it’s one sequel after a long hiatus that everyone actually seems fine with, there’s no better time to ponder why we’re so eager to be excellent to two dudes we first met over a quarter of a century ago. Their language is a major factor in what still endears us to Bill and Ted and a prime example of the movies’ greatest strengths, taking something that could be pedestrian like late 80’s/early 90’s surfer/stoner/Valley bro talk and making it most atypical. (Sorry that I can’t stop with the Bill and Ted speak…NOT!) You know exactly who these characters are immediately upon hearing them, but they don’t sound quite like anyone else you’ve ever heard.

As the above two panels from the first issue ably demonstrate, writer/artist Evan Dorkin nails Bill and Ted’s verbal eccentricities, a feat made all the more impressive when you learn that he had not seen either movie when he started writing this title. Dorkin, a five-time Eisner Award winner best known for his works Milk and Cheese and Dork, gets just about everything else right too, from the lighthearted tone of the humor to the happy-go-luckiness of the titular characters. One of the comic’s greatest strengths is that if you know Bill and Ted, you know exactly what you’ll be getting. This comic feels the most like the source material just drifted into another medium than almost any other adaptation I’ve ever seen.

Am I the only one who wants to hear the rest of Death's joke?
Am I the only one who wants to hear the rest of Death’s joke?

Not only does the comic sound just right, but it looks spot on too, with art that is colorful, fun, and busy. Dorkin gets a lot of comedic mileage out of great expressions, and he can make an already zany universe that much zanier by drawing faces so exaggerated not even Keanu Reeves could actually make them. The art is also better than it has any right to be for an adaptation of a comedy about two dudes who travel through time in a phone booth, with an eye for movement and action that flows seamlessly and images that are surreal and vivid, evocative and at times bordering on nightmarish. (In case you were wondering, yes, it does feel incredibly strange to attempt a serious critique of the art in a Bill and Ted comic. It’s so damn good,though, that it deserves to be taken seriously.)

Bill and Ted Surreal
As a chronic procrastinator and habitually late person, this is what every clock looks like to me.

One of my favorite aspects of the entire run is just how much stuff Dorkin manages to squeeze into every panel. From the band shirts and buttons on background characters to random appearances from people like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, I found myself staring at pages for a long time to catch every little detail. Dorkin makes the most of every centimeter of page space, capitalizing on every opportunity to squeeze in another joke or bit of whimsy, from guest letter columns from characters like Station and DeNomolos to something simple like a sword piercing a word balloon:

B&T Piercedto a running gag in which the smiley face on the back of Ted’s jacket changes expressions to match the situation:

Bill and Ted Face 4 Bill and Ted Face 1 Bill and Ted Face 2

I call this one Charlie Brown Mouth.
I call this one Charlie Brown Mouth.

Just as their speech takes slang we’ve heard coming from a million different mouths and strings it together in most memorable ways,  Bill and Ted take pretty well worn character templates, two doofy but lovable dudes, and give them a contagious enthusiasm and hearts so big they cause a moon boot-filled future utopia I sometimes daydream I live in.  A lot of similar characters are like cats who always land on their feet because they’re too dumb to know the ground is there. Bill and Ted are the cats who always land on their feet because it wouldn’t even occur to them that the ground would do that to them.

Bill and Ted may be the sort of guys who would never pass a history exam without George Carlin and a magic box, but as Ted reminds us in the clip above, they are well aware of their intellectual shortcomings and more than make up for it with that relentless optimism, allowing them not to be intimated by anyone regardless of their smarts, power, or prowess. These are two dudes who can hang with God, give Satan hell, and even melvin Death. When someone can face that lineup and not be cowed, they can be placed in just about any setting against any foe and believably come out victorious, and Dorkin takes advantage of that versatility by telling stories everywhere from the past to the future to the nexus of time to the Dimension of Utter Boredom. (You can guess how much they love Wyld Stallyns in that last one.)

To be fair, the effects in 2001 are really good.
To be fair, the effects in 2001 are really good.

The Bill and Ted universe has a pretty deep bench, which is unsurprising, considering it could potentially include anyone from any time, and everyone’s favorite characters make an appearance in the comics, from Missy (I mean Mom…) to So-crates to my personal favorite, the Duke of Spook, the Doc of Shock, the Man with No Tan, Death himself. I’ve always had a soft spot for Death as a character, from Death of the Endless to the Grim Reaper in Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life (if you don’t laugh during this scene, I’m sorry that you were born with no sense of humor), but none approach my fondness for the version of Death with no luck at board games. His portrayal by William Sadler in Bogus Journey makes the movie ten times greater, and even though Death is his skeleton self here, his presence accounts for a surprising amount of the humanity and pathos in the comic, as well as some of its wackier plots.

While there are a few ongoing stories, including a seeming inevitability where Bill and Ted stand trial for their interference with time, most of the issues stand alone, and two of the best revolve around Death, one in which he quits and the other where he is replaced. In Death Takes a Most Heinous Holiday, instead of searching for the true value of life or exploring what it means to be mortal or any of that other sentimental nonsense, Death treks through time to places like Pompeii and the crash site of the Hindenburg to revel in the mortality of others. Depending on your perspective, he is either the best or worst tourist of all time.

Bill and Ted Tourist

199201 Bill and Ted's Excellent Comic Book V1 #2 - Page 2
If anyone was curious, the molasses thing was a real disaster. (Here at The Unspoken Decade, we entertain AND educate.)

Bill and Ted convince Death to return to work, but in It’s a Living, he has become too concerned with worldly matters and is replaced by a foul mouthed, bad tempered pipsqueak of a reaper named Morty. Odd as it feels to say, this issue demonstrates that Death, constant and immutable, is actually the character who changes the most over the course of the comics. He tries occupations from fast food worker to comic book writer (we’ll come back to that one), makes new friends, and learns a thing or two about compassion from his kindly landlord. I would not have expected to get a little choked up over a story involving a Reap-off and a midget skeleton wearing a Flava Flav clock, but it bears reiterating in case I haven’t made it plain enough yet: this comic is far, far better than it has any right to be. And this is coming from a self-proclaimed big Bill and Ted fan.

Bill and Ted Death Off
I have been enamored of the Sleepwalker villain 8-Ball since I learned of his existence (and the fact that he flies around in a hover rack), but Fate here may have just topped him as my favorite anthropomorphic billiard ball.

Two characters who don’t undergo much change are Bill and Ted themselves, but would anyone really expect them to? Would anyone even want them to? The fact that they can die more than once, experience their own personal Hells, get attacked by evil robot versions of themselves, etc. and still remain the same cheerful dudes is kind of what we love about them in the first place, and the comic rightfully has them stick to what they do best: dealing with the oddity of time travel with the greatest of ease (this time with the addition of a time traveling roller coaster), being excellent to each other, and getting out of precarious situations by waiting for their friends or future versions of themselves to show up in a phone booth and save the day.

The comic does preserve the idea that Bill and Ted get married to the babes and have babies, but these events rarely impact the plot in any significant way. The kids are sort of there a lot, but these issues are free of whacky shenanigans involving Bill and Ted learning fatherly responsibility from Gengis Khan or how to change a diaper from Abraham Lincoln. I assume Little Bill and Ted are there because they existed at the end of Bogus Journey, but even more so because they reinforce the charmed, idyllic lives Bill and Ted lead and the notion that they totally “have it all.”

Bill and Ted Idyllic
It speaks volumes about the quality of these comics that one of my only criticisms is that people are wearing hats like Ted’s about 1000x more than I remember anyone actually wearing them in the 90’s and I find it distracting.

That the movie marries off and makes fathers of two overgrown adolescents so quickly has always seemed odd to me, but I suppose at least it’s atypical to see male protagonists subscribe to the marriage+kid=happy ending romantic comedy variety of wish fulfillment? I’m glad Dorkin made the kids little more than cooing luggage, but I would have liked to have learned slightly more about Mrs. Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Mrs. Ted “Theodore” Logan because all we know is that 1. they are princesses 2. they are from the past and 3. they are “most chaste” pre-nuptials. I suppose, though, there’s only so much one can expect in terms of character development when the protagonists themselves can tout a lack of emotional complexity as a main endearing quality. If Bill and Ted can basically share one personality, I suppose their wives can too.

Joanna and Elizabeth are at least given several good moments, such as simultaneously knocking out their would-be suitors with their crowns (violence is always better when synchronized), rounding up a rescue party for Bill and Ted when they are on time trial, and, my personal favorite, making zombies do housework for them while they wait for Death to take their souls. They end up seeming like a slightly more assertive female version of Bill and Ted (not to be confused with the alternate reality female Bill and Ted who show up with many other doppelgangers at the end of the last issue), and since we already like Bill and Ted, the more the merrier.

Bill and Ted Zombie Clean
Kitty litter? Now I just really want to know what Bill and Ted’s cat’s name is.

If there is one pattern that has emerged from all the 90’s comics I have read for this site, everything from the more meta Enigma and Satan’s Six  to Mr. Hero, it is this: comic books love talking about comic books. I’m really not sure why this is, but Bill and Ted’s Excellent Comic Book is no exception. Both titular characters love a comic called Fight Man (this list of his sidekicks and villains demonstrates why Dorkin was the perfect person to write for Bill and Ted), and, as mentioned earlier, Death briefly moonlights as a writer for an awesome sounding comic called Major Violence:

Bill and Ted Major Violence
Pictured: what a lot of comic book fans seem to think of 90’s comics. (Thankfully, we are here to set the record straight.)

A whole issue is even devoted to Wyld Stallyns accidentally ending up on a world entirely populated by superheroes and villains. No biting commentary on the state of comic books occurs, but it does give Dorkin a chance to have some fun with the over the top-ness of both superheroes and Bill and Ted, who object to having to wear costumes at one point even though they dress like, well, how they dress.  The best parts of the issue, unquestionably, are the names and character designs he comes up with for these alternate reality heroes and villains.

Bill and Ted Madame Pectoral
I am going to lobby Marvel for a Madame Pectoral solo title.
Bill and Ted Amalgam
Let’s see in the comments who can spot the most homages.

I could go on and on about how much fun these comics are, but the longer I do, the more likely I am to start talking like Bill and Ted, and that would be bogus for everyone. (See?) I really can’t think of anything Dorkin could or should have done differently to make a better Bill and Ted adaptation, and while they might not exactly be essential reading, they’re the perfect distraction to tide us over till the third movie actually films. Speaking of films, we’ll be celebrating the release of Avengers: Age of Ultron with Avengers Month here at The Unspoken Decade, so be sure to check that out, and in the meantime, be excellent to each other!

 

 

 

 

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One Hand, Two Heads, All Heart: Neil Gaiman’s Mr. Hero the Newmatic Man by Emily Scott

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How best to judge an unfinished work? Is it fair to contemplate what might have been and fill in what you can imagine the artist would have done next, or is that too presumptuous? Is it better only to discuss the parts that actually have been finished, even to the ultimate detriment of that work?

These are the questions I wrestled with while planning out this article on Neil Gaiman’s Mr. Hero the Newmatic Man, and I never really came to a satisfying decision. Sure, I went on some mental tangents about how da Vinci maybe meant to paint some eyebrows on the Mona Lisa and never got around to it, but as far as figuring out the best way to analyze art that never got the chance to fulfill its potential, I was torn.

Mona Lisa
Clearly what da Vinci intended all along.

It can be tricky to apply the concept of completeness to a comic book, which, by its very nature is usually meant to be ongoing, but Mr. Hero, published in 1995 by the short-lived Tekno Comix, has to be one of the most frustrating experiences I’ve had reading anything because of just how incomplete it is versus how much potential it had.  This book posed so many questions, set so many mysteries in motion, and it stopped having resolved exactly zero of them. Of course, reading it 20 years after it was first published and facing an ever dwindling number of issues, I knew it would end before I found out everything, but what made me want to punch a wall instead of just shake my fist, was how close to some of those answers it came.

Seriously, if the whole company hadn’t stopped putting out comics, I would be convinced Mr. Hero stopped when it did just to aggravate me as much as possible. Like me personally. That’s how it felt. The last issue even says The End, even though it ends in the most cliffhanger-y way possible.

What I saw.
What I saw.
What it felt like.
What it felt like.

Of course, the reason it bothers me so much that I’ll never find out what happens is that I was genuinely invested in the comic and intrigued by its premise and characters.  If it were terrible, I wouldn’t have spent several paragraphs ranting about how there isn’t more of it. In that light, I suppose I could tell you more about the things that actually happen in this comic rather than the things that never will. Let’s cleanse the palate with a page of a moustachioed robot beating people up and then dive right on in, shall we?

Hero 1Meet Mr. Hero, the robot best friend you and I and every other person in the world have always wanted. (If you say you’ve never wanted a robot best friend, you are either lying or a self-hating robot.) Mr. Hero was one of a line of comics conceptualized by some very big names in science fiction, including Gene Roddenberry, Isaac Asimov, and Leonard Nimoy, for Tekno Comix, which, this being a 90s comic website, I feel compelled to point out is the most 90s sounding name a company could possibly have.  Neil Gaiman created Mr. Hero,  and the book definitely has some Gaiman-y trappings to it, but it was Eisner Award winning writer James Vance who entertainingly brought the metal man to life and built something unique around him.

From the very first page, it’s obvious that Mr. Hero the Newmatic Man will defy easy categorization, as we are introduced to a hellscape called Kalighoul run by a giant evil lizard named the Teknophage, who seems to be building an army of Victorian-era robots powered by melted souls. Or something. The specifics on how the automatons are created are a little fuzzy, one of many aspects of this world I was disappointed not to see fully explored. So right away, we get a little science fiction, a little steam punk, and some metaphysics, which will soon be joined by healthy doses of action, adventure, and comedy, all rolled in  a shiny metal package.

Mr. Hero 2
I could actually tell that this comic would be quite funny from this page too, but now that I look at it, and myself, critically, that just might mean there is something seriously wrong with me.

Mr. Hero is shipped off by the Teknophage to Earth to be of future use to  in taking it over, but in the meantime he becomes a part of a magician’s act, learns boxing, accidentally punches a punter, gets boxed up, and does not reemerge until he is discovered decades later, sans head and one hand, by our human protagonist, a young mime/aspiring magician/museum worker named Jennifer Hale. Credit where it’s due to artist Ted Slampyak (pencils), both for having an amazing last name and for being insanely prescient in drawing the location of the missing head, a piece of artwork that doubles as a bike any modern hipster would trade a significant portion of his vinyl collection for.

Forget Mr. Hero, or even Mr. Fix-it; meet Mr. Fixie.
Forget Mr. Hero, or even Mr. Fix-it; meet Mr. Fixie.

When Jennifer puts the head back on Mr. Hero and essentially brings him back to life, a whole host of the Teknophage’s baddies come to reclaim him, but, as evidenced in the page above, Mr. Hero is more than adept at giving some rapscallions what for. Much of the earlier issues is devoted to such skirmishes and the schemes of these minions, but the specifics aren’t particularly important, not because they are bad, but without resolution, much of the meat and potatoes of the plot seems random, and a “throw it all at the wall and see what sticks” vibe is pervasive. I attempted to lay out just the basic plot points for my own use, but it sounded so convoluted that I abandoned any notion of describing the comic that way. If I found myself muttering, “Why exactly is this happening?” to myself while actually reading it, I can only imagine how erratic it would sound to someone who didn’t.

What is important are the antagonistic characters themselves, a very motley crew working in various capacities for the Teknophage, everything from genetically modified men who can camouflage themselves with any background to actual monsters to sniveling bureaucrats.  One of my favorites is a man named Mr. Kingman who is sent to Earth to oversee the capture of Mr. Hero. He does exactly what I would do if I were sent away from a hellscape to a relatively cushy planet, which is not give a shit about anything I was supposed to be doing and enjoy some earthly comforts for a while. Did I mention he thinks dressing like Elvis will help him fit in?

It never occurred to me that those metal ball things could be played like a game, but now I really want to sneak into some middle manager's office to try that out.
It never occurred to me that those metal ball things could be played like a game, but now I really want to sneak into some middle manager’s office to try that out.

Considering Mr. Kingman’s fascination with Elvis and video games and the fact that one of the main antagonist plots revolves around subjugating Earth’s population through their TVs, I assume that there was much more pop culture satirization planned for future Mr. Hero issues. As it stands, in addition to all the other genres intermingling in these comics, Vance finds some room for comics’ favorite genre, the superhero. Two of the Teknophage’s genetically modified goons are introduced to Kingman’s comic, and they do pretty much what anyone with superpowers and a newfound knowledge of superheroes would do: demand costumes and cool names:

Mr. Hero Creampuffs
From now on, I will find any excuse to say, “Grab the cryin’ towels, creampuffs – it’s blubberin’ time,” and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do to stop me.
If every comic book cover looked like this, I would have started reading them a lot sooner.
If every comic book cover looked like this, I would have started reading them a lot sooner.

If the letters pages of these issues can be taken as an accurate representation of how readers felt about these characters, fans were decidedly split over whether Deadbolt and Bloodboil were great additions to an already great comic or bad enough alone to ruin them outright. For my part, they were a great injection of humor at a point in the story that could have easily been bogged down by exposition leading to no satisfying resolution. (Something to do with a group of rich guys who are against technology and a plan to take over the world using a Sasquatch-y looking character, who seems neither to be human or one of the Teknophage’s experiments, as a mouthpiece. I’m not sure how this storyline would have fit into an overarching plot, but it does give me an excuse to mention of my favorite classic Dr. Who stories, which it reminded me of, Invasion of the Dinosaurs. Watch it and thank me later.) I enjoy how they ably demonstrate that superpowers alone doth not a superhero make, and I appreciate how they add yet another layer to an already complex universe, but their most valuable asset is the amount of just plain fun they bring.

Some of the best genre-mashing Vance pulls off in Mr. Hero combines the grotesque with a dash of humor, particularly when it comes to satirizing corporate culture. A revolving door of terrified cronies come to cower before their big boss man, and the slightest infraction or failure is met with swift and horrific retribution. The Teknophage maintains an air of etiquette and refinement, all while committing unspeakable acts, and I’m sure the conspiracy theorists who believe the upper echelons of society are lizard people would read this and think that there isn’t even any satire involved.

Mr. Hero Tekno 1

Pictured: Events happening in real time.
Pictured: Events happening in real time.

The Teknophage is a tricky character for me because a big dinosaur who has conquered countless worlds, subjugated untold numbers of people, and harnessed pure soul power is an antagonist who sounds downright terrifying on paper. The problem is that I see the big toothy smile and the proper suit, and it just looks a bit, well, silly. Almost, dare I say…cute? He’s handing out man cubes, and I’m having a hard time not going, “Tee hee!” Is it my fault dinosaurs wearing clothes are adorable? (side note: so are snakes wearing hats).

I do not intend that comment to be a criticism of the character itself so much as a criticism of my own ability to sometimes take things seriously. The Teknophage is a fascinating specimen, juggling many schemes and machinations at once, always one step ahead of his adversaries. Any time they think they have gained an advantage over him, he reveals they have been playing into his hand all along, and you get the impression you have yet to see the limits of his power. He is formidable. It is one of my biggest disappointments in the premature end of this title that we don’t find out more about his plans and motivations, though some of the answers I seek might be found in the solo title I’m thoroughly unsurprised the Teknophage received.

Mr. Hero Ad
TEKNO COMIX…more than just exploding heads….but also, exploding heads.

There are so many things I could say about this ad, but it so thoroughly speaks for itself that it would feel almost disrespectful to add anything. Just bask; just take it all in.

Some of the Teknophage’s plans are more well thought out than others, and one that doesn’t lead the places I thought it might is a plot to corrupt Jennifer Hale. The basic idea is that they will give her a lot of money, let it corrupt her, and then take it all away. I like that the Teknophage is convinced the best way to take over the Earth is through corruption, but using her as a trial run doesn’t make much sense since he already seems well aware of the corrupting influence of wealth. He also doesn’t let her keep the money long enough for it to have much of a corrosive influence on her, but they still consider the plan a success, even though the worst thing she does is use a grade school insult on a boss who’s being a bit of a prick.

Mr. Hero Lottery
This is just a more polite version of what ANYONE who came into a large sum of money would say to their boss.

While we don’t delve deeply into the Teknophage’s corruption and subjugation of Earth, later scenes on Kalighoul give us a frightening glimpse into what centuries of his dominion look like. More disheartening  than his sadistic tyranny itself is the affects it has on his subjects, many of whom would rather worship old revolutionary legends than be their own heroes. The ease with which people will accept, and then come to depend on, being ruled is not one of the more flattering sides of humanity, but it is well worth exploring.

Many stories examine what exactly it is that makes us human,  and some of those stories contain robots, but Mr. Hero may be the first I’ve encountered that does so without using the robot as the vehicle for that philosophizing. For as many aspects of this comic as I have touched upon, the one part of Mr. Hero you may have noticed conspicuously absent is, well, Mr. Hero. The biggest reason for his absence in my retelling of his own story is that his role in it is mostly reactionary. He fights because he is attacked; he seeks answers because those around him pose questions. Even when he discovers that he was once a flesh and blood man, with a wife and children and a rebellion to lead, there is not time for even a moment of introspection. He just kind of goes, “Blimey!” and everyone goes on with their day in a hell world.

Just because he is not given the opportunity to develop a great deal of emotional complexity, though, does not mean he is a shallow character. For starters, this is one automaton with not one, but TWO heads, one for ol’ timey boxing and one for thinky times:

Normally I would complain there's no reason he can't just have one head that's good at fighting AND thinking, other than his creators thought it was cool, but when the results are this cool, who am I to argue?
Normally I would complain there’s no reason he can’t just have one head that’s good at fighting AND thinking, other than his creators thought it was cool, but when the results are this cool, who am I to argue?

Granted, the heads aren’t normally on his body at the same time, but we still get some nice Jekyll/Hyde by way of the Odd Couple bickering between the two even when we only get them one at a time. The pipeless head is the one you want to show up to your party, quick to defend his friends, endearing in his simplicity, an all around good bloke. The head with the pipe, who goes by the Ratiocinator, is the one who will come to your party only to recite poetry, then insult you when you ask if he could just not. I think it goes without saying that this is a character who is easy to like and to want to know more about (I mean, did you look at that picture?), but the only time he takes initiative is setting out to find his missing hand, which we never find out the story behind!

I know I have sounded like a broken record about all the things that don’t happen in this comic, but I’m no less torn at the end of this article than I was at the beginning when it comes to how to discuss it. How do you assess, critique, recommend, etc. something that promised so much but never made good? On the one hand, I think it would be yet more tragic if this comic were to be forgotten, but on the other, can I really suggest anyone should read something that will ultimately lead to frustration? (I mean, to be fair, I do still recommend Firefly…screw it, read the comic.)

Perhaps if you do read Mr. Hero, it will wet your whistle for later this year when we take a closer look at Tekno Comix!

Mr. Hero CrossoverSomething a little closer to look forward to, though, is the rest of Madness in the Month that happens to be March here at the Unspoken Decade! Next up is Darry Weight’s look at Venom: the Madness!