We’ve all had one of those moments in our lives where we just want to snap and go on a rampage. Something has angered us so much that we’d love to deal out some of the pain we’ve felt back to the world. Hal Jordan of the Green Lantern Corps has just had that moment. Only he isn’t going to take a breath and calm down. He’s truly snapped beyond repair. Witness the fall of a hero as I recount the events of “Green Lantern” #49…..
Hal used his stolen energy to propel himself through outer space. His ultimate destination was the planet Oa, home of the Green Lantern Corps central battery! As he approached, the Guardians sent Green Lantern after Green Lantern to attempt to stop him. But Hal wasn’t regarded as the best for nothing. One after another, they would fall like bowling pins, and Hal would add to his growing power by taking the fallen hero’s ring! A Green Lantern’s ring was powered by the wearer’s will after all, and right now, Hal’s will was at the strongest it had ever been! (Damn! Somebody needs to tell Hal that if all he wanted was bling, all he needed to do was stop at any rapper’s mansion and he’d have more rings than he could ever need! Flavor Flav!)
The Lanterns would all try to reason with him while they gave the fight their all, but their pleas would always fall upon deaf ears and Hal would continue onward after he defeated them. He would be the Guardians’ puppet no longer. He would take all of the power that they had and bring back all that he had lost. Meanwhile on Oa, the Guardians looked down upon all of the cosmos. In particular, they watched as their once greatest champion advanced upon them with hate-filled eyes. They commented that even he was no threat. They were unconcerned. One of their number however, Ganthet, remained unconvinced. The next to fall was a close friend of Hal’s in the Corps. It seemed as though no-one meant anything more to him now than another obstacle to overcome in his mission! (And I though Guardians were ancient and therefore intelligent beings! You don’t mess with an angry human! We’ll nearly kill each other on Black Fridays! And that’s just over the newest video game console!)
Next, he was blindsided by a newer and somewhat unorthodox Green Lantern by the name of Jack T. Chance. Jack followed up his sneak attack by pulling out a large gun and aiming at the once-hero! But, within mere moments, Jack also floated, beaten and ringless, in the cold emptiness of space! (Wow! Even Lobo didn’t stand a chance! Wait. What? Jack T. Chance? You mean DC ripped off their own character? Weird. That’s like Marvel having more than one Spider-Man. Lol! They did what and how many times?!) More and more heroes of the Corps fell as Hal Jordan gained more and more power! That is until he was struck from behind by the warrior woman, Boodikka! Hal had inducted her into the mighty Green Lantern Corps himself. Boodikka did her best. Failure wasn’t an option for her. She even stated that her ring was as one with her as her own hand. That’s why Hal created a blade construct and lopped it off before he took her ring as well!
The Guardians were growing uneasy. Anyone could tell that fear was creeping into their proud yet arrogant demeanor. They were confident that their failsafe plan would save them. Ganthet once again spoke out against this plan, but even in the end, even he had to admit that there was no other way. (Those poor little Smurfs. First the constant threat of Gargamel trying to eat them all of the time, and now this!) The next to stand in Hal’s way was the mighty Kilowog, a close friend of his and a trainer for the Corps. He would definitely be no pushover. Hal and Kilowog had their words but instead of surrender, Hal chose to fight. The two titans clashed with furious power and experienced accuracy. But in the end, even a legendary fighter like Kilowog stood no chance. He fell like all of the rest.
Hal Jordan approached the enormous Central Batterey upon Oa at last. The Guardians materialized in energy form, pleading that he surrender himself. Hal laughed maniacally. He’d come too far to be stopped now. It was all or nothing. The Guardians said that he had given them no choice then. That’s when a cloaked figure emerged from green energy of the Central Batterey itself. Hal looked on in utter shock as the being pulled back his hood. Sinestro, the “fallen one” of the Green Lantern Corps stood revealed and ready to defend the cosmos that he had so often threatened himself!
To be concluded…..
Dedicated to my daughter, Jade Leigh Miller, who’s turning 21 and to my son, James Christian Miller, who will be turning 20. I love you both.
There I was, close to certain death. As I lie in my bed, my life flashed before my eyes. Yes. This was the end of your loyal Symbifan. No more posts. No more articles. The end. Well, perhaps I’m exaggerating just a bit. I had the flu. Don’t laugh! You know how sickness is for a man! Anyway, I’m back now, after way too long of a absence, to bring you part one in a three part series describing the events that occurred in “Green Lantern” #’s 48-50. That’s right! The fall of a hero, and the birth of a villain. The beginning of Parallax! (Forgetting that yellow travesty that was created years later to replace this amazing storyline.) So, without further ado, I bring you “Emerald Twilight”…..
Hal Jordan sat in the crater that was once his hometown. There was nothing but rubble surrounding him. The wind blew dust over him as the Earth’s Green Lantern sat in complete misery. Coast City had been utterly annihilated by the evil Cyborg Superman and his minion, Mongul. Now he sat alone, grieving the loss of the place that had meant so much to him. (So depressing. Here. I’ll perform a backflip for your amusement. That’ll cheer you all up. Did you like it? Damn right you did!) Hal looked down at the source of his amazing power, his ring. It could create literally anything the wearer could imagine. All it took was willpower. And still he could do nothing to stop this tragedy. That’s when he began to concentrate.
An emerald beam of light erupted from his ring and blanketed the area around him. Slowly, from out of the green mist, a figure walked towards him. Even completely composed of energy, Hal recognized him immediately. It was his father. The Green Lantern started the conversation slowly, but he soon began speaking of the past. How, no matter what he did in life, his father had never been proud of him. Never offered him an ounce of respect. His dad replied that he had been right to do so. Look at this devastation. Even as a superhero, Hal had failed to save his entire city! (That’s cold! It’s the verbal wounds that parents cause that can really cut deep. I know from experience. That sentence wasn’t funny in the slightest. Imagine that I wrote it while wearing pink, footy jammies and a raw turkey on my head. Better? Good.) There was now silence between the two. That’s when Hal’s father suddenly broke the silence. He had to leave. He had a plane to catch. The Green Lantern begged him not to go. But the energy being disappeared anyway. Moments later, a green energy jet flew overhead. But something was wrong and the plane suddenly exploded! Hal had just relived his father’s death.
Hal drops to his knees, his head lowered. That’s when a calming, gentle hand touches his shoulder. Turning, he sees his mother’s compassionate face. He stands and asks her how she dealt with her husband’s terrible death. She replies that after the initial shock wore off, only memories remained. And that’s what he should do about Coast City, remember the good things. As she faded away, a look of rage crosses the Green Lantern’s face as he roars that memories aren’t good enough! (Uh-oh. Me thinks that Hal’s suddenly become one nugget short of a twenty piece.) He unleashes the full power of his ring! Using all of his nearly-limitless willpower, he recreates the entire city down to the smallest detail! Even the people reappear! And Hal Jordan floats over all of it. And truly he feels like God! While he looks down upon his creation, a small and familiar voice greets him from below. He descends to see his high-school sweetheart!
Jennifer smiles and tells the superhero just how much different he looks since she last saw him. She asks where he’s going. Somewhat surprised by the question, he answers that he supposes he’ll visit his parents’ home. She asks to walk with him. As they stroll down the sidewalk, Hal suddenly reveals to her just how much she meant to him. That he could never have gotten through his father’s death without her and how he should never have let her go. That’s when the realization hits him. Jennifer is dead. He asks if she was in fact in Coast City when it happened. She replies that her death was quick and painless. She then kisses him gently and says goodbye with a wave. (Yeah. Hal’s definitely gone cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Why’s he purposely torturing himself? I know why he’s so depressed. It’s because Dr. Strange and Mr. Fantastic beat him to his hairstyle.)
After her image has gone, Hal walks through the door to his childhood home. He at once spies the image of his father. But this time, he has nothing but kind words to say. In fact, he seemed about to say that he was proud of his son. Something Hal had always wanted to hear his dad say. But that’s when the image began to dissipate. In fact, the whole green construct of Coast City slowly disappeared! The Green Lantern once again stood in the crater that was once a happy, thriving city. Hal howled in anger as the illusion faded. It wasn’t fair! But just as he uttered those words, the green image of a Guardian spoke from over his shoulder. Hal’s ring’s power was spent. And not only would the alien being not recharge it, Hal was to return to the planet Oa for disciplinary action! He had broken the cardinal rule. He had used his power for personal gain. (Man, good thing I never got one of those rings. I’d be soooooo naughty with it. The Guardians would be appalled at my imagination.) Hal was to surrender his Green Lantern ring immediately!
Something inside Hal Jordan snapped at that moment. He smashed the energy construct of the Guardian, absorbing the power into his ring! He then growls that he’ll go to Oa all right, but they won’t like him when he gets there! Using his stolen energy and with a crazed look upon his face, the Earth’s Green Lantern blasts off to the stars! And woe to anyone who would dare stand in his way!
Who misses Saturday morning cartoons? Come on, a show of hands. Me too. Those were the days. Remember when Elmer Fudd would walk off of a cliff and not fall until he noticed, or Jerry would hand Tom a stick of dynamite and he wouldn’t die from the explosion, but instead resemble a struck match? What if you had superpowers like that? Pretty cool, right? Well that’s essentially what Slapstick can do. He possesses the powers of a cartoon character! This is his origin story, as told in “Slapstick” #1. Enjoy, Unspokenites and as you read, try to reignite that childhood spark that lived inside of you as you watched those classic cartoons not so long ago.
Steve Harmon had never been what one would consider to be a “normal” child. In his fifteen years upon the planet, he’d always been the kind of guy that you could count on for either a dumb joke or a prank. But being the class clown didn’t exactly make him popular. Far from it. Case in point. Steve leaned back in his desk and looked to the cute girl, named Heather, seated behind him. In perhaps a way to impress her, he tells her his best inappropriate joke. It doesn’t exactly go as expected as she turns her nose up in obvious disgust. (You all know the type. The popular girl that’s popular just cuz. A high school version of the Kardashians.) But before he can attempt a follow-up joke, he’s rudely interrupted by the appearance of Don Winston, the typical school alpha male. Steve immediately goes into defensive mode. They argue about how Don turned Steve in for his most recent prank, getting him a week’s detention. Winston merely laughs the situation off and moves on.
Later that day, after detention, Steve began his long walk home from school. As he pondered his vengeance, he paid little attention to his surroundings. This caused him to collide with a clown standing on the sidewalk, handing out flyers. The clown, however, seemed completely unfazed by this. He looked down to where the boy had fallen and, with a fanged smile, handed a flyer to Steve. Looking at it, Steve discovered that there was a carnival in town. Suddenly, a fantastic idea for his revenge struck him like lightning. Leaping to his feet, he ran to prepare. Little did he notice that the clown was no longer standing there! (Probably hawking a cheeseburger under a golden arch somewhere. No disrespect, Mr. McDonald. Your food made me the man that I am today…..sob……) Steve’s best friend, Mike, spies him and approaches to talk, but Steve barely even notices him as he sprints off.
Steve rushed upstairs when he arrived home, a happy bounce in his step. When he was in his room, he pulled out an old Halloween costume and put it on. Next, he fit a purplish wig to his head. Lastly, he applied clown makeup to his face. He took the time to admire himself in his mirror before silently descending the stairs. He giggled fiendishly the whole way to the carnival. Now completely incognito, Steve wandered the grounds in search of his prey. It didn’t take long before he located both Don and Heather together. Perfect! Buying a creme pie at a nearby stand, Steve waited patiently for his two victims behind a circus tent. (A pie?! That was his master plan? I’m sorely disappointed in our boy here. I expected something like, oh I dont know, a two-by-four with nails in it to the face. And that’s just off the top of my head! I need help, don’t I?)
But when they didn’t arrive, he peeked out of his hiding place and what he saw horrified him! Don and Heather were unconscious and being dragged into the House of Mirrors by a group of sinister looking clowns! Steve waited until they passed and then grabbed the nearest weapon, a large mallet. He followed past the eerie room of mirrors until he found a room beyond that was way larger than the entire tent combined! Inside, the clowns were tossing his two classmates into an enormous portal! As they did so, they spoke of studying these humans in order to better invade the Earth from their home world in Dimension X! The Overlord will be pleased! (I’ve got it! They’re taking them to Krang. He finally broke away from the incompetent Shredder and is now using evil clowns to do his dirty work! You’re not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fans? How do you sleep at night?)
When they were done with their despicable work, the clowns entered the portal themselves. As it began to close, Steve seized his moment and leaped in after them! As he did this, the Marvel Universe sensed the birth of something…..new. Spider-man’s spider sense went wild, Doctor Strange sensed something amiss, the Silver Surfer sensed a strange power being born, the Watcher felt compelled to interfere, Reed Richards’ advanced technology went crazy, and Howard the Duck threw up! (Not sure what Howard hurling into a bucket had to do with anything, but I’m merely here to report the facts. That said…..#LeaThompsonInPanties. )
As Mark passed through the portal, a strange thing occurred. It seemed as if every atom in his teenage form was torn from him, restructured, and reassembled into something all together new! He landed in what seemed to be an underground laboratory with a loud splat! Looking up from his puddle-like form, he saw clowns surrounding him. One of them, who strangely resembled Groucho Marx, made some adjustments in Mark’s cartoon gloves and placed them on his gooey hands. He then pushed a hidden button and Mark immediately took on a more solid form. Oddly enough, he now looked like a cartoon parody of his costumed self! (Why do a lot of cartoon characters wear four-fingered, white gloves? ‘Tis a true mystery for the ages. Like what the hell is Grimace from McDonald’s lore? The world may never know. Damn! I really must want fast food!)
It was explained that this clown used to be the Scientist Supreme in Dimension X. This was back before the Overlord used his inventions to warp reality and conquer this world. The Overlord kept him in this dungeon in case he were to invent anything else that could be used in his evil conquest. Recently, however, the madman had turned his attention to Earth so that he could add to his kingdom! Humans had been taken to experiment upon and make this dream of his into a demented reality! When Mark had passed through into this world, his body had somehow been changed into a new, indestructible material! While he was unconscious, the scientist had also added more features to the gloves Mark now wore. He could push a button in them to once again look human. Also, his mallet would appear in his hand with a turn of the wrist! (Yeah. This part of the comic was pretty wordy. No need to thank me for summarizing it. I will accept cash donations though. Just sayin’.)
And then, just like that, the former Scientist Supreme of Dimension X clutched his chest in pain! He was having a heart attack! As he fell into Steve’s arms, he whispered that it was now up to him to free his dimension and his own. He spoke up in a heroic voice that he never knew he had and vowed to do just that! The scientist’s assistants handed him a map to help aid him in gaining entrance to the Overlord’s throne room. Taking it, Steve took the trapdoor into the passageway. When he was gone, the scientist stood up and declared that this trick worked every time! (Ooooh! That’s cold! That’s as cold as whoever thought up the idea of subjecting us to a new Barney the dinosaur show! It’s true! Google it!)
The being known as the Overlord resembled a hideous mockery of a jack-in-the-box! He ordered his enslaved human army onwards to conquer the Earth! As they marched, Steve began taking out the guards with his gigantic mallet from behind the stage! Others noticed this intruder and attacked. Mark took one out with gloved fingers to the eyes and a hulking clown by smashing him through a stone wall with his hammer! The Overlord took notice at this time and ordered the Scientist Supreme’s machine be used on he who would dare intrude upon his moment of impending triumph! But the machine wasn’t prepared for one such as Steve! The energy shot right back into the large device, causing it to explode when it was struck with Steve’s mallet at the same time! (I once used a hammer to vanquish an enemy. Of course that enemy was a ketchup packet and I was around five years old. Still though…..)
The Overlord’s castle began to crumble around them all! From the rubble, he looked to this odd hero and threatened his life! Steve merely grinned and smashed the Overlord back into his box and then struck him with a golf swing so hard, that the evil one flew through the crumbling ceiling and into the sky! That’s when the evil clowns turned upon him! Unable to think of another course of action, he yelled for the human captives to run! They all raced down the twisted path toward the now-reopening portal! Everyone made it through, including the clowns! But Steve swung his mighty hammer one final time, causing the portal to suck the clown army back inwards and explode! Steve turned to see his very curious best friend behind him. Maybe Mike wouldn’t recognize him. (All of this hammer swinging makes me think of Captain America with Mjolnir in “Avengers: Endgame”. Remember that iconic moment when he yelled, “Avengers assemble!” Ha! You were all moved to the point of tears. Wussies. Nerds. I didn’t cry…..much…..every time I watch it……sob.)
Wrong. Mike knew him right away by the sound of his voice. The two walked together in the wooded area near the demolished carnival grounds. And as they did, Steve’s comic-loving friend told him he should use his unique powers to fight crime. This was agreed upon quickly. But he’d need an alias. After a few failed attempts, Steve finally cried out, “Slapstick!” The rest, as they say, is history.
The Unspoken Decade: 90's Comic Book Blog Extraordinaire 