SNIKT! That’s right, Legions of the Unspoken! Symbifan has returned with yet another article about my favorite time in comicdom history, the grungy 90’s! And, as I have hinted above, this is an article about everyone’s favorite clawed mutant, Wolverine! You may be asking yourselves, why no part 2 to the Justice League article I wrote last? (I know. I sense an instant literary classic there too!) Well, you see, I have my reasons. And since I hold nothing back from you, my loyal readers, trust me when I say that all will be explained at the end of this article. Be patient. That’s all I ask. As you know, Wolverine is not known for his patience, so let’s begin with our story, shall we?
We begin with two unsavory types play poker within a decrepit old boat as they wait to reach their destination. A bigger scary man sits almost completely concealed by shadows. Across from him sits a weaselly small man that is this ship’s captain. The bigger man, sure of victory, plays his hand; a full house. The captain then plays his, four aces! But, before the good captain can celebrate, he is hauled over the table by powerful hands! As this occurs, another card drops from the “victor’s” shirt sleeve! It is the last time he will ever cheat at cards…..or breathe again! (You’re welcome for the mood I set there. Make sure to pause to let the goosebumps go down.)
Meanwhile, within the forests of Madripoor, the man called Logan hunts a deer alongside an aging gray timber wolf. Does Logan hunt for trophies or food? No. He hunts most probably to keep his inner beast calm and pacified. (Apparently this means running around in the woods completely nekkid! I mean, there are cleverly positioned bushes and deep shadows to cover Wolvie’s junk, but come on! Modesty, bro!) The wolf, unsure of it’s company, continues to stalk it’s prey regardless. It finds it’s moment and pounces, ending the life of the deer in one fatal slash of claws! (Damn! You’d think Bambi would be safe since this whole Disney/Marvel merger! As it turns out……) Wolverine notices the trouble that the old wolf is having with devouring it’s meal. Cautiously, the mutant creeps forward and uses his adamantium claws to more easily cut up the deer meat for his companion. After a short pause, the wolf nudges some of the raw meat towards our hero. They then both feast until sleep overtakes them. Wolverine is awakened a short time later by a strangely familiar scent coming from the city below.
Later, now wearing his familiar costume, (Thank God!) The clawed mutant warrior enters the home of his ally and sometimes lover, Tyger Tiger. This unannounced visit is met with a dagger thrown directly at his face! Slightly amused, he snatches it from the air. The two then decide to communicate more verbally. Logan asks if there are any new criminals that have recently entered the city. Tyger replies that indeed a General Coy has been making new drug connections. As he turns to go and investigate this, Tyger Tiger decides that now’s the perfect moment to break her off a piece of that Wolvie-pie! They make love into the night. (Only Wolverine can turn a B & E into sex! I think this might be an unknown mutant power of his.)
At the docks, a man approaches our dark mystery man. He calls him Cyber and states that his boss, General Coy, looks forward to doing business with him. Cyber says the same about whoever he is working for. As they shake hands, a metallic hand is seen in the moonlight, belonging to the Man called Cyber.
We next find our hero using his unbreakable adamantium claws to scale the outside wall of the aforementioned General Coy’s penthouse. As this is going on outside, we find our two criminals beginning a meeting of sorts. As pleasantries are exchanged, Cyber’s attention suddenly shifts. He says that he senses something. Something from his past. (I’m reminded of Darth Vader here when he says, “I sense something. A presence I haven’t felt since…..” And then he just walks off, sentence left lingering!I know Sith Lord’s are supposed to be evil but, rude much?!)
By this point, Wolvie has just about reached the top of the criminal compound. He enters without a sound, guards completely unaware of him. In the meantime, Cyber begins slowly taking off his hat and trench coat while he explains to the crime boss seated across from him that he possesses certain psionic abilities that allow him to pick out familiar brain patterns. He continues by saying that he has just sensed another man who he thought dead long ago. As the villain continues to disrobe, he reveals that most of his body consists of a metallic alloy of some sort! (Wouldn’t this be an uncomfortable meeting? First the dude starts talking like Darth Vader, now he’s taking his clothes off! I feel sorry for General Coy here!)
Just as the mutant tracker locates the office, Cyber crashes right through the wall! The two square off. Cyber speaks of how he thought Wolverine was dead. The hero looks momentarily confused. Recognition then crosses his features and he grits his teeth as he roars the metal man’s name in rage! They clash! The ol’ canuckle-head begins slashing wildly with his claws but Cyber merely looks amused as zero damage is done to his silvery hide!
Cyber then reveals that he has claws of his own as needle-like metal fingernails extend from his hands! Before Wolverine can react, Cyber cuts our hero! Cuts him deep! Bleeding profusely our hero is forced to retreat. He throws himself through a nearby window as Cyber looks on pleased.
Later, Logan finds himself slowly dragging his terribly wounded form up a nearby cliffside. He is unsure why he’s doing this or where exactly this rocky formation came from. His only thoughts are of escape. While this is going on, in another part of Madripoor, Tyger Tiger wonders where Wolverine is. He should have returned from General Coy’s long ago. Just then, a redressed Cyber crashes his fist through her door! Unafraid she asks the madman if he would care for some tea. He replies that he would. (Cool scene. Personally, in the same instance, I’d have offered some Kool-Aid. You know, just to throw him off his game.)
The exact time this is going on, our pal Wolvie lies in a forested area. While his body bleeds, his mind drifts. It, oddly enough, drifts back to a 1950’s looking diner. He sits upon a pink Cadillac speaking to a young girl named Janet. He tells her that he’s not used to having to work so hard to get a girl. To illustrate this, he calls out and several women surround him in an almost cartoon-like fashion. He then tells them to go, returning his attention to the blonde. She replies that perhaps he should ask one of his worshippers to the upcoming dance instead of her. Plus, there’s this other guy…..To save face and show off a bit, Logan lets his claws loose, betting that this other guy posesses nothing as cool as his adamantium claws.
That gets her attention! She seems mesmerized by the shiny but deadly instruments of death. She admits that this other guy has nothing like these, but happens to be older, a teacher in fact. This completely enrages the furry mutant! He demands the name of said teacher. She admits that it’s the gym teacher, a Mr. Cyber. Logan slashes wildly at the air, vowing to put a stop to this right away by removing him from the picture in a most final way!
(Anyone else confused?) Finally, Cyber sits in the living room of Tyger Tiger, sipping his tea. He speaks of a deal he’s attempting to finalize with General Coy for a new type of hallucinogenic drug that is so addictive, one can become addicted by simply smelling it! The villain continues by adding that a drug this powerful could make one into a powerful player in the world of crime. She seems interested. Too interested. (Ah! I get it! Wolverine’s stoned out of his gourd! Uh…..um…..say no to drugs, kids!)
The next part of our Wolverine epic shows him still in the woods barely able to hold his internal organs in with his forearm. But, as this is going on, he continues to hallucinate. He dreams of arriving at a high school. A girl he must know approaches and tells him that the coach just left with Logan’s girl, Janet. But, before the mutant can race off in his car, Cyber and Janet pull up next to him in a bigger vehicle. (It should be noted here that the “cars” or “vehicles” I’m speaking of are…..well…..I guess you’d call them weiner-mobiles. Now, before you laugh yourselves silly, remember that this is just a hallucination. By the way, Wolverine dreams of Cyber’s weiner-mobile dwarfing his in size. Ponder the hidden meaning there, folks!) After exchanging challenging words, Cyber races off with Wolverine in hot pursuit!
Meanwhile, Tyger Tiger and Cyber sit in the living room of her apartment haggling over the cost of keeping this new drug from General Coy and putting it into her own hands. A price is not agreed upon and Cyber grows aggitated. Within the dream-world, Cyber pulls ahead of our hero easily, but instead of just winning or escaping, he turns quickly and smashes his vehicle into Wolverine’s with full force! Minutes later, within the firey destruction, Logan walks from the wreckage, the dead body of Janet held in his arms! He places her carefully on the ground and unleashes his claws as Cyber approaches. Both appear ready to fight!
Next, we find Tyger Tiger seemingly alone in her apartment. Cyber has gone but she now aims a gun at an intruder of some type! As it turns out, it’s the timber wolf from earlier on in our tale. She senses that the wolf wishes her to follow it. Back in the dream-world, Wolverine and Cyber rush each other, slicing and dicing as they meet and then take opposite sides. Suddenly, Logan quite literally falls to chopped-up pieces! (Don’t you hate that in anime? You know, when two rivals rush each other and then end up on other sides. One then looks back and the other’s head falls off. Nobody’s weapon is that sharp and precise, people! Ugh! Anyway, returning to our story…..) Cyber spits down on the pieces of our hero and turns to leave.
Back in the real world, the old timber wolf has led our leading lady to the wounded Wolverine at last! He remarks that he’s just about healed when he suddenly catches wind of Cyber’s scent upon her! Still confused and reeling from the drugs, he turns to attack his savior! She soon talks him down, though, and helps him walk away from the bloody scene, towards a more safe area to speak further.
Back at the headquarters of the crime boss, General Coy, Cyber finishes up his business. He has sold the drugs. The General seems worried that there will be retribution from Tyger Tiger and her “friend”. Cyber replies that he’s counting on it!
At the home of Tyger Tiger, Wolverine is now safely letting his mutant healing factor do it’s job. As this goes on, she asks the question upon everyone’s minds: Who is Cyber? In true Wolverine fashion, though, he is cryptic and uncooperative. He tells her very little. Tyger tells him how she is supposed to meet Cyber at midnight for the purchase of his powerful hallucinogen. It’s imperative she know what she’s gotten herself into. Logan tells her that if she’s involved with Cyber, she’s already lost. Tyger is understandably confused. Is this not the famous scrapper from the Weapon X program? It’s then that he admits that Cyber has beaten him in the past. Not just beat him physically, but mentally. If she’s goes up against that madman, she’ll have to do it alone. (Shocker, right? Who would have ever pegged the deadly Wolverine for a coward? That’s it, I’m burning my Wolverine Fan Club membership card right now!)
Midnight comes. Tyger Tiger and General Coy stand on the docks, opposite one another. Both have their own personal armies surrounding them. Before much can be said between the two, Cyber interrupts from the shadows. Looking, you can glimpse the villain standing upon the corpses of the aforementioned armies from minutes ago! He steps down slowly, admitting that he did in fact bring the drugs, but he won’t be selling to either of them! He will now be the authority in Madripoor! Tyger starts to stand up to him but is hit with a metallic fist for her trouble! That’s when we hear the familiar SNIKT noise from the shadows! Wolverine came after all and, by the look on his face, Cyber had better begin to pray! (P. S. I never got around to burning that membership card.)
Claws are unleashed from both combatants’ bodies as they begin to square off. Wolverine remarks how his claws are longer. (Ohhhhh! Burn!) Tyger Tiger and General Coy hold handguns aimed at one another as the two clawed men lunge at one another! The two beat and slice the holy hell out of each other as the fight moves onto the top of a nearby truck! Meanwhile, Tyger and the General have moved their standoff inside. It soon becomes a battle of words between both parties. The hallucinogen from Cyber’s claws work into his system as he fights to crash through the windshield of the truck that Cyber has taken control of. At one point, he even pictures the truch and driver to be a gigantic rushing bull! (Whoa! That must be some great stuff! Cheech and Chong would be so jealous! And Logan’s getting this stuff for free!) As the two continue to bicker, Cyber suddenly loses control of the vehicle! The truck careens off of an cliff!
The two, of course, survive the horrendous fall. As Tyger Tiger and General Coy decide how to best explain the loss of so many of their men to one man, Wolverine and Cyber continue their brawl! Cyber leaps from tree to tree in pursuit while Wolverine dodges and moves every time the madman attacks. Finally, his luck runs out and he’s cornered. Cyber pins Wolverine to a tree, telling him that he’ll never hurt him with his adamantium claws as his skin itself is adamantium! He finishes his threat by spitting in our heroe’s face! All this does is anger the ol’ canuckle-head further and he breaks loose of Cyber’s grasp, slashing out one of Cyber’s quite vulnerable eyes!
He then continues his assault until Wolvie’s friend, the timber wolf, pounces from a nearby ledge, knocking Cyber down into the mangled wreckage below! The hallucinogens within seep into the open wound where his eye once was! (To say Cyber was now “tripping balls”, as the kids like to say, is an understatement!) The battle-hardened warrior then leaps to solid ground. Tyger Tiger awaits him. He takes her in his arms and kisses her passionately.
And now for the real reason I wrote this article. Five years ago today, my stepfather passed away from a heart attack. He had had a severe one some time before and recovered from it. Unfortunately not enough. The stronger one from earlier had weakened his heart to the point where the second one took his life. Now, I know that when the death of someone you care about hits so suddenly and from seemingly out of nowhere, the shock you feel is unbelievable. But you see, my stepdad was always my Wolverine. He looked and healed like the character so that’s what I called him.
But sometimes heroes pass away and they don’t return. Sadly, this was one of those times. My dad always encouraged me to write. I know he would be proud of me and this article. This article isn’t about the “blood loss” from Wolverine’s body. Its about the loss of my “blood”. My family. My father. The question mark in the title hints that this article isn’t about Logan at all. That is correct. This is dedicated in the memory of Bobby Allen Metz. He is and will always be my hero. SNIKT!